Am I an idiot?

[ali777]

I've written in the past that I had problems with my ex gf, and that caused me lots of stress, etc... I cut the cord, I haven't talked to her for 6-7 months. There was the occasional happy bd and happy NYE emails, but that was it...

Last week we started talking again. I know we have unresolved issues, and I thought maybe talking and being friendly will help both of us be at peace with each other. I mean, I don't want to hate her, hate is a very strong feeling and I don't want to have any feelings for her, negative or positive.... She wanted to talk a few times so that we can be at peace with each other, but I refused. This time I thought it can't really harm me.

I have to be honest, it felt good to be talking to an "old friend" again... But something in me is saying this will not end well. I kinda searched my heart, I don't want her back, and I don't love her. I get the impression she's desperate, and she's checking out if I give her any hope, which I haven't done. She's invited me to visit her, and I said I can't do that...

Once the initial excitement of talking to an old friend wore off, I started asking myself, this is the woman who didn't support me through my worst days, so why should I be friends with her now that she's feeling desperate for male attention? And, why should I help her with being at peace with the ending of our relationship (OK, at this point, I do feel responsibility)....

I made it clear that I don't want to talk about "us" and we can only have "friendly" chats, so our conversations have been very civilised and friendly... But today something in me started saying I am making a mistake by letting her in my life. I don't trust her at all...

Anyway, if things stay as they are, we can be friends. But if our destructive side comes out, then I can shut her out again...

So, am I an idiot for letting her back in?? (I know she's an idiot for getting in touch with me)....

 

[Petchsky]

Only time will tell Ali, why do you want to get back in touch with her? You bored, lonely, want a shag? Repressed feelings?

I'm just throwing throwing it out there

 

[ali777]

Only time will tell Ali, why do you want to get back in touch with her? You bored, lonely, want a shag? Repressed feelings?

I'm just throwing throwing it out there

No, it was her... She wanted to talk couple times and I said no, she was dating someone at the time as well...

This time I thought, if she wants to be friends, we can be "friends" and put it to rest. I didn't know she wasn't with the other guy anymore. That's why I think she's after more than being "friends"... and I get the feeling I am being used as the always there "friend"...

Repressed feelings? Definitely... But not the positive kind, that's why I thought being friends may help...

 

[s.a.f]

Pandora's box. :whistle:

 

[barcafan]

Very insightful, you sound quite self-aware, that's a real virtue.

It's obvious to me that your instincts are basically rejecting her, and you understand why, because she did hurt you.

You're moving on with your life, but i dont think she is. I say continue on with the pleasentries (sending emails on holidays/birthdays) but cut it off there.


You already know the answer yourself bro.

 

[HughJass]

Once the initial excitement of talking to an old friend wore off, I started asking myself, this is the woman who didn't support me through my worst days, so why should I be friends with her now that she's feeling desperate for male attention?

I think you should just use her for sex as payback for her not supporting you when you needed it.

Don't think of it as revenge, more as necessary retribution to maintain the balance of the cosmos. You're just helping karma along.


:whistle:

 

[ali777]

Once the initial excitement of talking to an old friend wore off, I started asking myself, this is the woman who didn't support me through my worst days, so why should I be friends with her now that she's feeling desperate for male attention?

I think you should just use her for sex as payback for her not supporting you when you needed it.

Don't think of it as revenge, more as necessary retribution to maintain the balance of the cosmos. You're just helping karma along.


:whistle:

Two wrongs don't make a right mate...

 

[patagonia]

Ali,

that ex of yours will give you nothing but stress and heartache if you keep letting her in.... YOU know this man.

You seem to have the relationship sorted out ....and know its over...but she is like the duracell bunny...just keeps going and going.....

bottom line is the realtionship is over... the wounds seem to have not healed completely on your side and its a bad idea to have her around ... you need your space. The emails on christmas and brithadys are more than enough..... calling each other on the phone or staying in touch...being friends..... is a terrible idea. It wont allow you to move on and will continue to stress you....creating even more resentment towards her.... and youl hate yourself for it as well.

Take all the good memories and the bad ones ..... cause those experiences will be the best "fertilizer" for your next relationship...... and call it quits once and for all with your ex.

 

[ali777]

Very insightful, you sound quite self-aware, that's a real virtue.

My young friend, I'll take that as a compliment....

When I was your age, I used to think that I had it all and I was bloody good (I'm not telling you off). As I grew older, I started realising that there is no substitute for experience :notworthy . When you get to my age, you'll know how to be self-aware as well :mrgreen: ....

I wonder what I'm gonna say when I'm 40 :freaked: , I bet my future kids are gonna hate me for dishing out wisdom all the time :woot: ... As long as I learn how to talk like G-Man things will be fine...

Ali,

that ex of yours will give you nothing but stress and heartache if you keep letting her in.... YOU know this man.

You seem to have the relationship sorted out ....and know its over...but she is like the duracell bunny...just keeps going and going.....

bottom line is the realtionship is over... the wounds seem to have not healed completely on your side and its a bad idea to have her around ... you need your space. The emails on christmas and brithadys are more than enough..... calling each other on the phone or staying in touch...being friends..... is a terrible idea. It wont allow you to move on and will continue to stress you....creating even more resentment towards her.... and youl hate yourself for it as well.

Take all the good memories and the bad ones ..... cause those experiences will be the best "fertilizer" for your next relationship...... and call it quits once and for all with your ex.

You are right in everything you say.... I'll leave it as it is for now.

She said "she won't be on top of me all the time, but it would be good to talk now and then". As long as I don't get the feeling that she's on top of me all the time, I'll respect her wish and talk to her now and then. I hope this exercise helps me with letting it go, it's been positive so far....

 

[HughJass]

Once the initial excitement of talking to an old friend wore off, I started asking myself, this is the woman who didn't support me through my worst days, so why should I be friends with her now that she's feeling desperate for male attention?

I think you should just use her for sex as payback for her not supporting you when you needed it.

Don't think of it as revenge, more as necessary retribution to maintain the balance of the cosmos. You're just helping karma along.


:whistle:

Two wrongs don't make a right mate...

but just think about all that short term pleasure!

 

[ali777]

I think you should just use her for sex as payback for her not supporting you when you needed it.

Don't think of it as revenge, more as necessary retribution to maintain the balance of the cosmos. You're just helping karma along.


:whistle:

Two wrongs don't make a right mate...

but just think about all that short term pleasure!

I did actually think about it :woot: ... I think it's better if I don't do it. I've been meeting couple women lately, as friends. Both of them are desperate, I'll try to work something out with either one of them instead.

If I don't get laid in the next month or two, maybe I could meet her :whistle: