Trying These Dating Apps Like Bumble, Etc

Afro_Vacancy

Afro_Vacancy

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macaroni said:
Given how much talk surrounds dating as a bald person, i thought i'd give those dating apps a try. I am not really looking for a date - i have submitted myself to the fate that i will most definitely live and die alone; and that is ok with me because i've always felt perfectly fine by myself. Still, as a young man I had done fairly well with women and given i haven't actively tried to get a date in the last decade i thought it would be interesting if nothing else to see what my market value was. So I installed Bumble and added the "boost" feature which lets you see if any women are swiping right on your profile and then i waited. My profile had recent photos of me with my current hairloss situation, although because i am mostly losing hair on my crown, in most photos it is not so clear I am balding (this is not to be misleading, it is just that 99.9% of photos of someone are from the front so finding images of the back of my head to put on the profile did seem not appropriate).

Since i live close to NYC, it seems I am surrounded by supermodels; the list of women that show up on that app looks like a call sheet for a runway show; I don't think these girls are looking for dates, their profiles are so curated it looks like they use the app as a confidence boost more than anything. But then there are the ones who seem to actively be looking; on my profile, i seem to appeal to what some here would probably consider 4s and 6s.

Now i will admit the reason i will live and die alone is because i have insane requirements for a partner; not insane in terms of attractiveness - no, in fact, i find myself left swiping the 9s and 10s of the bunch because they just appear ridiculously high maintenance and into themselves. There seems to be a vanity factor that really puts me off when i see a profile of highly curated pro photos - so i seem to gravitate towards the more realistically attractive women (6-8). Of the many hundreds (or maybe thousands at this point) of women i have seen on this app, i think only two of them were girls i would be 100% into; of all the girls that i right swiped, zero swiped back so i had no matches. Meanwhile i had several women who wanted to match with me but i was not attracted to them enough to swipe back - you can see some of them below.
View attachment 52809

This was an interesting exercise but i will likely stop using the app. If one of the girls i truly was attracted to right swiped me i'll be honest I probably would have an issue going on a date now given the state of my hair so this is not a healthy exercise for someone who has self esteem issues due to hairloss...
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Damn, you must be a studmuffin. But we knew that already.

I understand your reluctance, but I think you're quitting too early. There's no good manual on how to put together a profile, and some of these women may be different in person than they are in their pictures. Your reluctance at the curated factors does come off as -- and I don't know you well enough to be sure -- a discomfort due to being in a new, unnatural environment which necessarily drives skeptical.

Your comfort zone, based on what you've written, is having women eyeball you across the room and then you evaluating them. You're now in a different situation where none of that matters in the short term, you're out of your comfort zone and thus you're skeptical. Just keep pushing.

You know, the first time I went Scuba diving (in the magnificent Australian great barrier reef) I hated it, I thought it sucked. I conjectured that it was just because it was a new experience and I was just uncomfortable, I kept going, and by the next day I was in love with the activity.

Now, I don't know if you're going to find Nemo out there like I did, but you have a lot of qualities. You're tall, smart, and I think you've written you're rich -- though admittedly rich may not be valuable in NY as you're competing with thousands of quants and bankers. Regardless, your odds of keeping a woman are good, should you find one.

It won't cost you much to give a chance to meet a few of the women and see how strong your instincts are, unless they ask to be taken to Brooklyn Fare or Eleven Madison Park.
 
Afro_Vacancy

Afro_Vacancy

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Separately, I see much better looking women on bumble than I do on tinder. I don't know why that is. Either there's a higher quality of membership on bumble, or bumble deliberately makes itself look cool by showing a lot of beautiful women.
 
