Damage Limitation

[Hope4hairRedux]

I am a 20yr old guy, and have had male pattern baldness since I was about 17 and a half. Like probably everyone on this site, it has been a b**ch for me. I am struggling with the concept that one day I may actually be bald. It terrifies me. I mean people say just accept it, but f***, how could anyone accept a pre-determined destiny of ugliness?

Most of the bald guys I see on the street, (I live in England) seem to look terrible bald. Its haunting. So many 40 and overs seem to have completely given up and let themselves go. I really shudder when I see them on the street; it reminds me of my impending and unavoidable doom. Another point I make is that Caucasian males seem to be the worst affected - both in terms of incidence and in the sense that it looks worse on a white man then it does on any other race( I am white myself by the way, and I reckon about 95% are on this site) It just goes to show how doomed the white male with baldness is. It just looks so unsightly. I see a lot of black guys who sport it really well. Its not really an issue for them at all ( well perhaps it is for some, I don't want to make assumptions, hairloss has the potential to be devastating for anyone) but in general it doesn't seem to have the same affect on them psychologically, probably as it doesn't really seem to affect their looks that much. The same goes for oriental dudes as well. They all seem to pull it of well.

Anyway.. I know there is a huge market for male pattern baldness sufferers for all these 'treatments', gels, sprays, pills, but we all know that these do nothing more than perhaps temporarily slow the inevitable hellish reality of baldness. If anything it feeds an ego fighting for something that cant be changed, which is really not beneficial.

So by looking at all the chaos and misery sufferers go through, the only way forward seems to be damage limitation. Stat to concentrate on yourself as a whole. Work out, tone your body, get fit. Get a tan, eat healthy. Have an absolutely impeccable dress sense/style. Work on confidence and mental areas. Many male pattern baldness sufferers seem to demote themselves to a 2nd,3rd perhaps 4th rank within the social pecking order. We need to perfect ourselves in other areas in order to stay at the top. I myself plan to leave the British Isles in a few years and go and live somewhere where there is a good climate all year round. I hope to maintain a good tan this way and generally feel better mentally. Im not planning to leave just in the sense of damage limitation, male pattern baldness wise but its another thing to consider.

I am slightly miserable today. I want to make a final point. People go on about acceptance etc. But come on lets get f*****g real. I'd say most bald guys are fucked. Perhaps like 2 out of 3. Only a certain few will pull it off. Its like being born ugly, hair or not, and saying when you get to a certain age, 'I know I'm ugly, but oh well, I can be confident and go for girls'. But the bottom line is this - if you want to go out with a decent looking girl, you need to be decent looking yourself. But since your ugly, how will you ever get the confidence to do that?

My point is, there is no such thing as 'inner' confidence. Confidence is only in relation to our external environment. Without validation from society, from individuals and from the normal values of the day and age, it is damn near impossible to be confident in yourself about your looks and your chances with woman etc. How many ugly people are popular and confident? Probably some, but overall, a tiny %. How many good looking people are popular and confident? Probably a large%.

That's the bottom line. I don't know whether this can be explained through evolutionary terms, through blaming society, whether it is biological, but exterior is everything. Without hair on our heads, we feel and become 2nd rate human beings. We are demoted and looked upon as lesser beings, our status and role in society changes.

What a beautiful world we live in..

But its OK - we can 'accept' this. Give me a break.

 

[ghg]

You're not shallow at all are you? What if you actually were ugly? Would you kill yourself or something? Blame your parents? Since you're going bald I'm sure there's at least one bald male in your close family... ever told them how f*****g ugly you think they are?

 

[Nashville Hairline]

My point is, there is no such thing as 'inner' confidence. Confidence is only in relation to our external environment. Without validation from society, from individuals and from the normal values of the day and age, it is damn near impossible to be confident in yourself about your looks and your chances with woman etc. How many ugly people are popular and confident? Probably some, but overall, a tiny %. How many good looking people are popular and confident? Probably a large%.

.

What a depressing post.
There is such a thing as 'inner' confidence - I'm pretty sure its a phrase used in cognitive bahavioral therapy to help folks with low self-esteem and anxiety issues etc, the concept being the only important opinion is that which you have for yourself. I mean, even a beautiful person could be called ugly or treated poorly by somebody just becuase, well, becuase that person was having a bad day or perhaps because they are just a bully or perhaps because they were jealous. In fact, there are tons of beautiful people with low self-esteems probably brought on by some inocuous comment they heard a couple of years ago and have decided to base their whole self-worth on this.

