thedarkcolor
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I've had long hair for most of my life. It's just always been part of me.
Last December I cut my hair short due to my temples receding really, really badly. I'd say my hairloss probably started when I was 17? I'm 25 years old now. I could never convince my parents to allow me to see a doctor for the issue when I first noticed it and ultimately thought maybe it'd go away or get better. ****ing awful idea.
I tried finasteride 1.25mg in 2014 for about 8 days and it made my body crash with all of the typical Post Finasteride side effects. It screwed me up really, really badly for about a month. After that I recovered 100% and my hairloss accelerated...
I feel like something has been ripped from me. My personality is being torn from my head, literally. It's putting me in the worst depressive state of mind ever! It ****ing consumes me. Every day at work, I'm constantly on these forums: I'm on Reddit's /r/tressless. I'm on HairLossHelp. I'm Googling "Male Pattern Baldness." I'm Googling "finasteride." I'm looking at success stories and comparing progress of others who's bodies can handle finasteride without side effects to my own ****ing ugly *** face thinking that maybe it'll get better overnight. Maybe one day I'll wake up and my hair will stop falling out. Maybe one day I'll stop caring. Maybe I can wake up tomorrow morning and not immediately run to the mirror like I do (and have done for the past year) every morning and curse at myself because of how unhappy I am with the way that I look. Frantically look in the rear view mirror while I'm driving to see how much temple is exposed. Run to the bathroom at work, social outings, every hour or so to see if the hair of my forelock is covering my left temple enough.
Life is simply not fair. I've gone through two real bad break ups. One when I was in high-school. I dated a girl for 3 years and when she broke up with me I was convinced I was at my absolute lowest. That it was over. That I knew what true pain felt like. That happened again when I was in college at 20 years old. When the relationship was over I was once again absolutely convinced that it was this insanely awful thing had happened and that no one knew what real depression and sadness felt like.
Now I know. All of that is nothing compared to male hair loss. It pisses me off when I see NW1's walking around because they have no idea how hard it is. They have life on easy mode. I cannot stand how much this consumes me. I know how hard it'll be for me to look appealing to a woman my age with a hairline worse than my dead maternal grandfather who would have been 80 if he was still alive. I blame my parents. I've never met my father, but from the photos I've seen of him online, he has a stronger hairline than me! Both my maternal grandfather and my biological father have better hairlines. I have no siblings. Where did this awful curse come from? There are barely any males in my family and the two closely related to me have more hair! WHAT THE ****!!!?!?!
I have no wishes to have children because I don't want to procreate ****ty genetics. It's simply not fair to do so.
Here's a progression from me at 16 years old to me at 25. What the hell happened?
- - - Updated - - -
The first photo is from about two weeks ago. The second is from a roughly two days ago. The red line is where my hairline was at 18 when I began losing. I kind of don't know why I'm doing this.... Especially if I'm unable to take finasteride due to the side effects I got before.
What a load of bull.
Last December I cut my hair short due to my temples receding really, really badly. I'd say my hairloss probably started when I was 17? I'm 25 years old now. I could never convince my parents to allow me to see a doctor for the issue when I first noticed it and ultimately thought maybe it'd go away or get better. ****ing awful idea.
I tried finasteride 1.25mg in 2014 for about 8 days and it made my body crash with all of the typical Post Finasteride side effects. It screwed me up really, really badly for about a month. After that I recovered 100% and my hairloss accelerated...
I feel like something has been ripped from me. My personality is being torn from my head, literally. It's putting me in the worst depressive state of mind ever! It ****ing consumes me. Every day at work, I'm constantly on these forums: I'm on Reddit's /r/tressless. I'm on HairLossHelp. I'm Googling "Male Pattern Baldness." I'm Googling "finasteride." I'm looking at success stories and comparing progress of others who's bodies can handle finasteride without side effects to my own ****ing ugly *** face thinking that maybe it'll get better overnight. Maybe one day I'll wake up and my hair will stop falling out. Maybe one day I'll stop caring. Maybe I can wake up tomorrow morning and not immediately run to the mirror like I do (and have done for the past year) every morning and curse at myself because of how unhappy I am with the way that I look. Frantically look in the rear view mirror while I'm driving to see how much temple is exposed. Run to the bathroom at work, social outings, every hour or so to see if the hair of my forelock is covering my left temple enough.
Life is simply not fair. I've gone through two real bad break ups. One when I was in high-school. I dated a girl for 3 years and when she broke up with me I was convinced I was at my absolute lowest. That it was over. That I knew what true pain felt like. That happened again when I was in college at 20 years old. When the relationship was over I was once again absolutely convinced that it was this insanely awful thing had happened and that no one knew what real depression and sadness felt like.
Now I know. All of that is nothing compared to male hair loss. It pisses me off when I see NW1's walking around because they have no idea how hard it is. They have life on easy mode. I cannot stand how much this consumes me. I know how hard it'll be for me to look appealing to a woman my age with a hairline worse than my dead maternal grandfather who would have been 80 if he was still alive. I blame my parents. I've never met my father, but from the photos I've seen of him online, he has a stronger hairline than me! Both my maternal grandfather and my biological father have better hairlines. I have no siblings. Where did this awful curse come from? There are barely any males in my family and the two closely related to me have more hair! WHAT THE ****!!!?!?!
I have no wishes to have children because I don't want to procreate ****ty genetics. It's simply not fair to do so.
Here's a progression from me at 16 years old to me at 25. What the hell happened?
- - - Updated - - -
The first photo is from about two weeks ago. The second is from a roughly two days ago. The red line is where my hairline was at 18 when I began losing. I kind of don't know why I'm doing this.... Especially if I'm unable to take finasteride due to the side effects I got before.
What a load of bull.