I Am Feeling Completely Lost And In Chaos

[razzmatazz91]

This is not just venting. I want to know what you guys think and if there is anyone else who is suffering so horribly, I want to talk and figure out a way to carry on living, if possible.

I used a be a very driven kid. I was decent looking, and would get approached by random 7's all the time.
But I also had massive issues. And I mean massive. Sexual abuse at the hands of my mother and all that sort of sh*t. But nothing truly broke me the way hair loss did.

I have diffuse pattern baldness in a NW6 pattern and retrograde too. So I'm beyond any treatment. I can't wig it up, and the reasons are obvious.. to most of you at least. Minoxidil and finasteride gave me some time... but no hair. I got time from them because they gave me hope. And honestly, I can go on living in this hell for another 10 years if I can have some hope...

I had to shave my head at 23. I'm 27 now. And I look absolutely ugly. White(ish) skin, jet black lumps of hair which are clearly visible even when I shave to the bone.. there is no escaping that I am ugly. I've lost my 20s... f***!

I am trying hard to work. But it is hard. I'm depressed, dont have access to medication readily (though I will put in the work to get it), and have people who make fun of me at the office to contend with. It's not like I can lash out at them and make them back off. These people will just fire me. My colleagues (women) can make all the fun that they want right in front of our bosses. It is hard, and I am struggling to carry on.
I will quit this job, but right now, beggars can't be choosers. And I am exaggerating a little bit. This sh*t has happened at work several times now, but does not happen everyday. Even so, it is something I need to get myself away from. I truly detest my own self, but I will work on getting away.

I have horrid suicidal thoughts. But, to paraphrase Dr. Jordan Peterson, my suicide will make life absolute hell for my parents and people who care. And they will never recover. So I see it as a duty to keep myself alive. I guess that's the only meaningful thing to do that's left for me.
I used to be very VERY driven... I wanted something. A kind of life, maybe a few things. But none of them makes any difference to me anymore. For instance, I have always loved cycling. But a few months ago, I felt almost no joy when I bought a new bike... I was just fighting with a part of myself that kept yelling at me and telling me I don't deserve sh*t.... (this one got away from me, I guess I'm not articulate in this state of mind. Sorry.)

Basically, I don't look forward to a future. Or rather, I can't. The future isn't dark, it's just empty.
All that is certain is that life will be miserable. And maybe drugs will help me carry on.
I need to figure out how to keep going. I feel that there is no way it can happen without a goal.... but I feel I am incapable of having one.

Again, I'm not venting. Anyone with a similar experience?
I'm alone in this sh*t... I need some help chaps. Please...

 

[CopeForLife]

inb4 fullhead like georgie with Norwood-1 will share their "similar experience"

 

[yetti]

This is not just venting. I want to know what you guys think and if there is anyone else who is suffering so horribly, I want to talk and figure out a way to carry on living, if possible.

I used a be a very driven kid. I was decent looking, and would get approached by random 7's all the time.
But I also had massive issues. And I mean massive. Sexual abuse at the hands of my mother and all that sort of sh*t. But nothing truly broke me the way hair loss did.

I have diffuse pattern baldness in a NW6 pattern and retrograde too. So I'm beyond any treatment. I can't wig it up, and the reasons are obvious.. to most of you at least. Minoxidil and finasteride gave me some time... but no hair. I got time from them because they gave me hope. And honestly, I can go on living in this hell for another 10 years if I can have some hope...

I had to shave my head at 23. I'm 27 now. And I look absolutely ugly. White(ish) skin, jet black lumps of hair which are clearly visible even when I shave to the bone.. there is no escaping that I am ugly. I've lost my 20s... f***!

I am trying hard to work. But it is hard. I'm depressed, dont have access to medication readily (though I will put in the work to get it), and have people who make fun of me at the office to contend with. It's not like I can lash out at them and make them back off. These people will just fire me. My colleagues (women) can make all the fun that they want right in front of our bosses. It is hard, and I am struggling to carry on.
I will quit this job, but right now, beggars can't be choosers. And I am exaggerating a little bit. This sh*t has happened at work several times now, but does not happen everyday. Even so, it is something I need to get myself away from. I truly detest my own self, but I will work on getting away.