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Wow macaroni, all those girls you posted pictures of swiped "like" on you? What would you objectively rate yourself as in real life? I also live in NYC and in 3-4 months of using Bumble I've had perhaps 6-8 girls in total "like" me (I also pay for boost so I can see who has swiped me beforehand), and all of them except one were in the 4-6.5 range at best and most were very overweight. Keep in mind that I'm an attractive guy (girls in real life tell me this unsolicited frequently). Wondering how good you look to pull matches like that - I'd definitely go out with at least 4-5 and possibly 6 of the girls you posted.
 
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Afro_Vacancy

Afro_Vacancy

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macaroni said:
I think you are right @David_MPN, maybe it is just the fact that it is a brand new experience that i am not used to that makes me feel put off, especially by some of the more attractive women on there. I am tall and have been told i am smart (to a fault) but I am not rich - i simply do well professionally but i grew up poor and had to claw my way to where i am now. I have some pretty deep character flaws such as stubbornness and fear of commitment. I don't do well with compromise and things need to be exactly as I anticipate them otherwise i get very annoyed - long story short, once i get something in my mind there is virtually no talking me out of it. Unfortunately i have a specific ideal for a woman that i am looking for and anyone else, regardless of how attractive will simply not fit the bill. I find many different types of women attractive, it is just for a relationship i don't compromise on anything but the exact woman i am looking for and that will likely mean i die alone. But to me that is not a bad thing - to me compromising on anyone else would be a worst scenario than dying alone, that is how I really look at it. I think before i put myself out on the dating scene i may take a trip to a hair clinic and get a transplant to solve this problem - given how long the process of FUE plus regrowth is i may have to do that soon before i am simply too old to get out and date someone.
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A lot of good women have encountered stubbornness before ;P

As for the rest, you do sound like you potentially have a problem. I can't say for sure, I'm obviously not qualified to diagnose you.

I think everybody has an ideal of what the ideal partner is, and we hypothesize it before meeting them. But that ideal should come with an "error bar", some fuzziness, and if your ideal is a specific point then that is likely unhealthy in my opinion. You should also consider where that ideal comes from, is it modelled after ex-girlfriends, wives of friends, or popular discourse? If so then that's not ideal. Further, I want you to think of every good friend, and every good girlfriend you've ever had. Could you have conjectured them, warts and all, prior to meeting them? Probably not. All people are a package deal.

Understand that there's a huge risk that you may change your mind one day and absolutely hate yourself for not giving it a chance when you could. In contrast, the potential cost of having a dull first or second date is very, very low.

I think I would swipe right on 4 or 5 of those women, but I don't know what they have written down.
 
Afro_Vacancy

Afro_Vacancy

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Yeah I'd settle for those women too :p

Are those bumble profiles or internet stock photos?

Aso, I don't know if it's deliberate, but you're also emphasising social and cultural class, and not just a look. Those aren't T&A shots.

i don't know how it is possible for that many beautiful women to be single;
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7.5 million women in NYC, maybe 1 million within 5 year age gap of you on each side, if 10% of them are hot, and 10% are using online dating, then that's 10,000 women.
 
CopeForLife

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macaroni said:
Given how much talk surrounds dating as a bald person, i thought i'd give those dating apps a try. I am not really looking for a date - i have submitted myself to the fate that i will most definitely live and die alone; and that is ok with me because i've always felt perfectly fine by myself. Still, as a young man I had done fairly well with women and given i haven't actively tried to get a date in the last decade i thought it would be interesting if nothing else to see what my market value was. So I installed Bumble and added the "boost" feature which lets you see if any women are swiping right on your profile and then i waited. My profile had recent photos of me with my current hairloss situation, although because i am mostly losing hair on my crown, in most photos it is not so clear I am balding (this is not to be misleading, it is just that 99.9% of photos of someone are from the front so finding images of the back of my head to put on the profile did not seem not appropriate).

Since i live close to NYC, it seems I am surrounded by supermodels; the list of women that show up on that app looks like a call sheet for a runway show; I don't think these girls are looking for dates, their profiles are so curated it looks like they use the app as a confidence boost more than anything. But then there are the ones who seem to actively be looking; on my profile, i seem to appeal to what some here would probably consider 4s or 5s, maybe a 6 here and there.

