Have U Ever Fallen For Anyone You Didn't Find Reasonably Physically Attractive Upon 1st Inspection?

[cantara]

Ya, I agree that most couples are "looksmatched" and I also agree with your points... no doubt people pining for people out of their league is going to usually result in disappointment.

FWIW my experience in long relationships has been that after a few years you really don't even see the looks any more... doesn't matter how physically attracted you were at the start of the relationship (though without a doubt it helps to have a lot of it at the start). It's just the person and whether or not you like them. So I'd advise lonely people who are forever waiting for that perfect looking person to date and marry to chill out about that. After a while how you perceive the looks becomes almost entirely dependent on how you're getting along with the person.

It always leads me back to the same questions: what is my league? what are the leagues of the girls I‘m interested in? is it really only a question of leagues it hasn‘t worked out with them? but can it really only be a coincidence others grew to like me romantically while with the attractive ones above my paygrade it never happens? is it possible to „learn“ finding a girl who is cool and in your league - once more or less determined - attractive? I‘ve tried, but it seems a problem for many, at least here...

 

[cantara]

Both times that I've been in love, it was with women whom I did not find attractive at first. A woman has also fallen for me after a preliminary rejection. This does refute your hypothesis, however, it's irrelevant, as they do not apply to the adult world.

In both cases, it was with women that I had to see and to keep seeing, as they were classmates. This yielded enough time for a connection to develop. Once you keep seeing somebody, either in class, or at work, or in church (hypothetically), you have the opportunity to have the other person to re-evaluate you, by somehow improving your own value. But there is no such second chance in the adult world of online dating. If you don't hit a spark on the first date, you will never get another chance. It doesn't matter if a magic potion gives you a perfect body and face -- she won't be willing to meet you.

It goes along with my experience, as I meet the most interesting people (and hence also women) at work, without expectations. Many there are obviously in a relationship, but I‘m
pretty sure with some might have been a chance, if they weren‘t/hadn‘t been. At least a better chance than trying to find an appealing girl with decent class that likes me back on a dating app, given my looks and age.

 

[cantara]

Ya, I agree that most couples are "looksmatched" and I also agree with your points... no doubt people pining for people out of their league is going to usually result in disappointment.

FWIW my experience in long relationships has been that after a few years you really don't even see the looks any more... doesn't matter how physically attracted you were at the start of the relationship (though without a doubt it helps to have a lot of it at the start). It's just the person and whether or not you like them. So I'd advise lonely people who are forever waiting for that perfect looking person to date and marry to chill out about that. After a while how you perceive the looks becomes almost entirely dependent on how you're getting along with the person.

As for looksmatches...I tend to analyse this a lot recently (see my league-ponderings), and yes, over 50% of couples are looksmatches (always easier to judge that if you are not part of the equation), but the better part of the rest I see is couples were the guy is slightly to well better looking than the female. Then there is a small portion of couples where one of the two looks significantly better, here I don‘t see a gender tendency.

 

[yetti]

It always leads me back to the same questions: what is my league? what are the leagues of the girls I‘m interested in? is it really only a question of leagues it hasn‘t worked out with them? but can it really only be a coincidence others grew to like me romantically while with the attractive ones above my paygrade it never happens? is it possible to „learn“ finding a girl who is cool and in your league - once more or less determined - attractive? I‘ve tried, but it seems a problem for many, at least here...

Maybe a better question is, what kinds of girls are you attracted to, and what can you do to present yourself in as tantalizing a way as possible to those girls? Maybe you can become more appealing to them in creative ways you havent explored. I dont think the standard work out, get hair and get some nice clothes is at all sufficient.

I was interested in cute hippie chicks. So I taught myself guitar and started writing folk songs. It helped me with women, a lot. Yes I love music anyway and was into writing and playing songs, and it became a great hobby. But with no attraction to the kinds of girls who like those songs I never would have started.

 

[cantara]

Maybe a better question is, what kinds of girls are you attracted to, and what can you do to present yourself in as tantalizing a way as possible to those girls? Maybe you can become more appealing to them in creative ways you havent explored. I dont think the standard work out, get hair and get some nice clothes is at all sufficient.

I was interested in cute hippie chicks. So I taught myself guitar and started writing folk songs. It helped me with women, a lot. Yes I love music anyway and was into writing and playing songs, and it became a great hobby. But with no attraction to the kinds of girls who like those songs I never would have done it.

No niche for me...I like pretty, well-groomed, “corporate” girls that are not flashy. Now to the soft factors: I also like the ability for self-irony and repercusiveness as well as some good-hearted cheekiness. If you can bring to the table – along with interesting views (that most here seem to be offering by the way – not to be taken for granted in real life in my experience) – it can get you somewhere with girls. For instance, there was a girl (clearly smarter than me in my opinion) I used to criticize/tease over grammer mistakes. I didn’t do it as a way of approaching her romatically, I could just sense her mindset allows for it – which showed to be totally true, she first hated, in the end fell for me. “Hatred” by the way seems to be a better base for romantic feelings to develop than when somebody just couldn’t care less about you and what you say.

Anyways, I just think those soft factors that also enhance my chances given what my characteristics are, you barely see them in girls who fulfil the physical requirements. Well, mostly the pretty-part – maybe because they had to learn to develop those soft factors because of just that…

 

[scorpiolove]

To the O.P., it happened to me about two weeks ago, I'm lost, I think I'm in too deep,FML.

 

[g.i joey]

I dated a woman who i deemed myself more attractive than in 2016. I loved it, i had all the control in the relationship, never woprried about what she was up too, i slept well at night. The dating experience was great, but longterm i dont thin id be able... i was basically already cheating on her 3 months in... so after about 7 months and her complaining about our relationship not "evolving" i realized this relationship was not sustainable as i didnt care about her as much as she did about me.... She was a great girl though, good head on her shoulders and all that, good job. But lookswise, i was better (with a thicker nw2.5)