I have horrid suicidal thoughts. But, to paraphrase Dr. Jordan Peterson, my suicide will make life absolute hell for my parents and people who care. And they will never recover. So I see it as a duty to keep myself alive. I guess that's the only meaningful thing to do that's left for me.
I used to be very VERY driven... I wanted something. A kind of life, maybe a few things. But none of them makes any difference to me anymore. For instance, I have always loved cycling. But a few months ago, I felt almost no joy when I bought a new bike... I was just fighting with a part of myself that kept yelling at me and telling me I don't deserve sh*t.... (this one got away from me, I guess I'm not articulate in this state of mind. Sorry.)

Basically, I don't look forward to a future. Or rather, I can't. The future isn't dark, it's just empty.
All that is certain is that life will be miserable. And maybe drugs will help me carry on.
I need to figure out how to keep going. I feel that there is no way it can happen without a goal.... but I feel I am incapable of having one.

Again, I'm not venting. Anyone with a similar experience?
I'm alone in this sh*t... I need some help chaps. Please...

Besides considering medication, have you talked to or considered talking to a psychotherapist/psychologist? That could really help

 

[Saurabhaj]

My only advice to you is don't take superficial insults personally.
Ignore those who don't like you...and do your work till you get so called experience and change the company after that.
Don't make life miserable because of hairs.

Most common cause of miserable life in young and middle age men is lack of money/bad marriage/bereavement..

Ignore the insults..for some time..

About suicide..
Suicide will only provide exit for you..not to your parents.
They will live rest of their life with total burden of losing you..

I have said multiple times here..

Best way to deal with hairloss is to make compromise..do it to save your life..not to save your hairs.

Your compromise of today will be reason of your happiness later in life..

 

[Timii]

This is not just venting. I want to know what you guys think and if there is anyone else who is suffering so horribly, I want to talk and figure out a way to carry on living, if possible.

I used a be a very driven kid. I was decent looking, and would get approached by random 7's all the time.
But I also had massive issues. And I mean massive. Sexual abuse at the hands of my mother and all that sort of sh*t. But nothing truly broke me the way hair loss did.

I have diffuse pattern baldness in a NW6 pattern and retrograde too. So I'm beyond any treatment. I can't wig it up, and the reasons are obvious.. to most of you at least. Minoxidil and finasteride gave me some time... but no hair. I got time from them because they gave me hope. And honestly, I can go on living in this hell for another 10 years if I can have some hope...

I had to shave my head at 23. I'm 27 now. And I look absolutely ugly. White(ish) skin, jet black lumps of hair which are clearly visible even when I shave to the bone.. there is no escaping that I am ugly. I've lost my 20s... f***!

I am trying hard to work. But it is hard. I'm depressed, dont have access to medication readily (though I will put in the work to get it), and have people who make fun of me at the office to contend with. It's not like I can lash out at them and make them back off. These people will just fire me. My colleagues (women) can make all the fun that they want right in front of our bosses. It is hard, and I am struggling to carry on.
I will quit this job, but right now, beggars can't be choosers. And I am exaggerating a little bit. This sh*t has happened at work several times now, but does not happen everyday. Even so, it is something I need to get myself away from. I truly detest my own self, but I will work on getting away.

I have horrid suicidal thoughts. But, to paraphrase Dr. Jordan Peterson, my suicide will make life absolute hell for my parents and people who care. And they will never recover. So I see it as a duty to keep myself alive. I guess that's the only meaningful thing to do that's left for me.
I used to be very VERY driven... I wanted something. A kind of life, maybe a few things. But none of them makes any difference to me anymore. For instance, I have always loved cycling. But a few months ago, I felt almost no joy when I bought a new bike... I was just fighting with a part of myself that kept yelling at me and telling me I don't deserve sh*t.... (this one got away from me, I guess I'm not articulate in this state of mind. Sorry.)

