Women don't understand

[Thickandthin]

I was having a conversation with my g/f earlier about hair loss. She knows all about my battle with it and thinks I am overreacting and "obsessed".

She's probably right about the obsessed part, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not get her to see how hard it is for some men to go bald. She insisted that lots of men go bald and look fine, but I had to remind her that ALL bald men at one point had hair. But when they lost their hair, they became just that - BALD men. And the vast majority of them probably experienced some fairly profound psychological pain from that. And all of those "bald" men looked DRASTICALLY better with hair. I've shown her before and after pictures of H&W transplants and she was amazed, so even she knows the amazing difference hair can make.

I then asked her what she would think of me if I woke up with a horseshoe tomorrow, and of course she said she wouldn't think any differently. I think we all know that's utter bullshit, right? I for one know damn well I would look awful - I have crappy skin, a HUGE head (with a notch on top of it), narrow shoulders, and rather dull eyes. A recipe for disaster without hair. I'll probably end up a 3 or 4 out of 10 without hair.

I compared it to her slowly gaining weight every year without fail, before stopping at 200 lbs. But the catch is that she will be 200 lbs for life, and will never be able to lose that weight. Year in and year out, she would have to watch her looks fade until she was completely undesirable to 80% of the opposite sex. That's what balding is like. She still couldn't see the parallels, despite regularly freaking out over gaining 2 lbs :jackit:

It was such an obviously biased and sugar coated conversation. I've personally seen her make fun of bald guys and talk about them in a condescending tone. Even guys with prominent receding hairlines. It's like they are the antithesis of anything sexy or desirable. But when I bring it up to her as a concern, I get blown off and told I am obsessing.

Wonder what would happen if I married her now and quit all treatments and ended up a NW6 in 10 years? Or even a NW3 by our 5th anniversary? Hmmm...

 

[BrightonBaldy]

Had a similar convo with an old ex of mine, she kept telling me I had nothing to worry about aswell (at the time she was right, early diffusion but still solid hairline, 2 years ago).

I told her to stop being so fking polite! Theres no way to argue against that and win, wheres the fun in that?

 

[Sebastien]

Hilarious how I had that same conversation with my GF, I even did the weight comparison too. And the way your thinking about the future, I am thinking the same thing.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Women with alopecia understand, but trying to get your average woman to sympathize is futile. It is like her trying to get you to know what having a period is like. Since this is primarily a men's topic, most women are clueless as to how it feels, how it affects us and it can be frustrating. You could test her. You can expose her for being the hypocrite she is by bicing yourself a horseshoe and seeing her reaction. If baldness really isn't an issue then make her put her money where her mouth is and show her what she has to look forward to.

 

[Thickandthin]

I think the biggest disconnect for women is comprehending what male pattern baldness actually means. They see bald men, and they think of a BALD guy. But the bald guy, unless he's been bald for a very long time, doesn't think of himself as a bald man - he thinks of himself as someone who lost his hair. But to women and anyone without male pattern baldness, he is simply a bald man. He may as well have been born without hair.

My hair still looks "ok" for the moment, so the reality just isn't setting in for her yet. I will eventually be a bald man. That's why the weight analogy works so well. It's like her being a normal woman right now, but eventually ending up as a fat chick - no matter what she does! She is doomed to be fat, and will forever be thought of as a fat chick - by no fault of her own!

 

[s.a.f]

They see bald men, and they think of a BALD guy. But the bald guy, unless he's been bald for a very long time, doesn't think of himself as a bald man - he thinks of himself as someone who lost his hair. But to women and anyone without male pattern baldness, he is simply a bald man. He may as well have been born without hair.

Cant believe that (to my knowledge) this is the first time that this has been mentioned on here. :bravo:
Its true and even those old guys are still aware (all the time) that most other men have hair.

 

[Obsidian]

She knows all about my battle with it and thinks I am overreacting and "obsessed".

She's probably right about the obsessed part

/Thread

 

[Thickandthin]

She knows all about my battle with it and thinks I am overreacting and "obsessed".

She's probably right about the obsessed part

/Thread

Says the man with 200 more posts than me and no hair loss.

 

[Smooth]

She will never admit it to your face because she thinks that what she will say will be taken as a personal note (already she thinks that your obsessed, she doesnt want to "fuel that fire in your head") and not a general statement, but we all know the truth, otherwise we wouldn't be here....

ps; i stopped worrying what women think because i already know, its a waste of time and energy, many guys on here (and girls irl) will argue that going bald wont effect your relations with women ( :jackit: ) so what are they doing here the first place is out of my understanding...

 

[Obsidian]

She knows all about my battle with it and thinks I am overreacting and "obsessed".

