I feel like an old man
- Thread starter epictetus
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uncomfortable man
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There comes a point where it is no longer about "looking good" anymore, rather to just look normal. When you are completely bald and all your friends and everyone around you has full heads of hair, then the problem transcends vanity and really comes down to the issue of conformity. Could you stand being different in a bad way that makes you stick out and attracts unwelcome ridicule? Don't underestimate the power of conformity and the basic human need for acceptance. And to Shma, yes that is me. So what? I suppose your going to tell me that I don't have a right to be upset by my baldness?Eureka said:
uncomfortable man said:
Man...quit your god-damn whining and complaining and go do something with your life! I'm 21 years old with over 50 percent crown thinning...shave my head bald (trust me...I do NOT look like I just have a David Beckhman full head of hair buzzcut) and go to university surrounded by thousands upon thousands of students with full heads of hair. Even then...I don't feel like I'm some alien outsider who everybody is scorning and laughing at. I recognize that like me...most people are too self-interested to really give a f*** about somebody else to such an extent. So seriously...stop it with these stupid, self righteous posts like "you think YOU have it bad...try being ME and see how it feels!"...cuz I have it worse than you in that respect and even I don't complain NEARLY as much nor do I see other people constantly ridiculing me. I'm not saying its easy...but having this pathetic "all other people with full heads of hair are superior to me...I'm not normal, I'm an alien freak" attitude is bullshit...its just f*****g hair when it comes down to it. I'm not inferior to somebody else because less strands of protein grow out of my head than out of theirs....and if they think that, then they are f*****g morons.
You wanna get over this ordeal U-man? Then start giving your SELF some god-damn worth and stop thinking everybody else is judging you just because of your hair...they aren't! The problem is...you're pretty much saying that hair is the only thing that makes a person worthy in this society...you complain so much about you THINK other people view you...but how do you view yourself? Unless you start giving your SELF some credit you will never get over this...start realizing that you can offer value to the world despite being bald. Because until then...you're just going to remain a narcissistic, pessimistic loser who just complains and yet does nothing on HIS part to fix the problem.
uncomfortable man
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I've tried shrinks, medication, positive affirmations, visualization excersizes, etc. to address the underlying issues of BDD and depression. The big 3 and transplants won't help my physical situation and I'm not going to wear a wig. So that only leaves micropigmentation which I'm looking into so I don't know what else you expect from me. I'm living back with my ex (or x ex) and looking for work everyday but it is tough out there, hair or not. You act like I have no life outside this forum (which was intentionally designed to vent and "complain") so save the motivational speech for the junior high school assembly.Cute balls said:
follicle84
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No one is saying you shoudnt be bothered about hairloss by saying you look good Uman. You have every right to feel how you feel. They are just trying to give u there own perspective so you can see another side to things as it seems you've only seen the worst case scenario from people. Not everyone see's you as you believe them to see you that all people are getting at. 
its still clear you have an attitude that sets you up to fail....you've tried a few things, ok...how committed are you really? What else have you tried...how long did you try these things? Or were you just content to "try positive affirmations" with a negative attitude and then give up and claim its bullshit when it didn't magically work in 3 hours....you've spent nearly a decade with these negative beliefs engrained in your mind...it takes WORK and COMMITMENT to change your outlook...you don't just try something and quit when it doesn't immediately work and then say "see...the real problem is my baldness because none of this works."
the truly sad part is that you don't see that your view towards being bald IS NOT A COMMONLY ACCEPTED viewpoint even among other bald men....its based on the way you see the world which is fundamentally skewed. Even other bald men aren't going to say they think people are staring and mocking them all day long...what you don't get is that your concerns ARE MAINLY in your head. You had this problem of thinking people were staring at you even before you were bald...yet you have the nerve to come on these forums and make these outrageous assertions that people stare at you and mock you because you're bald....its insulting to the people on this board who come here seeking some sort of help or comfort because they will get the impression that your view is reflective of any sort of truth....when the reality is, you have a serious issue of BDD...you've conditioned yourself by this point to actively LOOK for evidence that supports your viewpoint of people mocking you. THAT is the issue you need to fix. You can tattoo your scalp all you want...but until you see that most of your concerns are in your head and that the world isn't waiting to be cruel and laugh AT YOU all day long...then you're always going to struggle with these issues. Have you ever tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with a well-trained, certified psychologist? Forget visualization and positive affirmations...that sh*t isn't going to do much in your situation...what you need is to fundamentally explore the logic behind your thought processes and then actively challenge that logic...if you can see for yourself that the world actually isn't the way YOU see it then that will be a huge help towards fixing your problems...but until you try to deal with that problem don't keep coming on here with your bullshit that people are staring and laughing at you all day long because its complete and utter BS. (Not saying you haven't actually encountered some unfortunate instances where people are assholes but to think that random people on the street are sneering at you all day long is absurd).
