Anger.

[Sebastien]

It's just one of those days.

When I first discovered my hairloss I was emotional, sad and depressed. Since a couple of weeks it just turned into anger. I am so angry that I will never have the chance to look my best in life during my twenties. I feel like a chapter of my life has been taken away from me due to my hairloss. Ofcourse losing hair in thirties and fourties would suck aswell but atleast you would be able to look back and say: 'yeah my twenties were the best time of my life, I completely lived it up'. I am tied to worrying sick about my hairloss and I already hate my hairline since every haircut basically looks wierd.

Do you guys get this and how do you deal with it? Because I tend to focus that anger upon people around me.

 

[s.a.f]

Welcome to your new life. :sobbing:

 

[thetodd]

My hairloss didn't really start until my late twenties and was slow progressing. It wasn't really that noticable until I hit thirty four. By that time I was older and had enough life experience to keep things in perspective. Plus, I was already married and didn't have to worry about my hairloss keeping me from getting dates. Had it happened to me in my early twenties, I'm not sure how I would have handled it. That does indeed suck for you, but it's not necessarily the end of the world. Back when I was your age, baldness had a huge stigma about it. Nowadays you see even young guys shaving their domes completely and not taking a lot of heat for it. Baldness is a more accepted today, so that should be some comfort for you.

 

[uncomfortable man]

And the more stares and comments you get as your hair disappears, the more your anger and resentment will swell.

 

[Obsidian]

We all get moments where we get down on ourselves because of this. The important thing to remember is it's temporary and you are the one who decides how you should feel, not anyone else like a lot of people seem to do here in this section.

 

[Belmondo]

Anger is a waste of time. Minoxidil and/or finasteride are not.

[...] I already hate my hairline since every haircut basically looks wierd. [...]

Two words: buzz cut.

 

[sadscalp]

It's just one of those days.

When I first discovered my hairloss I was emotional, sad and depressed. Since a couple of weeks it just turned into anger. I am so angry that I will never have the chance to look my best in life during my twenties. I feel like a chapter of my life has been taken away from me due to my hairloss. Ofcourse losing hair in thirties and fourties would suck aswell but atleast you would be able to look back and say: 'yeah my twenties were the best time of my life, I completely lived it up'. I am tied to worrying sick about my hairloss and I already hate my hairline since every haircut basically looks wierd.

Do you guys get this and how do you deal with it? Because I tend to focus that anger upon people around me.

Yes, I've been through the "anger"-period. I've had a receding hairline for around 4 years, but last September it had gotten to the point where my hair looked really bad, as I had started thinning diffusely too. I went home to my parents the next weekend, picked up the hair clipper and buzzed it all the way down. What followed were months of agony, depression and self-loathing. And after that came the anger. I was literally pissed off at life, and hated the person I'd become. I hid under a hat and was really self-conscious about my hair loss, even with a buzzcut.

For the last couple of months things have really started to pick up for me though. I've started to grow out a bit of facial hair, and I've more or less managed to change my negative thought pattern. I still like to wear a hat/cap, but I have no problems taking them off anymore.

The funny part is that while I was afraid people would laugh at me and comment about my hair loss now that I buzz it down (I've always liked to have medium to long hair), I actually feel more respected, and very few people have commented about my buzzcut at all. People seem to respond to me better, and treat me more like an adult.

It took me 7-8 months to get there, but if you let it, it's possible. I'd advise you to buzz it down. You may not like it in the beginning (I certainly didn't, I hated it, but now I don't mind it), but stick with it. It'll grow on you (no pun intended).

 

[uncomfortable man]

We all get moments where we get down on ourselves because of this. The important thing to remember is it's temporary and you are the one who decides how you should feel, not anyone else like a lot of people seem to do here in this section.

