Should I Just Give Up Regarding Girls At This Point?

[TheYoungAndTheHairless]

Very long read, sorry.

So I started losing my hair at 15, yes I'm one of those rare cases in which a guy basically starts losing hair as soon as (or soon after) he hits puberty and starts producing testosterone. It could have been earlier than 15, that's what I'm estimating since I didn't really get a comment about it until I was about 16, which is when my barber said "huh, hair's getting a little thin at the front, that's odd". Didn't really think that much of it, little did I know, that comment signified the beginning of the end for my self confidence.

It destroyed me. Ever since then, it's just been a repeating cycle of accepting where my hair is, gaining confidence, seeing how bad my hair is getting, losing all confidence and repeat. At 18, I decided to bite the bullet and start taking Finasteride, which gave me great results, I maintained all my hair and even grew some back. The longer I was on it though, the more depressed I got and the worse my life got. I also gained a bunch of weight, as well as a lovely pair of gyno tits. I flunked out of University because of all of this, spent a year doing literally nothing but wondering where the hell my life was gonna end up. I had basically no friends (cut most of them out), no female prospects of any kind whatsoever and didn't know what to do with my life.

I was 20 years old, very overweight to the point I have stretch marks (that's probably more poor genetics than it is the weight), man tits, no future planned and a NW2.5 hairline with semi-noticeably thinning hair. Keep in mind, this is because of the year and a half of finasteride and I was actually very happy with it all things considered. I had to make a choice, I stopped finasteride, then tried to get my life back on track.

By the time I was 21, I had lost some of the weight, successfully managed to get through first year at uni on the second attempt and even had a girlfriend I met at Uni. Then my hair loss got bad, really, really bad. Stopped working out, gained all the weight back and then some. Girlfriend actually stayed with me for the next 3 years, but eventually had enough and broke up with me after uni, which was last July. Managed to get a great job straight out of uni. I feel in terms of general confidence, I have plenty on the right day when I forget how shitty I look.On the wrong day when I realize how shitty I look, I'll still revert to my shell but that doesn't happen too often.

When it comes to girls though, there is no right day. I mean my hair is worse than ever (very thin NW3V) and I'm the fattest I've ever been, the idea that a girl could be attracted to me is literally the most alien idea in the world. I'm not exactly a looker in the face department either. I mean my girlfriend loved me, but I'm sure how unattractive I became was a big factor in her breaking up with me. The rest is probably how horrible I became to be around. After 3 years with one girl and 2 years before that with none, I have no capability in approaching a woman.

You guys are gonna say shave my head and lose weight, I mean I should probably just do that anyway just for health and convenience purposes. When it comes to that helping with girls though, I don't think it would make a difference. I have shitty skin that will probably be loose if I manage to lose all that weight, not to mention the stretch marks. The gyno will probably just look even worse, since there wouldn't be as much fat around to hide it. Shaving my head? I have an average at best jawline and even that is kind, I can grow a decent beard but nothing like Rick Grimes and based on my dad, my head shape is probably terrible. Also, let's call a spade a spade here, I'm not good looking at all. I mean I have some things going for me, I'm 6' tall, very large hands (been told this is actually a thing for women), broad shoulders, would look good in clothes if I lost weight, deep voice, well paying job, pretty smart, can be funny if you're into my sense of humor. I could write a pretty compelling dating profile, but then they'd meet me and see a bald(ing), ugly guy who can't really charm a woman.

 

[Baldhurts]

Very long read, sorry.

So I started losing my hair at 15, yes I'm one of those rare cases in which a guy basically starts losing hair as soon as (or soon after) he hits puberty and starts producing testosterone. It could have been earlier than 15, that's what I'm estimating since I didn't really get a comment about it until I was about 16, which is when my barber said "huh, hair's getting a little thin at the front, that's odd". Didn't really think that much of it, little did I know, that comment signified the beginning of the end for my self confidence.

It destroyed me. Ever since then, it's just been a repeating cycle of accepting where my hair is, gaining confidence, seeing how bad my hair is getting, losing all confidence and repeat. At 18, I decided to bite the bullet and start taking Finasteride, which gave me great results, I maintained all my hair and even grew some back. The longer I was on it though, the more depressed I got and the worse my life got. I also gained a bunch of weight, as well as a lovely pair of gyno tits. I flunked out of University because of all of this, spent a year doing literally nothing but wondering where the hell my life was gonna end up. I had basically no friends (cut most of them out), no female prospects of any kind whatsoever and didn't know what to do with my life.

