- Reaction score
- 2,776
So, i was banned for 3 day.
3 days without Hairlosstalk, without venting, without worrying and engaging in discussions, so it sounds good, isn't it ?
Nope.
What happened yesterday made me realize how important this place to me and how i truly need it.
Suddenly, for no reason at all yesterday, i snapped and got into tantrum.
I was extremely enraged and started to snap at my own family for no reason and told my mother to get the f*** out of my room and leave me alone, and then closed my door and stayed two hours sitting on my bed in pure darkness.
I spent those two hours thinking about killing, hurting, raping and every fucked up thing imaginable.
I wanted everyone to suffer and die a painful death so badly that i was ready to sacrifice my family and everyone i had ever known to see it happen, i was extremely fucked up.
The rage and hatred inside me was too strong that i almost fainted, my head was hot, my body was shaking, i was dizzy and felt the worst headache ever possible.
After the two hours passed i started to finally feel normal again and it toke me few hours until i had controlled myself, and then i slept.
After i woke up, i realized how much of a shitty and fucked up person i'am and i felt disgust at myself and sorry for my family, but i felt sad because of how i had changed.
How i had changed from my old, pure self to the psychopath that i'am today.
Years of bullying, years of mental illnesses, years of rejection from society and loneliness, my shitty genetics and my rapid hair loss, being a kissless virgin at 18 all fucked me up until i had become the one i'am today.
I thought when my emotions die that i'll be free of pain and suffering and i'll finally control my emotions and be stronger, but no, bottling up your emotions will do nothing when you finally snap and release them at everyone around you.
I will see how i'll become and if this sh*t continues, i will ask to be commited to a mental institution and live there forever before i hurt anyone
or worse, before i hurt my own family.
3 days without Hairlosstalk, without venting, without worrying and engaging in discussions, so it sounds good, isn't it ?
Nope.
What happened yesterday made me realize how important this place to me and how i truly need it.
Suddenly, for no reason at all yesterday, i snapped and got into tantrum.
I was extremely enraged and started to snap at my own family for no reason and told my mother to get the f*** out of my room and leave me alone, and then closed my door and stayed two hours sitting on my bed in pure darkness.
I spent those two hours thinking about killing, hurting, raping and every fucked up thing imaginable.
I wanted everyone to suffer and die a painful death so badly that i was ready to sacrifice my family and everyone i had ever known to see it happen, i was extremely fucked up.
The rage and hatred inside me was too strong that i almost fainted, my head was hot, my body was shaking, i was dizzy and felt the worst headache ever possible.
After the two hours passed i started to finally feel normal again and it toke me few hours until i had controlled myself, and then i slept.
After i woke up, i realized how much of a shitty and fucked up person i'am and i felt disgust at myself and sorry for my family, but i felt sad because of how i had changed.
How i had changed from my old, pure self to the psychopath that i'am today.
Years of bullying, years of mental illnesses, years of rejection from society and loneliness, my shitty genetics and my rapid hair loss, being a kissless virgin at 18 all fucked me up until i had become the one i'am today.
I thought when my emotions die that i'll be free of pain and suffering and i'll finally control my emotions and be stronger, but no, bottling up your emotions will do nothing when you finally snap and release them at everyone around you.
I will see how i'll become and if this sh*t continues, i will ask to be commited to a mental institution and live there forever before i hurt anyone
or worse, before i hurt my own family.
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