Looking back 10 yrs!

[stormshadow]

Hey guys,

So it's been 10 years since I first joined this site. I am here to share some perspective with everyone who is going through what I went through. When I joined this site in 2003, I was a 23 year old anxiety-ridden, self conscious, sad existence of a man. I consider myself a good looking guy and always had girlfriends throughout highschool. Not a "pimp" by any means, but did OK. After I graduated, I had a steady girlfriend. We broke up and I fell into a depression. I also had a death in the family and went through some very very stressful times. It was then when I started seeing my hair thinning. I was 22 and I couldn't believe what was happening. I spent all of my time on this message board, wondering how I would ever meet a girl. It got so bad, I stopped going out in public.

Over the years, my hair thinned some more, and the less I cared. I focused on my career and basically adopted the "Who gives a *#&# attitude. I eventually met a girl and started a family. I shed the old me. I began training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and MMA (even got to fight inside of a cage). I grew into something I always wanted to be. I never thought I would look good with my hair cut short, but your face changes as you get older.

I'm happy to report that despite the initial struggles I faced, I have a beautiful daughter, excellent career, own my own home and am overall happy. Once you hit your late 20s/early 30s, you truly stop caring about what other people think. It is freedom and its never felt so good, you become comfortable in your own skin.

For those of you in your late teens/early 20s facing this, don't waste your life thinking about it. Be the best you can be, find a career you're passionate about and promise yourself you'll succeed no matter what. Don't worry about what other people think or say, become tough. Eventually, everything will fall into place, you just need to ensure you have the right pieces of the puzzle. If you spend your life worrying, you will be a 35 yr old bald man. If you spend your time improving things you can actually control, you'll be an in shape, successful bald man. Which would you rather be?

Last week at work, for the first time ever, someone made a crack about me going bald. I laughed it off and it didn't bother me one bit, it was truly an ephiphany for me. Had it been the old me, I would have not responded and went home and obsessed over it. I often think of this forum as a place I would run to, to find others who shared my affliction. Some of the past members that stand out: Gunner, Bruce Lee, Hairtodaygonetomorrow.

Stay strong brothers. I leave you with a quote from the great Rickson Gracie

"Our fears don't stop death, they stop life."

 

[medilook]

Did you try taking finasteride and minoxidil to comba your hair thinning? Why don't you shave your head slick bald now instead rocking horseshoe or whatever you got going on with your hair now?

 

[whymewhynow]

Thank you for confirming my argument.

hair loss matters when you're in your twenties. ONLY THEN.

10 years of pain for lots of gain later.

average life expectancy is 80 or so.
survive your twenties then you have the rest of your life.

Now it's not like it's that hard anyway. It could be far worse. You won the lottery by being born in a rich country.
Once you turn say 30 it doesn't matter anymore. If you're complaing past then you're just mourning the loss of a small convenience that won't impact your life. Sure you won't look like a 20 years old stud. You'll get over it. Do you really care what some teenagers think of you when you're a fully-grown man? NO.

 

[medilook]

I'm 28 going on 29 with norwood 6 diffuse pattern but I shave my whole head now

 

[Quantum Cat]

Thank you for coming back to make this thread Stormshadow. Its always inspiring to hear someone who has simply accepted male pattern baldness and made a success of their life regardless

hair loss matters when you're in your twenties. ONLY THEN.

wtf? that's BS. I'm 31 and hairloss matters a great deal to me still.

wait till you reach 30.

 

[All_The_Above]

I'm 34. It matters A LOT to me. Not sure what you are going on about. I don't have a wife, kids or house and I considered to be blessed for not having a wife or children. The house would be nice, though lol.

 

[Malin]

Yes, I can confirm it with my older brothers. When they were in their early 20's they cared alot about their hairloss, but still carried out with their lives. Now, one of them being 35 and the other 29, they have succesful careers and made great families. Also the gym helped them rock better the bald look. I'm 21 so I'm in the stage of obssessing about it.

 

[Thom]

Great post! I can confirm that in your later twenties you care less what people think of you. I know I'll get criticism for saying this because after the big 3 I've maintained well but before I was thinning there was always something about myself that would depress me and I felt like everyone was always judging me.

As of a couple months ago Im single, have financial problems, and Im about to be a teacher which was my last resort but man life is good. No matter how much I worry it won't change things so why not just enjoy life? I visited my grandma in another state for the first time in five years and alzheimer's has completely changed everything about her. It was surreal and sad to see how much that disease aged her in that short amount of time. It really put in perspective how short our time on this earth is and I'll be damned if I waste the best years of that worrying over the things I can't change.

 

[DannyBoyy]

Great post! I can confirm that in your later twenties you care less what people think of you. I know I'll get criticism for saying this because after the big 3 I've maintained well but before I was thinning there was always something about myself that would depress me and I felt like everyone was always judging me.