I was 20 years old, very overweight to the point I have stretch marks (that's probably more poor genetics than it is the weight), man tits, no future planned and a NW2.5 hairline with semi-noticeably thinning hair. Keep in mind, this is because of the year and a half of finasteride and I was actually very happy with it all things considered. I had to make a choice, I stopped finasteride, then tried to get my life back on track.

By the time I was 21, I had lost some of the weight, successfully managed to get through first year at uni on the second attempt and even had a girlfriend I met at Uni. Then my hair loss got bad, really, really bad. Stopped working out, gained all the weight back and then some. Girlfriend actually stayed with me for the next 3 years, but eventually had enough and broke up with me after uni, which was last July. Managed to get a great job straight out of uni. I feel in terms of general confidence, I have plenty on the right day when I forget how shitty I look.On the wrong day when I realize how shitty I look, I'll still revert to my shell but that doesn't happen too often.

When it comes to girls though, there is no right day. I mean my hair is worse than ever (very thin NW3V) and I'm the fattest I've ever been, the idea that a girl could be attracted to me is literally the most alien idea in the world. I'm not exactly a looker in the face department either. I mean my girlfriend loved me, but I'm sure how unattractive I became was a big factor in her breaking up with me. The rest is probably how horrible I became to be around. After 3 years with one girl and 2 years before that with none, I have no capability in approaching a woman.

You guys are gonna say shave my head and lose weight, I mean I should probably just do that anyway just for health and convenience purposes. When it comes to that helping with girls though, I don't think it would make a difference. I have shitty skin that will probably be loose if I manage to lose all that weight, not to mention the stretch marks. The gyno will probably just look even worse, since there wouldn't be as much fat around to hide it. Shaving my head? I have an average at best jawline and even that is kind, I can grow a decent beard but nothing like Rick Grimes and based on my dad, my head shape is probably terrible. Also, let's call a spade a spade here, I'm not good looking at all. I mean I have some things going for me, I'm 6' tall, very large hands (been told this is actually a thing for women), broad shoulders, would look good in clothes if I lost weight, deep voice, well paying job, pretty smart, can be funny if you're into my sense of humor. I could write a pretty compelling dating profile, but then they'd meet me and see a bald(ing), ugly guy who can't really charm a woman.

This forum has a great community of people. Unfortunately I'm going to step aside on advice, but there are a lot of members here who can share some really good wisdom. Maybe sharing your pics on current hair situation could possibly help. I'm sure someone will chime in though.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Its very unlikely anyone on this forum will tell you to shave your head. We're all frantically running from that ourselves.

Have you even considered the gym? I feel getting in shape could be good for your self esteem because from what you write it sounds like right now it is on the ground.

Also, if you lower weight your GP will consider offering you gyno surgery for free.

 

[CopeForLife]

If u below 5'9 (175cm) and lay in autism spectre there is nothing you can do.

Loosing weight, hygiene are must have anyway.

 

[Dench57]

fit body

grinding girls at the club...

shookwun approved

 

[CopeForLife]

also try to shop fat girls

@FredTheDutchman approved

 

[Rudiger]

When did jd_uk change his name to WhitePolarBear?

 

[horunger]

Only two things i wanted to comment on: No need to shave, its just one of those bad ways to try to hide the baldness, not really any better than a combover. Its not fooling anyone so why bother? Everyone is thinking "he is bald and try to hide it by shaving". Just make the best you can out of what you have.

2. Overweight is not treated by diet but hormones, if your thyroids are ok move on to testosterone, even a small boost makes magic in losing weight. Personally i had some problems gaining weight and very easily lost weight so i cant give any advices on specifics but in general its usually connected to low T, sorry if you already tested it and wrote about it, i didnt have time to read up on your details. Diet is dealing with the symptomes, go find the cause instead and the weight will rectify itself.

 

[Rudiger]

I'm actually gonna clarify that this was a just a harmless sly dig at Fred's advice (which I feel is important to mention considering the volatile past I've had with him), I think it's all nowhere near delusional and I've alluded to the same things myself. I haven't had any problems at all with Fred recently and I think this is pretty reasonable advice. Only critique is, it does make all of those big steps and efforts sound so easy, especially for example just getting a fit body, for a guy who's overweight, and then only give it a few months? There's no real moment when you decide you have a fit body.

