This girl broke my heart (sort of)

[metropolis]

Ok, so I met this girl on the Internet and she seemed adorable and then I met her in person and she turned out to be even more adorable.

It's difficult to define my feelings towards her: I definitely like her, but do I love her? I don't know. Do I secretly want to have sex with her? I don't know either. It's all very confusing and this situation is making me a bit anxious.

Anyway, I invited her for a weekend in Lisbon, Portugal (I swear my intentions are totally honorable) and she immediately accepted. We're due to leave tomorrow and I'm really excited. Today, she tells me her boyfriend is a bit jealous and it broke my heart. I didn't know she had a boyfriend!

Isn't it a bit strange? I mean, she accepts to go to Lisbon with me, we keep exchanging romantic messages and then she tells me she has a boyfriend. I wonder if she's really interested in me and if the boyfriend thing is just a lie. Or maybe she's not in love with me and simply doesn't want to hurt my feelings - in this case, why did she give me hope and only told me about her boyfriend in the last minute?

Am I in love? Is she in love? What should I do? Should I feel miserable or relieved? Anyway, I'm sure we'll have a great time in Lisbon!

 

[Obsidian]

She was testing you, see if you would still take her even after mentioning a boyfriend.

 

[metropolis]

She was testing you, see if you would still take her even after mentioning a boyfriend.

Hmmm... yes, it's possible. And she has just sent me another sweet message!

 

[oni]

Ask her what sort of door mat lets his girlfriend go on holiday with another man..............she found on the internet!

You will be the door mat next!

 

[Ian Curtis]

She was testing you, see if you would still take her even after mentioning a boyfriend.

I dont see how that is a test...what do you mean?


metropolis, you should have asked her what sort of guy lets his girlfrienf go away with another guy. Another thing, how do you not know if you want to have sex with her? You just said she was cute... and nice.

 

[The Gardener]

LOL... Women are so fricken bizarre.

Maybe this "boyfriend" is just her male BFF and is not a love interest? Sometimes women have male confidants that they are close with, but are not emotionally/sexually involved with.

 

[s.a.f]

Obviously she was'nt feeling quite the same way about you as you were about her.

 

[KANGA]

LOL... Women are so fricken bizarre.

Maybe this "boyfriend" is just her male BFF and is not a love interest? Sometimes women have male confidants that they are close with, but are not emotionally/sexually involved with.

This.

 

[Harie]

Am I in love? Is she in love? What should I do? Should I feel miserable or relieved? Anyway, I'm sure we'll have a great time in Lisbon!

Are you in love? Are you seriously asking that question? At this stage of the game, you are horny and want to get your willy wet. If you're still with her 3 years down the road and have put up with her typical woman BS for that amt of time...THEN you are in love with her. If you've had screaming/yelling matches where you thought about leaving her, but decided you had too much to lose and stuck it out...THEN you love her.

She accepted. Go to Lisbon with her. Who cares if she has a BF. If she's willing to cheat, go for it.

 

[ali777]

The young guys are so gullible. You like a girl and you start thinking about love???

In reality you are after nothing but SEX. It's all about SEX.

You can talk about love in 2-3 years down the road, but love at first sight??? You are too naive!!!

Young girls are the same, most of them don't know what they want. They play a game, test their limits and find out what the boundaries are and what their market value is, etc. This is also valid for men.....

She clearly likes you, but she doesn't know what she wants, just like you.

The real question is, is she going to sleep with you, or become your gf??? This is a hard one. She might have already made up her mind and decided that she doesn't want to cheat on her bf, or she might be open for anything. You just don't know. You have to take it easy and let her decide what she wants to do. If you push her, she'll run away.

Who cares if she has a BF. If she's willing to cheat, go for it.

+1....

I normally wouldn't go for someone who has a bf, I have some moral values :whistle:. However, she's the one that has been taking the game this far and it's her responsibility to draw the boundaries. If she's willing to do it, go for it... Don't miss your chance.

 

[optimus prime]

Who cares if she has a BF. If she's willing to cheat, go for it.

- 1

Once a cheat always a cheat.

Are you prepared to start/attempt a long term relationship with her cheating on her current b/f. If it's just for sex, then go for it, but surely there are easier ways to get just sex.

If you want more than just sex, you will spend the rest of the relationship worrying if she will cheat on you like she did with the b/f she has now.

Just talk to her about it.

I agree with everything else Harie wrote. Seriously doubt you are in love.

 

[The Gardener]

Hmmmmm... strolling the supple streets of Lisboa with another man's woman in hand... the tempting lust of harvesting "forbidden fruit" burning in your loins... the irresistable lure of taboo and conquest, all played out in the sultry tableau of beautiful Lissssbooooaaaaanh....

I must say, the opportunity to live a little of the James Bond lifestyle does have a certain twisted draw to it....

Are there any Baccarat parlours in Lisbon?