Inner confidence should be the only confidence - placing your worth on outside opinions is a recipe for disaster

 

[barcafan]

You're just being humbled bro. It's a good thing. Arrogance isn't a virtue.

Now maybe you wont be such a prick if you do go bald.

 

[cuebald]

Yeah, you do all that and you'll still be a bald man in a shiny suit.

 

[qball01]

I am a 20yr old guy, and have had male pattern baldness since I was about 17 and a half. Like probably everyone on this site, it has been a b**ch for me. I am struggling with the concept that one day I may actually be bald. It terrifies me. I mean people say just accept it, but f*ck, how could anyone accept a pre-determined destiny of ugliness?

So by looking at all the chaos and misery sufferers go through, the only way forward seems to be damage limitation. Stat to concentrate on yourself as a whole. Work out, tone your body, get fit. Get a tan, eat healthy. Have an absolutely impeccable dress sense/style. Work on confidence and mental areas. Many male pattern baldness sufferers seem to demote themselves to a 2nd,3rd perhaps 4th rank within the social pecking order. We need to perfect ourselves in other areas in order to stay at the top. I myself plan to leave the British Isles in a few years and go and live somewhere where there is a good climate all year round. I hope to maintain a good tan this way and generally feel better mentally. Im not planning to leave just in the sense of damage limitation, male pattern baldness wise but its another thing to consider.

I am slightly miserable today. I want to make a final point. People go on about acceptance etc. But come on lets get f****ing real. I'd say most bald guys are f***ed. Perhaps like 2 out of 3. Only a certain few will pull it off. Its like being born ugly, hair or not, and saying when you get to a certain age, 'I know I'm ugly, but oh well, I can be confident and go for girls'. But the bottom line is this - if you want to go out with a decent looking girl, you need to be decent looking yourself. But since your ugly, how will you ever get the confidence to do that?

My point is, there is no such thing as 'inner' confidence. Confidence is only in relation to our external environment. Without validation from society, from individuals and from the normal values of the day and age, it is damn near impossible to be confident in yourself about your looks and your chances with woman etc. How many ugly people are popular and confident? Probably some, but overall, a tiny %. How many good looking people are popular and confident? Probably a large%.

That's the bottom line. I don't know whether this can be explained through evolutionary terms, through blaming society, whether it is biological, but exterior is everything. Without hair on our heads, we feel and become 2nd rate human beings. We are demoted and looked upon as lesser beings, our status and role in society changes.

What a beautiful world we live in..

But its OK - we can 'accept' this. Give me a break.

man...you're like the spokesperson for "The Matrix." Society does a great job of brainwashing its citizens and goddamn has it ever succeeded in regards to you.

Yes, I agree that society does prey on the weak. No arguments there...but who says that firstly, ugly = weak....and secondly, baldness = ugly? The bottom line is, you said it yourself...if you take care of yourself in other ways that shows you care about yourself and therefore...people will see that and treat you the same way. If you just let yourself go...gain weight, dress badly, let your balding half head of hair grow out...then yeah, you look like you don't give a sh*t about yourself and will probably be treated negatively INITIALLY....but even then you could still negate that by displaying character. Baldness on its own does not need to make you ugly.

and the girl thing....man, you need to understand what "attraction" is...if a girl is attracted to you...thats all that matters! Physical attraction IS important...but looks have a lot less to do with being "attractive" than you think....how you dress, hygeine, and the way you carry yourself and talk are much more important....I fully get that losing your confidence because of baldness may make all of that much harder...but in that case don't blame hairloss itself. If you can't deal with it (no matter how hard it is) its still not baldness that is to blame....because there are pleeenty of bald WHITE guys who do just fine with women and live great lives...how do you explain that? Do you disagree?

Trust me dude....I get the feeling shitty over hairloss part...I really do. But I know its in my f*****g head as much as I'm inclined to make excuses and blame baldness. Social Conditioning is a b**ch....its very hard to undo, but its possible....so please, get out of the Matrix and come into the Real World...where its a lot more complicated than the simple binary of bald = ugly, ugly = lesser human being.

 

[PersonGuy]

I honestly don't think this guys is that far off. Not to mention it sounds like he was having a fucked day. I say we cut him a break. I don't agree completely but he raises some good points.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

Hi there. I would like to apologise if my comments seemed insensitive and rash. That was just the negative state of mind I was in.

