Have U Ever Fallen For Anyone You Didn't Find Reasonably Physically Attractive Upon 1st Inspection?

[cantara]

or, even more interestingly: has a girl even fallen for you after not finding you reasonably appealing at first glance (provided you noticed a/o she admitted to it)?

I'm curious, because what I've witnessed in my environement further weakens the stance of the ones believing in the myth that looks matter less and other traits so much more for women: in cases where one of the two wouldn't have looked at the other twice first, it was the guy who didn't find the woman he ended up with attractive (enough).

 

[davesmith420]

Yes my oneitis. I think the average person would say that I could do better but idk what it is about her.

Her and I have been hooking up lately so feels good man.

 

[Exodus2011]

lol ive noticed that too. honestly seems like looks matter to girls than it does to guys

but then again that could just be because men have to settle often while women dont

 

[Exodus2011]

Yes my oneitis. I think the average person would say that I could do better but idk what it is about her.

Her and I have been hooking up lately so feels good man.

dude just go all the way, brag about your full head and laycount and height and whatever else. this half assed humble bragging is more annoying lol

 

[davesmith420]

dude just go all the way, brag about your full head and laycount and height and whatever else. this half assed humble bragging is more annoying lol

Height? I'm a f*****g manlet m8.

If you're against humble bragging I guess Chad Pack should be banned too.

Also implying I get laid a lot (I don't).

 

[swingline747]

no, Im not saying it wouldnt happen but it hasnt. Usually looks is what always brought me and another together. I WILL say I have hooked up with a girl and then the next day NOT found her as attractive! f*****g beer goggles!

 

[cantara]

no, Im not saying it wouldnt happen but it hasnt. Usually looks is what always brought me and another together. I WILL say I have hooked up with a girl and then the next day NOT found her as attractive! f*****g beer goggles!

it‘s why I am really curious about the „fallen for“, because many men just f*** what they can get. I‘ve never managed to see a girl with different eyes physically speaking after finding out she is really cool and likeable, even charming. As an average-looking guy I sometimes truly curse my inability in this regard, because to some it genuinely doesn‘t feel like settling. Or there are those who find every other girl physically atttactive enough, which also makes it a lot easier.

 

[cantara]

Yes my oneitis. I think the average person would say that I could do better but idk what it is about her.

Her and I have been hooking up lately so feels good man.

I‘ve had a few cases too where others were like „she‘s nothing special physically“ and where I thought they are at least not ridiculously above my league - but I found them attractive from the beginning, not over time by getting to know and like her.

 

[yetti]

it may be that looks are more important to women, that may be true, i dont know. but i also think that womens taste in men varies more widely than mens, and this counteracts the first point. in other words, i think dudes have more agreement about one girl being attractive and another not being attractive. maybe those same dudes who think a girl is unattractive will hook up with her, but then maybe regret it and not pursue a relationship. whereas its just so common to see funny looking dudes with more attractive women. (a lot more common, i think, than to see great looking dudes with funny looking women.) maybe in some of those cases the guys are rich etc, but is a lot of them i simply think the girls find them attractive. i know this goes against the grain of this forum, but... in my experience a hell of a lot of girls are just not into what are here called "chads", the kinds of guys whose pics are posted here with perfect hair, square jaw etc. ive known a lot of women who are actively repulsed by them.

 

[cantara]

it may be that looks are more important to women, that may be true, i dont know. but i also think that womens taste in men varies more widely than mens, and this counteracts the first point. in other words, i think dudes have more agreement about one girl being attractive and another not being attractive. maybe those same dudes who think a girl is unattractive will hook up with her, but then maybe regret it and not pursue a relationship. whereas its just so common to see funny looking dudes with more attractive women. (a lot more common, i think, than to see great looking dudes with funny looking women.) maybe in some of those cases the guys are rich etc, but is a lot of them i simply think the girls find them attractive. i know this goes against the grain of this forum, but... in my experience a hell of a lot of girls are just not into what are here called "chads", the kinds of guys whose pics are posted here with perfect hair, square jaw etc. ive known a lot of women who are actively repulsed by them.

it‘s a fair point. I‘ve had a few women point out to me that they find chadish X or Y as unattractive as most of the male population. I find it hard to believe and/or it just goes to show women are often more specific/picky, whereas for many men it‘s more or less: up from, say, 6.5 she is theoretically an option. I can relate to women though, I work very similarly.

