I finally plucked up the courage to speak to my parents...

[Guest]

about hairloss. Well, mum actually.

Things recently have been hell for me, and I could no longer keep it in.

As you know I'm 23, been suffering from severe hair loss over the last 2/3 years and it's pretty much taken over my life. The reason that it has, is because of the change. I can't comprehend the way my life spiralled since it has become noticeable.

I personally don't think I'm exaggerating in saying it's effected *every* avenue of my life.

Anyway, over the last 2 years I have been an utterly miserable person. Mainly due to fact I've known/educated myself on male pattern baldness and how it only progresses and basically found it difficult to share this problem with people. When I’ve subtly suggested it, people around me talking to me as if I'm “seeing things“, or that "I'm not going bald, your just hair is just thin"

Being asked constantly "why are you so low these days" "why aren’t you the same confident person you used to be" and “Cheer up, it could be worse" - and not being man enough to say to them, I am losing my hair at a young age, then explaining to them how a person who used to feel good about their appearance is now trying to come to terms with potentially having a full Norwood 6, by 25/26 years of age. A recipe for disaster for anyone. All I did was grin and bare it. It's a horrible realisation - a young person educating themselves on male pattern baldness etc. A All I can do it wear a fake smile. The smile and enjoyment was well and truly wiped away from my face.

No one around me understood.

I felt helpless to say the least.

Well I'm at the stage where I needed to say something.

My life is so bad, and I'm not living to my potential. I can't accept hair loss is still eating away at me. On my mind 24/7. Not feeling good anymore. And knowing the reason why, not insanity, or anything psychological. Just hair loss at a young age. Difficult to comprehend and accept.

Why I can't accept it is, the difference. I've experienced the good side and what it's like to feel A1 in life. I can’t tell you the difference extreme hair loss changes a persons life.

Being threatened over the last couple of years of being chucked out of the house, because I'm always in a bad mood and sometimes I got so frustrated with the lack of understanding and patronising comments such as "You're not losing your hair" which resulted in me becoming totally depressed, frustrated and helpless.

It's not as if I could just swallow my pride and give them a full run down of male pattern baldness, what it is, and show them the Norwood scale. For gods sake, I'm a youngster who has some element of pride. I felt embarrassed even thinking about it, so how am I going to talk to them about it.

Anyway, I just faced an embarrassing situation. It was embarrassing even though I felt good finally getting the problem off my chest. I explained to them that both me and my brother (talking in the terms of that I wasn't treating it) would probably be a bald before we're 25/26.

At 1st she couldn't understand me, and went on about how her brother also going though the same thing when he was my age - buying loads of potions and things to rub on his head, that didn't work.

Anyway, then I told her how this can turn a confident person into a depressed one. And how hair loss effects everyone differently. Some people learn to accept it, some (like me) just can't. She was very understanding and also, felt sorry for me (which I didn‘t need), that I felt this way, but I had to get it in the open.

At 1st she said, I need help. That was when I was going to walk away. I don't need help as I'm not mad or insane. I am 100% coherent. You only need psychiatric help if you cannot put your finger on the problem. I know my problem and life will be open and back on the road, if my hair was like a normal persons my age. I told her, It's not about vanity, it's about (in the space of 2 years) no longer feeling good about your appearance. The change being so big etc. I haven’t got the physique to carry off the shaved look.

I explained to her how the hair frames the face and how (living in a shallow world and appearance obsessed world) a person would sometimes judge you by what's on your head. Not everyone thinks this way, but you know how the world works. A guy with a mess on his head would get laughed at by the youth of today. That’s just an example.

She was understanding and somewhat relived that I had "come out in the open" because her and my dad couldn’t put their finger on why I was so miserable. Well, I felt like a right twat and deeply embarrassed That I was in this situation, but I needed to get it out in the open.

And I feel better for doing so. It was eating me up inside. Only having you guys on the net understanding what hair loss can do to a person was frustrating me. I needed to speak to someone in person.

I also said to her, I will probably sometime in the future get a hair transplant. At that point I stuttered and she questioned it, which at that point I didn’t have the answers, but I told her I‘ll get one. I will need one if I’m going to be happy again, because this is *the* problem.

Treatments aren’t giving me results. Despite continued use, the disappointment is just making me feel 10 times worse.

Talking to them about it and having them accept it, is part of the battle (albeit a small part). I see a hair transplant in my future. Even if I have to plan with the surgeon, how my hair loss will progress and how many procedures I’ll need.

My hair is now minoxidil reliant, so I will have to continue to use the big 3. Which will possibly help. Quitting those isn’t an option.

I know for a fact I’ll *need* one if I’m going to be my old self again.

I’ve read about many bodged procedures. Well, I’ll go to Hassan and Wong if I have to. I’m sure I can compromise with someone. I don’t want to end up young and butchered either, but I will probably start when I’m 25 - in 1 or 2 years time.

Anyway, moral of the story is, coming out in the open did me good. It was 1of 5 weights off my shoulder, even if the situation was very cringe-worthy to say the least.

