Confession: I cope by feeling pitiful about myself

[Illu2ion]

I've never actually admitted it, but I realised this a couple of days ago: I cope with this sh!tty genetic defect by having a lot of pity for myself. I want other people to feel the same way about me as well because I think my situation is way tougher than most will ever experience in their life (think of all the depression etc that hair loss brings with it). This is also the reason why I sometimes feel the strong urge to tell people I take dutasteride and ru even though I'm only 17: I just want to feel compassion of others, as in "ahw I'm so sorry for you that you have to take meds this strong this young to treat your hair loss."

It's the only way I can cope. It's a sh!tty way and I feel bad because I'm no better than some dumb attention wh0re who b*tches on facebook about how fcked up X or Y about her life is. In fact, I'm doing it (coping) right now with this post. It does make me feel better but at the same time I know I become like the type of person I've always looked down on.

This is a pretty vague post I guess, I can't really describe my feelings that well. Does anyone of you recognise what I'm saying or perhaps do the same thing?

 

[Agustin Araujo]

Many of us here, if anything, every one of us here feel pity within our selves because of the burden of hair loss, it is and incredibly difficult thing to deal with. Hair loss is truly such a unique problem since there's no easy fix to it, is largely irreversible, and treating it is so slow. That's something with those who have never gone through the experience of hair loss will never understand how negative it is no matter what unless they were to go through it themselves. It's a problem that is ever seldom given sympathy for in the real world.

Being concerned over hair loss is not a vanity issue in any way, rather, is absolutely normal having concern over a genuine medical condition. Since we live in a world where we're put down for having concern over a real problem which we never chose to inflict upon ourselves in the first place, it's nearly impossible to never feel depressed about it.

 

[hellouser]

I've never actually admitted it, but I realised this a couple of days ago: I cope with this sh!tty genetic defect by having a lot of pity for myself. I want other people to feel the same way about me as well because I think my situation is way tougher than most will ever experience in their life (think of all the depression etc that hair loss brings with it). This is also the reason why I sometimes feel the strong urge to tell people I take dutasteride and ru even though I'm only 17: I just want to feel compassion of others, as in "ahw I'm so sorry for you that you have to take meds this strong this young to treat your hair loss."

It's the only way I can cope. It's a sh!tty way and I feel bad because I'm no better than some dumb attention wh0re who b*tches on facebook about how fcked up X or Y about her life is. In fact, I'm doing it (coping) right now with this post. It does make me feel better but at the same time I know I become like the type of person I've always looked down on.

This is a pretty vague post I guess, I can't really describe my feelings that well. Does anyone of you recognise what I'm saying or perhaps do the same thing?

They never will.

You're a man, not a woman, and by default, the media and society in general has targeted balding men to be it's punching bag. If you, I and the many others which form a minority of men weren't balding, how else do you think privileged fullheads would know their privilege if they didn't drive home the message that bald and balding men are bottomfeeding social trash? You think you can gain their pity? That would require them to jeopardize their precious social standing. They don't give a fuck about you... nobody gives a fuck about you. Your pattern baldness subconsciously brings them satisfaction! It's the positional good theory at it's absolute finest. You know your low social standing as much as they know their high social standing because THEY possess something which you do not, and therefor, it has VALUE. You'll never balance the scale because it's not in their interest.

I don't want anyone's pity, I never have. I've become an incredible cynic over the years. You know what I hope for? For society to endure the SAME fate as me; BALDNESS. Either that, or for myself to regain all of my hair and for them to get dealt with the shitty hand I've had to put up with over the years, so that they know what it's like to be treated and labeled as a disgusting pedophile, or creep, or balding loser and ultimately rejected from society. I hope for nothing but karma. Fullheads have had their privilege... it should be our turn now.

 

[Illu2ion]

I don't want anyone's pity, I never have. I've become an incredible cynic over the years. You know what I hope for? For society to endure the SAME fate as me; BALDNESS. Either that, or for myself to regain all of my hair and for them to get dealt with the shitty hand I've had to put up with over the years, so that they know what it's like to be treated and labeled as a disgusting pedophile, or creep, or balding loser and ultimately rejected from society. I hope for nothing but karma. Fullheads have had their privilege... it should be our turn now.

I agree with you that it would be awesome if karma kicked EVERYONE in the nuts and give every man MBP and not just us, but I don't get how you would get back at fullheads if you would regain a full head of hair? You would get even with them, not ahead of them. They lose their social advantage on you because now they're not the only ones with hair anymore, but they will never know how it is to be regarded as a creep, a loser, etc because they're bald as they won't be bald.

It's kind of a sad realisation that we put in all this time, energy, money and sometimes even risk our health (certain meds, experimental stuff) just to get on par with the rest of society. We're trying to cut our losses, not to gain anything.

