- Reaction score
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Dear community,
I'm writing to you with a very heavy heart and tears in my eyes.
These words may sound like pure whine in some ears, I hope it may be welcomed here in some more empathy.
The early days.
I was active in this community when I was 21, from the first day I found issues with my hairline and wanted to take action proactively. Back then no one knew what I was talking about, even some well-known figures in this community made some laugh at me for being too extreme with how I react to things.
But I knew it.
I knew I was going bald in an ugly way.
Damn it.
Being bald at a young age sucks.
Especially when you have not yet received the sufficient amount of emotional experience from the opposite sex and your self-esteem was already at it lowest.
It's been 9 years, I'll be turning 30 very soon. I never had a girlfriend. I was never able to pick up a girl at a bar, even Facebook.
Back then I decided to take control of my life and go for the big 3, big time.
I was on finasteride + nizoral + min for about 6 years. There was no real regrowth but it did maintain and slowed down the aggressive hair loss I was witnessing.
Happiness. True happiness.
For a certain amount of time about 4 years ago my life was at its pick. I was happy.
I forgot all about my hair, I lived my life.
I was addicted, actually still addicted to toppik. It saved my life, allowing me to not focus on the hair loss and live my life while I didn't have to think about my hair.
To tell the truth I'm embarrassed about having to put that sh*t on my hair, the thought of someone at work may find any evidence of the powder on my forehead drives me crazy. When I was 21, toppik wasn't that popular any I had some ... 'mistakes', but no one knew what that is and co-workers just told I have "something black" and I should wipe it off.
Anyway, I didn't give a sh*t even if someone would know or not. I loved it. I was looking at the mirror and I was happy, self confident, muscular motherf****.
I was a good looking guy, to my opinion and to others. The one that even gets compliments about it from time to time.
No, I still didn't have much luck with the ladies - but I was super positive and a positive & loved figure to all of my friends and surroundings.
Why do all good things come to an end.
About 3 years ago something changed, finasteride stopped working completely.
I didn't change anything, but for more than a year when I was still strict on my regime - hoping it's only a long shed, I was back to almost point zero.
finasteride tolerance is real.
After 1 year of constantly trying to revive the dead I tried several different methods -
RU (god only knows if that was legit, but it didn't change anything), hundreds of dollars on stupid shampoos, you know the deal.
So I gave up.
2 years ago I bought my first electric shaver, tuned it to 0.5 level - and dove into the dark side:
Accepting who I am and what I am, or at least trying to. With the help of several psychologists, alternative medicine methods, relying on antidepressants to help me sleep - and look at the mirror without running away,
I was trying to take control of my life.
Digesting the fact that these treatments don't always work, and I have to dive deeper into myself and love who I am in order to love how I look, and let others accept me.
My doctor convinced me during these years that finasteride is extremely dangerous, even though I never had any sides. Well, if we had those conversations when I had hair - I'd be totally ignoring him. But hell, I was bald and buzzed down, surrendered, I stopped finasteride completely.
I'm no Buddha.
It didn't work, I wasn't able to accept myself because I was struggling heavily on the thing that mattered to me the most - getting better responses from the other sex. F*ck it, I'm a guy and I was 26-27, I wanted to have sex.
I don't have any women in my close surroundings, I didn't grow up around women and I don't have any friends from the opposite sex. My experience is zero.
I signed up to several dating sites, tinder and crap.
Women just won't answer that bald guy on the pictures. f*** it, that's the truth.
I saw some tinder accounts of my friends or other people I know and I was shocked by the gap in the responsiveness. I got 1 match in a month, in a good month. I still do.
I tried taking professional photography, changing my info dozens of times for better results.
All the women I liked never answered,
they still don't.
Self hate.
So instead of falling in love with myself for who I am I started hating myself.
I started avoiding women to not allow them to reject me once again. I stopped picking up girls because I realised it was pointless. My friends meanwhile had girlfriends, most of them now are wives, they've stopped going out and picking up girls - and so did I.
a Small disclaimer to all you baldies -
Don't you think for a second that I believe that bald guys can't pick up chicks.
Nope.
I believe a completely bald guy can pick up any hot girl you can think of.
You might be thinking to yourselves about now that I'm disconnected from reality. Else how could I put the blame of the biggest problem in my life on my hair, while completely bald guys (which I'm not) do better than me and don't experience that at all.
My answer is quite simple - as I've said before:
Being bald at a young age sucks.