As of a couple months ago Im single, have financial problems, and Im about to be a teacher which was my last resort but man life is good. No matter how much I worry it won't change things so why not just enjoy life? I visited my grandma in another state for the first time in five years and alzheimer's has completely changed everything about her. It was surreal and sad to see how much that disease aged her in that short amount of time. It really put in perspective how short our time on this earth is and I'll be damned if I waste the best years of that worrying over the things I can't change.

Good on you life seriously is to short to worry you dont want another worry on your mind about the what ifs when you look back lets say 20 years from now...i shaved my head even lower now and my bumpy pointy head has showed its "ugly face" pretty much for the first time now...and even though i admit it puts me off i WILL get past it i mean thankfully it hasnt really effected me to much so i soon get use to it.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Thank you for confirming my argument.

hair loss matters when you're in your twenties. ONLY THEN.

10 years of pain for lots of gain later.

average life expectancy is 80 or so.
survive your twenties then you have the rest of your life.

Now it's not like it's that hard anyway. It could be far worse. You won the lottery by being born in a rich country.
Once you turn say 30 it doesn't matter anymore. If you're complaing past then you're just mourning the loss of a small convenience that won't impact your life. Sure you won't look like a 20 years old stud. You'll get over it. Do you really care what some teenagers think of you when you're a fully-grown man? NO.

Maybe you think there should be a government mandated suicide @ 50? Your'e an ageist son of a b**ch!

 

[Thom]

Good on you life seriously is to short to worry you dont want another worry on your mind about the what ifs when you look back lets say 20 years from now...i shaved my head even lower now and my bumpy pointy head has showed its "ugly face" pretty much for the first time now...and even though i admit it puts me off i WILL get past it i mean thankfully it hasnt really effected me to much so i soon get use to it.

I agree man, life is full of ups and downs but I really am learning that it is all about the mindset. We'll come into our own with our new looks eventually haha.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Stormshadow, what was your previous screen name or have you always been Stormshadow? I think your life could have turned out differently if you never found your wife or even someone special or a very satisfying career. I think once most of these guys finally find a wife or someone special who makes them feel good about themselves, they will finally "let go" of their insecurity about their hair. However someone with so much bitterness may never be able to let go even with a wife and a family like UCM.

If it were not for my success in my career and the support of my parents and my countless reading of self help, I think I would be a mess and probably on a road to suicide. I never took any drugs for depression or anxiety but I probably needed it. I lived all of my life with distorted limiting beliefs like so many guys do on this forum. However, I managed to go thru the motions of living a normal life dating on and off but I was never truly happy with the person I saw in the mirror. I learned if I could never be happy with myself, I could never be happy with anyone. This forum was a savior because I thought I was the only person in the world with these strange thoughts. I learned thru this forum that I was not alone and so many men struggled and do struggle the same way I did in my earlier years. I still struggle today but not as bad as it used to be. There are so many times I want to get a chance to "redo" my life with the knowledge I have now but obviously I can't. I figured if I could give back some of that insight to people on this forum, I can prevent someone from making the same mistake. Thom, I just hope you will never make the same mistake I did as you remind me of myself when I was your age. At least you have the internet to get some support.

Perspective is the key to survival. If you have a poor perspective on life, you will live in misery. If you possess the perspective that losing hair will ruin your chances to find a girlfriend, it will. If you think life sucks, it will. If you think you will never find a girlfriend, you won't. If feel you will be successful, you will.

I was really surprised to learn these forums attract so many men who suffer with OCD, BDD, anxiety and depression all their life. Does that mean anything to any of you? How many men suffer from this affliction? And guess who everyone likes to blame for this affliction? Some will say their hair, some will say their height, some will say their genes/looks, and some will say women. All the wrong reasons. The only reason is perspective. Our wonderful society has brainwashed you into believing your life will be worthless because you don't look "perfect". I got news for you, Mr Facebook aka Mark Zuckerberg is no dreamboat. Yes he does have hair but he had a dream and he let nothing stand in his way from living it. Now he is one of the richest young man in the world who has a nothing special looking wife. He could have married a model, but he knew looks are not what it takes to be happy and successful. He has the right perspective and because of that he is one of the riches men in the world. I think everyday, why I can't be him. Why? Because my perspective on life said I could never be that lucky or successful and so it will never happen. There is no reason why someone in this very forum can go on to be the next Zuckerberg. Just don't let your perspective ruin your chances.

 

[Quantum Cat]

Dr. House, what self help books did you read that helped you?

 

[DoctorHouse]

Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies, CBT for Dummies, Just One Thing, The Secret, The Power, The Power of Now, The Mood Cure, The Broken Mirror:Understanding and Treating BDD.

