berserker69
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Hi all.
I'll first thank all the posters on here for their progress reports, questions, answers, advice, support, research and insights..
I have lurked for the best part of a year now, and have learned so much about hair loss. I guess I have been putting off ever registering as some sorta psychological denial tool, to think I could just gleam the info I needed from browsing and change my situation.
Hair loss has really taken over my life, I have had a pretty rough last couple of years with regards to life events, I won't go into details. But looking back I can see a pattern of how self conscious and insecure my hair loss has made me, my confidence (always self esteem issues before) has been decimated.
So, about me: I am 26 years old, i first noticed receding hairline maybe 4 years ago, kinda thought not much about it. Tried to conceal it with my hair, but i defo didn't consider myself as balding. Denial, yeah...
I always had really, really thick hair, and used to have barbers thin it out. I cursed it! Couldn't style it any way I liked, but the flipside seemed to me that I would at elast have that hair for a long, long time.
But I have lost so much coverage on the scalp, something that I only realised a couple of summers back under some harshg ligthing in the mirror - it was a terrifying moment... I had been using minoxidil on and off for some time but only ever applied it to the temples where I knew I was receding. Suffice to say now I am liberally dropping that sh*t all over my head....
My hair is really bad now, and at the stage where women have told me to just buzz it all off. I would actually love to be able to do that - to stop obsessing over hairlines, scalp coverage - I spend my whole day (when i actually leave my flat) studying other mens hair, taking heart when i see some male pattern baldness or feeling further isolated and depressed when see a youthful full head of hair, and the carefree attitude that I assume must go with it.....
So buzzing it all off, while I don't think it suits me, would at least allow to move on with my life and start building an actual personality which girls might find attractive. Assertive, confident, playful you know. But I suffer from a wierd scalp condition/deformity, called cutis verticis gyrata. I have excessive scalp skin which forms folds and furrows runnnig antero-posteriorly on my head - it kinda looks like the gyrata of the brain, as if it was bulgin out through my scalp! The hair is very sparse on the folds and thick in the furrows, so it kinda looks like Garfield/ go faster stripes too... I only noticed it during my early twenties, it was palpable but I thought it was maybe just my hair, the way it grew or something. But buzzing it short (which I've done plenty times, always regretting it but I get so frustrated and impulsive some times for a 'change'....)
makes it very noticable, had comments from randoms in the street etc and I do look like a freak.
So that's my dilemma - i am going bald, hair is awful right now, but i can't shave it off cos of the CVG. The doctors say i just have to come to terms with it, but I can't do that. I am so so insecure in my appearance as it is, i feel so ugly, haven't had a girfriend in almost 2 years. The last one i had was stunnig, a really strong French woman, but i was that insecure and i guess intimidated by her I blew things big time. I recall and things ared only getting worse. I am a hat prisoner, much as I hate them and don't suit them, but it helps me get on in the world to some degreee....
I'm determined to not be that bitter, hateful and resentful guy always cursing life and how i could have done so much more with my life if it wasn't for these trivial matters of vanity. I would do anything to just be able to accept my appearance, to be able to think that yeah, some girl some where could be turned on by me..... But I'm just so insecure and that's the most unattractive trait anyone can have - especially a big, muscular guy with tattoos and piercings who looks like he is or should be confident, or at least tough enough to not give a f*ck what people say or think of him...
I have used finasteride in the past, and didn't notice any major sides, but have been reading the infamous collectives of PFS victims online recently and it has freaked me the f*ck out! My biggest fear is being alone for the rest of my life, never being intimate with a girl again.... So if i kept my hair but suffered possible permanent sexual side effects and couldn't please a girl it really would mean the end of things for me. I loved sex, in the midst of isolating depression it has been th one thing that could make life worth living. But that was th old me, who had some confidence in how I looked, and didn't know anything about concealers, norwoods, erectile dysfunction....
I haven't had a girlfriend in two years, haven't had enjoyable sex for well over one year and I just can't see myself ever meeting anyone again. I'm not being overly emotive or feeling sorry for myself - this is more of a logical conclusion I've come to. Like atm, i have nothing going for me... It's pretty devastating!
I guess I'm looking for some advice or support of those who have been in a similar situation, for maybe a more balanced outlook on the sides thing of fiansteride. Apologies for the long wording and erratic writing, I feel like there's so much for me to get off my chest or that might be relevant.. I'll add more in further posts, maybe take some photos of my hair/head. It's taken a long time for me to be able to think about doing that - I am notoriously photophobic. I often see a photo of myself and it just devastates me that that is how I look... Like I said, my self esteem is sooo low and fragile....
I am getting help with the psychological issues, (there are alot there!), and to further complicate things I've been using steroids on and off for the last 6 years. So yeah, I'm my own worst enemy sometimes, I could mask low mood and esteem issues with developing my physique and how testosterone makes you feel, but conversely I was accelerating my hair loss and ultimately leading myself into a bleak future.....
If only I could do things all over again eh? Hindsight!
Thanks for reading, Peace.