Basically, I don't look forward to a future. Or rather, I can't. The future isn't dark, it's just empty.
All that is certain is that life will be miserable. And maybe drugs will help me carry on.
I need to figure out how to keep going. I feel that there is no way it can happen without a goal.... but I feel I am incapable of having one.

Again, I'm not venting. Anyone with a similar experience?
I'm alone in this sh*t... I need some help chaps. Please...

Honestly, if you are on the brink of suicide and can't bear our sh*t shallow society than go to Nepal or somewhere in Asia and become a bald monk. I'm not kidding you, this is my emergency plan.

 

[disfiguredyoungman]

Look mate, Tsuji and Replicel don't look too bad, they are conceptually at least, the closest and most realistic thing we have for a potential cure. If they don't succeed, someone else will in the following years or decades.

Why don't you look at it like this: You will 'wig up', aka wear a f*****g toupee, live your life and save money until that goddamn cure comes arround.

And no, you are not alone with this, emotionally I feel very, very similar to you, even though I have rationally formulated this back up strategy for myself.

 

[genetically_cursed]

yea, man, identical sh*t tbh happened with me, a lot can be written, might rather just voice chat some day or hit me up in pms

u r defo not alone, there are other ugly males on this planet, other bald young dudes, its a sick joke from nature to deprive men of hair.

gotta cope with it and try to accept the fact as it is and move on

 

[Murkey Thumb]

In many ways people commenting on how you look in a work environment is a form of subtle bullying. Almost like they are deliberately undermining your confidence to suit there own warped career goals. It is no difference from sexism in the work place or ageism. Personally I would note down dates and times, details of what was said by who and then confront senior management with it. If you don't get a satisfactory response then its probably time to look for a new job.

You have to stand up for your self because its not ok.

 

[hanginginthewire]

Are you SURE you wouldn’t benefit by a transplant (or 2)? What are your hair characteristics - wavy, thick, etc.? Have you met with a surgeon?

Try to keep your head up. You are your worst critic and most likely you are not ugly. Far from it. I hope for your peace.

 

[TK421]

I feel your pain man. Do your female co workers make fun of your hair loss? That's brutal if true. Nowadays everyone is ultra sensitive so harassment/bullying has really been looked down upon, which I totally agree with. However, it seems a bald/balding guy doesn't seem to be a protected class LOL. Funny how we can't make fun of a woman for being fat (which is something she has control over) but it's okay to ridicule the guy losing his hair which is obviously something he has no control over. This society has become a total joke.

 

[Alex_325]

And you think being a walking corpse is not going to affect your parents?

Life under such circumstances is not life anymore. You wont be able to fend off your problems forever.

Im under similar circumstances. Its an undescribable agony. I have so much sh*t to fix but i cant find any will to even try

 

[razzmatazz91]

Besides considering medication, have you talked to or considered talking to a psychotherapist/psychologist? That could really help

Yes.
And it always fails man. Like I had said in the OP, help isn't readily available. The therapists I have met do all sorts of funny crap like "past life regression". Another one told me "you are engaging i self-pity" and that was all. When I asked what I can do, all she said was "well, just stop it!"
Another one is so f*****g dumb I think she isn't capable of comprehending the fact that every man has a point of view/paradigm and everything is assessed in terms of that. She gave me Rhonda Byrne's horrible book "The Secret" to read. I can't afford much, and whenever I decide to sacrifice something to go see a therapist, I am faced with something like this.

Couldn't find anyone to help out with CBT or other proper therapy.
I am going to read and learn about CBT and if it is possible to do it myself, I will. I am also going to do the self-authoring programme by Jordan Peterson.
Nothing will make me happy, and I'm not trying. I just need to minimize pain so that I can survive.

