Have You Had Enough?

[Aplunk1]

Have You Had Enough?

...of what?

Your hair loss, dummy.

Have you had enough yet?



As for me, I think that I fit in the "Somewhat, it's eating me up inside" area. It's not just my hair loss; it's everything in general.

When I look back at my life... I realize that I could have changed things for the better. I could have succeeded in school. I could have dated that girl, Sarah. I could have tried harder. I could have stuck with college. I could have stayed away from drugs. I could have done all these things before hair loss set in.

I could have really lived.

I'm just now starting to see my life for what it is:

A 20-year-old college dropout... sitting at his computer on a weekend night... Doing, nothing but making these stupid posts on this forum and trying to improve a no good talent at playing guitar... while all the meanwhile, drinking (lots... I'm quite drunk on Corona and Jaigermeister) and reminescing about past acquantainces, loves, and losts...

Ever since growing up, my family and especially my father have been saying that every decision I make was a "bad" one, and set out to prove it...

I always felt bad for lieing to my dad for dating girls when I was under 18. He always thought that a man shouldn't be dating too young...

I felt so bad when I smoked pot a couple of times. He told me how horrible of a person I was.

All these things,

I feel awful.

I think that I'm going to eventually graduate onto "Yeah, I'm done."

All these treatments, these hopes, and dreams, they're all ways off psychologically and physically putting off the inevitable-- and no, I'm not talking about hair loss.

I'm talking about my own suicide.

I decided to make this a poll, to see all those who are suffering as bad as I am.

 

[DaSand]

Whatever you do, don't commit suicide there are people who have it worse than you. Believe me, I was in the same situtation you are.

I transferred from a university to a community college to figure out a major, I got my Associate's eventually and switched majors when I transferred over. I realized I would still be out by the end of 2007 or mid 2008, but some of my friends from high school are graduating from college now. I felt so bad by not graduating on time and with seeing I don't have much time left with my hair I felt like crap. I felt like jumping off a bridge or stabbing myself.

Not everyone after high school goes to college. People go to college at different ages from 20 to 50 years old. There were people I knew that were going back to school at 40! It's not too late.

I mean in my senior year in high school, my dad died a few days after the year started from a long battle with cancer. I also realized my friends weren't my friends and I was in a sucky part-time job. I wanted to drop out and die, but I kept on going. I still made Honors and got awards for school and graduated. Despite coming back home from college, I'm still going to finish school regardless of what happens.

Never give up Aplunk1!

I wished I stuck with my original major and if I acted less on emotions, I would've stayed at the first university. I do like the current school and major I'm studying now it's just I have more interest in my old one (maybe I'm just clinging to the past with my love for History) but I'm fine because I can see myself in Business.

Life is not over Aplunk1, you've still got more chances to improve yourself. Don't let the past get to you, I didn't realize how much I missed because I was focused on the past for a long time (Believe me, this happened before college during my sophomore year in high school). Enjoy the present while you still can.

I don't let my hair loss get to me, it's in the genes so might as well shave it until HM comes out.

 

[Aplunk1]

Hey man,
thanks for the reply. It doesn't really cover all the amazing sh*t that's happened to me over the years.

It's not so much that college bothers me...

I just wish that things could have been put right before they were made wrong. Every decision that I make I always think to myself... This is the wrong decision.

It's just been part of my habit growing up.

In any case, whether or not I go on to graduate from college, I'll still be financially broke for the next 10-15 years of my life, balding, thin, or bald.

I'll never love myself again if I lose my hair. That's the way I feel.

And if that's the case, then I might as well just subside into another drug habit and fade away from society, slowly, until I'm no longer here.

I wish I could find a way to word things, but I'm still a little fucked up from all the substances that I put in my body last night.... Damn, after 11 months of being drug-free, I finally broke it and mixed a lot of alcohol and weed together.

I guess no matter how far I make it, I'll just be setting myself up for failure.

I've almost had enough of it all.

 

[hairwegoagain]

Snap out of it, man. 20 years old ain't sh*t. I remember thinking I had "become too old" to change anything. sh*t, I'm 33 now and I wish I could remember being 20 better. All of this sh*t will just be a flash in the pan that you won't dwell on forever. You have to get yourself out of the rut.

I do suggest going back to school to finish up. In debt for 10 years? It's worth it for a lifetime of better opportunity.

Girls? Give me a break. Dime a dozen. The good ones are harder to find, but far from impossible. You have to make yourself likeable and attractive to the good ones though...hair has nothing to do with it. Spending all of your free time punishing your liver and smokin' the sacrament does. You have to cut back on that sh*t and get out. Everyone's got a Sarah in the past. There are lots of "Sarahs" passing you by right now because you are not making yourself approachable or available.

Easy to say, hard to make yourself do - I know...but the sooner you make the move the sooner the future will be bright and you can leave these days of gloom behind you for good.

 

[Aplunk1]

Easy to say, hard to make yourself do - I know...but the sooner you make the move the sooner the future will be bright and you can leave these days of gloom behind you for good.