I don't recommend hopelessly giving up on women whatsoever, just don't let it become the source of depression or emptiness, that's all, and in doing so possibilities to be happy with a woman may just present themselves. As fickle as women can be in ways (or either gender) one thing they can sniff out is desperation, that your only interest in life is attaining them (or even worse, any girl) and nobody wants to be completely relied upon for another persons happiness.

I think zircon also touched on a great point about the importance of at least having some experience of relationships and women in the past, this was instantly what stood out to me as being a focal point. This is incredibly important to women, it's a polar opposite to how men view women with understandable reasoning behind the gender roles.

A girl (average or cute, gorgeous) has inexplicably gone through adolescence or young adult life without a boyfriend? Goldmine. Wife that right now. I'll play upon these insecurities she may have (this isn't my personal feelings but generally, that's what men die for).

A boy (average or even good looking) has never had a girlfriend? Something's wrong there. He's not valued by my peers, and his worth has gone down.

So @TheYoungAndTheHairless I would say the road is not a short one for you, it's not easy and won't take a few months, or even a few years, but the discontent you feel may seem like it's 90% not being able to attract someone, but it's a bigger picture than that, a lot of it is down to you not feeling content with yourself and the fact you let yourself fade away because of what you feel are others perceptions of you.

Only when you want to stand up for what you want from yourself, career wise, goals, pursuits, will other aspects of life fall into place. And that's f*****g scary to hear because it's such a big task, but that's the big task that makes the difference.

OR you could be one of those cringe PUA wannabe's to be laughed at on youtube because all you care about in life is screwing some manga chick in hopeless attempts.

 

[michel sapin]

listen to white polar bear advice . don't let your anxiety destroys you . Even bald guy can date girl . Maybe just lower your standard

 

[Brotzu White]

You can fix stretch marks with laser. Lose weight, build muscle, remove stretch marks, and then either do a buzz cut + beard combo or shaved + beard.

You said you have huge hands, shoulders and a deep voice. This is good. You will never be able to look beautiful like a stud but you can at least play the "badass".

Try to date as many girls as possible. You need to get experienced to learn what to do with women.

 

[CopeForLife]

I have stretch marks from 14 or 15 and never was fat.

It is genetically I suppose.

Zero fucks was given tho, it's nothing in compare with hair loss.

 

[TheYoungAndTheHairless]

@JohnsonDDG I have considered the gym, will likely attempt getting started by the end of this month. After starting my new job in September, I was pretty swamped. Now I'm just waiting for the gyms in my area to shake off all the NY resolutioners. I'm not sure where you're at, but can you really get gyno surgery for free on the NHS?

@WhitePolarBear That is great advice, not just for the hair loss, just in general life terms. Thank you.

@zircon I definitely feel better about myself after reading your post, "rotting appearance" made me lol. I wont be going back on Finasteride, unless I go through a doctor, have regular bloodwork done and get Estrogen blockers. I don't know where I'd get my hands on any RU.

@horunger I always thought of shaving your head as "taking control" of the situation instead of pointlessly trying to put out a fire with a watergun, not as a means to hide it.

@h.l. Ultimately, it would just be nice to once in a blue moon have a decent looking girl that is my age be attracted to me. I think I'm past the age (or would be by the time I'd lost any weight) where I want to be sleeping around, I liked the relationship life too (most of the time).

@michel sapin Standards are already pretty low my man, but even 3s have eyes.

@Brotzu White I dunno if laser surgery completely gets rid of them, or at least repairs them to the point where I can take my shirt off without any worry. As for being the "badass", I may have the A-side of that record, but I'm completely missing the B-side. Not strong enough jawline and beard isn't THAT great. I actually have this idea in my head that I'll just get a huge beard transplant, grow it out and shave my head.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

@JohnsonDDG I have considered the gym, will likely attempt getting started by the end of this month. After starting my new job in September, I was pretty swamped. Now I'm just waiting for the gyms in my area to shake off all the NY resolutioners. I'm not sure where you're at, but can you really get gyno surgery for free on the NHS?

@WhitePolarBear That is great advice, not just for the hair loss, just in general life terms. Thank you.