Especially when you have not yet received the sufficient amount of emotional experience from the opposite sex and your self-esteem was already at it lowest.
They can smell it, they know it. They feel it. They know you are not the experienced guy they're looking for,
you're out of the game.
Hair transplants -
big no. no no no.
I don't know where I'd burry myself in the months that it would take it to heal.
I don't know where I'd burry myself when friends & family would ask about it.
I don't know how I would told my girlfriend, if I had one, that I had a hair transplant.
I don't know where I'd burry myself if the transplant failed. I have a friend who had a really bad hair transplant,
his hair looks unnatural and attracts too many looks.
Nope, that's not me.
So what now? Well.
I didn't even have a conversation with a woman for more than 4 years now.
I still use toppik, but it's so clear that it's there and it looks ridiculous.
Even if I did get a date somewhat, somehow,
all I can think about is how she would react to the fact the I'm clearly using toppik and what it says about my self-esteem. I tried living without it, but I can't. I can't brush my teeth in the morning without it looking at the mirror, I can't stand the fact that I can clearly see that powder when I was my hands at work after going to the toilet, when all that light is above your head.
FML.
I tried to get use to the fact and I'll be alone for the rest of my life, but I can't help it.
Nature is stronger than me, I feel my heart crying out when I see a beautiful woman walking down the street,
knowing I could never have that for myself. Not even for 1 night.
I became a jealous, a loner, depressed, no one would ever want me - toppik, hair or not.
Frontal hair loss -
I might be wrong but this is truly my honest opinion:
Frontal hair loss is much MUCH worse than a vortex.
I'd give anything for the ability to stay bald only in my vortex.
The hairline was a part of me, a part of who I am. It defined me when people looked at me,
it gave my confidence in front of the girl or anyone who sat in front of me.
I can't hide the embarrassment on my face knowing what the girl in front of thinks of my hair.
I'm not gonna kill myself, don't worry.
I'm going restart my battle with DUTAS. I don't care about the warning of sides anymore,
I need another chance to take control of my life.
I want to able to look at the mirror and not feel disgusted,
I'm sick and tired of months and months trying to talk to girls on dating sites and not getting any responses.
This would be my last shot on life.
Wish me luck, I love you and wish you all - all the best.
I'm writing to you with a very heavy heart and tears in my eyes.
These words may sound like pure whine in some ears, I hope it may be welcomed here in some more empathy.
The early days.
I was active in this community when I was 21, from the first day I found issues with my hairline and wanted to take action proactively. Back then no one knew what I was talking about, even some well-known figures in this community made some laugh at me for being too extreme with how I react to things.
But I knew it.
I knew I was going bald in an ugly way.
Damn it.
Being bald at a young age sucks.
Especially when you have not yet received the sufficient amount of emotional experience from the opposite sex and your self-esteem was already at it lowest.
It's been 9 years, I'll be turning 30 very soon. I never had a girlfriend. I was never able to pick up a girl at a bar, even Facebook.
Back then I decided to take control of my life and go for the big 3, big time.
I was on finasteride + nizoral + min for about 6 years. There was no real regrowth but it did maintain and slowed down the aggressive hair loss I was witnessing.
Happiness. True happiness.
For a certain amount of time about 4 years ago my life was at its pick. I was happy.
I forgot all about my hair, I lived my life.
I was addicted, actually still addicted to toppik. It saved my life, allowing me to not focus on the hair loss and live my life while I didn't have to think about my hair.
To tell the truth I'm embarrassed about having to put that sh*t on my hair, the thought of someone at work may find any evidence of the powder on my forehead drives me crazy. When I was 21, toppik wasn't that popular any I had some ... 'mistakes', but no one knew what that is and co-workers just told I have "something black" and I should wipe it off.
Anyway, I didn't give a sh*t even if someone would know or not. I loved it. I was looking at the mirror and I was happy, self confident, muscular motherf****.
I was a good looking guy, to my opinion and to others. The one that even gets compliments about it from time to time.
No, I still didn't have much luck with the ladies - but I was super positive and a positive & loved figure to all of my friends and surroundings.
Why do all good things come to an end.
About 3 years ago something changed, finasteride stopped working completely.
I didn't change anything, but for more than a year when I was still strict on my regime - hoping it's only a long shed, I was back to almost point zero.
finasteride tolerance is real.
After 1 year of constantly trying to revive the dead I tried several different methods -
RU (god only knows if that was legit, but it didn't change anything), hundreds of dollars on stupid shampoos, you know the deal.
