ppl wont discuss baldness?

[Captain Obvious]

Haven't visited the site for a while, just wanted to put some thoughts out there.


Have you ever noticed that everyone wants to mention to you that you're balding but they never want to actually discuss it? I mean, it feels good to talk to people about the issue that is so important to me, but any time I try to have a casual conversation about hairloss it seems to kill the mood. I just notice that people get real quiet and then I look like a self-loathing loser, even though I'm just making conversation. So then I come to the conclusion that talking about your own faults is "bad form" and I avoid the unpleasant topic of baldness for fear that I may sound obsessed with my own image but I also feel I'm giving the impression that I am insecure about the subject (because I'm not talking about it). But then, time and time again, people keep pointing it out, and it's ever so obvious that they're dying to say something about how I'm going bald. It's a total mixed signal and I'm just constantly confused about when and how it's appropriate to talk about my own baldness!

 

[Captain Obvious]

^Gosh, that's just mean. What is it about human nature that would make them want to do that to me?

I could take it in an extreme direction and talk MORE about my hairloss, to the point where I'm almost like a Shakespearean character "oh! woe is me!". that would be interesting.

my grandpa, who is like a freakin NW12, he's so bald, he never stops talking about how bald he is. he does have alzheimers disease, but he loves to talk about how bald he is and he does it in this way that somehow makes people with full hair feel self-conscious. it's like he's scaring people with the possibility of going bald like he is. it's kind of funny but it gets annoying (because of the alzheimers).

 

[CaptainForehead]

You answered your own question. "They" bring up your hairloss to get you talking about it, then they clam up ... and let you spill your guts about how much of a "self-loathing loser" you are because of your flaw ... your hairloss.

Its the oldest trick in the book; an interview technique used by lawyers, law enforcement, job interviewers, marketing research, ... by just about anyone who wants to get your real thoughts on something and get past your "canned responses."

IMO, its just the old "one upsmanship" social dynamic at it's finest.

Think: social pecking order.

They set you up ... and watch you crash and burn ... and the best thing is that YOU did it to yourself ... so they don't have the guilt trip (and possible social stigma from peers) of exposing your faults!

Stop falling for their tricks. Answer their comment(s) about your hair loss with a comment and/or question about them. Play the offense and put them on the defensive.

IDK, just a thought. :dunno:

Thats a very good observation dudemon.

 

[Agahi]

In my experience its people who are also bald/balding who seem to bring it up in my case.

This is so much the case that a bald friend once said "hey man you are going bald". Other people in room look at me in a scrutinizing manner, then one says "are you really going bald agahi? I answer "maybe? I'm not totally sure if I'm heading all the way to bald, but maybe".

Few months later I mention i'm feeling old(I have a bad back from an old injury), and the person who asked before says "you are old". I ask "why, because my crows feet?" (jokeingly), she says "no because your bald".

So now just because a bald friend mentioned I may be losing my hair, everyone in the room automatically says I'm bald...not balding, just bald. Even though I'm NW2 at that point.

This is why I never ever mention someone balding ever, unless they ask me first, and only if no one is around. I also refuse to comment on the "is this celeb balding" topics"

Do your fellow bald man the justice of NEVER mentioning it. unless of course they ask you what you think.

 

[CaptainForehead]

For me it are always non-balding men, or women who bring it up.

The last time it was a female family friend (older) who was discussing my hairloss with my mom. Both were saying it was a sad unfortunate thing.

 

[Captain Obvious]

The reason I get so upset with talking about baldness is because I actually enjoy talking about it now. It fascinates me. I like talking about the difference between being bald and not bald. I also like to ask people about their hair. But I swear the conversations never get far because it's something about the subject of hair (or lack of hair) that people seem to want to drop quickly.

Except for a group of girls maybe. Girls will talk to other girls about hair. But even a mixed group of guys and girls or just all guys never want to talk about hair.

I think that secretly even people who aren't going bald are still highly self conscious about their hair. One of the easiest way to hurt someones feelings is to tell them their hair looks bad.

It's like, come on!, I have an excuse, what's theirs?

 

[dinosaur_sr]

For me it are always non-balding men, or women who bring it up.

The last time it was a female family friend (older) who was discussing my hairloss with my mom. Both were saying it was a sad unfortunate thing.

It's always the non balding guys in my experience. Particularly if they're insecure, or haven't got much else going on, it's something they can brag about. It's sad, really, and imo reflects worse on them than it does on the balding man.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Why the hell do you think I joined this site. Because talking to friends and family about my baldness is pointless.

 

[seb]

Who would want too discuss baldness,it is shameful too look like this.The only time people will "discuss" baldness is when their taking the p**s out of you.