 

[ali777]

Who cares if she has a BF. If she's willing to cheat, go for it.

- 1

Once a cheat always a cheat.

Are you prepared to start/attempt a long term relationship with her cheating on her current b/f. If it's just for sex, then go for it, but surely there are easier ways to get just sex.

If you want more than just sex, you will spend the rest of the relationship worrying if she will cheat on you like she did with the b/f she has now.

Just talk to her about it.

I agree with everything else Harie wrote. Seriously doubt you are in love.

I don't necessarily agree with this comment. Recently, I came across an article about sexual behaviours of different nations. Surprisingly, among the bigger nations, the UK had the highest incidence of "stealing" girlfriends or boyfriends (the study didn't take into account small nations). I think the number quoted was about 25%, so one in four British relationships start when one of the partners already has another partner. Basically, it happens much more often than you think it does.

I agree that morally it's wrong to sleep with someone else's partner (you wouldn't believe it but I do have some moral values). However, the responsibility here lays mainly with her. We don't know how her current relationship is, she might be thinking that the other guy isn't The One, they might be in a sort of open relationship (being jealous points to the opposite), she might be thinking of leaving him, or she might be looking to spice up her life, etc. I mean, if she's already up for it, why miss the chance? She's looking for it??

I personally would hate to be the catalyst that breaks up a happy relationship, and I wouldn't chase someone else's partner. But, if she happens to come to me without me making an effort, there is no way in hell I'd miss the chance. I have been around the block a few times to know what's what.

Also, I get the impression that he's still young. That's what young people do, they play about a bit until they find their limits and build a bit of personality. We've all been there.

 

[metropolis]

Wow fascinating replies, I'm impressed. Thank you for posting, guys.

Ok, the weekend is over and I had a great time in Lisbon. Yes, we kissed twice (and these there were no 'catholic' kisses) and there was some cuddling but that was it. We didn't have any sex and I'm glad we didn't (sex sometimes complicates things), so I guess this wasn't cheating. In the end, she said 'this never happened, ok?'

We're still friends, she still has her boyfriend and life goes on as usual.

 

[optimus prime]

Wow fascinating replies, I'm impressed. Thank you for posting, guys.

Ok, the weekend is over and I had a great time in Lisbon. Yes, we kissed twice (and these there were no 'catholic' kisses) and there was some cuddling but that was it. We didn't have any sex and I'm glad we didn't (sex sometimes complicates things), so I guess this wasn't cheating. In the end, she said 'this never happened, ok?'

We're still friends, she still has her boyfriend and life goes on as usual.

Did the boyfriend not question anything? Was she expecting sex?

 

[chore boy]

I'd steer clear, bra.

You're playing with fire here. First of all, if she cheated on him, she'll do it to you. Secondly, you could be labeled a home-wrecker and subsequently, a "mark man". I'm reminded of a "homeboy" I had in high school who thought it would be cool to fornicate with my chick. Honestly, I took great joy in dragging him out of his house and whooping his *** in the middle of his front yard.

And how do you figure it wasn't cheating... because you didn't have sex? Lame rationale, homey.

 

[CCS]

Anyway, I invited her for a weekend in Lisbon, Portugal (I swear my intentions are totally honorable) and she immediately accepted. We're due to leave tomorrow and I'm really excited. Today, she tells me her boyfriend is a bit jealous and it broke my heart. I didn't know she had a boyfriend!

She is using you for a free vacation trip. She is not into you, or she would not mention the boyfriend. There is a very small chance that he is rich ugly one and you are the sexy one she is cheating with, but I doubt it. I would call off the trip and tell her you thought she was single. If you take her on this trip, you will never regain power.

 

[optimus prime]

There is a very small chance that he is rich ugly one and you are the sexy one she is cheating with, but I doubt it.

HA!!!!

 

[metropolis]

I'd steer clear, bra.

You're playing with fire here. First of all, if she cheated on him, she'll do it to you. Secondly, you could be labeled a home-wrecker and subsequently, a "mark man". I'm reminded of a "homeboy" I had in high school who thought it would be cool to fornicate with my chick. Honestly, I took great joy in dragging him out of his house and whooping his *** in the middle of his front yard.

And how do you figure it wasn't cheating... because you didn't have sex? Lame rationale, homey.

I definitely don't want to be a home-wrecker, although some asshol*s that I know seem to take great joy in wrecking homes. I sincerely hope this trip of ours doesn't spoil their relationship.

 

[metropolis]

[...]

Did the boyfriend not question anything? Was she expecting sex?

I don't know if she was expecting sex (hell, I don't even know if I was expecting sex!) but she kissed me passionately twice - and she took the initiative, not me.

I know the boyfriend was jealous and, as I've said, I don't want to spoil their relationship. So, this is what I'm going to do: they're planning to go to Lisbon in August, so I'll let them both stay at my apartment there - sort of a peace offering.