I'm pathetic

[CCS]

OK, so I'm working out in the gym, and me and this woman who is totally in my league and good looking, are glancing at each other in the mirror while doing our lifts. Both of us seem to be prolonging our workouts even though it seems obvious we both finished what we came there to do. Finally I say to her, "This sure is a nice gym." She takes her head phones off and says, "Yes, it sure is for an apartment gym." I then ask her if she's been up the hill in back of the complex. She says she has not, but she's been up the one in front, and her friends have been up the one off to the side, and there is a good fire pit up there. She had an upbeat tone of voice while saying this. I was sensing tension.

Some I'm thinking it would be great to go up there with her and her friends and roast some marshmellows or something. But I worried maybe I would be moving too fast to make such an invite when I just met her. We both paused for about 15 seconds. Neither of us had more to say, or at least she did not say anything. So I grabbed a weight, started lifting some more. She then walked over to another weight station, and then I left to and typed up this post while she was still in the gym. She is probably gone now.

I just don't know what to do. There are a LOT more women here than guys. Many are very pretty, but definitely some in my league. I don't want the alcoholics, but when I see women at the gym is when I get most excited. The other woman I saw who was in my league was at a wildlife meusum by herself. I did not approach her, but she looked unhappy and alone. Well, I'll go take my protein shake and hopefully I see that woman again since I did not ask for her number.

 

[The Gardener]

Well at least you talked to her. That's more than most guys are able to summon up the courage for, and you are definitely NOT pathetic as you were at least able and willing to break the ice and initiate a conversation.

The situation you describe is pretty common, and hard for any guy... smalltalk is HARD to do. You want to bring up some sort of item of conversation that will allow you to have common ground, but on the other hand, you don't want to be TOO intrusive, or say something really stupid. And all of this needs to be done while thinking on your feet, with the added pressure of an attractive woman being on the receiving end. It's hard for anyone.

Frankly, I'd rate your performance as being pretty good... you generally want the smalltalk to evolve onto some subject of conversation that finds a common ground between the two people, which then opens the door for a future meeting. I think your head was going in the right direction, I LIKE the fact that you were thinking about a future scenario at the firepit. The fact that your head was headed in this line of thought is a sign that you have some potential "closer" skills in you.

 

[patagonia]

casanova you did well.... you initieted a little casual conversation... thats very good.

you did the right thing not pushing for a date or anything more on this ocassion...it would have been akward.. make an effort to bump into her again at the gym and cassually say hi and start a little small talk next time you see her.... and see how she reacts... it takes a few of those before its time to ask for something else... and if she is intersted she will give you the green light to go for it...

main thing is to do this as often as you can... just little converstaions here and there.... itll build your confidence/skills....


stud.......

 

[Eureka]

Yea would have been pushing to ask for her number.. "Maybe" Some girls like that sort of thing.

You should have casually found out if she works out there often and if she has a usual time.

 

[Ian Curtis]

I would have expected someone who dumbs down all the process of human relationships to have read some information about fluff talk on one of those pick up seduction forums...but initiating a convesation is imo the hardest step and you did well, but you ran out of topic.The gym is tough for meeting girls I think.

 

[CCS]

I should have said, "There is a fire pit on that hill too? I did not even know there was a trail to that one. I just knew of the one on top of the other hill. A camp fire sounds good about now."

Something like that. As long as I don't ask her to go, but just say that sort of thing is fun, she might have offered instead, or at least it would have kept it going longer without being too awkward. Glad to know I did OK though. I'll keep it up though. I don't want to scare away the really hot women, but as long as they are in my league I'll start a little convo here and there.

There is a security guard at my complex who talks with me a lot. She is married, and over weight, but has a lot in common with me I'm discovering. Not college educated, but views and interests and such. It is good to be friends with the guards in case anything happens.

 

[follicle84]

Who knows maybe the girl feels the same way about you and doesnt no what to say either. Your far from pathetic and have done well for trying. This usually happens to me when i really like someone. If i dont like them that much i find its easier to talk to them and usually find they or me end up liking each other.

Why is is this i once asked myself, and i realised its because i probably came across as obviously liking them, which made them shy away. So i decided to come across as genuine and talk to them as i would to a normal stranger who i didnt fancy. This would usually brake the ice enough to slowly show my feelings given time. If I was in the gym i would talk to girls about the music there playing there, what sports im interested in to try and get some common ground to break the tension. I dont think you should give up so easilly and let your confidence run low. I think next time you see this girl you should give her a smile and the next time after that join the machine next to her and strike up a topic of conversation of genuine interest to be friendly and once you have reached some common ground then show some hint of your feelings and possibly ask her out or something.

 

[ali777]

Who knows maybe the girl feels the same way about you and doesnt no what to say either. Your far from pathetic and have done well for trying. This usually happens to me when i really like someone. If i dont like them that much i find its easier to talk to them and usually find they or me end up liking each other.

Man.... I have the same problem... Whenever I talk to someone I don't like or I don't intend to pursue, I'm relaxed and I end up making it sound like I am interested in them or something, but I'm just being friendly. It's been happening a lot lately.

I spent a few hours with a girl last weekend... I really don't know where the hell I stand with her. I told her I had fun and we should meet for a drink again...

 

[Smooth]

Google/youtube: David DeAngelo for some valuable insights!

 

[CCS]

Cocky funny is one way of showing a woman interest. Another way is asking her questions about herself. It is just a question of which is more appropreate to deploy earlier.

If a woman is not fully sure she wants you, or she wants you once but does not want to commit, then you don't want to scare her off by sounding like you want marriage now. So cocky funny is probably a safer bet there.

 

[s.a.f]

[youtube:33os365l]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6Fg1bEm1aA[/youtube:33os365l]

 

[IBM]

 

[Flavio]

[...] The other woman I saw who was in my league [...]

CCS, I don't want to be rude, but this 'league' concept is just silly. Judging others by their looks is silly and if you do that, you're a silly rabbit.