@zircon I definitely feel better about myself after reading your post, "rotting appearance" made me lol. I wont be going back on Finasteride, unless I go through a doctor, have regular bloodwork done and get Estrogen blockers. I don't know where I'd get my hands on any RU.

@horunger I always thought of shaving your head as "taking control" of the situation instead of pointlessly trying to put out a fire with a watergun, not as a means to hide it.

@h.l. Ultimately, it would just be nice to once in a blue moon have a decent looking girl that is my age be attracted to me. I think I'm past the age (or would be by the time I'd lost any weight) where I want to be sleeping around, I liked the relationship life too (most of the time).

@michel sapin Standards are already pretty low my man, but even 3s have eyes.

@Brotzu White I dunno if laser surgery completely gets rid of them, or at least repairs them to the point where I can take my shirt off without any worry. As for being the "badass", I may have the A-side of that record, but I'm completely missing the B-side. Not strong enough jawline and beard isn't THAT great. I actually have this idea in my head that I'll just get a huge beard transplant, grow it out and shave my head.

You can get free gyno surgery on the NHS if it is impacting you life. Tell them it has made you suicidal.

That's what that woman did to get a free boob job.

 

[horunger]

Taking control, shaved head? I can see why you think so, and i used to think so too, but its no better than a old mans combover, bald is only good if you are black and get some seriously realistic micropigmentation.

Think about it, do you seriously think anyone think "wow tough guy, he shaved his head for other reasons than being bald". Lol, no... but then a biker-type bald on top with long hair in a pony tail, now you got a guy who taken control and isnt trying to hide his baldness. For example. You just need time to think it through, for other people shaved=bald unless they can see those strong roots on front and top. Give it some thought and remember: you want to attract girls, not other bald men who think shaving is "control". Like theres not enough fat bald guys with shaved head already...

 

[GornMyson]

Taking control, shaved head? I can see why you think so, and i used to think so too, but its no better than a old mans combover, bald is only good if you are black and get some seriously realistic micropigmentation.

Think about it, do you seriously think anyone think "wow tough guy, he shaved his head for other reasons than being bald". Lol, no... but then a biker-type bald on top with long hair in a pony tail, now you got a guy who taken control and isnt trying to hide his baldness. For example. You just need time to think it through, for other people shaved=bald unless they can see those strong roots on front and top. Give it some thought and remember: you want to attract girls, not other bald men who think shaving is "control". Like theres not enough fat bald guys with shaved head already...

I shaved my head 4 months to "take control" and move on. I'd rather of taken a punch from a prime Mike Tyson. Even this sh*t that's on top now looks better then bald.

 

[horunger]

I have stretch marks from 14 or 15 and never was fat.

It is genetically I suppose.

Zero fucks was given tho, it's nothing in compare with hair loss.

Its 100% genetical, a friend has severly damaged belly skin that was horrifying black for 3-4 months after her first birth even if she was just 18-19 and looked stunning, aparently great skin. Meanwhile, one of my ex had me fooled on our first date, i closely admired her perfect belly with perfect skin and said something lame like "easy to see you never been pregnant". Visit her parents house, what do i see, yes its her 2 sons.

I believe it can be a combination of tissue type and hormons, doesnt matter much which is dominating since both are inherited.

 

[horunger]

I shaved my head 4 months to "take control" and move on. I'd rather of taken a punch from a prime Mike Tyson. Even this sh*t that's on top now looks better then bald.

My wife wasnt paying attention and misunderstood something i said about shaving and went like "Noooooo! Youre going to be bald again???". im already bald on top and front, high Norwood, but she only consider me bald when i shave.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Unless you are a 4 or below then you still have a chance with women. You may feel ugly and pathetic but not everyone will see you that way.

 

[shookwun]

Once you stop dating, and haven't been with a women for so long you gradually stop caring. it becomes so distant that the thought of being with someone doesn't seem plausible.

Giving up on women is a personal choice though, even if you're bald you can still manage to find someone. It might not be the prettiest rose in the bouquet, but there are leftovers that will you a chance.


I go through many periods of serial dating, and completely abstaining from others and I can tell you that your emotions spike up, and down all the time. But then again, I dont care because I know my potential.....w we are all different in this regard. All though my mind is not the healthiest at the moment.




Counselling, reconnecting with others, and surgery tends to be the best option...