It's easier said than done... I know- how would you go about doing all of this when you have absolutely nobody, not even your family. To be honest, I have nobody, and I'm not being irrational. I have fallen out with almost my completely family, and I'm trying to do my best. But trying just doesn't seem enough now.

 

[Steve4263]

Commiting Suicide is not the answer to your problems. Like someone said in a previous post your problems are small compared to other people's problems. I use to smoke alot of weed and get drunk myself. But all it was is a temporary "FIX". It did'nt FIX anything just made things worse. I have been
depressed numerous times myself. Mostly about my job and my life. I think you should be able to turn to your family members for help. If they don't want anything to do with you then find someone that does. You can always talk here. Someone will read your posts and respond to them. Like me and others.

 

[Aplunk1]

I cant...I cant see your hailoss!I tried hard,but I cant.

Have you seen my hair shaved?

http://www.hairlosstalk.com/discussions ... d+head+3mm

It's growing out some, but damn, is it f*****g then. I don't think you have any idea how heartbreaking it is to see your hair thin so completely after 1 cycle.

Commiting Suicide is not the answer to your problems. Like someone said in a previous post your problems are small compared to other people's problems. I use to smoke alot of weed and get drunk myself. But all it was is a temporary "FIX". It did'nt FIX anything just made things worse. I have been
depressed numerous times myself. Mostly about my job and my life. I think you should be able to turn to your family members for help. If they don't want anything to do with you then find someone that does. You can always talk here. Someone will read your posts and respond to them. Like me and others.

Thanks, man. I do like to talk here, and it does alleviate my problems, more than short term. I'm honestly just very impatient. I wish I could just get coverage with my hair, I think it's a reasonable expectation.

I was drunk and high last night, and I went to my cousin's house. He knew something was wrong, and we talked for a while.

So, I guess I DO have some family that genuinely cares.

Everytime I entertain myself of suicide, I think how badly it would affect my cousin, and that really upsets me. I get headaches from it.

I'll try to stop wasting your guys' time.

 

[Kojak85]

Hey Alplunk!

first of all i think your hair looks great (wish mine was like that )
as i read your post i felt that we where kind of in the same position...

I know it sucks to be balding in your early 20s, hey im only 21 an im balding like a mother******, but i cant let this thing consume my life...

i mean im doing all i can to fight this thing... same as you
what else can we do?

there is no point in spending your days infront of the pc, you have good hair man, i mean it!
lets say 5 years from noe your thinking that you should have gone out and banged chicks while you still had that full head of hair...
this is the time, hair time!

well thats what keeps me going anyway, i act as if i have 5 years left to live or something, trying to make every hair day count, make the best of the time you have your hair, and then when you finally go all bald ( if you do) you can atleast comfort yourself knowing that you made the best of your hair!

I hope things work out for you and remeber you can always vent here, we are all in the same boat!

 

[DaSand]

I'll try to stop wasting your guys' time.[/quote]

You're not wasting my time, I'm on spring break. Like I said, there are people who have it worse than you do. I'd get off the drugs and alcohol and start going out!

I wish I had your hairline, I'm a Norwood 3 with thinning in front and in back.

You don't realize how many people you affect when you kill yourself. A classmate of mine committed suicide right before senior year and I didn't know him all that well. I was still affected by it and went to his wake. Everyone from the class and other students who knew him came. It is really a selfish way to go.

I get depressed too about life and school from time to time. I talk to close friends and family that can help me out. Believe me, but you have to want to change things no one will do it for you.

I hope I'm helping you out aplunk1!

 

[Steve4263]

I cant...I cant see your hailoss!I tried hard,but I cant.

Have you seen my hair shaved?

http://www.hairlosstalk.com/discussions ... d+head+3mm

It's growing out some, but damn, is it f****ing then. I don't think you have any idea how heartbreaking it is to see your hair thin so completely after 1 cycle.

Commiting Suicide is not the answer to your problems. Like someone said in a previous post your problems are small compared to other people's problems. I use to smoke alot of weed and get drunk myself. But all it was is a temporary "FIX". It did'nt FIX anything just made things worse. I have been
depressed numerous times myself. Mostly about my job and my life. I think you should be able to turn to your family members for help. If they don't want anything to do with you then find someone that does. You can always talk here. Someone will read your posts and respond to them. Like me and others.

Thanks, man. I do like to talk here, and it does alleviate my problems, more than short term. I'm honestly just very impatient. I wish I could just get coverage with my hair, I think it's a reasonable expectation.

I was drunk and high last night, and I went to my cousin's house. He knew something was wrong, and we talked for a while.

So, I guess I DO have some family that genuinely cares.

Everytime I entertain myself of suicide, I think how badly it would affect my cousin, and that really upsets me. I get headaches from it.

I'll try to stop wasting your guys' time.