 

[swingline747]

it‘s why I am really curious about the „fallen for“, because many men just f*** what they can get. I‘ve never managed to see a girl with different eyes physically speaking after finding out she is really cool and likeable, even charming. As an average-looking guy I sometimes truly curse my inability in this regard, because to some it genuinely doesn‘t feel like settling. Or there are those who find every other girl physically atttactive enough, which also makes it a lot easier.

Ive def found girls attractive that my other friends or people havent. But again it wasnt a "grown to" thing, it was just something about them got me going right away. I would prob be one of those who find ever other girl attractive enough..... at least for the nessecary 15 minutes!

 

[pjhair]

lol ive noticed that too. honestly seems like looks matter to girls than it does to guys

but then again that could just be because men have to settle often while women dont

I think the bolded part is accurate. Guys have a lot of competition so it's not easy for them to find the women they truly find beautiful. This is especially true for casual hook ups. However, when it comes to long term commitment, unattractive women usually struggle if they are aiming for men who are significantly above their level in looks.

 

[pjhair]

or, even more interestingly: has a girl even fallen for you after not finding you reasonably appealing at first glance (provided you noticed a/o she admitted to it)?

I'm curious, because what I've witnessed in my environement further weakens the stance of the ones believing in the myth that looks matter less and other traits so much more for women: in cases where one of the two wouldn't have looked at the other twice first, it was the guy who didn't find the woman he ended up with attractive (enough).

I personally have never fallen for a women who I didn't find at least reasonably attractive at first. However, I have friends who have fallen for such women when they just started dating. In many cases though the relationship fell apart once they gained more experience and realized that they can get more attractive women.

 

[That Guy]

No, to the OP

i know this goes against the grain of this forum, but... in my experience a hell of a lot of girls are just not into what are here called "chads", the kinds of guys whose pics are posted here with perfect hair, square jaw etc. ive known a lot of women who are actively repulsed by them.

Not that I doubt your experience, but I've had completely the opposite experience. I've heard women SAY they don't like Chad Thundercock, only to see them later do something that proves that was a lie. It's been my experience that when faced with the actual CHOICE of having it, they will have it.

Just last weekend, I stopped by this store, there was like nobody there except a former co-worker of mine who still works there. We got on the subject of hot movie stars after Evangeline Lilly came up in the discussion somehow. I half-jokingly suggested she probably liked this one dude who is a really ripped "Chad" and she's like "No! He's way older and I don't like muscular guys! I like nerdy guys!' Now, I'm also friends with her boyfriend, who is definitely a nerdy guy with a "dad bod". I said,

"So...if X came home one day and got jacked; like, Chris Hemsworth jacked...you'd prefer that he didn't?"

and she's like "Well *awkward pause* no..." I was waiting for a "but", but it never came — she just started talking about something else.

I don't doubt there may be some women out there who legit don't like "Chads", but I do doubt that most who say they don't won't (quite literally) turn tail when he's actually right there in front of them, and interested in them.

 

[cantara]

No, to the OP



Not that I doubt your experience, but I've had completely the opposite experience. I've heard women SAY they don't like Chad Thundercock, only to see them later do something that proves that was a lie. It's been my experience that when faced with the actual CHOICE of having it, they will have it.

Just last weekend, I stopped by this store, there was like nobody there except a former co-worker of mine who still works there. We got on the subject of hot movie stars after Evangeline Lilly came up in the discussion somehow. I half-jokingly suggested she probably liked this one dude who is a really ripped "Chad" and she's like "No! He's way older and I don't like muscular guys! I like nerdy guys!' Now, I'm also friends with her boyfriend, who is definitely a nerdy guy with a "dad bod". I said,

"So...if X came home one day and got jacked; like, Chris Hemsworth jacked...you'd prefer that he didn't?"

and she's like "Well *awkward pause* no..." I was waiting for a "but", but it never came — she just started talking about something else.

I don't doubt there may be some women out there who legit don't like "Chads", but I do doubt that most who say they don't won't (quite literally) turn tail when he's actually right there in front of them, and interested in them.

Certainly a realistic scenario.
I have a first hand example though: there was a super pretty guy at the office, smart as well. Many girls drooling over him and I could totally understand.
He liked a female friend of mine. Above average looking, but definitely and clearly below him. Her being a cool person, he asked her out. Now, sje could tell he‘s handsome, but really not her type. Interesingly, she still went out with him (not a chance a not so conventionally good-looking guy would be given) and she even admitted the reason to me: „Well, everybody says he is so great and pretty, I have to try, no?“. They went out, made out, he wanted more, she didn‘t. His objective beauty didn‘t help him, he wasn‘t her type. She is now happy with a guy in her league that she found attractive from the get-go.