I dont think baldness necessarily means ugliness, of course it doesnt. I hate to say it but as I said before, my personal observation is that it just
seems most bald guys dont really manage to pull it off. But I see so many older bald guys that just look like they gave up somewhere down the line. Most older guys who are bald/balding that I come across( I am talking about white caucasians in the UK) just seem to have gone 'well im bald, I may as well let go of my body as well'. It just seems to be an underlying message that they give off. And thats what depresses me the most, my future as a bald man (shudder). I wouldnt mind if I saw loads of white bald guys with pretty girlfriends, who seemed to pull it off etc.. but sadly I see very few like that.

Yes perhaps you could say that my obsessive state means that my observations are completely distorted, but I happen to feel that you just know when something is ugly and you know when it isnt. This relates to the debate as to whether beauty is something biologicaor whether we are conditioned by society to know what beautiful is. I think essientally it is biolgical , beauty/good looks are timeless however certian features and looks may be favored depending in the time and society you live in.

Mostly everyday I am starting to feel better about it. More like, its happening now, theres nothing I can do about it so f*** it. Whether I choose to blame things on my hairloss or not, is happening, so mostly, although i dont like it, its now something that i've had for a while and have begun to accept as normal.

However thats not to say that I dont go through bad days. Before my hairloss had really started to take shape I was flying high in a sense. Although its easy to look back and glorify and exaggerate, I would generally say that although I was less mature I felt I did a lot better with girls and didnt have anything in particular that made me suffer. Now I have low self-esteem.( shockhorror lol!) I am to a moderate degree, obsessed with my hairloss. I dont really try it with girls any more as I dont think I really believe that they would value me in the same way. (I know this is mostly total BS and in my head, but I am trying to get past this at the moment). The fucked up thing is that on the surface I can say all these things, but I know pretty much from ever since I started balding it started to affect my susubconscious, on a deeper phscololgical level that I havent always been aware of. Its changed my charater negativly. Thats what balding does - most of the time its a two way process; it changes us pschologically as well as changing the way others and society view us.

We all seem to talk about this ideal of accepting baldness, and being able to get on with life without it bothering us, and being good with women etc, but is there anyone on this site that can really relate to this? And if there are, why are you/they on this site?

 

[uncomfortable man]

You're not shallow at all are you? What if you actually were ugly? Would you kill yourself or something? Blame your parents? Since you're going bald I'm sure there's at least one bald male in your close family... ever told them how f****ing ugly you think they are?

Don't confuse acknowledging the shallowness of society with being an advocate for it. When someone's hair loss becomes noticeable, it attracts negative attention from people and brings the issue of societies bias against bald people to the forefront. Those who suffer from significant hairloss are in a unique position to experience just how shallow people REALLY are so I understand where these observations come from. If you've read any of my posts, then you know I can relate to this. We are VICTIMS of this shallow, superficial beauty oriented society, not participants. Sure, before hairloss when I was beautiful, stupid, immature and invincable, I did make fun of people but loosing my hair has taught me humility and I never make fun of people for any reason anymore. People make fun of me all the time though. That is the world we live in and no amount of rainbows or butterflies are going to change that.

 

[emex4]

This has gotta be the most depressing forum on the entire internet. I'm embarrassed to be even reading this negative bullshit. Life is what you make it people. It's up to you, if you wanna be happy or miserable.

Good grief.

 

[PersonGuy]

This has gotta be the most depressing :sobbing: forum on the entire internet. I'm embarrassed to be even reading this negative bullshit. Life is what you make it people. uke: It's up to you, if you wanna be happy or miserable.

Good grief.

Hear that boys? Quit hitting life's snooze button and wake up. Life is what you make it!

And I'll have an ice cream cone with candy--uh and sprinkles--and whipped cream--and hot fudge--and lollipops--and rainbows--and unicorns--and finally (TAKE A BIG BREATH!) all the bullshit I was told as a kid including "life is what you make it".

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

This has gotta be the most depressing forum on the entire internet. I'm embarrassed to be even reading this negative bullshit. Life is what you make it people. It's up to you, if you wanna be happy or miserable.

Good grief.

Emex4, I'm sorry but its really not that simple. Why are you on this site anyway? If your so 'embarrassed' to be reading this? If we could all 'choose' happiness or sadness dont you think we would have chosen?