So I gave up.
2 years ago I bought my first electric shaver, tuned it to 0.5 level - and dove into the dark side:
Accepting who I am and what I am, or at least trying to. With the help of several psychologists, alternative medicine methods, relying on antidepressants to help me sleep - and look at the mirror without running away,
I was trying to take control of my life.
Digesting the fact that these treatments don't always work, and I have to dive deeper into myself and love who I am in order to love how I look, and let others accept me.
My doctor convinced me during these years that finasteride is extremely dangerous, even though I never had any sides. Well, if we had those conversations when I had hair - I'd be totally ignoring him. But hell, I was bald and buzzed down, surrendered, I stopped finasteride completely.
I'm no Buddha.
It didn't work, I wasn't able to accept myself because I was struggling heavily on the thing that mattered to me the most - getting better responses from the other sex. F*ck it, I'm a guy and I was 26-27, I wanted to have sex.
I don't have any women in my close surroundings, I didn't grow up around women and I don't have any friends from the opposite sex. My experience is zero.
I signed up to several dating sites, tinder and crap.
Women just won't answer that bald guy on the pictures. f*** it, that's the truth.
I saw some tinder accounts of my friends or other people I know and I was shocked by the gap in the responsiveness. I got 1 match in a month, in a good month. I still do.
I tried taking professional photography, changing my info dozens of times for better results.
All the women I liked never answered,
they still don't.
Self hate.
So instead of falling in love with myself for who I am I started hating myself.
I started avoiding women to not allow them to reject me once again. I stopped picking up girls because I realised it was pointless. My friends meanwhile had girlfriends, most of them now are wives, they've stopped going out and picking up girls - and so did I.
a Small disclaimer to all you baldies -
Don't you think for a second that I believe that bald guys can't pick up chicks.
Nope.
I believe a completely bald guy can pick up any hot girl you can think of.
You might be thinking to yourselves about now that I'm disconnected from reality. Else how could I put the blame of the biggest problem in my life on my hair, while completely bald guys (which I'm not) do better than me and don't experience that at all.
My answer is quite simple - as I've said before:
Being bald at a young age sucks.
Especially when you have not yet received the sufficient amount of emotional experience from the opposite sex and your self-esteem was already at it lowest.
They can smell it, they know it. They feel it. They know you are not the experienced guy they're looking for,
you're out of the game.
Hair transplants -
big no. no no no.
I don't know where I'd burry myself in the months that it would take it to heal.
I don't know where I'd burry myself when friends & family would ask about it.
I don't know how I would told my girlfriend, if I had one, that I had a hair transplant.
I don't know where I'd burry myself if the transplant failed. I have a friend who had a really bad hair transplant,
his hair looks unnatural and attracts too many looks.
Nope, that's not me.
So what now? Well.
I didn't even have a conversation with a woman for more than 4 years now.
I still use toppik, but it's so clear that it's there and it looks ridiculous.
Even if I did get a date somewhat, somehow,
all I can think about is how she would react to the fact the I'm clearly using toppik and what it says about my self-esteem. I tried living without it, but I can't. I can't brush my teeth in the morning without it looking at the mirror, I can't stand the fact that I can clearly see that powder when I was my hands at work after going to the toilet, when all that light is above your head.
FML.
I tried to get use to the fact and I'll be alone for the rest of my life, but I can't help it.
Nature is stronger than me, I feel my heart crying out when I see a beautiful woman walking down the street,
knowing I could never have that for myself. Not even for 1 night.
I became a jealous, a loner, depressed, no one would ever want me - toppik, hair or not.
Frontal hair loss -
I might be wrong but this is truly my honest opinion:
Frontal hair loss is much MUCH worse than a vortex.
I'd give anything for the ability to stay bald only in my vortex.
The hairline was a part of me, a part of who I am. It defined me when people looked at me,
it gave my confidence in front of the girl or anyone who sat in front of me.
I can't hide the embarrassment on my face knowing what the girl in front of thinks of my hair.
I'm not gonna kill myself, don't worry.
I'm going restart my battle with DUTAS. I don't care about the warning of sides anymore,
I need another chance to take control of my life.
I want to able to look at the mirror and not feel disgusted,
I'm sick and tired of months and months trying to talk to girls on dating sites and not getting any responses.
This would be my last shot on life.
Wish me luck, I love you and wish you all - all the best.