Look mate, Tsuji and Replicel don't look too bad, they are conceptually at least, the closest and most realistic thing we have for a potential cure. If they don't succeed, someone else will in the following years or decades.

Why don't you look at it like this: You will 'wig up', aka wear a f*****g toupee, live your life and save money until that goddamn cure comes arround.

And no, you are not alone with this, emotionally I feel very, very similar to you, even though I have rationally formulated this back up strategy for myself.

I can't wig it up. Don't want to debate that bro... I'm sure most here understand why. I just can't do it.
And Tsuji/Replicel/other sh*t has been around forever. I'm trying to be optimistic about it... but all this is crazy.
How old are you? If you are young, try talking to the guys who have been following treatments/research for 30 years. Nothing has been found since finasteride. f*****g NOTHING

yea, man, identical sh*t tbh happened with me, a lot can be written, might rather just voice chat some day or hit me up in pms

Thanks. Might take you up on that sometime buddy.
You have depression too?

In many ways people commenting on how you look in a work environment is a form of subtle bullying. Almost like they are deliberately undermining your confidence to suit there own warped career goals. It is no difference from sexism in the work place or ageism. Personally I would note down dates and times, details of what was said by who and then confront senior management with it. If you don't get a satisfactory response then its probably time to look for a new job.

You have to stand up for your self because its not ok.

I feel your pain man. Do your female co workers make fun of your hair loss?

It happens RIGHT IN FRONT OF my manager. Plus, my work is suffering, and I might be fired if I raise my voice to anything.

Are you SURE you wouldn’t benefit by a transplant (or 2)? What are your hair characteristics - wavy, thick, etc.? Have you met with a surgeon?

Try to keep your head up. You are your worst critic and most likely you are not ugly. Far from it. I hope for your peace.

NW6 + retrograde. There's the answer.
And I am quite ugly man, people (women, young and old) have just outright told me. Often...
Hell, my b**ch of a mom can't stop commenting on beautiful men.... I used to be one... I think..

And you think being a walking corpse is not going to affect your parents?

Life under such circumstances is not life anymore. You wont be able to fend off your problems forever.

Im under similar circumstances. Its an undescribable agony. I have so much sh*t to fix but i cant find any will to even try

I know it is. But killing myself will be worse.

 

[LastSamurai]

You are basing your happiness way too much on the validation of women. Every apparent rejection is now a massive blow to your ego.

Learn to live your life on your earn terms. Honestly, the less I chase women, the better I feel. Sure, chasing women gives me a dopamine hit, it can be exciting, but it's not fulfilling in any way.

Build hobbies into your life that you enjoy doing. I've been having weekly guitar lessons and practicing in my spare time. I'm planning to incorporate some other new hobbies in, like learning salsa and also learning a language. Get out and find communities where you can meet people outside of a motivate to date. I've started indoor climbing (bouldering) recently that and that has also really helped.

I'm not saying I don't have dark days, but I usually feel my worst when I am at home all day stewing over things. Once I've been out and either met some people and / or done some exercise I feel way better.

I think a lot of us could do with improving our social lives, and the quality of our lives overall, our well-being and also find more meaning in our lives to feel we are living more fulfilling lives. This helps a lot with hairloss. When you have an interesting, fun, dynamic lifestyle, or at least building one, hairloss gets lower on the list of fucks given.

If it's your biggest f*** given, then you don't have any real problems, and you should probably start looking at your life and how you can make it more meaningful and exciting. Looking at our hair everyday being depressed about it won't get us anywhere. I'm not saying we shouldn't be able to come on here and vent..but think about the bigger picture and just live your life...

Honestly, forget about chasing women and building your life around being validated by them.

I've met enough bunny boilers and psycho b****s in my life to know that being single and happy is often much better.

 

[Roberto_72]

Sexual abuse at the hands of my mother

I think you should try to address this issue first.
I am afraid this episode might have taken a huge toll on your mood.