Bsrkr69
I'll first thank all the posters on here for their progress reports, questions, answers, advice, support, research and insights..
I have lurked for the best part of a year now, and have learned so much about hair loss. I guess I have been putting off ever registering as some sorta psychological denial tool, to think I could just gleam the info I needed from browsing and change my situation.
Hair loss has really taken over my life, I have had a pretty rough last couple of years with regards to life events, I won't go into details. But looking back I can see a pattern of how self conscious and insecure my hair loss has made me, my confidence (always self esteem issues before) has been decimated.
So, about me: I am 26 years old, i first noticed receding hairline maybe 4 years ago, kinda thought not much about it. Tried to conceal it with my hair, but i defo didn't consider myself as balding. Denial, yeah...
I always had really, really thick hair, and used to have barbers thin it out. I cursed it! Couldn't style it any way I liked, but the flipside seemed to me that I would at elast have that hair for a long, long time.
But I have lost so much coverage on the scalp, something that I only realised a couple of summers back under some harshg ligthing in the mirror - it was a terrifying moment... I had been using minoxidil on and off for some time but only ever applied it to the temples where I knew I was receding. Suffice to say now I am liberally dropping that sh*t all over my head....
My hair is really bad now, and at the stage where women have told me to just buzz it all off. I would actually love to be able to do that - to stop obsessing over hairlines, scalp coverage - I spend my whole day (when i actually leave my flat) studying other mens hair, taking heart when i see some male pattern baldness or feeling further isolated and depressed when see a youthful full head of hair, and the carefree attitude that I assume must go with it.....
So buzzing it all off, while I don't think it suits me, would at least allow to move on with my life and start building an actual personality which girls might find attractive. Assertive, confident, playful you know. But I suffer from a wierd scalp condition/deformity, called cutis verticis gyrata. I have excessive scalp skin which forms folds and furrows runnnig antero-posteriorly on my head - it kinda looks like the gyrata of the brain, as if it was bulgin out through my scalp! The hair is very sparse on the folds and thick in the furrows, so it kinda looks like Garfield/ go faster stripes too... I only noticed it during my early twenties, it was palpable but I thought it was maybe just my hair, the way it grew or something. But buzzing it short (which I've done plenty times, always regretting it but I get so frustrated and impulsive some times for a 'change'....)
makes it very noticable, had comments from randoms in the street etc and I do look like a freak.
So that's my dilemma - i am going bald, hair is awful right now, but i can't shave it off cos of the CVG. The doctors say i just have to come to terms with it, but I can't do that. I am so so insecure in my appearance as it is, i feel so ugly, haven't had a girfriend in almost 2 years. The last one i had was stunnig, a really strong French woman, but i was that insecure and i guess intimidated by her I blew things big time. I recall and things ared only getting worse. I am a hat prisoner, much as I hate them and don't suit them, but it helps me get on in the world to some degreee....
I'm determined to not be that bitter, hateful and resentful guy always cursing life and how i could have done so much more with my life if it wasn't for these trivial matters of vanity. I would do anything to just be able to accept my appearance, to be able to think that yeah, some girl some where could be turned on by me..... But I'm just so insecure and that's the most unattractive trait anyone can have - especially a big, muscular guy with tattoos and piercings who looks like he is or should be confident, or at least tough enough to not give a f*ck what people say or think of him...
I have used finasteride in the past, and didn't notice any major sides, but have been reading the infamous collectives of PFS victims online recently and it has freaked me the f*ck out! My biggest fear is being alone for the rest of my life, never being intimate with a girl again.... So if i kept my hair but suffered possible permanent sexual side effects and couldn't please a girl it really would mean the end of things for me. I loved sex, in the midst of isolating depression it has been th one thing that could make life worth living. But that was th old me, who had some confidence in how I looked, and didn't know anything about concealers, norwoods, erectile dysfunction....
I haven't had a girlfriend in two years, haven't had enjoyable sex for well over one year and I just can't see myself ever meeting anyone again. I'm not being overly emotive or feeling sorry for myself - this is more of a logical conclusion I've come to. Like atm, i have nothing going for me... It's pretty devastating!
I guess I'm looking for some advice or support of those who have been in a similar situation, for maybe a more balanced outlook on the sides thing of fiansteride. Apologies for the long wording and erratic writing, I feel like there's so much for me to get off my chest or that might be relevant.. I'll add more in further posts, maybe take some photos of my hair/head. It's taken a long time for me to be able to think about doing that - I am notoriously photophobic. I often see a photo of myself and it just devastates me that that is how I look... Like I said, my self esteem is sooo low and fragile....
I am getting help with the psychological issues, (there are alot there!), and to further complicate things I've been using steroids on and off for the last 6 years. So yeah, I'm my own worst enemy sometimes, I could mask low mood and esteem issues with developing my physique and how testosterone makes you feel, but conversely I was accelerating my hair loss and ultimately leading myself into a bleak future.....
If only I could do things all over again eh? Hindsight!
Thanks for reading, Peace.
Bsrkr69