 

[I.D WALKER]

Your complaints are incredibly honest and reasonable. I'm guessing that you are profoundly, a naturally empathetic person as well as good natured. Your struggle or conflict is very real and has cost you much already. I think also it has caused you to value pleasure/people even more than you probably originally had. Mutually, I hope science can better help us transcend this earthly purgatory male pattern baldness while we are still young and able.

 

[shookwun]

It's just hair bro

 

[Dench57]

Just be confident bro


But seriously, I do this too. Sometimes I feel really sorry for myself. I look to my family for support but its been going on so long even they don't know what to say anymore. Doctors don't give a crap because its Androgenetic Alopecia. I look at my friends having the time of their lives, socialising, partying and going to festivals, things I used to love. While I'm sat here with non-stop scalp pain and itching, my hair slowly being burnt away. Sometimes I want to tell them about it, but because it's "just hairloss" I would be ridiculed. It's chronic pain/inflammation but it wouldn't get the same sympathy of other chronic inflammatory conditions like arthritis or Crohns. It's an incredibly lonely experience and one I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I guess thats why I come here, the only people going through similar experiences.

 

[EvilLocks]

I'm probably the queen of self pity. I would even go as far as saying I feel more sorry for myself than anyone here.

 

[shookwun]

Hair transplant

System

Choose 1


I don't understand why people pt themselves throuh so much pain and agony. Its quite simple, maintain with drugs and choose your course of action.

Dwelling on brittle and thinning hair is more torture then reward. Make the steps nesaesary to live a better life. Living under a hat, and concealer is no way to live.

 

[Illu2ion]

Many of us here, if anything, every one of us here feel pity within our selves because of the burden of hair loss, it is and incredibly difficult thing to deal with. Hair loss is truly such a unique problem since there's no easy fix to it, is largely irreversible, and treating it is so slow. That's something with those who have never gone through the experience of hair loss will never understand how negative it is no matter what unless they were to go through it themselves. It's a problem that is ever seldom given sympathy for in the real world.

Being concerned over hair loss is not a vanity issue in any way, rather, is absolutely normal having concern over a genuine medical condition. Since we live in a world where we're put down for having concern over a real problem which we never chose to inflict upon ourselves in the first place, it's nearly impossible to never feel depressed about it.

True, I've never had any sympathy given by people other than my dad and my brother, people who both know very well how it's like to be balding... Sometimes I think "why am I worrying about such a superficial thing" but then reality kicks me in the nuts. I'm not even far gone yet (though I am a lot worse of conpared to others of my age) but seeing how baldness has affected people close to me (brother and father), I know times are only getting harder.

Your complaints are incredibly honest and reasonable. I'm guessing that you are profoundly, a naturally empathetic person as well as good natured. Your struggle or conflict is very real and has cost you much already. I think also it has caused you to value pleasure/people even more than you probably originally had. Mutually, I hope science can better help us transcend this earthly purgatory male pattern baldness while we are still young and able.

Thanks for the kind words man. However, I have to say that I value people way less than I used to. male pattern baldness has made me realise how much looks actually matter in real life. There was a short period of denial where I thought it was all confidence but boy was I wrong. Like I said earlier, I still have a decent head of hair and I have not experienced nearly as much discrimination as some of you have (I salute you all) but looking at relatives tells me it's going to be over soon. Anyway, realising that people in general are really shallow has made me kind kf a sad person. The halo effect is such a nasty and mean but true concept... Nog only with dating, but just about in every aspect in life.

I too hope science will give us something good soon. For the time being though, I hope my current meds will help me maintain.

Just be confident bro


But seriously, I do this too. Sometimes I feel really sorry for myself. I look to my family for support but its been going on so long even they don't know what to say anymore. Doctors don't give a crap because its Androgenetic Alopecia. I look at my friends having the time of their lives, socialising, partying and going to festivals, things I used to love. While I'm sat here with non-stop scalp pain and itching, my hair slowly being burnt away. Sometimes I want to tell them about it, but because it's "just hairloss" I would be ridiculed. It's chronic pain/inflammation but it wouldn't get the same sympathy of other chronic inflammatory conditions like arthritis or Crohns. It's an incredibly lonely experience and one I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I guess thats why I come here, the only people going through similar experiences.

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I recently had the courage to open uo about baldness and depression to a very close friend of mine and he said "so you won't be able to get hot girls anymore, that's all? That's nothing to be that sad about, right?" At first I though he was right, but then I quickly realised this wasn't about dating/sex life alone. This is about discrimination, in a lot more areas than dating/sex life alone.

Indeed, these forums are the only places for us. We can't get sympathy from other people.

Yeah, sorry trying to get sympathy from others will only make you look weaker.. Dont do it bro, imagine when friends tell you about their problems, and you're probabbly thinking "Thats nothing compared to what I go through (hair loss)".... They'll be thinking the same way if you were to tell them your problems..

