Inability to sustain long-term relationships vs. inability to get casual sex
- Thread starter zircon
- Start date
- Reaction score
- 11,939
Your friend is less likely to end up not having children, and I think that's a major plus.
blackg
Senior Member
- Reaction score
- 5,723
Yeah, mate. I feel the same way.
Casual sex was great. Great for the ego, that is. The sex itself.. bland and obviously very awkward.
Once I entered a long-term relationship.. The sex was outta this world.
A lot of adventure.
Anyway, back to what you were saying. Too much casual sex can leave your soul very empty.
- Reaction score
- 4,504
Zircon, may I reverse the question: what about if your friend was dull AND bald? Would you still see him in a lot of casual relations with women in their early 20s or younger and 4s to 7s?
- Reaction score
- 5,624
lolz like girls are a good gauge for wats "boring"
but i agree. im a beta nerd, i never was nor ever wanted to be a slayer
always just wanted an LTR with skinny 6+ white or asian girl with a decent personality
but i agree. im a beta nerd, i never was nor ever wanted to be a slayer
always just wanted an LTR with skinny 6+ white or asian girl with a decent personality
Your friend did not find the love of his life.
That's is why he must be not giving
All in.
Even Alpha's of Alpha will be conditioned into caring and trust worthy men when they find Right choice.
This is my observations.
Your last 6 lines are awesome.
That's is why he must be not giving
All in.
Even Alpha's of Alpha will be conditioned into caring and trust worthy men when they find Right choice.
This is my observations.
Your last 6 lines are awesome.
- Reaction score
- 6,504
I could be accused of the first option, but it depends on what you mean by "long term", I've had 2 that lasted around a few years, others that were less and some that were only a few months.
It's just not happening and I'm still in no rush for it to happen (age 29) but I don't think I have the inability to make a long-term relationship last, in the situation you gave, if this guy consistently can never keep a woman happy with him for more than a few months, it sounds like he's just unbearable after a short term. And in a relationship, when you're with someone for half of your time, even a month is a lot of getting to know someone.
I actually know someone (hardly a "friend" though) who sounds just like the guy you described, but his current relationship has been going over a year. He is a good looking guy, mid-30s, and has said before this relationship he just went from woman to woman, probably partly for sex with different women, but I would say mainly because he's intolerable. Incredibly cocky and self-centred, makes usually very poor jokes where he bursts out laughing, and I've seen him attempting to flirt with women and he genuinely seems to scare the **** out of them. It's the most awkward thing I've ever seen, there's no flow at all to conversation and he just jumps in with random questions or laughing at literally nothing.
Would some of them still have sex with him? Yes, would they go out with him? Maybe for a very short period of time. I have no idea how his girlfriend deals with it unless she's also nuts.
Anyway, you're asking for a choice to be made here, and I definitely pick inability to get casual sex. If it wasn't for casual sex I'd probably have knuckled down to an actual relationship. Even the best looking guys who pick up women easily enough spend a lot of time alone, it does affect a big chunk of your social life, for example you never really express yourself to relatives or work colleagues when you talk about what you do with your evenings or weekend, unless you have an official girlfriend it's pretty awkward to just mention you went for a meal or watched a film- with some girl you're banging.
Ability to get casual sex is not a constant strain of quality time with a partner and also sex, it is some limited time, maybe even of better quality (someone new is always more exciting) but 0.001% of guys have the opportunity to constantly bang new girls, keep them happy and never pissed off that it's obviously not going to be serious.
But ability to have a long-term relationship is constant quality time, sex, and being with someone who will potentially always understand you. You are the same as me zircon in that there needs to be more than just physical attraction to really enjoy sex, and half the point of enjoying sex is getting off on the other person enjoying it, if you don't give a **** about that other person then physically the sensations are somewhat as good, but mentally it's just visuals, may as well put on some p**rn alone.
It's just not happening and I'm still in no rush for it to happen (age 29) but I don't think I have the inability to make a long-term relationship last, in the situation you gave, if this guy consistently can never keep a woman happy with him for more than a few months, it sounds like he's just unbearable after a short term. And in a relationship, when you're with someone for half of your time, even a month is a lot of getting to know someone.
I actually know someone (hardly a "friend" though) who sounds just like the guy you described, but his current relationship has been going over a year. He is a good looking guy, mid-30s, and has said before this relationship he just went from woman to woman, probably partly for sex with different women, but I would say mainly because he's intolerable. Incredibly cocky and self-centred, makes usually very poor jokes where he bursts out laughing, and I've seen him attempting to flirt with women and he genuinely seems to scare the **** out of them. It's the most awkward thing I've ever seen, there's no flow at all to conversation and he just jumps in with random questions or laughing at literally nothing.
Would some of them still have sex with him? Yes, would they go out with him? Maybe for a very short period of time. I have no idea how his girlfriend deals with it unless she's also nuts.
Anyway, you're asking for a choice to be made here, and I definitely pick inability to get casual sex. If it wasn't for casual sex I'd probably have knuckled down to an actual relationship. Even the best looking guys who pick up women easily enough spend a lot of time alone, it does affect a big chunk of your social life, for example you never really express yourself to relatives or work colleagues when you talk about what you do with your evenings or weekend, unless you have an official girlfriend it's pretty awkward to just mention you went for a meal or watched a film- with some girl you're banging.