 

[David Swissy]

as above

Where are the moderators on this web page?? This person "Ded Prez" needs to be banned and thrown off the discussion board.. Idiot.. If you cannot be polite or intelligent then get lost...

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To the 23 year old... That was very brave of you.. well done.. at least its all out in the open.. Im in England too and saw a documentary last year on TV about balding.. THere were several men all having different treatments, one of them used Regaine.. another had a transplant... he had had several and they looked really good because the surgeon transplanted one hair at a time and made sure they grew in the same direction as the other existing hairs on the mans head... anyway another treatment that seemed really good was a man who sat under a kind of laser thing... it looked like a hairdryer that you see in salons.. anyway it fired some kind of red laser on his scalp and his hair was definately growing back really thickly.. did you see it?? David

 

[flux]

Gunner, the right psychologist might actually do a bit of good. They're not really there for crazy people or those who dont know what their problem is. A psychologists main goal is to help people accept life for the good and the bad, so that their ability to function isnt suffering from their own anxietys and negative emotions.

That being said, I have been to a number of them in my lifetime, and while a good number of them have been less then memorable experiences, there have been two that have really impressed me with their insight.

Having talked about it with your mom is huge tho. I do remember telling mine, and she really didnt understand why it upset me. She really thought it shouldnt,. like I was being irrational. It sounds like your mom is more understanding which is good. And it definitly helps to get it out in the open. All my friends and family know,. I figure better me to tell them then my scalp, eh? Taking charge like that has helped me not feel embarassed about it.


David: This forum has only one moderator: HairLossTalk.com. He cant be watchin these boards 24/7, but when he gets back something will be done no doubt.

 

[The Gardener]

Good for you, Gunner. It is good to lift the thin veneer of bullshit in the dialogue you have had with your parents and finally be able to talk to them straight about your hairloss and how you feel about it.

Hopefully they realize how much it is bugging you and take you seriously when you talk about it.

There is nothing worse in life than having a problem that is eating you up inside, but when you try to seek the consult of others you trust, they don't take you seriously. Glad you broke through that. It must feel good.

 

[Last blade]

Ive read your other posts,ive looked at your pics and ive replied before.I mean you say your no "mad" or "insane" and that you have your finger on the problem.I have to question that,there is nothing wrong with your hair,i mean if you maintain what you have and you will as your on propecia then what will you ever have to worry about?Its too easy to use hair as a scapegoat,to blame all your probs on it but you gotta use some common sense.I know how you feel and i know it does effect every aspect of your life but turning into a despairing wreck is only giving it another victory,your letting it run your life.Now i cant help but comming back to the point that in those pics your hair looks good with the shaved head.Your hair looks good mate,you hair hasnt made you what you have become,your attitude has.Youve glazed your eyes,hair isnt the problem.You've gotta pick yourself up and come back to reality.You say your parents threatened to throw you out of the house,that your mates are always telling you to cheer up.If your hair loss prob was as apparent as you think it is then they wouldnt be saying those things.I think youve turned into everything you never wanted to be and your blamming your hair for it.Fact is its not your hair,and things arent going to change untill you stand up and recognise this,move on and be yourself again

 

[Healthy Nick]

How old is your mom? She sounds a little clueless.

She had NO idea you were losing your hair, or did she?


Why didn't you do this sooner?






And I hate the "you're not losing your hair" comment they usually make, even when it's clear that you are. :evil:

 

[flux]

Your hair looks good mate,you hair hasnt made you what you have become,your attitude has.Youve glazed your eyes,hair isnt the problem.

Ive got to second that,. the negative attutude/depression is much more of a problem then its "root". However people generally dont want to hear this.

Its clear theres been hairloss, but there is still hair and it doesnt look bad when its really short (which is how I keep mine). I think the issue isnt the current state, but the momentum of loss, which equals a sense of impending doom.

But if hair is so important and your days are numbered, doesnt that mean that right now is the time to go live it up and enjoy life like its the last days on earth?

 

[muii]

Hey Dead prez,,
why dont you goe eat a dick , you stupid illiterate jackass...cant beleive there are fuckin poor exusesof human beings like you to deal with...

 

[JesusFreak]

The solution to all problems come down to two things: accept it or change it. Both solutions are equally effective solutions for hair loss.

Gunner, the problem youre having is typical. Youre not only trying to accept you hair loss as it is, but you are also trying to accept you hair loss 5 years from now. Youre barely a norwood 2, and youre worried about when you get to the norwood 6. Acceptance doesnt work on infinite problems, it just works on the current state of affairs.

The solution I found when I was your age was to accept my present hair loss, and also to do all I could to change it. Well, i'm happy to say that once I found some acceptance my hair loss stopped...I'm 35 now, and I have just as much hair or more than I had at 20.

It is true that your inability to accept your current situation it is, and your self-destructive behavior might have a mental origin. It's called BDD, or Body Dismorphic Disorder.