How do you deal with Anger?

[Smooth]

Lately i find myself angry due to my Norwood situation, i really dont like it and dont know how to cope, i find myself angry at people that look at me.. my hair i mean, or whats left of it, i feel the pressure building up inside and im afraid someone will trigger it, i see people with heads full of hair , and it never bothered me as it is now, i can feel the arrogance, i know its not aimed towards me nor to any other bald guy, its just the thought they have inside their minds "im so lucky, i hope ill never go bald", their fear itself of going bald (how ironically...) is what pisses me off!!! i think its inevitable, only a matter of time before something terrible will happen to a random nw1, i would rather be depressed then angry because enger, although not healthy, could lead me to alot of trouble, i tried talking about that with family for some abnormal reason they think i can just "ignore it and move on", this is not my type of handling things, i fix things, or accept them but since none of these work too well lately, im trying to figure ways dealing with the anger,
I guess its about time i hit the gym again, pump iron, start jugging or something, maybe join the UFC i cant go out clubbing aswell, people that do that are too superficial..too risky.. so ill have to pick-up in bars and school i guess :/ so i got the "girls thing" covered, now its all about the environment, i know someone will comment soon and ill snap, i just can feel it!! :dunno: this really sucks, meh.... how do you handle this? (and plz, dont write me on nw3-, just dont do it, it will only get me more pissed, respect a balding guys request will you?)

thanks in advance, sorry for the rant, had to take it out...

 

[Petchsky]

Hey Smooth,

One thing that helped me when going through a similar thing to you was to shave my head, I really didn't want too, but it was the best thing I did as it takes your mind of it and your sending a message that yeah, i'm balding but f*** it, I got nothing to hide!

I don't know what you're doing about your hairloss, but your right, no good really comes from anger, but I think your riding the rocky ride of learning to accept your hairloss, no easy feat! I believe it goes in stages akin to dealing with loss.

First comes denial, then anger, followed by depression and finally acceptance. How long these stages last for are down to you. This is a model I know psychiatrists follow, and I think it's relevant.

Hang in there boss

 

[Smooth]

Hey Petchsky, i appreciate the input, i know your words come from experience, im aware of the 5 stages of acceptance and also know its a something i have to go throw, but i thought i covered long time ago, seems im in a cycle, which includes acceptance back and forth, i wont hit a true acceptance, or atleast not anytime soon, it just that this stage that im in is not healthy and i admit i need some help or guidance to deal with it (hence the thread) i think ill give a try, shaving it all might work for a while, did you went back and forth after you shaved your hair with the anger thing ? (somedays its like i dont five a ****, and some i feel like ripping someones head off)

 

[Route66]

First comes denial, then anger, followed by depression and finally acceptance.

Or denial, then anger, followed by depression and finally a hair transplant.

 

[thetodd]

I look at it this way.
Bald is in.
Look at all the shiny domes nowadays. Even guys who aren't really losing their hair are going to the slick look. If you can't deal with your hairloss with a concealer or just by having it cropped very short, buy yourself a headblade, some nice lube, and be done with it. If that doesn't help, try a little rum and coke...

 

[cuebald]

I'll agree, there are a lot of slick baldies on TV recently, it seems to be a really modern look.
I think it looks better without any facial hair too.

 

[qball01]

believe me man..I know how you feel. I'm one of like 5 people who shave their heads at my school and it can be tough. (and believe me..I know I may have a bit of stubble on top but for instance, last week a girl came up to me while we were drunk downtown waiting for a cab and gave me PROPS because "you have no hair," haha...so that is how I'm seen by the public...

First off...the gym helps a looot. Its hard to always be motivated to go, but when you do...you feel a lot better...lol, not the best example, but even reading the gym shooters diary...he said he felt a lot less anger and whatnot once he started working out...of course he went ahead with his plan anyways, but he was too far gone to begin with. Point is...going to the gym made even a guy like him feel less crazy...so for someobdoy normal like you with an understandable problem, it can help.

Secondly...one thing people especially on this site don't give enough credit to is a mans overall image, including how he presents himself and his personality, etc. Take care of yourself to the point that you look the best you can with the hair you've got...(going to the gym, tanning, etc. can all help) but once you've reached that point...don't think about it anymore. If you LOOK the best you can with everything you've got then be at peace with that fact and start focusing on the things that require your personality to take control.

