Not having a great day here

[JayB]

Well, The title says it all..i get this way every now and again. People probably arent even familiar with my story..i post on here every now and again, but not very often...

3.5 years ago, my senior year of college, i woke up one morning to find hundreds of hairs on my pillow. I didnt know of telogen effluvium or anything, but I panicked at the sight and realized im losing my hair. I didnt know that events can trigger hair loss, specifically a car accident i had been in 3 months earlier. Had I known the sudden unexplained hair loss was most likely due to an event such as this, maybe it would have helped me not get to the point I am now. But either way, I literally lost control of myself. I felt like my fears overwhelmed me. My heart began to beat out of wack at night along with my body shaking outwardly. I would sweat and anticipate going bald..it was my greatest fear being unmasked. I couldnt sleep any longer and even trying brought on severe shaking and anxiety.

Finally a year later, my panic attacks became completely evident. My mind raced and i couldnt control my thoughts, my heart would race out of my chest, my hands and legs would shake, id be dripping with sweat. This went on for about a year every single night. My scalp ached, my hair was falling off everywhere, on my shirt on the desk at work, i had chunks of white dandruff in my hair and my scalp was inflamed and red. It was f*cking hell. I hated life i wanted to die. I couldnt control my panic attacks, even the mere thought of them would induce one. I got the nerve to see a very well respected hair specialist in NJ, Dr. Pistone. His assistant assured me that I was losing hair from every part of my head and that I was suffering from Telogen Effluvium due to chronic anxiety and mental stress.

That diagnosis was made 2 years ago, almost to the day. What followed were more bouts with anxiety and fear of going bald until finally I hit rock bottom. I was out to dinner with my girlfriend who i loved more than anything for her moms birthday. I was so depressed and scared over my mental state and the state of my hair, i was like death. I couldnt speak, laugh, conversate, enjoy myself. I was depressing. I knew things had to change..Alot of stuff happened from then till now, I lost my girlfriend, and although it was other things that led up to it, i can fully blame my hair loss for warping me into a different human being. i wish she could have known me for the 4 years of college i was the man, cocky confident, fun and outgoing...it hurts so much that this sh*t started only about 8 months after i first met her. Anyways, eventually i began to calm down and i learned how to handle my anxiety and get it under control. i put so much into it..i couldnt go on until i was able to conquer this crap. I left my hair alone for all that time...

Finally, after I was able to rid myself of all the panic, my hair was still not better. The texture of my hair first changed when the anxiety disorder began, but even months after it was out of my life, my hair never went back to how it was before the Telogen Effluvium(or so they thought) hit. It felt dull and lifeless. I decided to take the doctors advice and try to speed up recovery time with minoxidil. I opted for xandrox because i read good things. Well after shaving my head on a 3 and taking xandrox for 3 months, my hair had completely thickened up. The texture slowly was changing as well and the hairs seemed to have a glossy texture to them again. I used to love to play with my hair all my life and shake it onto paper and then curl the hairs that fell out with my fingernails. I was able to do that again because my hair now had thickness back to it.

Well around the 5-6 month mark, i began to shed again for some reason. This killed me...the depression would come again ,and then get better, but another shed would leave me depressed. My ex and I, who i was hooking up with for a few months again, broke it off for good. I started getting trembling again at night eventhough it wasnt visible. felt like a motor running through my body right before i went to sleep. Now today, my hair feels like it did a year ago again. My sides are pretty much the same as theyve always been my life. I think im a Norwood 2. Ive never had a nice hairline. Thats not what really gets me, what kills me is the vertex. I held a mirror to it while looking in a different mirror under direct sunlight and i was appauled. I can see right through my vertex..it feels like crap..after i shower, i comb my hair and i do the touch test and it feels as though theres a huge dip in my vertex which then comes out again right underneath it. How can minoxidil work so amazingly for 5 months and then my hair sheds and leaves me back where i started...its been my 7th month on it, 2 months since my terrible shed. I really think they misdiagnosed my male pattern baldness for Telogen Effluvium.

Sorry for the length, im just sad and needed to get it off my chest. here are some pics i just took.