She's probably right about the obsessed part

/Thread

Says the man with 200 more posts than me and no hair loss.

What can I say? Takes one to know one. :whistle:

 

[Mens Rea]

TS - 2 things arising here

Firstly, i agree with you in the sense that a girl (or even males without male pattern baldness) dont really appreciate the PROCESS of balding. They will say you are obssessing etc but then when you ARE bald, THAT is when you a judged for it per se.

BUT - i think you overstate the issue of baldness, particularly in your instance. I have no idea if you are going to marry this girl or not but im saying is if you gradually go bald im willing to bet it wont bother her that much. You are you not some "bald" guy. Women ARE emotional creatures. Yes its diffifult to get that inital attraction if you are bald when you meet, but in your instance, well...the effects tend to be minimal. Dont compare your girlfriend to an average girl that you've never met, the comparison is useless.

I think the secret in my mind (given i will be in the exact same position as you when i do get a girlfriend!) is to have a girlfriend/wife that you know isn't the extremely superfisal type, the type that would judge you if/when you lose all your hair. Its up to you to get a genuine girl. Obviously every girl is influenced by looks but some obssess over it whereas others don't. You know the two types im talking about - american girls are particularly like this imo (vain).

My ex didn't give a sh*t. Im sure she preferred me looking good with hair, but she really just didn't care about it that much. Geuinely. She always said she doesn't understand why guys care so much about losing their hair - "they're MEN - its no big deal" is what she said. This girl was a stunner and took pride in her own appeance but seemed to be less worried about guy's apperances going more for personality etc. Give girls credit, this is far more common than you seem to think. And just for the record, this girl is now going with another guy who's fairly bald so she meant what she said.

I think being slick bald trying to meet a girl can be difficult (due to confidence issues nad then the reality that it obviously does hurt your looks).....getting a girl when you have hair and losing it after is very rarely a big deal - it seems to happen most people without any real issue. Believe it or not when people get married and stuff they tend to remove themselves from the more superfical , vain, lifestyle.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

This isn't directly related to the thread, but is generally related to the impact section.

For me, my life becomes increasingly dark.

My hair loss, Ive got past giving a sh*t to be honest. You wake up one day and realise that in the end, hair loss is just part of life. But that's easy to say. I've still got most of mine. So thinning and seriously balding may seriously start to f*** me up in the future.

I'm scared about ageing in general. About getting old. Looking like some ugly hideous freak most old people look like.

If Im alive past 70 I will top myself.

I just have no motivation left to live anymore. I get recurring suicidal thoughts and it feels like my life is slowly disintegrating.

I guess on the face of things - nothings all that bad. Im on my way to getting a degree at a university. But its my inner life thats so terribly dark and depressing. I just dont see the point in living anymore. Its all become so drab and uninviting. Thats why there are so many alcoholics and drug addicts in the world ; its because they cant find a point to life so they ironically find a crude meaning to their life through an unbreakable addiction. I could see myself living the last chapter of my life rotting away slowly in a crackhouse or something.

Im sorry for all this negativity. I dont even know where its coming from.

I just dont get what the point in life is. I dont derive any pleasure from anything anymore. Why the f*** would you want to live out your last years dying slowly of some degenerative disease?

In the end we're all going to die. So I dont really think it matters at what age we do so. Thats why I feel like doing it sooner. Its like, I feel I have done enough here. Ive led an easy, fairly privilaged life. Ive partyed. I feel like Ive expeirenced enough. I cant see myself doing anything worthwhile in my life so I just want to end it.

 

[giggle]

I feel like Ive expeirenced enough. I cant see myself doing anything worthwhile in my life so I just want to end it.

:smack:

 

[Thickandthin]

What can I say? Takes one to know one. :whistle:

Touche :whistle:

Hair loss has completely skewed my perspective on things. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. The average person would not see me as a person with ANY hair loss issues at all (unless I exposed my hairline), but I can see the subtle changes it has made in my appearance. Those are the things only the balding man knows. The subtle changes, the gradual decline in looks.

My hair used to be above average. Very thick, good texture. It actually enhanced my looks. Now it is simply average/below average. There's full coverage, but the front is lifeless and wispy. Temples are almost completely gone. I have to style my hair in awkward ways to cover my temples. I have almost no fringe no because the temples are so miniaturized.

Soon I will have "bad" hair (NW3), and then I will be a balding guy (NW4). Then I will be a bald guy (NW5+). To me, that process is the worst thing about male pattern baldness. You just have to keep reacting to changes in your appearance, and they are always for the worst. And other people tend to see you ONLY in the state you are currently in, but internally you remain the same person. Still struggling to maintain a positive body image or even a congruent body image that matches how you picture yourself in your mind.