Hair loss is really just something you cope with yourself. I even tried telling my family and I felt much worse because they told me not to worry about it, and its just hair.. But yet again, what else can we expect from others, its not like they are going to pull a cure out of their ***.. We're just gonna hear "Its just hair" or "Its okay" or "Dont worry about it".. its not worth telling anyone.

You're right, I've had similar experiences (Like the one I just described). I try fo find ways to cope with male pattern baldness on my own so I don't have to expose my weakness to other people, but it's hard. For some reason, just writing stuff down for myself is less effective than actually talking to other people.

As I said in my OP, I need better ways to cope. Unfortunately, that's really hard.

I'm probably the queen of self pity. I would even go as far as saying I feel more sorry for myself than anyone here.

"queen", I guess you're a woman then? If so, I'm truly sorry for you. Balding as a teenager feels bad, but losing hair as a woman must be even tougher. I'm not trying to feed your self pity here, just saying that I can't even imagine how it would feel for you and I probably never can. What do you do to cope with it? Or is self pity your only way of coping with hair loss?

Hair transplant

System

Choose 1


I don't understand why people pt themselves throuh so much pain and agony. Its quite simple, maintain with drugs and choose your course of action.

Dwelling on brittle and thinning hair is more torture then reward. Make the steps nesaesary to live a better life. Living under a hat, and concealer is no way to live.

hair transplant is not an option for someone who's 17 y/o (I'm going to lose more hair than now, even though I'm on a pretth strict regime that's almost a guarantee. Very little people maintain 10+ yrs on AA's right? I haven't read a lot of such success stories) and a I still have too much hair for a system (I'm somewhere between a NW2 and a NW3). So both are not an option for me.

Enter meds to maintain. The insecurity that meds give me is pretty hard. Do they work or no? That's the reason I switched from finasteride to dutasteride after 6 months. I don't have the time to wait 1 year to know whether finasteride works or not, I can't afford to lose any ground this early. I want to keep a good head of hair throughout my twenties (that's a reasable thing to want, right?) so I'm in for a very long battle at the very least. Very long meaning maintaining on dutasteride and ru for 13 years at least, not counting in future treatments (IF they come out).

 

[EvilLocks]

"queen", I guess you're a woman then? If so, I'm truly sorry for you. Balding as a teenager feels bad, but losing hair as a woman must be even tougher. I'm not trying to feed your self pity here, just saying that I can't even imagine how it would feel for you and I probably never can. What do you do to cope with it? Or is self pity your only way of coping with hair loss?

Yes, I am a woman. A young woman as well (23). What I do to cope with it? Well, I just try to get through the day. It is incredibly hard to keep my head up but I try the best I can. Being a balding woman feels so alone, as there are no other females around me with the same condition to relate to. I see no women with hair loss or wigs on the streets (and belive me I'm a great wig spotter). It's fvcking hard.

 

[sjbuk]

Changing pity to compassion will be more constructive for OP.

 

[shookwun]

Been there OP. I know how u feel, seeing as I was a NW2 at 17-18ish.

Sucks but u just gotta suck it up. Wear a hat, part hair in a certain way and wait until your in your early twenties to get a hair transplant.

I know this sounds blunt but their isn't much that can be done seeing as your so young and doctors wouldn't even consider operating let alone giving drugs this early. It realy sucks having premature hairloss but you will have to ride it out.

Focus on being you. Try not to let what you do revolve around the safety of your hair and we'll being. Its easier said then done but you realy need to continue bring yourself. Don't hide behind your hairline or I promise you will be everyrhing you despise. Don't spiral into an recluse, and hermit this early. Realy need to take the effort into being a teenager and doing fun ****. This disease will force you to grow up and mature early but it can be fought.

I say this from the bottom of my heart. If u don't take the steps necessary to being a teenager you WIll be a lonely virgin who's only release is p**rn and video games. I avoided girlfriends when I was younger to the safety of my hair and I regret it. Don't let this bull**** hinder your social development

 

[Illu2ion]

Been there OP. I know how u feel, seeing as I was a NW2 at 17-18ish.

Sucks but u just gotta suck it up. Wear a hat, part hair in a certain way and wait until your in your early twenties to get a hair transplant.

I know this sounds blunt but their isn't much that can be done seeing as your so young and doctors wouldn't even consider operating let alone giving drugs this early. It realy sucks having premature hairloss but you will have to ride it out.

Focus on being you. Try not to let what you do revolve around the safety of your hair and we'll being. Its easier said then done but you realy need to continue bring yourself. Don't hide behind your hairline or I promise you will be everyrhing you despise. Don't spiral into an recluse, and hermit this early. Realy need to take the effort into being a teenager and doing fun ****. This disease will force you to grow up and mature early but it can be fought.