And BTW for interests sake...stop dodging the god-damn question....where DO you live?
the truly sad part is that you don't see that your view towards being bald IS NOT A COMMONLY ACCEPTED viewpoint even among other bald men....its based on the way you see the world which is fundamentally skewed. Even other bald men aren't going to say they think people are staring and mocking them all day long...what you don't get is that your concerns ARE MAINLY in your head. You had this problem of thinking people were staring at you even before you were bald...yet you have the nerve to come on these forums and make these outrageous assertions that people stare at you and mock you because you're bald....its insulting to the people on this board who come here seeking some sort of help or comfort because they will get the impression that your view is reflective of any sort of truth....when the reality is, you have a serious issue of BDD...you've conditioned yourself by this point to actively LOOK for evidence that supports your viewpoint of people mocking you. THAT is the issue you need to fix. You can tattoo your scalp all you want...but until you see that most of your concerns are in your head and that the world isn't waiting to be cruel and laugh AT YOU all day long...then you're always going to struggle with these issues. Have you ever tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with a well-trained, certified psychologist? Forget visualization and positive affirmations...that sh*t isn't going to do much in your situation...what you need is to fundamentally explore the logic behind your thought processes and then actively challenge that logic...if you can see for yourself that the world actually isn't the way YOU see it then that will be a huge help towards fixing your problems...but until you try to deal with that problem don't keep coming on here with your bullshit that people are staring and laughing at you all day long because its complete and utter BS. (Not saying you haven't actually encountered some unfortunate instances where people are assholes but to think that random people on the street are sneering at you all day long is absurd).
And BTW for interests sake...stop dodging the god-damn question....where DO you live?
I've tried shrinks, medication, positive affirmations, visualization excersizes, etc. to address the underlying issues of BDD and depression. The big 3 and transplants won't help my physical situation and I'm not going to wear a wig. So that only leaves micropigmentation which I'm looking into so I don't know what else you expect from me. I'm living back with my ex (or x ex) and looking for work everyday but it is tough out there, hair or not. You act like I have no life outside this forum (which was intentionally designed to vent and "complain") so save the motivational speech for the junior high school assembly.[/quote:2n62bdht]uncomfortable man said:
uncomfortable man
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I live in California, in between Santa Cruz and San Jose....does that help? If so I don't see how? I get what you're saying Q but you gotta understand that what I'm experiencing feels REAL to me. When I'm walking down the street and a passing stranger's eyes go straight to my forehead and they chuckle to themselves or whisper to their friend (all the while looking at ME) then it seems pretty obvious to me what is really going on. I can admit that I may misinterpret things occasionally based on general paranoia, but that doesn't mean that these things don't really happen to me on a regular basis. I realize that there are plenty of good, genuine people out there who are truly indifferent and I appreciate them immensely but there are alot of judgmental pricks out there that look down on anyone for any reason and that is the thorn in my side. This site is my therapy so like anyone else, I welcome you to engage my issues and logic process. Maybe we can come to some compromise or positive outcome for all of this...
epictetus
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UM,
No one is more critical of the bald look than I am. One of the reasons I've had such a hard time accepting it is that I've always thought that the overwhelming majority of bald men look gross or goofy.
But I can say that you're not one that I'd notice. You have a nice face and the right kind of skull shape.
With a close buzz (not a fan of the shave), you look like an athlete. Also, consider getting that micropigmentation.
No one is more critical of the bald look than I am. One of the reasons I've had such a hard time accepting it is that I've always thought that the overwhelming majority of bald men look gross or goofy.
But I can say that you're not one that I'd notice. You have a nice face and the right kind of skull shape.
With a close buzz (not a fan of the shave), you look like an athlete. Also, consider getting that micropigmentation.
Wrong. Bald by early to mid twenties, just more bald by thirty. Point is I lost it during a time when I needed it and indeed I do feel like I had part of my youth/normalcy stolen from me. I turned 35 on my last birthday and although I realize many people might consider that to be getting old, it was just depressing because for me the point was mute since I've been living life as a fifty year old from my twenties. I might as well have been turning 79. The worst part of being bald for me isn't my own reflection in the mirror rather the reflection on people's faces as they react negatively to my baldness. Every encounter, every instance look or comment reaffirms the fact that there is something wrong with my appearance. That combined with the powerlessness I have against what other people think and the unfair judgments they make can be enough to drive me insane.[/quote:2mnlktd9]uncomfortable man said:
Im 25 right now, Norwood 6 with failed hair transplant, and I know exactly what you went through, because Im going through it now plus the failed hair transplant. Losing my hair since 17. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW THIS FEELS. A Large part of my youth, what most people take for granted, was never there for me. It has humbled me out though, but still Id give my left foot for my hair back, and Im not kidding. Im not sure about the reflection on peoples faces though, I think you may just be placing yourself among a "self- conscious" and superficial crowd. This is the type of people i purposely try to avoid because these types of people do look and "make" fun of or put down. Try finding a more intellectual crowd. I tend to find that these people are more understanding, for the most part.