Here you can see my vertex area. Its like a straight line, that i could part, thats thin...it was taken under direct sun im sorry if its a little hard to see bec of shading

The bastard "part" again...a clear line across the vertex

right side

left side

Whats truly wierd is i tried to experiment and cut the hair in the vertex area and to my amazement they were as thicker any hair ive ever seen. I dont have hair that thick on the back of my head...and yet it appears theres just not as many hairs in that area because u can see scalp under the sun its horrible...and when wet, ugh theres like little areas that almost look like little dimes where u can see scalp but i know its not AA.

 

[oDD_LotS]

I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through.

I know it's probably not what you'd want to hear, but I honestly think that your hair looks quite good. I understand that photos can be deceiving, but in the ones you've posted, I think you have a head of hair that you can be proud of. The line in your crown is actually VERY common, and many people have that, even with a full head of hair. It appears (to me at least) just to be the way your crown "breaks". Some people have a swirl, others have more of a part.

That being said, I know that it can be VERY frightening and stressful to lose hair, especially when you're young and the loss is just starting. You don't always know why you're losing it and you're not sure how it will turn out. That being said, I can tell you that it probably won't be as bad as you might be fearing. I know that a lot of guys worry that they're going to lose their friends or that they won't be able to find a significant other. The fact is, for most guys the only reason that people would look negatively at them post hairloss is if they look at themselves negatively. The best thing you can do is find someone, be it a doctor, friend, or colleague, that you can talk to. Find someone that can help you work through your anxiety and depression.

I won't downplay the psychological and physiological effects that you've felt, as I know from personal experience how real and how painful mental anguish can be. I've gone through some pretty rough times as far as depression goes, and my fiancee has acute anxiety disorder. I know that it can really derail things at times. Take solice in the knowledge that you're not alone. Many people have felt the same anxious feelings that you've had and their IS help. It sounds like you were able to work through it before, and you can do it again. If you haven't sought therapy in the past, maybe you should look into it. A good therapist can sometimes be real blessing. I went to one after my parents divorced, and it really helped me to deal with a lot of the struggles I went through in a very healthy manner (I was too young to fully comprehend why my parents weren't together, and the therapist helped me to talk about what I was feeling and how I should handle myself). Sometimes it helps just to know that there's a trained professional whose attention is solely focused on YOU, even if only for an hour at a time.

I wish you the best of luck with your hair, your anxiety/depression, and your life. You mentioned that this started when you were a senior. That means you're about to embark on a whole new chapter in your life that's going to be filled with a lot of exciting choices and opportunities. The best years of your life could be waiting for you. It's simply a matter of deciding that YOU will make the coming years better than the ones before. It's much easier said than done, admittedly, but know that you do have the strength to do it.

Hopefully you can continue to hold on to your hair, as it looks like you're doing pretty well right now. A bit of thinning in the crown may be perfectly natural, as many people experience it by their mid-twenties. I'd say that if your hair looks anything in reality like it does in pictures that you'll find most people would never notice any loss.

From your writing you appear to be intelligent and well-spoken. I think that once you find a way to work through your psychological issues in a way that you're comfortable with you're going to be able to see yourself as others most likely do, and you're going to find out that the future's a lot brighter than you may imagine.

You've been through some rough patches, but you came through before. You're strong, and you will prevail.

 

[Guest]

damn you have problems. really. makes me mad. go somewhere else with your sh*t. get a psychiatrist.

 

[hairhaircomeagain]

Thats hair loss...lol...get your mind of it...You dont have no hairloss..Relax

 

[JayB]

I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through.

I know it's probably not what you'd want to hear, but I honestly think that your hair looks quite good. I understand that photos can be deceiving, but in the ones you've posted, I think you have a head of hair that you can be proud of. The line in your crown is actually VERY common, and many people have that, even with a full head of hair. It appears (to me at least) just to be the way your crown "breaks". Some people have a swirl, others have more of a part.

That being said, I know that it can be VERY frightening and stressful to lose hair, especially when you're young and the loss is just starting. You don't always know why you're losing it and you're not sure how it will turn out. That being said, I can tell you that it probably won't be as bad as you might be fearing. I know that a lot of guys worry that they're going to lose their friends or that they won't be able to find a significant other. The fact is, for most guys the only reason that people would look negatively at them post hairloss is if they look at themselves negatively. The best thing you can do is find someone, be it a doctor, friend, or colleague, that you can talk to. Find someone that can help you work through your anxiety and depression.