I say this from the bottom of my heart. If u don't take the steps necessary to being a teenager you WIll be a lonely virgin who's only release is p**rn and video games. I avoided girlfriends when I was younger to the safety of my hair and I regret it. Don't let this bull**** hinder your social development

I know man, I try to do all the stuff (partying etc) that's part of a normal youth and I'm definitely enjoying it. Thing is, I feel very rushed doing everything. I feel like I only have 1-2 years left where I have a decent head of hair, therefore I only have 1-2 years left in which I can score cute girls. After that it's game over for the most part. This underlying thought makes having fun and being relaxed really hard at times. It literally feels like I'm living in a closed tunnel that is leading to a concrete wall. I'm moving automatically at rapid speed, I can't slow down or stop, there's no escape route. I can see the wall coming closer and closer and there is jack **** I can do.

Regarding meds, I went to a derm a couple of days after my 17th bday and he prescribed me dutasteride, so there are def docs out there willing to help me which feels good. So at least I can treat it, which helps a good deal to relieve the feeling of living towards that wall like I jist described.

 

[2bald2young]

I wonder what is worse:

Seeing all that you built up in your life getting destroyed by hairloss or never being able to built up your life because of early problems and losing your hair in your teens.

 

[Wolf Pack]

I wonder what is worse:

Seeing all that you built up in your life getting destroyed by hairloss or never being able to built up your life because of early problems and losing your hair in your teens.

I would say the former. But I don't have experience of losing much hair either way so it would be presumptuous of me to say that. I think "you can't miss what you never had" holds true. Sure you had full hair at 16 but you never really saw the benefits of hair.

Worse example would be this. Full hair till 25. So you dated, worked, studied, partyed, travelled, socialised with full hair. Then age 30 you were bald and so all this changed big time, I imagine it would be hard to take? As you're still young in relative terms yet there is a big transition all because of hair. I know this kind of balding pattern rarely happens but it's hypothetical.

On the flip side of it, losing your hair early robs of your teens and early 20s, also more psychologically damaging as there is hardly anyone like that. I imagine this would be a horrible time.

 

[Illu2ion]

I would say the former. But I don't have experience of losing much hair either way so it would be presumptuous of me to say that. I think "you can't miss what you never had" holds true. Sure you had full hair at 16 but you never really saw the benefits of hair.

Worse example would be this. Full hair till 25. So you dated, worked, studied, partyed, travelled, socialised with full hair. Then age 30 you were bald and so all this changed big time, I imagine it would be hard to take? As you're still young in relative terms yet there is a big transition all because of hair. I know this kind of balding pattern rarely happens but it's hypothetical.

On the flip side of it, losing your hair early robs of your teens and early 20s, also more psychologically damaging as there is hardly anyone like that. I imagine this would be a horrible time.

You'd know what you're missing out on because you can see fullheads doing stuff you can't do. Obv the people who are on this forum who never had a chance to use their hair to their advantage because they started balding very young know what they're mising out on, it's all we talk about in this god forsaken sub forum! You try to look at it from both sides in your post, I'l give you that, but to say you'd rather go bald really early in life instead of in your mid twenties because then you'll know what you're missing out on is ridiculous. It's not even debatable. If you had to choose between starting to go bald at 16 or at 25, what would you choose?

Exactly.

 

[Wolf Pack]

You'd know what you're missing out on because you can see fullheads doing stuff you can't do. Obv the people who are on this forum who never had a chance to use their hair to their advantage because they started balding very young know what they're mising out on, it's all we talk about in this god forsaken sub forum! You try to look at it from both sides in your post, I'l give you that, but to say you'd rather go bald really early in life instead of in your mid twenties because then you'll know what you're missing out on is ridiculous. It's not even debatable. If you had to choose between starting to go bald at 16 or at 25, what would you choose?

Exactly.

You may see other people doing stuff, but you don't have personal experience of it. It's like if you have never been in real love, only read it about or seen it, not the same thing is it?

Yes I would ultimately choose 25 but it still doesn't answer the question regarding which is more painful. That's what 2bald2young was asking.

Imagine being poor or having everything and then losing it. Which is worse? It's not that easy to answer.

 

[hellouser]

Imagine being poor or having everything and then losing it. Which is worse? It's not that easy to answer.

Ignorance is bliss.

 

[long hair]

They never will.

Your pattern baldness subconsciously brings them satisfaction! It's the positional good theory at it's absolute finest. You know your low social standing as much as they know their high social standing because THEY possess something which you do not, and therefor, it has VALUE. You'll never balance the scale because it's not in their interest.

you are %100 wright about this .... that why i some times avoid some social activities ,i don't want to be an ugly part of this freaking social equation :spell: