Heinrich
Member
- Reaction score
- 2
Hi guys,
I was at the barber today. While she cut the hair she commented how she was making "the hair thinner". Don´t know how they do this, but there seems to be a way to make it actually look thinner. Well, that comment was rather flattering at first. I mean, I asked her why she would do this and she said it is done on frontal areas when people have "a lot/thick hair". I suppose you can guess how that made me feel......But, I regret not getting depper into the topic. Because the hair on my crown is definetly thin. I wanted to hear her comments about it. I suppose, if I had pretented not to care about my hair, she would have been honest.
Ok, if you wanna read my whole story:
viewtopic.php?f=28&t=68572
Here, you have pictures:
The first two were taken today
The third one in 2008
The last two were taken in 2006, immediately when I started losing/noticing it.
The hairline looks ok. A Norwood 1,5, pretty much like in 2006, maybe even thicker.
If you look closely you will notice the development I have made. I have become FAT. I was a skinny guy back then (2006). Maybe even anorexic. But today I am over 100 kg. My weight has been a constant issue for me since I started to become overweight around 13. At 21 (2003/4) I finally decided to change my life, lose the weight and start studying.
Ok, but nothing really changed. I moved out, but I wasn´t able to make any friends. I was always sitting alone at my University, listening to the professor and went home afterwards. I was totally unable to make any contacts. Of course, with women it was the same. I probably could have had a girlfriend, if I had been just trying. Probably even one that was not totally ugly. But I was too scared and didn´t know what to do. I also thought I was ugly. Probably I wasn´t. Now I definetly am.
Life went on and I way always hoping for a brighter future. This is what made me go to University and continue to fight to keep my weight. I suppose I became somehow anorexic because of it, but ok.
Ok, in 2006 this (brighter future) no longer seemt to be an option. I realized I was losing hair and panicked over it. I was close to killing myself at first. What made me freak out, wasn´t so much the hair, but that I realized I had wasted my hairy youth being fat and later sitting in front of my computer. I was 24 back then.
I started treatment with AD and took Finasteride later added minoxidil. Hair loss stabilized and I learnt to live with it. One might think, that this was like a second chance given to me, but I wasted it even more.
In late 2007 I started a stressful internship, maybe the biggest mistake of my life. I started smoking at that time (at 25). This way a major setback. We all know how smoking is unhealthy blabla. But for me it was more than that. Smoking made me lose all the energy I had built up before by years of running and working out. To me it works like a tranquilizer I think.
In early 2008, I was still running, another setback hit me hard. One night after a long run, my knee started to hurt for no reason. At first I didn´t take it seriously. I went to doctors, got MRTs and finally an arthroscopy one year later. There it was revealed that I have a grade 4 cartilage damage, basically arthrosis. This hit me even harder. Now there was no more chance for me to be a fit male, arthrosis is a chronic disease. I got an operation, but it didn´t really work out. The Doctor was a jerk, another mistake I deeply regret. I was at another hospital with a very good reputation, but went to the jerk nevertheless. Why? Probably because I had already told the jerk to get the operation with him and now was too scarred to cancel my decision.....
Ok, in 2010 I finally finished my studies. It took me six years, much longer than usual. Why? This needs another thorough diagnosis. I was never really happy with the subject I had chosen. It was boring and never interested me only slightly. I think I was also scarred to actually start a job and not be able to offer good work. Thus, the "solution" was to study as long as possible and not enter professional life. I had already moved permanently to my mother again. And for the mentioned reasons I was too scared to really try to get a job.
In 2011 the situation worsend even more.
I had already gained weight the years before, now it was really dramatic. Now I weigh between 105 and 110 kg. Most of which I have gained in the past 15 months. I was frustrated and didn´t know of any other way to cope with my anger than eating. My arthrosis is getting worse when i am not working out. I didn´t have the energy, the smoking killed me. Being jobless and out of University for more than a year has made it hopeless to ever get a job, even though I have rather good grades. But I can´t even think of actually getting a job with all the sh*t that is in my head. I am also scarred of the future. I am not sure whether you follow politics, but I do (plenty of time....). It is clear that there will be a major economic crisis within the next years in Europe. And what am I gonna do then? A cripple with mental health problems?
Last but not least, a few days ago I took pictures again and it was scarry to look at them. I knew I had become fat. Well, no big deal. You can alway lose weight I thought. But as a result of my smoking, my bad eating habits and probably also my depression I have started to look really old. More like 35 than 29, the only thing that keeps me a bit younger is my hair, which I managed to maintain the past few years. Now I have really bad wrinkles for my age. The lines between my nose and my mouth (nasolabial folds) are extremly scarry. And there is no way to really lose these.
This was probably the final setback. I managed to finally quit the smoking, but this made my depressions even worse (I have stopped the AD the last few months, btw). All the thoughts about my wasted life started to creep into my mind. People in the 3rd world would have killed to have the possibilities I had in my life.
I wanna get into a mental hospital/psychiatry/whatever to get back of my life what is left, learn to accept what is over and somehow find a way out of my misery.
Ok, all of this may sound like it has nothing to do with hair. But what I realized when I noticed the hair is falling out again is, that treating my hair loss only means that I am treating the symptoms. The symptoms of my totally fucked up life and mental health. There will always be setbacks in my life and I have to learn to live and make peace with them. That´s why I am thinking about quitting. Not now, I definetly couldn´t deal with losing the hair at this stage of my life. I will also continue to treat my hair with topicals such as minoxidil, spironolactone or maybe RU.
But I need to learn to live with it, accept my past and try to find a somewhat better future. When I think back about 2006/2007 when I freaked out over some rather mild hairloss, the "problems" back then all appear so ridiculous to me today.