Also...You've gotta be prepared for some comments..and rather than showing how insecure you are by breaking somebody's nose, just see it for what it is...a dumb comment made by a dumb person...the best thing to do is fire an insult back about the other person. Norwood 1's arent perfect either...and if one of them rips on your hair..well then ANY flaw they have, whether they be overweight, big nose, very skinny, just ugly in general, etc. is fair game for you to point out. That will show people that A) you're witty...and B) you're not just going to tolerate people acting superior to you because you have a physical trait that you can't control. You have to display dominant characteristics the best you can...there are plenty of bald alpha males on this planet and then there are plenty of sensitive, whiny bald people who let jokes made about their hairloss deeply affect them as a person (and other people see this). Which would you prefer to be? Point is...unless the person who makes fun of you looks like a male model and has an IQ of 150...he better be prepared for an insult back if he chooses to say something about your hair.

The best thing you can do is let these feelings drive you towards being superior...call it overcompensating if you will, but you have to get it out of your head that people with full heads of hair are better than you in any way...they have more hair than you...THATS it. They're not physically or mentally superior to you...unless they're very athletic, but thats something in your control entirely. Believe me...I know how much it f*****g sucks sometimes but you're either going to end up living with such anger and resentment like U-man and pretty much throw away the bulk of your young adult years...or you're going to do everything you can not to let it happen, no matter how tough it is.

To the real world...and not the people on this site...hair does not comprise the man. Take care of yourself and try to live your life the same way you would if you DID have a full head of hair...thats the best advice IMO and its easier said than done...but eventually you're just gonna have to let go of your resentment and instead let it drive you....I'm in the exact same boat as you buddy. I never imagined I would be this bald at 21 but at the same time I'm still living and I'm trying my best to make improvements too.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Right Q, tell him it's all in his head....you'd be doing him a real favor. :roll: And for smooth, it's hard isn't it? When your hairloss has progressed beyond just you noticing it to everyone else noticing it...and then commenting on it or just looking at you funny IT'S HARD NOT TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY WHEN IT IS HAPPENING TO YOU! Wait till it gets worse and the comments get worse and the stares become more obvious. Where will that inner strength be when someone just flat out laughs in your face and all you could think about is how you can hurt him/her back. It's hard...and it only gets harder my friend.

 

[Nashville Hairline]

It is in his head though..thats what anger management is about. There are a couple of reactions to someone giving you a 'look' and pure homicidal rage is only one of those. Admittedly its hard not to feel that way but management of it is about stopping and recognizing it for waht it is and changing the one thing that can be changed in that situation i.e. your thoughts (the guy giving the 'look' will always exist no matter how many of them you do beat up). Cos anger is a negative thing and when not properly expressed can lead to depression.

As above would also recommend sports as its a good way to get out that aggression positively. I always feel much calmer after a swim.

 

[Petchsky]

Hey Petchsky, i appreciate the input, i know your words come from experience, im aware of the 5 stages of acceptance and also know its a something i have to go throw, but i thought i covered long time ago, seems im in a cycle, which includes acceptance back and forth, i wont hit a true acceptance, or atleast not anytime soon, it just that this stage that im in is not healthy and i admit i need some help or guidance to deal with it (hence the thread) i think ill give a try, shaving it all might work for a while, did you went back and forth after you shaved your hair with the anger thing ? (somedays its like i dont five a ****, and some i feel like ripping someones head off)

Yeah shaving my head helped, women liked it, it was only guys that were ripping me for hairloss, but they saw me as the main competition to the women we lived with at uni, at the time like. So they did anything they could to stick an ore in and try to make me look weak in front of women, didn't work though You gotta be strong, cos there are guys out there that use your hairloss against you. Working out does help too, gives you a much needed boost of endorphins and makes you feel good.

My hairloss regimen at the time was not helping and made my hair worse, but after I shaved it my regimen started working and I was able to keep hold of what I had and thicken it up a bit, so I was stuck in depression about it then got lucky really. And yes, I got a H/T 7 months ago to rebuild my hairline, which works too.

Had my regimen not worked then I would have been stuck in depression over it for a good while i'm sure, i'm a positive guy, but I never play down the effect of premature hairloss, it's tough but you'll come through the other side.

For me, like others here, channelling a lot of my energy/anger through going to the gym really helps. It can be something else boxing, chess, whatever.

I think acceptance takes a good few years. In a way I feel i've accepted my hairloss now as it is, easier to do when you have some hair as opposed to none, but despite my H/T i'm a NW3V still, and happy to go with the 'yep, i'm balding, but cool with it' vibe, as I know i'm doing everything I can to slow it down.