Ability to get casual sex is not a constant strain of quality time with a partner and also sex, it is some limited time, maybe even of better quality (someone new is always more exciting) but 0.001% of guys have the opportunity to constantly bang new girls, keep them happy and never pissed off that it's obviously not going to be serious.
But ability to have a long-term relationship is constant quality time, sex, and being with someone who will potentially always understand you. You are the same as me zircon in that there needs to be more than just physical attraction to really enjoy sex, and half the point of enjoying sex is getting off on the other person enjoying it, if you don't give a **** about that other person then physically the sensations are somewhat as good, but mentally it's just visuals, may as well put on some p**rn alone.
- Reaction score
- 4,504
Hang on...
Zircon's choice is so extreme it represents a paradox; I do not think anyone in their right mind would give up his social skills, let alone intelligence, for hair. No one wants to lose their personality. Plus, who wants to be a bimbo, female OR male? (btw: bimbo in Italian is a male word; the female is bimbA, just a curiosity).
IF you were to choose between 30 causal sex dates while being an idiot, and 3 fulfilling relationships while being a normal person, who should ever choose to be an idiot? Probably the idiot does not even know what is happening to him!
However, try to dive this paradox into reality, i.e.: make it more plausible. Apart from Zircon's idiotic friend, how many couples do you see in which he is a narcissistic jerk, but is also good looking, and she is a good looking and smart girl, as opposed to: he is a short ugly guy and - again - she is good looking and smart? In my experience, the first type of couple is as numerous as the second, if not more numerous. Plus, the man in the first couple likely had lots of casual sex before meeting the cool girl.
TL;DR: not all good looking jerks do not have fulfilling relationships: I have seen quite a few.
- Reaction score
- 6,504
But there's stupid narcissists, and there's smart ones (sociopaths). We're discussing idiot narcissists, the kind who have no self-awareness of how they're perceived, who's interests revolve around their own mind, and find it hard to even pretend to care about other people's needs and feelings, they may get away with it for a short amount of time before being caught out.
The sociopathic narcissist jerks know how to manipulate a woman into thinking he cares, when he doesn't, he knows how to push the buttons that activate that he has genuine feelings about her, when he needs to. Particularly vulnerable women will get caught into this for a long time before she realises she's being manipulated, and at this point if she wants to leave him, she'll wonder exactly what the problem is, if her friends ask her- does he care about you? Know your needs? She'll be confused and say yes, so the guy still ticks all the boxes even though his cover just simply hasn't been blown yet.
BUT- this is putting all "jerks" into 2 extreme boxes, and zircon can correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought we were discussing a particular type of jerk who is such an idiot that he can't even put on a facade of genuinely caring. I've known one such guy recently, probably more in the past, with similar results of plenty of casual sex and women but nothing meaningful.
Some good looking jerks do indeed have fulfilling relationships, and all of them can't be sociopaths of course, but simply they aren't a complete narcissist or sociopath, they can spend 90% of their time being ****ing idiot jerkwads to the outsider looking in, but in private they can have a genuine side to them as well. This is actually what most people are like, good looking or not, most people don't have a concrete diagnosis to describe their personality but instead it's erratic and imbalanced and can represent itself badly in certain or many circumstances.
I don't think the jerks who are capable of having fulfilling relationships are up for discussion in this, it's about one extreme or the other, for the sake of debate I suppose. But as a side-note I'm also not saying the "sustaining long-term relationships" are represented by sociopaths, that's just something I mentioned when the topic of narcissism came up.
The sociopathic narcissist jerks know how to manipulate a woman into thinking he cares, when he doesn't, he knows how to push the buttons that activate that he has genuine feelings about her, when he needs to. Particularly vulnerable women will get caught into this for a long time before she realises she's being manipulated, and at this point if she wants to leave him, she'll wonder exactly what the problem is, if her friends ask her- does he care about you? Know your needs? She'll be confused and say yes, so the guy still ticks all the boxes even though his cover just simply hasn't been blown yet.
BUT- this is putting all "jerks" into 2 extreme boxes, and zircon can correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought we were discussing a particular type of jerk who is such an idiot that he can't even put on a facade of genuinely caring. I've known one such guy recently, probably more in the past, with similar results of plenty of casual sex and women but nothing meaningful.
Some good looking jerks do indeed have fulfilling relationships, and all of them can't be sociopaths of course, but simply they aren't a complete narcissist or sociopath, they can spend 90% of their time being ****ing idiot jerkwads to the outsider looking in, but in private they can have a genuine side to them as well. This is actually what most people are like, good looking or not, most people don't have a concrete diagnosis to describe their personality but instead it's erratic and imbalanced and can represent itself badly in certain or many circumstances.
I don't think the jerks who are capable of having fulfilling relationships are up for discussion in this, it's about one extreme or the other, for the sake of debate I suppose. But as a side-note I'm also not saying the "sustaining long-term relationships" are represented by sociopaths, that's just something I mentioned when the topic of narcissism came up.
- Reaction score
- 4,504
This bugs me a lot. I find it incredibly unfair that lots of women do come to reason after dating jerks, but when it's too late, because you don't care anymore, and perhaps you've learned how to be a bit of a jerk too.