Don you think the whole f*****g world would be happy? My point is that there is no real concrete thing as happiness. It can only be momentarily grasped before we plunge back into an abyss of dispair. So we want to look attractive, as this means more more happiness( when we are better looking we have more access to everything in life) and less dispair. When we are bald/balding, life is much harder and therefore more miserable. Do the math you hypocrite.

 

[uncomfortable man]

...Or life is what it makes of you.

 

[emex4]

Whatever.

Have fun being miserable and wondering what could have been.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Whatever.

Oh, well alright then. I felt like we were just on the verge of a philosophical breakthrough...but whatever indeed. TIMBER!!!

 

[iwantperfection]

You know what i love about this forum..the constant bitching at each other. Its really quite entertaining.

''Yo b**ch. Who you think your bitching you hairy b**ch. You have too much hair you effing b**ch. Oh and your a miserable b**ch living a lonely life without b****s....''

 

[barcafan]

i like this place because people dont hold back.

 

[Mens Rea]

thats strange about the internal confidence thing when some of the coolest and most popular guys i know aren't good looking (hair or no hair) or particularly lucky in other departments bar their magnetic personalities.

but i guess your own life experience trumps the reality of millions of exceptions to your rule....

 

[Mens Rea]

this forum has made me feel better abotu my insecurity regarding hairloss

why? because i can see how most people on here buckled and shattered after hairloss and halted a normal life. this is sincerely ridiculous and reading this drivel has given me the persective to avoid wallowing in the pits of self-pity.

as soon as you let it affect your outlook, your body langauge, the way you express yourself, the way you LOOK and dress etc creates a spiralling effect beyound all proportion. soon you'll deserve any of the negative attention

YES baldness attracts negative attention but it is EXTREMELY surmountable. BUT instead of spiralling in the wrong direction like half this forum it takes the brave one to spiral IN THE OPPOSITE direction. Start to look better, dress better and work on all mental aspects. Not easy to do but hairloss can give you the grit between the teeth if you want. I know which side of the fence im on so im not going to feel sorry for you when i acheive all my life goals under the same set of circumstances as you (or worse).

Uncomfortable man go ahead and make up some articulate poet response that makes you sound correct all you want but you continue to forget one thing - you are living in YOUR experience and take this as an experience of all bald men which is pathetically narrow minded. You tell me its JUST your hairloss that has caused this negative outlook well that makes it even more sad considering many great and successful men (not necessarily famous) come over far worse all the time. Man up.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

Colin297, I think you have to take what we read with a pinch of salt. We are all guys trying to get on with our lives; but hairloss is making it that bit harder.

I agree that there is no point wallowing in self pity about hair, just go out there and do your thing. Of course. But its really not that simple. I for one am someone who always tries to have a get on with it attitude but the thing about hairloss is that it actually changes most people. Its not simply a case of f*** it. By saying its nothing your going to the other extreme to the people who say its ruining everything. Its about appreciating the effects of hairloss whilst staying balanced.

The problem I find is that it shifts into our subconcious. Its not as easy as just saying, f*** it, it doesn't matter. All the feelings of low self worth and hatred, ugliness and inferiority sift deeper and deeper into the layers of our mind and subconsoius. I believe that people who truly suffer from male pattern baldness need to see someone about it, and I plan to do that myself. Its got to the point where I know its an obsession and the less hair I have, the less human I feel. I know that I need to see a good shrink or a confidence NLP type person and thats what I'm going to do.

Its easy to sit here and say 'your all idiots, you should be able to just get out there and do everything you want' but its harder than it seems. Yes we do need to access that 'inner' strength, but I dont think it comes overnight, we have to change our patterns of behaviour and rebuild our image. I think one of the big issues is that for guys like me, who are young, and felt they had youthful good looks, our confidence goes because we had (until male pattern baldness) based our confidence on our exterior. So now we have to go through a transformation to become strong thick skinned individuals, who no longer base their confidence on the exterior but in their inner strength. I suppose this is one positive, that if we can rise above our own trivial worries about your external features we can become stronger people.

The only reason why that last point depresses me, is that it seems most bald people seem to have backed down in life and become 2nd class citizens, feeling too inferoir to live life the way they truly deserve - because they think they deserve little.

Everyone says that I am vain etc, but who made me vain? We are all f*****g vain. Society is vain. Being bald is essientally something that makes us uglier in all societies, and thats the harsh truth. While we can always try harder, and ys maybe we can get a few girls here and there, its gonna get one hell of a lot harder.