I think it‘d be similar for me. Ironically, some rather tall, skinny women have shown an interest me, they were objectively above my league physically, so it was flattering, but didn‘t trigger my attraction. I like shorter, girlish pretty girls some of which quite a few guys may find cute, but not the slightest bit attractive, let alone sexy.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

or, even more interestingly: has a girl even fallen for you after not finding you reasonably appealing at first glance (provided you noticed a/o she admitted to it)?

I'm curious, because what I've witnessed in my environement further weakens the stance of the ones believing in the myth that looks matter less and other traits so much more for women: in cases where one of the two wouldn't have looked at the other twice first, it was the guy who didn't find the woman he ended up with attractive (enough).

Both times that I've been in love, it was with women whom I did not find attractive at first. A woman has also fallen for me after a preliminary rejection. This does refute your hypothesis, however, it's irrelevant, as they do not apply to the adult world.

In both cases, it was with women that I had to see and to keep seeing, as they were classmates. This yielded enough time for a connection to develop. Once you keep seeing somebody, either in class, or at work, or in church (hypothetically), you have the opportunity to have the other person to re-evaluate you, by somehow improving your own value. But there is no such second chance in the adult world of online dating. If you don't hit a spark on the first date, you will never get another chance. It doesn't matter if a magic potion gives you a perfect body and face -- she won't be willing to meet you.

 

[Exodus2011]

ive mentioned this before but i wish i was like one of those dudes who is fine with a quick f*** from a non monster chick every once in a while

i need approval from high quality non primitive white or asian (or mix of the 2)girls to be happy lol, i feel like its the purpose of life. i dont even give half a f*** about actually being with them, touching or f*****g them, i just wanna know they find me attractive lol

obviously if they wanted to f*** id wanna participate but the actual part of being good enough for them is 98% of what matters

 

[yetti]

No, to the OP



Not that I doubt your experience, but I've had completely the opposite experience. I've heard women SAY they don't like Chad Thundercock, only to see them later do something that proves that was a lie. It's been my experience that when faced with the actual CHOICE of having it, they will have it.

Just last weekend, I stopped by this store, there was like nobody there except a former co-worker of mine who still works there. We got on the subject of hot movie stars after Evangeline Lilly came up in the discussion somehow. I half-jokingly suggested she probably liked this one dude who is a really ripped "Chad" and she's like "No! He's way older and I don't like muscular guys! I like nerdy guys!' Now, I'm also friends with her boyfriend, who is definitely a nerdy guy with a "dad bod". I said,

"So...if X came home one day and got jacked; like, Chris Hemsworth jacked...you'd prefer that he didn't?"

and she's like "Well *awkward pause* no..." I was waiting for a "but", but it never came — she just started talking about something else.

I don't doubt there may be some women out there who legit don't like "Chads", but I do doubt that most who say they don't won't (quite literally) turn tail when he's actually right there in front of them, and interested in them.

Good post and convo... I mean yeah we can just agree to disagree. But I would say, go to the mall on a crowded weekend and study the couples for a while, and try to objectively rate the looks. I do think you find significantly more funny looking guys with hot girls than the other way around. And if you agree with this then it proves the point.

I know this is wading into territory here that most disagree with but so be it.... . . . "Confidence" is sometimes mentioned here as a thing girls are attracted to, and that gets shot down. It's all about looks, looks, looks. OK, lets say thats true... so what enhances a person's looks? And the answer here is working out, and fashion. And so people post pics of clothes that are supposedly fashionable and attractive, and pics of model looking guys modelling fashion.

I'll be honest. I think we are a bunch of geeks and nerds (including myself) and the fashion I've seen posted here is what's in a geek's imagination about what looks good. Which, you know, is fine. But what I think does make an average looking guy into an attractive partner for certain women is "attitude". Attitude, and that attitude expressed in fashion. The only person I've ever seen post here who seems to grasp that is shookwon.

I'll give you an example. Go to a punk rock show of a popular young group. What you''ll find there are a good number of good looking women who are attracted to the punk scene, decked out as punks. And you'll also find a large number of less good looking but sneering punky dudes who are all decked out as punks in part because they are attracted to punky girls, they know this is where to find them, and they can hook up with/date them if they join and look the scene. And so the pimply skinny geek becomes the brooding semi-mysterious punk boy. Bascally I think most men look at a woman and see a physical specimen and to a large extent ignore style etc... shes hot or not hot regardless of clothes. Women look at a guy and see a complete package, of course including looks, and the judgement of the looks is more influenced by the attitude and style of the dude than the reverse.

