Anyone Feel They Can't Be Bothered Actually Dating

[KyleTroy]

I’ve found I’m very successful on nights out thanks to a thing called liquid confidence. I’m a decent looking guy with what’s still a good head of hair so that helps too but when it comes to texting and tinder, I can never be bothered speaking to girls. I always start conversations then ignoring them a few messages later because I simply don’t feel confident enough to maintain an interesting conversation. I’m 20, unemployed and live at home with my parents so I’m aware that this is the probable reason to my shite confidence and disinterest in women. I feel bad because there’s this really cute girl who is massively into me. I see her on nights out all the time and we always end up with each other, I message her the next day but end up ignoring her because of my sh*t current mental state. Soon she’s going to get sick of me, realise I’m a mentally unstable weirdo and move onto some other chad like my ex. sh*t f*****g sucks

Why not get help and learn how to communicate?

 

[sisenegonan]

I feel strongy about this, not because of my subhumaness though. Just that even if I did get a date, wtf would I talk about?

I could probably blame my hairloss for getting into my current hobbies/and interests since 'people' weren't an option for me, but... I genuinely enjoy my hobby and interests. Even if I have to 'closeted' about it.

 

[Marky]

In this digital and liberated age we live in now, it is far easier to just have a bit of fun and casual things. I've been on a few dates before and 'talked' to lots of girls but mainly I'd rather just hang out with my pals. Dates are just stressful, expensive and usually not even that fun.

When I go out and get pissed with my friends I can have fun with them while still meeting girls. I'm on tinder, but mainly just looking to f*** more than anything.

There is a slight element of Norwood consciousness to this(always seem to have sh*t hair days on the date) and slight lack of confidence(I have high self esteem but not great confidence) but mainly it's because I can't be bothered and would rather go out with my pals.

Does anyone feel this way? Is it just a maturity thing?

Yep dating and relationships are a lot of work - you really have to be into someone to keep it going.

Plus meeting people through things you do like church, sports, mutual circle of friends is easier and more natural than online. Then you're already doing something together, like soccer, rather than coffee or bowling - the later is something you do once you establish the comfort zone through things you were already doing anyway, like sport.

I've never vacationed with a girl and don't see how that can be funner than getting your main circle of friends together in Vegas and shooting the sh*t so to speak.

Nevertheless it's still worth pursuing when you find the right person, in a sea of a bunch of wrong persons. Good luck!

 

[g.i joey]

I can’t be bothered with dating because of hair loss..

I think the only upside with going slick bald is that if you find a b**ch, at least she knows there’s no going down from there. Me being a nw2-3 always puts me in a position where I’m completely paranoid thinking about a future with any girl I’m seeing. Knowing that it’s 100% sure my looks will go down once my hairs gone is a pretty tough pill to swallow when you’re investing all your time in one woman. I used to be so indifferent in my relationships, but this insecurity puts
Me at an obvious disadvantage. I made my insecurities show on my last ex and dumped her shortly after.

At the same time I just tell myself I’m 25 and should be enjoying my youth anyways, I don’t have a hard time getting laid but I do have a hard time finding an actual interesting contender to wanna date.

 

[Marky]

It's not necessarily easier through hobbies, and it's a mistake to think that you want to find someone who's exactly like you.

When you're a couple, you're a team, and you'll need each person's strengths to make it through challenges and offset the other person's flaws.

My girlfriend is more mentally stable and more down to earth than me, and I'm more sensitive and going all over the place mentally. So she can bring me back down to earth when I start to overthink things and I can help her to see things in a different light. She keeps things very simple, in boxes so to speak, which is exactly what I need.

I hope it makes sense. I'm currently meeting a lot of girls because I'm trying to form a new band and many female singers are interested. I could immediately notice that I had a lot in common with them. Of course if you're passionate about music, you have to be sensitive, open-minded and to be able to think out of the box. If I got into a relationship with a girl like that, it'd probably be very intense but we'd start to drift very fast.

I was dating this make-up artist a few years ago, just like me, she was oversensitive and passionate about art. God I had a lot of hope for that relationship, she was geeky too, we used to play video games together and she had a huge collection of retro games and consoles.

There was one problem though, she was basically me when it came to her personality. It always sounds great on paper though but you end up reinforcing your common flaws more than anything else. She'd start crying and then I'd start crying (haha pussy!), she'd start becoming anxious for no reason which then made me more anxious, etc. Plus you get bored very fast because you can't really surprise each other.

