why do we care?

[Trent]

i was just bored of studying and was trying to think about why i care so much about my hair. my parents, who still think i'm crazy and that my hair doesn't look any different, can't figure out why it bothers me to the point where i don't go out, i think about it constantly and can't enjoy myself much anymore. my dad even gets angry sometimes, and doesn't understand. is it that i care so much about what other people? i really don't think that's it, i honestly could give a sh*t about that, i know the people that really matter, my close friends and my family, won't treat me any different if i was totally bald. is it the ladies, i don't know, maybe, but i am so busy with school and stuff, even before i started noticing that women never played that big a role in my life other than a few dates here and there that never panned out. so why do i care?? i really can't figure it out, i can't pinpoint a reason why i am so obsessed, maybe its depression, maybe its just i feel like i'm older. sometimes i feel like a total loser just because my hair is a bit thinner. why! any insight guys, just needed something to do for a study break and was curious what your guys' whole motivation was for the huge hairloss fight.

cheers.

ps god dammit studying sucks.

 

[Bone Daddy]

Your dad is like my mother, and literally tons of other people in the world. Hairloss is like cancer, you don't care unless it's happening to you. I think about it alot, and everyone thinks I'm nuts.. and I don't go out as much as I used to because I'm obsessing over my damned hair. But this gorgous blonde and brunette were checking me out the other day, with my hair looking like sh*t, (omgneeditcutbad) and it made all that go away. We care alot, because at heart were all vein creatures. God knows, I sure as hell am. If I was old and fat, I wouldn't give two shits about my hair, and I doubt anyone else would.

PS: If that blonde comes to work again Tuesday, I'm going for the kill. f*** my reservations and fears.

 

[Axon]

I don't feel like a loser because my hair ain't 100%, but it's not exactly great for my self esteem.

Fighting hair loss, for me at least, is more about my own satisfaction with my appearance. It's the same way with going to the gym - I want to feel like I look good. The fact that women like it is a nice bonus and I'm certainly not going to say the opposite sex is not a factor, but primarily, I'm doing this for me.

 

[Trent]

yeah its weird, i find myself wishing i was like 40, just because it would be more normal to be losing my hair, like my dad, he's 53 and just starting to lose his hair (lucky) and he says it just doesn't bother him, he wishes it was different, but it really doesn't bother him. how does he do that, god i wish i had that kind of confidence to just not care, then this hairloss fight would be more of an experiment rather than an attempt to save my social life and confidence.

 

[Trent]

just out of curiousity, axon, how is the finasteride working out for you, i see you joined like two years ago, how did it work for the long term? its so hard to find guys on here that have been on it more then 3 months.

 

[Axon]

Finasteride has worked out quite well for me. Total maintainence, some regrowth which I'm still maintaining, and no side effects that I can note. No watery sperm, no discreased libido, no erection issues...

The best part is that my crown doesn't itch anymore. That itch used to drive me nuts.

I've been on finasteride (and the rest of my regimen) since Sept. 1, 2002. My hair's not perfect, of course, but it's much better. I was a Norwood 2 when I began, now I'm an Norwood 1.5. I had a 3" by 3" thin patch on my crown when I began, now it's like 1" at most and only minimally noticable.

 

[Trent]

great news man! good to hear long term successes. thanks for the reply.

 

[KevinW]

Trent8--- when you say you wish you were 50 I know exactly what you mean because I have thought the same thing many times. The whole topic of vanity is something that I have really begun to ponder on many levels. I have always been self conscious of my hair-- in kindergarten I would be upset that I had a weird cowlick that wouldn't go down some times, and I used to obsess about my spiked hair in 4th grade. I eventually gave up and was happy with my hair the way it was... until recently, then all of my inner self-doubt manifested itself in my hair loss. I'm working on it though.

 

[daedalus]

I've been thinking about this question a lot recently too. Why do even care? First of all, I just don't look good with no hair. And having no hair is an ultimate reality I will have to face. The treatments might slow things down a little, but I have a feeling nature will take its course.

Trent, my friends and family say the same things to me. 'Why are you so worried about it?' Or they'll say, 'It's not even that bad.' The thing I hate the most is, 'Why don't you just grow it out and it'll look much better.' I think to myself grow it out? Would I be so obsessed about my hair if I could just grow it out? People who are not experiencing hairloss will never really understand it.

I think about hairloss every single day, probably every single hour. The negative thoughts that go through my mind really shock me sometimes. I was once a confident, happy, optimistic person. Now I've begun to doubt myself. I wonder if my girlfriend will not like me once she realizes I'm going bald. Or if I'll ever even attract another woman again. How could I have gone from being a confident person to thinking like this?

I guess it just comes down to feeling good about yourself. And having hair is a factor in that. For some people it's a bigger factor than for others. I never considered myself a vain or superficial person, but hairloss has really hit my ego hard.