I won't downplay the psychological and physiological effects that you've felt, as I know from personal experience how real and how painful mental anguish can be. I've gone through some pretty rough times as far as depression goes, and my fiancee has acute anxiety disorder. I know that it can really derail things at times. Take solice in the knowledge that you're not alone. Many people have felt the same anxious feelings that you've had and their IS help. It sounds like you were able to work through it before, and you can do it again. If you haven't sought therapy in the past, maybe you should look into it. A good therapist can sometimes be real blessing. I went to one after my parents divorced, and it really helped me to deal with a lot of the struggles I went through in a very healthy manner (I was too young to fully comprehend why my parents weren't together, and the therapist helped me to talk about what I was feeling and how I should handle myself). Sometimes it helps just to know that there's a trained professional whose attention is solely focused on YOU, even if only for an hour at a time.

I wish you the best of luck with your hair, your anxiety/depression, and your life. You mentioned that this started when you were a senior. That means you're about to embark on a whole new chapter in your life that's going to be filled with a lot of exciting choices and opportunities. The best years of your life could be waiting for you. It's simply a matter of deciding that YOU will make the coming years better than the ones before. It's much easier said than done, admittedly, but know that you do have the strength to do it.

Hopefully you can continue to hold on to your hair, as it looks like you're doing pretty well right now. A bit of thinning in the crown may be perfectly natural, as many people experience it by their mid-twenties. I'd say that if your hair looks anything in reality like it does in pictures that you'll find most people would never notice any loss.

From your writing you appear to be intelligent and well-spoken. I think that once you find a way to work through your psychological issues in a way that you're comfortable with you're going to be able to see yourself as others most likely do, and you're going to find out that the future's a lot brighter than you may imagine.

You've been through some rough patches, but you came through before. You're strong, and you will prevail.

Thank you for your kind words, it took me a long time to give in and see a therapist. i always told myself that only weak people who cant help themselves seek therapy. But finally I managed to see a really good therapist. It was nice to talk, i dont know how much he truly "helped" ease my fears, but the talking part and getting out everything that bothers me really helped. Maybe i should start seeing him again...It was nice to have someone there whose job it is to listen to your sh*t...But i can fully accredit overcoming my anxiety disorder to myself. I pushed through so hard with this..i put myself in situations i feared most and analyzed my every thought. Anxiety is a tough b**ch to crack, but im able to go to work everyday on a bus without having to take a xanax or worry about my anxiety flaring up somewhere where theres no escape.

Now the only thing that bothers me is my hair. Its like, hey- look how much ive accomplished..i know it sucks i let myself get so bad, but doesnt triumphing over this crap make a difference? Like cant my hair just start to get better and i could forget about this? Those days when my hair was looking great again...man i was able to wake up every morning with a sigh of relief and a feeling in my heart like everythings going to be ok. I lost my girlfriend but I pursued my dream career and got my *** back in school...it was great. Now i look at my hair and im left feeling helpless again. I hate thissssss..i dont even think its my vertex..that used to be bad but has since gotten better , it now seems to be a spot on the far back of the crown. i had this on the right side of my back-crown as well and it got better.. man they should do a long term study on my hair to see just how messed up a hair cycle can get.

 

[JayB]

damn you have problems. really. makes me mad. go somewhere else with your $#iT. get a psychiatrist.

no, please dont think im one of these kids who doesnt have any hair loss..i assure you my hair was falling out. i assure you the back part of my crown/ vertex has thinned out. i should also mention the entire front of my hair is blonder...it used to be much darker than it is now as well.
ill take a picture right now under the light to show you.

 

[JayB]

EDIT- here u can clearly see what i am speaking of. this was taken at work under the lighting. it is a little greasy in that area from the xandrox i put on in the morning, but hair shouldnt look like that whether its a little clumped together or not.

 

[The Gardener]

JayB, your hair looks fantastic right now. I am thinking that perhaps some of your anxiety is coming from the fact that despite how good your hair looks, it isn't perfect, and you are starting to notice changes that are related to getting older. I am thinking that perhaps it is the future direction that your hair might take, and/or and realization that you are showing signs of the ageing process, that might be causing this. Perhaps you think that if a woman, for example, were to see these signs she might see you differently. Well, humans always to view ourselves with a more critical eye than anyone else actually does.