While these encounters are only temporary, its the repetition and frequency of these interactions that become exhausting over time. And while it holds true that it is ultimately up to me how to process these messages, I suppose that there is still a strong part of me that can't help but feel like my ego has been assaulted. It's hard for me not to take it personally when someone makes fun of me, especially a stranger. If someone were to outwardly insult you, wouldn't you have a hard time not being offended, even if you chose not to openly show it? Maybe the first dozen times or so you can shrug it off, but years of dealing with this sh*t since the age of 23 has eroded my soul. Maybe I'm just weak, like Q says. Maybe I don't have the inner strength and fortitude to withstand the imposed social pressure. Maybe I don't know how to turn off that part of me that cares...what other people think. It's not that I want everyone to like and accept me. I know that you can't please everybody, but the thought of my appearance offending a much greater percentage of people than it ever would if I had hair, will always disturb me.

 

[superfrankie]

Maybe I don't know how to turn off that part of me that cares...what other people think.

We all have a need for approval from others. Its human psychology. Our biggest wish is to be accepted, our biggest fear to be rejected. No one wants to be an outcast.

 

[Obsidian]

But what about approval from yourself? I understand that feeling of wanting to be accepted by others but if you never learn to accept yourself, flaws and all, and just want to be accepted by others, well, you're no more than a sheep or a guy who just fishes for compliments or a flavor of the week.

 

[qball01]

We all get moments where we get down on ourselves because of this. The important thing to remember is it's temporary and you are the one who decides how you should feel, not anyone else like a lot of people seem to do here in this section.

While these encounters are only temporary, its the repetition and frequency of these interactions that become exhausting over time. And while it holds true that it is ultimately up to me how to process these messages, I suppose that there is still a strong part of me that can't help but feel like my ego has been assaulted. It's hard for me not to take it personally when someone makes fun of me, especially a stranger. If someone were to outwardly insult you, wouldn't you have a hard time not being offended, even if you chose not to openly show it? Maybe the first dozen times or so you can shrug it off, but years of dealing with this sh*t since the age of 23 has eroded my soul. Maybe I'm just weak, like Q says. Maybe I don't have the inner strength and fortitude to withstand the imposed social pressure. Maybe I don't know how to turn off that part of me that cares...what other people think. It's not that I want everyone to like and accept me. I know that you can't please everybody, but the thought of my appearance offending a much greater percentage of people than it ever would if I had hair, will always disturb me.

I highly recommend reading or listening to Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now...and/or the other book A New Earth. You can dismiss it as "spiritual, new age bullshit" if you want...but they've both been very enlightening to me. And there have been a couple of passages that pretty much nail your problem and the problem of a lot of human beings in general. I won't quote them for you unless you want me to because I'm not about to go into another long diatribe. But basically...the issue is like you said. EGO. And identifying with the mind. We love to identify with these stories we make for ourselves because it gives us an identity...and we love "knowing who we are" whether its good or bad. Ultimately its false though. But thats exactly what you've done. You've turned yourself into this comic book, hapless victim character who has to bare the unbelievable burden of baldness. "Everywhere he goes, our hero is constantly berrated and mocked by gestures of cruelty aimed at his bald head. He trudges through the misery of daily existence as the rest of the world is constantly reminding him of his pathetic plight as a bald man...will he be able to bare the burden or succumb to the misery of having no hair?"

That is how you, and a lot of people with your mindset see things. You're the one whose created this "bald loser" identity for yourself. Nobody else has...The objective reality is that you've had some comments directed your way over the years by a small percentage of ignorant people. Yeah, it sucks when people are mean...but it happens to a lot of people, not just bald ones. (see...I'll acknowledge the comments, but as I've said before...the whole "people staring at you ever time you go out IS bullshit and is largely created by your mind. But its a helpful way for you to enforce your negative beliefs that people hate you because you're bald.) It doesn't mean that "society" hates you because you're bald or that you're an inferior human being. All those things are bullshit labels that you have made for yourself. And they're formed based on the supposed expecations you think other people have...but Obi is 100 percent right...what about YOUR perception of yourself? That's what matters far more. If you didn't buy into these stupid labels that you think other people have given you then you wouldn't so negative.

and keep in mind...when I make these comments directed to you...its not like I'm only aiming them at YOU. Its just that you represent the most extreme form of the type of person I am trying to refute...so its easy to use you as an example. You make it easy...but I'm ultimately aiming my comments at anybody who tries to act like baldness is the worst thing ever and that the minute you go bald you're going to suffer this awful fate.