Some days I'll give myself a pep talk and things will be better. But then I usually get depressed again within a short amount of time. I know this is not healthy behavior.

I even shaved my head bald, hoping that would solve the problem. It didn't. People were scared. I heard things like, 'That look does not work for you' or 'How will you ever get a job looking like that.' Those are real confidence inspiring statements.

So now I'm just hoping that I can ride this out for a few years and maybe some better solution will come along. In the meantime, I'm working on getting my confidence back.

 

[Trent]

yup i hear ya man, the self pep talks are always fun. sometimes i even convince myself that i don't even care anymore, this is of course when i'm in my room by myself, then when i see someone and they happen to glance up at my hair BAM i'm right back to being super self conscious. i used to be like the most outgoing person in the world, always cracking jokes and stuff, now i don't just cause i dont' want the attention. i feel like this has changed my life as much as losing a finger would, maybe even more, i honestly believe that which is crazy because my hair serves no functionality other than looks. unlike you however, i have always been VERY vain, i remember in high school i asked my parents if i could skip school because i had a zit. hilarious, what i wouldn't give for a zit now instead of this. oh well, just gotta keep trucking gentlemen, there's some success stories out there, i hope i become one of them.

 

[KevinW]

My main issue comes down to this: I will some day have to come to terms with a person that does not exist.

It's ridiculous really-- that something like this can consume so much of my thoughts.

And Trent8, like you, my past issues of self-consciousness seem so petty now in comparison.

I think I will start a campaign to make total hair removal en vogue...

 

[daedalus]

Yeah, sometimes I convince myself that I don't care either. And I think, I'm still a great person on the inside and that's all that really matters. But now I just don't feel like myself anymore. I know this has changed my life drastically.

Trent, at least you were outgoing at one point. I've always been the quiet, reserved type. Now I'm even less likely to speak out. On top of that, I'm a tall and skinny guy. I've been hitting the weights recently and trying to pack on some muscle, but my whole life I've been the target of skinny jokes. Now I have hairloss to deal with. Life is just great. But you're right, we just gotta keep trucking.

 

[Thinning Sucks]

yeah its weird, i find myself wishing i was like 40, just because it would be more normal to be losing my hair, like my dad, he's 53 and just starting to lose his hair (lucky) and he says it just doesn't bother him, he wishes it was different, but it really doesn't bother him. how does he do that, god i wish i had that kind of confidence to just not care, then this hairloss fight would be more of an experiment rather than an attempt to save my social life and confidence.

Dude....I am 40 and I still obsess bad....guess I probably shouldn't.

 

[StoptheMadness]

sorry to keep beating this horse, but I completely empathize with Trent and this thread.....Early 2003 at age 24, and after one year of minoxidil, I started Propecia. On the whole its worked well (Norwood 1 and still a 1~1.5). But recently there are chinks in the armor as nature has its way.....Not too noticeable yet to anyone but me (well if you looked closer maybe), but very apparent to myself.....Well then why if it's not bad at all do I obsess all the time 24/7?.......I'm a mental midget (or is it just cold hard honesty) when it comes to losing something that threatens my social life (i.e. women mostly, even seeing other guys with good hair cuz we think the chicks would logically dig them, damn it).....I think it's bottom line most disatisfying when I look in the mirror and know what is and what's to come. I have a hard time staying upbeat when I pep myself, I come right back down.......The fact that I cannot control this and knowing its perpetual while not having the mental tools to deal with this is a downright drag....that's my answer to Trent....cue violins.

 

[Bone Daddy]

You know what's funny? I only noticed my hairloss when I got a bad hacked-up haircut and couldnt gel my bangs w/out seeing more scalp. I thought I was an idiot for worrieng because my hair looked fine. I was blown away when I was diagnosed. The worst thing? The HCM guy pointed out how my hair uptop was thinner than the sides. Every since then I obsess about it. I feel my hair on average of 30 times a day. People still think nothing of it, while I feel everyone in the world notices. I never looked at guys hair before, never noticed that Drew Carey was going bald or charlie Sheen, now all I do is look at hairlines and get jealous or wonder if random strangers now they are going bald. It's maddening. I wish I could go back to that ignorance, and still get treatment. Even hot girls gawking doesnt make me cocky for long.

 

[KevinW]

It's all perception... when I first started having to deal with this I couldn't watch TV without obsessively looking at men's hair when before it meant next to nothing for me. At my worst I literally COULD NOT get it off my mind (im a college grad searching for a job and I have extra time on my hands) and it drove me nuts. At one point I nearly blacked out with fear and anxiety, but I sat on my bed and fell asleep a minute later early in the evening, which then caused me to sit awake in bed from 2-4am. Can you guess what I was thinking about? It was horrible. But why? My life is really good otherwise (once I get a damn job!). We can't let this ruin our lives... it's just not that important.