I think you need to take a deep breath and relax. Even if you are showing a small change that might indicate potential thinning or ageing, it does not mean that you'll be slick bald by Christmas. In fact, you may not ever be, and you might just have a thin spot that will maintain itself as it is for decades. Then again, you might have male pattern baldness in your future, but keep in mind that all male pattern baldness does not lead to what you would call "baldness". Sometimes it may just lead to a mature looking hairline into your middle age.

One thing that you do need to come to grips with is the reality that you are not going to be a teenager forever, and you are going to start showing signs of ageing. It's not the end of the world!.. and women tend to understand this and be a lot more accepting of the ageing process in men that men think they do. I know that some of you are going to reply and say "NO.. women are all about hiding ageing!.. that's why they are all into makeup and perfect nails and perfect hair!"

My reply to that would be that women don't wear makeup and keep groomed because they are obsessed about looking as young as they can. They do it because WE MEN are overly obsessed with it, and they are trying to look attractive in OUR eyes. Maybe men are so sensitive about changes like this because with age, we personalize and associate it with a loss of masculinity and virility? Who knows.

Quit the xandrox. A minoxidil-based treatment is the last thing you should be dabbling in with your condition. At most you might try propecia, but for you I'd recommend a regimen of 2x/weekly nizoral, and a good copper peptide spray. That's my take.

All the best... and hang in there.

 

[Felk]

Once again the Gardener shows us how much of a valuable poster he is for this forum.

Not just beause he's so entertaining ... but gives wise advice as well

 

[powersam]

i have to agree with you felk, word to gardener. so often you read a post and just as your about to reply you see gardener has already said exactly what you would have but better.

the main point here is JayB keep your treatments as minimal as possible. maybe even just nizoral, and definately only topicals. BUT NO minoxidil, it could hurt your hair a lot if you dont need it. spironolactone or revivogen maybe, depends on your money situation.

 

[Felk]

All this advice for waiting to use minoxidil in early stages is beginning to scare me.

Ive just begin proxiphen, which has many active ingredients, but also contains around 5% minoxidil. I hope it doesnt end up "damaging" my hair because of this.

However with proxiphen one applies such a small amount (about 1/10 of a teaspoon) so it might not be as bad as applying the normal amount of minoxidil to the entire scalp. Hopefully...

 

[pleasegodno]

so, WHY are you guys telling him to stop the minoxidil? finasteride will not help with stress-induced loss--i know from experience: after 1.5-2 years of extreme stress/anxiety and 1+ years on finasteride. the growth the minoxidil induced allowed him that psychological respite. minoxidil has been shown to offset the effects of stress-induced loss in a mouse model.

your hair looks great right now, jay. no one woud notice that VERY small thin spot on the crown, which could be competely natural. stick with the regimen that gave you success, eat well, exercise, and, most importantly, STOP STRESSING--or you know what will happen. the shed you experienced could very well have been a cyclical minoxidil shed.

on the other hand, if your pictures depict what you think is your hair at its worst (i.e. as bad as when you were suffereing from prolonged panic/anxiety), then your hair issues really are minimal.

edit: also, if you think you have male pattern baldness, on top of the Telogen Effluvium (like i do), you should consider getting on finasteride at some point (when your mental state is improved, so you can psychologically withstand sheds, should they occur).

 

[powersam]

oops

 

[powersam]

i just think minoxidil should only be used after you know how effective the other treatments are for you. it may very well be unnecessary if you respond well to finasteride, or to other treatments. in jayb's case though, i think his hairloss is far too minimal to warrant using a product such as minoxidil which is known to induce some massive sheds. he's got more to lose than to gain at this point with minoxidil

 

[pleasegodno]

the point is, if he were to quit now, after 7 months of use, he would likely shed again. for a person with an obsessive personality like him (and me), that would be a VERY hard thing to go through. keep in mind, also, that those pics he posted are after treatment.

 

[The Gardener]

Just my personal opinion, but I don't think that someone with density like that requires minoxidil. The guy is an NW1.

And I highly doubt that this hair is all the result of "regrowth" from a mere 7 months of minoxidil usage.