Thx for reading!
I was at the barber today. While she cut the hair she commented how she was making "the hair thinner". Don´t know how they do this, but there seems to be a way to make it actually look thinner. Well, that comment was rather flattering at first. I mean, I asked her why she would do this and she said it is done on frontal areas when people have "a lot/thick hair". I suppose you can guess how that made me feel......But, I regret not getting depper into the topic. Because the hair on my crown is definetly thin. I wanted to hear her comments about it. I suppose, if I had pretented not to care about my hair, she would have been honest.
Ok, if you wanna read my whole story:
viewtopic.php?f=28&t=68572
Here, you have pictures:
The first two were taken today
The third one in 2008
The last two were taken in 2006, immediately when I started losing/noticing it.
The hairline looks ok. A Norwood 1,5, pretty much like in 2006, maybe even thicker.
If you look closely you will notice the development I have made. I have become FAT. I was a skinny guy back then (2006). Maybe even anorexic. But today I am over 100 kg. My weight has been a constant issue for me since I started to become overweight around 13. At 21 (2003/4) I finally decided to change my life, lose the weight and start studying.
Ok, but nothing really changed. I moved out, but I wasn´t able to make any friends. I was always sitting alone at my University, listening to the professor and went home afterwards. I was totally unable to make any contacts. Of course, with women it was the same. I probably could have had a girlfriend, if I had been just trying. Probably even one that was not totally ugly. But I was too scared and didn´t know what to do. I also thought I was ugly. Probably I wasn´t. Now I definetly am.
Life went on and I way always hoping for a brighter future. This is what made me go to University and continue to fight to keep my weight. I suppose I became somehow anorexic because of it, but ok.
Ok, in 2006 this (brighter future) no longer seemt to be an option. I realized I was losing hair and panicked over it. I was close to killing myself at first. What made me freak out, wasn´t so much the hair, but that I realized I had wasted my hairy youth being fat and later sitting in front of my computer. I was 24 back then.
I started treatment with AD and took Finasteride later added minoxidil. Hair loss stabilized and I learnt to live with it. One might think, that this was like a second chance given to me, but I wasted it even more.
In late 2007 I started a stressful internship, maybe the biggest mistake of my life. I started smoking at that time (at 25). This way a major setback. We all know how smoking is unhealthy blabla. But for me it was more than that. Smoking made me lose all the energy I had built up before by years of running and working out. To me it works like a tranquilizer I think.
In early 2008, I was still running, another setback hit me hard. One night after a long run, my knee started to hurt for no reason. At first I didn´t take it seriously. I went to doctors, got MRTs and finally an arthroscopy one year later. There it was revealed that I have a grade 4 cartilage damage, basically arthrosis. This hit me even harder. Now there was no more chance for me to be a fit male, arthrosis is a chronic disease. I got an operation, but it didn´t really work out. The Doctor was a jerk, another mistake I deeply regret. I was at another hospital with a very good reputation, but went to the jerk nevertheless. Why? Probably because I had already told the jerk to get the operation with him and now was too scarred to cancel my decision.....
Ok, in 2010 I finally finished my studies. It took me six years, much longer than usual. Why? This needs another thorough diagnosis. I was never really happy with the subject I had chosen. It was boring and never interested me only slightly. I think I was also scarred to actually start a job and not be able to offer good work. Thus, the "solution" was to study as long as possible and not enter professional life. I had already moved permanently to my mother again. And for the mentioned reasons I was too scared to really try to get a job.
In 2011 the situation worsend even more.
I had already gained weight the years before, now it was really dramatic. Now I weigh between 105 and 110 kg. Most of which I have gained in the past 15 months. I was frustrated and didn´t know of any other way to cope with my anger than eating. My arthrosis is getting worse when i am not working out. I didn´t have the energy, the smoking killed me. Being jobless and out of University for more than a year has made it hopeless to ever get a job, even though I have rather good grades. But I can´t even think of actually getting a job with all the sh*t that is in my head. I am also scarred of the future. I am not sure whether you follow politics, but I do (plenty of time....). It is clear that there will be a major economic crisis within the next years in Europe. And what am I gonna do then? A cripple with mental health problems?
Last but not least, a few days ago I took pictures again and it was scarry to look at them. I knew I had become fat. Well, no big deal. You can alway lose weight I thought. But as a result of my smoking, my bad eating habits and probably also my depression I have started to look really old. More like 35 than 29, the only thing that keeps me a bit younger is my hair, which I managed to maintain the past few years. Now I have really bad wrinkles for my age. The lines between my nose and my mouth (nasolabial folds) are extremly scarry. And there is no way to really lose these.
This was probably the final setback. I managed to finally quit the smoking, but this made my depressions even worse (I have stopped the AD the last few months, btw). All the thoughts about my wasted life started to creep into my mind. People in the 3rd world would have killed to have the possibilities I had in my life.
I wanna get into a mental hospital/psychiatry/whatever to get back of my life what is left, learn to accept what is over and somehow find a way out of my misery.
Ok, all of this may sound like it has nothing to do with hair. But what I realized when I noticed the hair is falling out again is, that treating my hair loss only means that I am treating the symptoms. The symptoms of my totally fucked up life and mental health. There will always be setbacks in my life and I have to learn to live and make peace with them. That´s why I am thinking about quitting. Not now, I definetly couldn´t deal with losing the hair at this stage of my life. I will also continue to treat my hair with topicals such as minoxidil, spironolactone or maybe RU.
But I need to learn to live with it, accept my past and try to find a somewhat better future. When I think back about 2006/2007 when I freaked out over some rather mild hairloss, the "problems" back then all appear so ridiculous to me today.
Thx for reading!