Now i will admit the reason i will live and die alone is because i have insane requirements for a partner; not insane in terms of attractiveness - no, in fact, i find myself left swiping the 9s and 10s of the bunch because they just appear ridiculously high maintenance and into themselves. There seems to be a vanity factor that really puts me off when i see a profile of highly curated pro photos - so i seem to gravitate towards the more realistically attractive women (6-8). Of the many hundreds (or maybe thousands at this point) of women i have seen on this app, i think only two of them were girls i would be 100% into; of all the girls that i right swiped, zero swiped back so i had no matches. Meanwhile i had several women who wanted to match with me but i was not attracted to them enough to swipe back - you can see some of them below.
View attachment 52809

This was an interesting exercise but i will likely stop using the app. If one of the girls i truly was attracted to right swiped me i'll be honest I probably would have an issue going on a date now given the state of my hair so this is not a healthy exercise for someone who has self esteem issues due to hairloss...
Click to expand...

all girls on the photos are sub 6/10 grannies
 
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Dontwannabeabetabob

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The last girls on both rows are pretty hot. I used to use bumble when I still had hair and it was very easy, I met with 4 girls off there and all 4 slept with me first "date". Now that I think about it, bumble did have more attractive women. I really like the feature that they have to message you first, you pretty much know you're already in at that point. This post kinda makes me want to reinstall tinder and bumble but I'm not sure how I'd do as a bald man now.
 
Dench57

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Dante92 said:
This. I'd rather stay a virgin forever than touching them with a barge pole.
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would smash the top right for the body alone, dont care about face
 
Xander94

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Dante92 said:
LOL for me it's inconsequential, those old sl*ts would not even consider someone who's below 7/10 and older than 35.
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44037-867565603dfe8fb46d4a251063ab1c8c.jpg
 
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johnqy

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Dench57 said:
would smash the top right for the body alone, dont care about face
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That right there is why i think that the unpopular opinion of going into gym actually helps us really helps us. I hope this won't take the thread in another off-topic way but you know when you see a girl who is completely average but if she has a great body you become attracted to her. Or if you see a below average girl with great boobs or *** or body overall and she starts climbing up your chart and attraction level. I think the same is with guys going into gym. Girls may not look at you like you are a husband material or something like that but i think you become more fuckable, we are all attracted to the nice looking body and your response just proves my theory. Some people are looking for a relationship, some are just looking for a one night stand but i think having a good looking body helps overall. It's not that i am not concerned, i'd swap a nice body for a nice hair any moment and i know hair is important but it's such a struggle to control your hairloss and when it finally takes over i think it's a good idea to have some other attribute to lean on. Some guys are tall, some guys have pretty eyes/facial features and some guys have a good body. I know this is an unpopular opinion so i don't expect you to agree with me but that's my current state of mind
 
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johnqy said:
That right there is why i think that the unpopular opinion of going into gym actually helps us really helps us. I hope this won't take the thread in another off-topic way but you know when you see a girl who is completely average but if she has a great body you become attracted to her. Or if you see a below average girl with great boobs or *** or body overall and she starts climbing up your chart and attraction level. I think the same is with guys going into gym. Girls may not look at you like you are a husband material or something like that but i think you become more fuckable, we are all attracted to the nice looking body and your response just proves my theory. Some people are looking for a relationship, some are just looking for a one night stand but i think having a good looking body helps overall. It's not that i am not concerned, i'd swap a nice body for a nice hair any moment and i know hair is important but it's such a struggle to control your hairloss and when it finally takes over i think it's a good idea to have some other attribute to lean on. Some guys are tall, some guys have pretty eyes/facial features and some guys have a good body. I know this is an unpopular opinion so i don't expect you to agree with me but that's my current state of mind
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Girls arent analogous to guys tho
 
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