I recommend he stop it. Of course, not all at once, but a slow and gradual wean-off. Its an unnecessary burden on one's lifestyle, and on one's wallet. minoxidil should only be used for people who want regrowth. People with an outstanding existing hairline, but have signs of thinning, should address it with methods other than minoxidil. Just my opinion.

 

[pleasegodno]

People with an outstanding existing hairline, but have signs of thinning, should address it with methods other than minoxidil. Just my opinion.

and i'm just the providing the counter argument, being one of those people who has addressed predominantly *stress-induced thinning* w/o minoxidil. if he is able to overcome his psychological problems without a growth stimulant, more power to him, but i'm sure as sh*t having a hard time doing it. i'll admit that it would be better to not have to resort to minoxidil, but the wait for regrowth w/o a growth stimulant is long and it is very difficult for some to remain calm, optimistic, and healthy that entire time. recall the panic attacks he mentioned. prolonged panc/anxiety is torture...one has to pull out of it somehow, and minoxidil may be a means for some--i say this being on the verge of resorting to minoxidil myself.

 

[The Gardener]

I hear you. And, yeah, Minoxidil is one of the few treatments that help regrowth whether it is from male pattern baldness or not.

 

[JayB]

thanks guys for all the responses..as for the xandrox..i think getting off it now would surely add to my anxiety. i would anticipate a huge shed and probably cause it to happen even if it wasnt going to naturally.

Anyways, my hair has really been getting me nervous again as of late..im finding it hard to sleep and i keep having these internal trembling episodes at night as im trying to sleep. My diagnosis is really coming true, i am inducing excess androgens through adrenaline during bouts with anxiety that is making me go bald.

If only I could look back and know that i just lost my hair naturally. i try to tell myself that my hair line was receding before my anxiety disorder or that it was never as thick as i thought it was, but to be honest its just not the truth. I live with the regret and pain every single morning when i wake up after having the shakes at night knowing that i am doing this all to myself. imagine living with that pain all the time. if i never had an emotional problem in my life, i dont think my hair would have ever began falling out. its enough really to make u hate yourself.

anyways i shaved my hair because i couldnt deal with the constant worry over my hair again. maybe it will do me some good like it did last time..but as time progresses im doubting my hair will ever grow back or get better. heres the latest pic. Nice scalp huh? and under bright light, you can see right through to my head.

 

[btp11]

thanks guys for all the responses..as for the xandrox..i think getting off it now would surely add to my anxiety. i would anticipate a huge shed and probably cause it to happen even if it wasnt going to naturally.

Anyways, my hair has really been getting me nervous again as of late..im finding it hard to sleep and i keep having these internal trembling episodes at night as im trying to sleep. My diagnosis is really coming true, i am inducing excess androgens through adrenaline during bouts with anxiety that is making me go bald.

If only I could look back and know that i just lost my hair naturally. i try to tell myself that my hair line was receding before my anxiety disorder or that it was never as thick as i thought it was, but to be honest its just not the truth. I live with the regret and pain every single morning when i wake up after having the shakes at night knowing that i am doing this all to myself. imagine living with that pain all the time. if i never had an emotional problem in my life, i dont think my hair would have ever began falling out. its enough really to make u hate yourself.

anyways i shaved my hair because i couldnt deal with the constant worry over my hair again. maybe it will do me some good like it did last time..but as time progresses im doubting my hair will ever grow back or get better. heres the latest pic. Nice scalp huh? and under bright light, you can see right through to my head.

and im telling you, it doesnt look bad at all. of course, people tell me the same thing all the time, and i never believe them. i have what i think is a bald spot in the back of my head, and my gf constantly tells me its just my collic (sp), where my hair swirls. she tells me that either way, im making a big deal out of it...but i dont believe her. so again, i dont expect you to believe me or anyone else, but you look fine. no one would even give you a second look if you walked down the street.

i think it was mentioned in a previous post, and i can understand your thinking....yes, it may not look bad now, but all you can think about is that day that it does look bad. i wonder to myself almost every day when will the day come that i can hide it no longer, and have to shave my head. its stupid, really. i know it and i try to talk to myself about it, but i still have that mentality, instead of appreciating what i have left and realizing its not nearly as bad as it will be one day.

all i can say is a lot of people wish they had your hair...myself included. the grass is always greener, i guess....