You need help for such a hateful trauma.
http://aarambhindia.org/
Have you ever reported it to another adult?
Sexual predators tend to repeat the offense.

 

[razzmatazz91]

I think you should try to address this issue first.
I am afraid this episode might have taken a huge toll on your mood.

You need help for such a hateful trauma.
http://aarambhindia.org/
Have you ever reported it to another adult?
Sexual predators tend to repeat the offense.

Dude you searched for help available in my country?? Thanks buddy!
This Website is of an NGO working for child safety and prevention of abuse.

Yes, the trauma was hateful, but it happened 20 years ago. I am 27 now, and there's not much anyone can do.
No, I din't report it. I had no one else but my mother around. There were a few, but I never trusted anyone.

As to addressing it now... There is nothing that can be done about it at all.

 

[Roberto_72]

Dude you searched for help available in my country?? Thanks buddy!
This Website is of an NGO working for child safety and prevention of abuse.

Yes, the trauma was hateful, but it happened 20 years ago. I am 27 now, and there's not much anyone can do.
No, I din't report it. I had no one else but my mother around. There were a few, but I never trusted anyone.

As to addressing it now... There is nothing that can be done about it at all.

From what I read, depression comes from trauma more than you would think.
You should treat this trauma before hair loss I think

 

[razzmatazz91]

From what I read, depression comes from trauma more than you would think.
You should treat this trauma before hair loss I think

I feel the same way.
Hair Loss just makes it seem worthless though. What good is treating anything if life is just going to be misery regardless of what I do?
Of course, I know my thoughts are wrong wrong. It's not what I think.. it's what I feel.

However, like I said, I think there is nothing that can be done. "redemption" is just stuff that happens in movies.
In real life, you just need to learn to not suffer more than necessary.

 

[yetti]

In real life, you just need to learn to not suffer more than necessary.

I don't think so. Psychological help can and does work for tons of people. When I recommended it in an earlier post you talked about how they came at you with past life progression stuff or gave you a really bad book to read. For whatever its worth I suggest that you try again, but you need someone good and legit. I don't know how to find that person where you are, but they are out there.

And yeah it sucks working with difficult people. I deal with it too. I tell myself that this is why I get paid (and why they pay) for it, because it sucks. And that does help to some extent.

 

[Exodus2011]

You are basing your happiness way too much on the validation of women. Every apparent rejection is now a massive blow to your ego.

Learn to live your life on your earn terms. Honestly, the less I chase women, the better I feel. Sure, chasing women gives me a dopamine hit, it can be exciting, but it's not fulfilling in any way.

Build hobbies into your life that you enjoy doing. I've been having weekly guitar lessons and practicing in my spare time. I'm planning to incorporate some other new hobbies in, like learning salsa and also learning a language. Get out and find communities where you can meet people outside of a motivate to date. I've started indoor climbing (bouldering) recently that and that has also really helped.

I'm not saying I don't have dark days, but I usually feel my worst when I am at home all day stewing over things. Once I've been out and either met some people and / or done some exercise I feel way better.

I think a lot of us could do with improving our social lives, and the quality of our lives overall, our well-being and also find more meaning in our lives to feel we are living more fulfilling lives. This helps a lot with hairloss. When you have an interesting, fun, dynamic lifestyle, or at least building one, hairloss gets lower on the list of fucks given.

If it's your biggest f*** given, then you don't have any real problems, and you should probably start looking at your life and how you can make it more meaningful and exciting. Looking at our hair everyday being depressed about it won't get us anywhere. I'm not saying we shouldn't be able to come on here and vent..but think about the bigger picture and just live your life...

Honestly, forget about chasing women and building your life around being validated by them.

I've met enough bunny boilers and psycho b****s in my life to know that being single and happy is often much better.

my mom had a heart attack last year and seeing her in the hospital i still cared about hair loss

so yea. lol at "not having any real problems "

 

[Exodus2011]

also samurai you forget hair loss makes you inferior in a general sense and not just with girls