I still get odd comments from people about my thinning crown, but to be honest i'm just glad i'm not totally bald cos I should be a NW5 by now.

 

[GeminiX]

Can only backup what the guys are saying about the gym, it's a great positive boost.

It took me about six weeks, maybe eight before I began to recognise the "buzz" from training; now I train quite hard at least four mornings a week and I feel *fantastic* all day. I throw in some cardio over a couple of evenings(mostly salsa and aerobics classes) and the difference to my sense of well being and actual fitness and strength is just incredible.

The thing which really worked for me was getting a personal trainer, someone who really gives you a beasting in your sessions; If you don't want to go to the expense of that, my advice is to at least find a gym where they have good instructors in the gym area itself who keep tabs on people and give them spots and keep giving members those little boosts.

Initially it's very easy to succumb to the "drop off" after training for 20 mins and ending your session early, so you need either very good will power, or a training partner/instructor to keep pushing you.

Every single person here who goes to a gym will have seen many members join for a month or two only to stop attending, this is *very* common. People have the wrong expectations of the gym, as basically your session should be around 45 mins of sweating, grunting and pain; its the afterglow and buzz which is why you go and the longer term health benefits of course, the gym session itself should pretty much suck

 

[Route66]

I don't have any anger. I had a nervous breakdown in my mid-thirties, and I'm not going through something like that again. So I've learnt to remain very calm (virtually) all the time. On the few occasions I'm less calm it's not because of hair. I do hate my hair, and I'm going to sort it out, but calmly.

 

[barcafan]

i f*****g WISH i could go to the gym, something inexplicable happened to me fairly recently which leaves me tired pretty much all day even though i sleep at least 8 hours drink alot of water and eat a 80% clean diet without excessive drinking or pot. My only saving grace is that i'm able to earn money from home through my resourcefulness. If i dont figure something out soon i'll probably just off myself.

 

[qball01]

i f****ing WISH i could go to the gym, something inexplicable happened to me fairly recently which leaves me tired pretty much all day even though i sleep at least 8 hours drink alot of water and eat a 80% clean diet without excessive drinking or pot. My only saving grace is that i'm able to earn money from home through my resourcefulness. If i dont figure something out soon i'll probably just off myself.

that sucks man

1) what happened if you don't mind me asking

2) how the hell do you make money from home? haha

 

[uncomfortable man]

Why are you so tired all the time would be a more relevant question? And why would it drive you to off yourself? :dunno:

 

[barcafan]

no idea what happened tbh, not just fatigued, but pretty noticeable brain fog as well. Basically feel stupider/slower with a hard time processing information if that makes any sense. This is exacerbated the day following a good workout which precludes me from doing any strenuous activities. If i dont partake in *ANY* physical activities or grueling mental tasks then i'm 80% okay. If i play an hour and a half of ball, the next day i'm a zombie retard, what's even sadder is that i consider myself a gifted athelete. Oh and i wake up with pain in my back every day. It's like a burnout or something which lasted for a few months now. I'm 21 years old, missed out on alot of things this summer i dont need this sh*t tbh

 

[qball01]

I've definitely experienced the same thing...are you on any medication for anything? (was responsible for my tiredness/always feeling burt out) It could also be something you need medication FOR...a mental thing such as depression or anxiety perhaps? I've been through an episode of major depression before and it completely zaps your energy and cognitive function...otherwise definitely get a full panel of blood tests done, it could be adrenal related. Definitely don't just leave it and let it linger though.

 

[barcafan]

It's adrenal insufficiency is my guess.

Every quack i've been to says im depressed with a hint of anxiety and wanted to put me on meds for it. I'm quite sure that i'm not depressed because i still find pleasure in alot of things, but i cant do alot of it because im worried i'll just be useless the next day or later on in the same day. It also fluctuates, i can have moments where i feel f*****g fine almost great for maybe an hour or two and then i'm back to low low energy, dizzyness, and pain


i probably burnt myself out from going to the gym too often and not getting adequate recovery for a long time.

 

[s.a.f]

Must be a side effect from finasteride.

 

[barcafan]

That was my first suspicion as i was mildly fucked up on finasteride, but then i got off and felt fine for over a year and this sh*t crept up towards the end of april this year. I have a feeling this will be an expensive year for me as i'll have to pay for tests and competent medical advice