And for whatever its worth I think this point is further proven by the numerous guys who have posted here who complain for years that they arent attractive and can never hook up, never get approached etc., and then they post or PM their photo and everyone is like, dude! You're a good looking guy! Why can't you hook up! This is BS, youre a chad! .... Why? Because something beyond just looks is being perceived and making the guys less attractive and hookuppable to the girls. Think now about the reverse. Do you think a gorgeous but shy or awkward girl never gets hit on? Please.

BTW welcome back Afro.

 

[That Guy]

Good post and convo... I mean yeah we can just agree to disagree. But I would say, go to the mall on a crowded weekend and study the couples for a while, and try to objectively rate the looks. I do think you find significantly more funny looking guys with hot girls than the other way around. And if you agree with this then it proves the point.

I know this is wading into territory here that most disagree with but so be it.... . . . "Confidence" is sometimes mentioned here as a thing girls are attracted to, and that gets shot down. It's all about looks, looks, looks. OK, lets say thats true... so what enhances a person's looks? And the answer here is working out, and fashion. And so people post pics of clothes that are supposedly fashionable and attractive, and pics of model looking guys modelling fashion.

I'll be honest. I think we are a bunch of geeks and nerds (including myself) and the fashion I've seen posted here is what's in a geek's imagination about what looks good. Which, you know, is fine. But what I think does make an average looking guy into an attractive partner for certain women is "attitude". Attitude, and that attitude expressed in fashion. The only person I've ever seen post here who seems to grasp that is shookwon.

I'll give you an example. Go to a punk rock show of a popular young group. What you''ll find there are a good number of good looking women who are attracted to the punk scene, decked out as punks. And you'll also find a large number of less good looking but sneering punky dudes who are all decked out as punks in part because they are attracted to punky girls, they know this is where to find them, and they can hook up with/date them if they join and look the scene. And so the pimply skinny geek becomes the brooding semi-mysterious punk boy. Bascally I think most men look at a woman and see a physical specimen and to a large extent ignore style etc... shes hot or not hot regardless of clothes. Women look at a guy and see a complete package, of course including looks, and the judgement of the looks is more influenced by the attitude and style of the dude than the reverse.

And for whatever its worth I think this point is further proven by the numerous guys who have posted here who complain for years that they arent attractive and can never hook up, never get approached etc., and then they post or PM their photo and everyone is like, dude! You're a good looking guy! Why can't you hook up! This is BS, youre a chad! .... Why? Because something beyond just looks is being perceived and making the guys less attractive and hookuppable to the girls. Think now about the reverse. Do you think a gorgeous but shy or awkward girl never gets hit on? Please.

BTW welcome back Afro.

Well, for the most part, I'd say most people I see are looksmatched; especially if the woman goes without makeup. But I agree with all your points.

The things is: My mantra in all of this is always about setting realistic expectations. I think that most people, men specifically, tend to hold out hope for the exceptions happening to them rather than the rule and I just think this sets up so many guys for disappointment.

If you're an overweight, balding, short, kinda geeky-lookin' dude, the odds that the girl five inches taller than you, super fit, etc. will go out with you are pretty damn slim.

Where the problem arises, is that these kinds of guys chasing women "out of their league" tend to rationalize their own and each others failures with things like "Oh, you just need to be more confident' and other things like that. The most likely scenario is, it doesn't matter how funny, charismatic, etc. you are: She isn't sexually interested in you and therefore isn't romantically, either. Then, these guys go out and read PUA kind of sh*t and then try to "phone it in" when it comes to personality because they read that women like it when you say or do XYZ.

Worse yet, some of these guys actually aspire to become a rich "beta provider" type to wind up in parasitic relationships with good-looking women just so they can show off.

So my opinion is that you should always work to improve your appearance to whatever your upper limit is, exercise, don't be such an introvert, and set your expectations at a realistic level informed by honest self reflection — I think a lot of people would be happier in general that way.

 

[yetti]

Well, for the most part, I'd say most people I see are looksmatched; especially if the woman goes without makeup. But I agree with all your points.

Ya, I agree that most couples are "looksmatched" and I also agree with your points... no doubt people pining for people out of their league is going to usually result in disappointment.

FWIW my experience in long relationships has been that after a few years you really don't even see the looks any more... doesn't matter how physically attracted you were at the start of the relationship (though without a doubt it helps to have a lot of it at the start). It's just the person and whether or not you like them. So I'd advise lonely people who are forever waiting for that perfect looking person to date and marry to chill out about that. After a while how you perceive the looks becomes almost entirely dependent on how you're getting along with the person.