Of course you still need to be similar in some aspects, but you don't want someone that's too much like you. You want someone you can contend with, someone who somehow always remains challenging.



I always had so much fun on my dates. The excitement of discovering a person you don't know anything about, hearing their stories, their struggles, relate to them while having fun, and 40% of the time (at least for me) there was the possibility of heavy make-out sessions and sex.

If you're not having fun on dates and find them stressful, I think that's also because of your mindset, or because you've had a string of bad experiences, I don't know. Being on a date was pretty much like having a drink with a friend to me. I never spent much either, most of the time, the girl would insist to pay for her drink anyway.

Of course, I got my fair share of frustrations too, but it's like anything in life, it can't go well all the time. The possibility of failure and disappointment is actually what makes dates exciting.

Good synopsis Fred I agree - you wanna be different but not too different, you wanna be similar but not too similar. Trying to navigate through it and find the right match seems like it would take a miracle if marriage till death do you part is what you are looking for.
They say "you just know" - but what about all those married couples ending in divorce, didn't they "just know"?

 

[Marky]

I say that too, I just knew, and I had truly never experienced that before despite dating dozens of women.

It's really a strange feeling, to just know after a few minutes that you'll be spending the rest of your life with that person.

I came home after our first date and immediately told my parents: "Yes, it's her, I'm dumping all the other girls." And my mom was like "Wut?!".

My father also had that feeling with my mom too and they're still together, looking back, their rough patches could have been avoided if only my father wasn't so stubborn and broken by his early hair loss. My mother truly had the patience of a saint with him.

People can still go from "you just know" to a horrible divorce, all it takes is doing nothing actually, you don't address your frustrations, you don't negotiate the terms of the relationship, you let yourself get fat and unattractive, you don't exercise any self-control and snap at your partner for futile reasons, etc.

makes a good case for the divine, some mysteries can't be explained in words.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

makes a good case for the divine, some mysteries can't be explained in words.

The God of the gaps.

 

[Marky]

The God of the gaps.

Yep, age gap in this case, 40 years if you can believe it - but we here know she's just in love with his hair, hope to have hair like
that at 60:

 

[Xander94]

I only date above me

 

[fixthis]

I only date above me

This is why we're incel. Trying to date up seems impossible when average guys are struggling to date at their own level. Dating up is just natural to women, men trying it is the equivalent to walking on four feet.

 

[Calchas]

I only date above me

You must have a plethora of options then.

 

[Xander94]

This is why we're incel. Trying to date up seems impossible when average guys are struggling to date at their own level. Dating up is just natural to women, men trying it is the equivalent to walking on four feet.

dating a woman = dating up

Women > Men in todays society

 

[SmoothSailing]

dating a woman = dating up

Xander must have been dating crossdressers, now if he dates anyone with a pussy he is moving up.

 

[blackg]

Xander must have been dating crossdressers, now if he dates anyone with a pussy he is moving up.

Hahaha... Yep. I was a bit perplexed by @Xander94's comments too.

 

[Xander94]

Xander must have been dating crossdressers, now if he dates anyone with a pussy he is moving up.

I'm not dating anyone too ugly for the roasties

 

[LastSamurai]

The thing we have to remember is that we're obsessed by our own hairloss, and by default, other men's hairloss and how it compares to ours.

So with that said, a woman is much less likely to actually care as much about your hairloss as you do. Obviously there is a lot of subjective preference going on, but by and large, it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. If you can get a date, then she sees something in you. She wouldn't meet you if she didn't think you were attractive enough. So consider yourself attractive enough by the time you've actually gone one a date - especially a second date.

If you can't get a date, try and upgrade yourself (bigger biceps, nicer clothes, better diet and so on)

 

[blackg]

The thing we have to remember is that we our obsessed by our own hairloss, and by default, other men's hairloss and how it compares to ours.

So with that said, a woman is much less likely to actually care as much about your hairloss as you do. Obviously there is a lot of subjective preference going on, but by and large, it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. If you can get a date, then she sees something in you. She wouldn't meet you if she didn't think you were attractive enough. So consider yourself attractive enough by the time you've actually gone one a date - especially a second date.

If you can't get a date, try and upgrade yourself (bigger biceps, nicer clothes, better diet and so on)

Well said.