I know how you feel. I tryed cutting my hair with a clipper, man I looked terrible. I was really down on myself. Like you can't do anything right and all kinds of negative things I was telling myself. I wore a cap until my hair grew out again. Let your hair grow out, don't cut it yourself and you should be ok with. I will never cut my own hair again. :lol: I wish my hair would grow in quicker as well. But you have to wait for results. Nothing comes easy, well except maybe a hooker and you have to pay for that too. :lol:

 

[Aplunk1]

Thanks DaSand,
I've really thought over your post a lot. All I know is that life would be a lot easier if I had some good friends to be there with me. I'm a good-looking kid, I just find it extremely difficult to fit any friends into my time. Not like I'm a jackass, but I just have to work so damn much and so damn late that I think it's really getting to me.

I know it's selfish to think about suicide, but I can hardly help myself. I know that I'm crying to help to these forums because I feel like I need it. If I didn't have you guys, I would have probably already shot myself, and that's no joke.


And thanks Steve,
I have been taking MSM and it's making my hair grow out a lot faster. It's already a lot more bearable than it was like a week ago. I've almost completely stopped pulling out any hair, which is really good for me...

So I can honestly give it 2-3 months, and I should have a nice mame for myself... I hope.

But I'm always scared that something awful is going to happen. I guess that's just me being paranoid. I need to take some Xanax or something...

Thanks very much guys for listening. I know I sound like a chick, but I really needed some attention.

I'll try to settle down a bit.

 

[Hawaii male]

Aplunk or Andy if i may,

Since i have joined these forums I have noticed your presence here. You gave me the impression as a person that is confident in himself. I enjoy reading your posts here and always gain motivation from them. You are a valuable member here, you should feel no shame hovering these boards. You enjoy doing it, enjoy helping others. You shouldnt be so down on yourself since we have all made choices that werent so good in our pasts. I dropped out of college just as you have at age 20. It doesnt mean our life is over, we are just taking a different path. We have a reason for it.


Keep your head up.



-Russell

 

[Guest]

hey aplunk, i think of suicide sometimes too. but i never did it or made real plans for it. i think you are a cool guy. but your hair is getting worse. you already can see a bald spot. damn. i hope for you your treatmens will work. but i can tell you. when you think of suicide. dont do it. it will get better. anyway.

 

[Aplunk1]

Aplunk or Andy if i may,

Since i have joined these forums I have noticed your presence here. You gave me the impression as a person that is confident in himself. I enjoy reading your posts here and always gain motivation from them. You are a valuable member here, you should feel no shame hovering these boards. You enjoy doing it, enjoy helping others. You shouldnt be so down on yourself since we have all made choices that werent so good in our pasts. I dropped out of college just as you have at age 20. It doesnt mean our life is over, we are just taking a different path. We have a reason for it.


Keep your head up.

-Russell

This is perhaps some of the best advice I've had.
Thanks for understanding. I didn't see things like this before.

 

[Aplunk1]

Hay Alpunk!You play guitar, right?I play piano!And Jeffs, as far as I can remember, plays too!We could make nice depressive band!
As one wise girl said, "depresion is a path, what leads nowhere, only down."Where will you come like this?To suicide?Ok, and in the next level...eeh, life, you will become silly dog, or something worse.Just think:you can shoose a lot now, till you live.Remember, when you started your concious life? when you are free to make what you want?just 5 years, right?So act, till you have time, till you have.

Hey, yeah, I play guitar. I think I'm actually starting to get kind of good. Jeffsss seems like he's doing a lot better, and way less depressed than his old posts. In fact, I rarely see him on these boards or talk to him anymore.

I would love to be reincarnated into a dog, with a good owner, of course.

What are my next 5 years going to be? I am fearful of looking what the next day will bring. I'm starting to become a shut-in. Damn it.

 

[Aplunk1]

hey aplunk, i think of suicide sometimes too. but i never did it or made real plans for it. i think you are a cool guy. but your hair is getting worse. you already can see a bald spot. damn. i hope for you your treatmens will work. but i can tell you. when you think of suicide. dont do it. it will get better. anyway.

I don't see how the two aforementioned remarks are supposed to help me one bit. In fact, I don't think that my hair is becoming worse at all. If ?I were to grow it out, I'm sure it would look better than baseline.

But as far as suicide goes, it's an option I contemplate several hours dailyh.

 

[Uni Student]

Not many bald dogs around :lol:

 

[hairwegoagain]

hey aplunk, i think of suicide sometimes too. but i never did it or made real plans for it. i think you are a cool guy. but your hair is getting worse. you already can see a bald spot. damn. i hope for you your treatmens will work. but i can tell you. when you think of suicide. dont do it. it will get better. anyway.

I don't see how the two aforementioned remarks are supposed to help me one bit. In fact, I don't think that my hair is becoming worse at all. If ?I were to grow it out, I'm sure it would look better than baseline.

But as far as suicide goes, it's an option I contemplate several hours dailyh.

Don't listen to the little outcast. He's irrelevant.

Your hair looks damn good IMO.

 

[Aplunk1]

Thanks hairwegoagain for the reassurance I need. I feel like I'm getting a little bit better in coming to terms with my hair.

 

[Guest]

it looks bad. i mean i wish the best for him that it gets better, but in the back it looks bad. and he says himself that it looks worse in person. so shut up. let me my opinion.