CaptainForehead
Senior Member
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(Somewhat philosophical post).
I've never been a spiritual person. This year being pretty bad has however had me grasping at straws.
If I look at the bad things which have happened to me, I don't have an explanation for why they are not worse. That is, my expectation would have been for them to have been worse, much worse. For example, I was searching for lodging as my current lease was not renewed by the association. I was applying for replacement apartments but getting rejected everywhere, making me go into panic mode. Just two weeks before I would pretty much have been homeless, I found a quite good place. Sheer luck (backed by relentless panic mode searching). Similarly my recent back aggravation 4 months ago which had me depressed with the reemergence of acute Sciatica. The previous time it took almost two years for the Sciatica to subside. This time it took only 4 months. I've posted about my work troubles. But before I had the current (temporary) position, I was in pretty bad shape professionally. I got the current position by luck to a large extent. I am now in better shape in the job market.
My point is, there seems to be a "bad" force which mostly seems to be winning in life. But opposite it, there seems to be a "good" force which very occasionally helps me, and this occasional help has been keeping me from complete collapse. Or maybe this "good" force is actually evil and wants to keep me around, prolonging my suffering.
I see similar things in the people around me. Fred should be a basketcase with his early baldness and emotional abuse by his father. But he encountered a therapist who told him to get a transplant. And he has height. And somehow found strength to cope. He is doing well with a great job. EL has her dog. Dante has his hobbies and a job which he loves, which keep him chugging. Reading Dante's posts, you would never expect someone like him to be doing well professionally, but he is.
Anyway, I find myself appealing more and more to this possible good force. Wishing for the dice of the universe to roll in my favor. Maybe it's just old age.
PS: The streak of bad work weeks continues, this time with my boss for unsatisfactory performance. Can't really blame him this time. Sigh.
I've never been a spiritual person. This year being pretty bad has however had me grasping at straws.
If I look at the bad things which have happened to me, I don't have an explanation for why they are not worse. That is, my expectation would have been for them to have been worse, much worse. For example, I was searching for lodging as my current lease was not renewed by the association. I was applying for replacement apartments but getting rejected everywhere, making me go into panic mode. Just two weeks before I would pretty much have been homeless, I found a quite good place. Sheer luck (backed by relentless panic mode searching). Similarly my recent back aggravation 4 months ago which had me depressed with the reemergence of acute Sciatica. The previous time it took almost two years for the Sciatica to subside. This time it took only 4 months. I've posted about my work troubles. But before I had the current (temporary) position, I was in pretty bad shape professionally. I got the current position by luck to a large extent. I am now in better shape in the job market.
My point is, there seems to be a "bad" force which mostly seems to be winning in life. But opposite it, there seems to be a "good" force which very occasionally helps me, and this occasional help has been keeping me from complete collapse. Or maybe this "good" force is actually evil and wants to keep me around, prolonging my suffering.
I see similar things in the people around me. Fred should be a basketcase with his early baldness and emotional abuse by his father. But he encountered a therapist who told him to get a transplant. And he has height. And somehow found strength to cope. He is doing well with a great job. EL has her dog. Dante has his hobbies and a job which he loves, which keep him chugging. Reading Dante's posts, you would never expect someone like him to be doing well professionally, but he is.
Anyway, I find myself appealing more and more to this possible good force. Wishing for the dice of the universe to roll in my favor. Maybe it's just old age.
PS: The streak of bad work weeks continues, this time with my boss for unsatisfactory performance. Can't really blame him this time. Sigh.