 

[Quantum Cat]

thanks, I'm reading the Power of Now atm

I'm also reading the 'Zen path through depression' by Philip Martin

 

[DannyBoyy]

Stormshadow, what was your previous screen name or have you always been Stormshadow? I think your life could have turned out differently if you never found your wife or even someone special or a very satisfying career. I think once most of these guys finally find a wife or someone special who makes them feel good about themselves, they will finally "let go" of their insecurity about their hair. However someone with so much bitterness may never be able to let go even with a wife and a family like UCM.

If it were not for my success in my career and the support of my parents and my countless reading of self help, I think I would be a mess and probably on a road to suicide. I never took any drugs for depression or anxiety but I probably needed it. I lived all of my life with distorted limiting beliefs like so many guys do on this forum. However, I managed to go thru the motions of living a normal life dating on and off but I was never truly happy with the person I saw in the mirror. I learned if I could never be happy with myself, I could never be happy with anyone. This forum was a savior because I thought I was the only person in the world with these strange thoughts. I learned thru this forum that I was not alone and so many men struggled and do struggle the same way I did in my earlier years. I still struggle today but not as bad as it used to be. There are so many times I want to get a chance to "redo" my life with the knowledge I have now but obviously I can't. I figured if I could give back some of that insight to people on this forum, I can prevent someone from making the same mistake. Thom, I just hope you will never make the same mistake I did as you remind me of myself when I was your age. At least you have the internet to get some support.

Perspective is the key to survival. If you have a poor perspective on life, you will live in misery. If you possess the perspective that losing hair will ruin your chances to find a girlfriend, it will. If you think life sucks, it will. If you think you will never find a girlfriend, you won't. If feel you will be successful, you will.

I was really surprised to learn these forums attract so many men who suffer with OCD, BDD, anxiety and depression all their life. Does that mean anything to any of you? How many men suffer from this affliction? And guess who everyone likes to blame for this affliction? Some will say their hair, some will say their height, some will say their genes/looks, and some will say women. All the wrong reasons. The only reason is perspective. Our wonderful society has brainwashed you into believing your life will be worthless because you don't look "perfect". I got news for you, Mr Facebook aka Mark Zuckerberg is no dreamboat. Yes he does have hair but he had a dream and he let nothing stand in his way from living it. Now he is one of the richest young man in the world who has a nothing special looking wife. He could have married a model, but he knew looks are not what it takes to be happy and successful. He has the right perspective and because of that he is one of the riches men in the world. I think everyday, why I can't be him. Why? Because my perspective on life said I could never be that lucky or successful and so it will never happen. There is no reason why someone in this very forum can go on to be the next Zuckerberg. Just don't let your perspective ruin your chances.

I suffer from OCD and anxiety i remember it was so bad one time i burst into tears (i was 19) my mom knew i was crying and when i told her the silly thoughts etc i started to cry again but she understood cause she has been through it aswell...they are the most ridiculous worries but you can't help it i look back at those times and think "how did i get like that? it is madness"

 

[c_super2]

I liked your post. Where is gunner and bruce lee?

 

[Abelibano]

Bump.Excellent post...

 

[Saurabhaj]

Nice Post friend.
I am now 30 years old.
Few days back,one girl of a relative thought i am old 35/40 year old man and she touched my feets in front of 5/6 relatives(We called it namaskar while leaving close one's home).

I knew that damn,i am over now but still i laughed and explain her that i am not a old person and stop doing that.
I was not embarrassed at all at that moment and took that sh*t in a cool way.

But to be honest,this was something one cannot expect to handle from a 20/25.28 year old guy .

I always think what can i do to look a guy of my age but i haven't find a solution at all.
I haven't find a girl for myself while there are average guys who are successful in finding girl and getting married and settled in life.

My close one's are very down to Earth.
They Eagerly asked me do i love someone and what's her name.
When i say i don't have any gf,they believe i am keeping my love secret or something like that.

There is no way i can explain them that i cannot win a girl because of my hair loss.
They don't find a single flaw in me.
Few even said i may be single because i am a shy person and ask me to have guts to impress a girl and win her.

 

[pjhair]

Nice Post friend.
I am now 30 years old.
Few days back,one girl of a relative thought i am old 35/40 year old man and she touched my feets in front of 5/6 relatives(We called it namaskar while leaving close one's home).

I knew that damn,i am over now but still i laughed and explain her that i am not a old person and stop doing that.
I was not embarrassed at all at that moment and took that sh*t in a cool way.

But to be honest,this was something one cannot expect to handle from a 20/25.28 year old guy .

I always think what can i do to look a guy of my age but i haven't find a solution at all.
I haven't find a girl for myself while there are average guys who are successful in finding girl and getting married and settled in life.

My close one's are very down to Earth.
They Eagerly asked me do i love someone and what's her name.
When i say i don't have any gf,they believe i am keeping my love secret or something like that.

There is no way i can explain them that i cannot win a girl because of my hair loss.
They don't find a single flaw in me.
Few even said i may be single because i am a shy person and ask me to have guts to impress a girl and win her.

Have you looked into transplant?