I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, nor do I really want to talk to anyone about this. All of these feelings just keep bottling up inside and I feel worse and worse year after year. I was never in denial; I knew that I had a problem a long time back. I have tried for so long to cover it up and to make it seem as though everything is okay, but it’s not. It’s not getting any easier, and I feel that my life has really taken a blow for this. I just want to get this off of my chest anonymously online. I just want to vent! I can’t take it anymore!!!
From the moment that I wake up in the morning, it is the first thing on my mind, to the moment that I go to bed at night; it is the last thing on my mind: my stupid-*** hairline. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of times a day that I think about it and look at myself in the mirror, and say ‘I hate my life’. I spend so many hours each and every day trying to cover it up doing combovers, and everything else to hide it, only to have it ruined by the slightest wind that I encounter while I walk from my car to the front door at work. I am so f**king sick of this s**t! About three and a half years ago, I was so frustrated that I plotted myself down at the computer and spent a day looking at all of the products that I could find. I knew that Minoxidil didn’t help with the front at all, so I didn’t even bother. After many hours, I found an all-natural product called “Curetageâ€. I ordered the stuff at that point and have been on it every since. Yeah, I do give the stuff credit for me not seeing any hair on my pillow, in the shower, or in the sink, like I use to before, but my hairline is not getting any better.
Curetage is a real pain in the *** to apply, not to mention very time consuming. You are supposed to wash, rinse, and repeat, letting it stay on for a few minutes during the second washing. Apply another cleanser and rub in (2 to 3 times a week), and then condition. At this point, my showers take on average about 30 minutes. It would be very easy if I had a buzz cut, but I don’t. After I get out of the shower, I have to part my hair in several places and apply one applicator, rub it in, and then repeat with another applicator, which makes my head turn red. I have to wait like 30 minutes for the red to go away, and any longer if my hair is not fully dry by then, and then I can go through the bulls**t of styling my hair for another 30 or more minutes. I do this every damn day. I live in the bathroom! I do all of this in secret. I hide all of my products in a locked case. My parents, my sisters, and any of my friends that I still have left don’t know about this. It is my deepest and darkest secrete to which I have never told another soul. I had to go out and get my own PO box to have all of this crap delivered to, so as to spare myself any extra embarrassment if anyone at my house was to get a hold of it.
To tell you the truth, there is only one way that I can style my hair, and there is nothing stylish about it. When I finally get my hair to look at its best, after many frustrating attempts, it still looks stupid and I feel like a dumbass. I have no confidence whenever I am around others with my hair looking the way it does. I am tired of hearing the comments like: ‘Why don’t you comb your hair back?’… ‘Why do you comb it like an old man?’… ‘Are you trying to hide a bald spot?’… ‘Are you thinning up front?’… ‘You need to use some gel’, etc… I hate having to go to the hairdresser; I am never satisfied with their work. I also hate their comments, such as: ‘Yeah, your hair is quite fine’… ‘Your hair is pretty thin’… ‘We’re going to need to hide this up front [no s**t Sherlock!]’, etc… I just cringe onto the armrests and sink deeper into the seat when I hear that crap. I always tell them to give me a #4 on the sides and back, and I make it very clear to them to not cut the top too short. But they never listen, and cut it short anyway. When it’s too short, I can’t cover up the front as much, and I basically have a heart attack every day for 1 to 2 months until it grows back. So, I usually have to trim and cut my hair myself, which is a big pain in the *** as well.
I am getting so tired of this that I just don’t want to wake up and get out of bed anymore, and over the years, I have been waking up later and later, and getting to work later, getting off later, and having less and less of a life. I use to get to work at like 9:30 am, but then it started drifting up to 10:00 am and then 10:30 am, because my routine of having to take care of my hair everyday was and still is taking too long. It is so bad now that I don’t get to work until after 4:00 pm!!! Which means that I don’t get off of work until after midnight. I am very thankful to be working at a place that is extremely lenient and flexible when it comes to ‘when to clock in and when to clock out’, and I am thankful to my boss and the others that I work with for putting up with me. Honestly, my schedule is so messed up that I don’t get to bed until the crack of dawn! This is all because of me being so preoccupied with my hair throughout the day and at night, and also because of my depression, procrastination, and insomnia as well. When I get to work, most of the people there are getting ready to leave. When I come home, everyone is asleep. I am alone a lot, stuck in my own little world. Its not fair damn it! Why me!?
My dad was pretty much bald (NW6) by the age of 25. I am 25 and I am between a NW2 and NW3, with a really big forehead. My mom’s dad maintained the same thick and wonderful hair and hairline from his teenager years, all the way into his 80s. And it was not even gray by then. I am thankful for my mom’s contribution, for I believe that my situation could have been much worse. But I still have a very big problem. I don’t know who to blame, my dad, or my mom for marrying my dad…I know that I shouldn’t think like that, but those thoughts do surface every now and then. My self-esteem is at an all time low. I don’t talk to girls, or even think about wanting to. I don’t even call my friends anymore. Sometimes they call, but I won’t call them back. Some of them I haven’t seen in 2, 3, or more years. I just don’t want to be seen. I don’t go out at all. I have become a recluse. I stay at home all the time, when I don’t have to go to work. And to tell you the truth, I don’t feel as productive or as motivated at work as I use to, not because of the work, but because of my hair. It affects everything I do.
I do not truly feel free. I feel like I’m stuck in a hole and I can’t get out. I get so sad at times that I want to cry, but nothing comes out. I get so angry sometimes that I break stuff. For instance, one day a few weeks back before I left for work, I was feeling so bad about the way that my hair makes me look; I just started kicking my wooden dresser in my room. I kicked the side of it three times as hard as I could and I yelled ‘F**K’ as loud as I could each time. I looked down and saw that the wood had split and there was almost a hole. Another day when I was trying to style my hair, I got so pissed that I threw down my comb and jumped up and stomped my feet down so hard that a picture frame fell off of the wall. I am tired of dealing with my hair and feeling so ashamed and missing out on everything in life.
Nobody knows how big of a problem this is for me. I know that some of you would like to tell me to stop being such a pussy and just shave it all off! Well, I have always had medium-short to medium long hair, and I never had the balls to get a buzz cut. I wish I would have at least tried one 10 years ago, but I just can’t do that now. My hair is part of my identity and I wish that it didn’t affect me so much, but it does. I know that I should go and see a shrink about this. And perhaps someday I will. The bottom line is…if I could have a better hairline, I would be happy.
I don’t know what the future has in store for me, or my hair. All I know is that I am so preoccupied with my hair physically and emotionally that I can’t get around to anything else. I am just waiting. Waiting for things to get better I guess. I should mention that I also take vitamins and supplements everyday. I just recently ordered some Revivogen scalp therapy, and I started using that at night, every night. Yeah, more time in the bathroom! I plan on continuing my morning battles with Curetage, since I believe that it somewhat helps my hair cosmetically as well. We’ll see how things look in three months. I have also been looking at hair transplant clinics online lately. So far, Alvi Armani seems to be my first pick. But I know that I need to keep a hair transplant as my absolute last resort. I need to figure out how to stop the underlying problem at hand first. I do have a lot of vellus hairs in front of my hairline, and If I could just get those back to being terminal hairs, I would be a lot happier.
From the moment that I wake up in the morning, it is the first thing on my mind, to the moment that I go to bed at night; it is the last thing on my mind: my stupid-*** hairline. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of times a day that I think about it and look at myself in the mirror, and say ‘I hate my life’. I spend so many hours each and every day trying to cover it up doing combovers, and everything else to hide it, only to have it ruined by the slightest wind that I encounter while I walk from my car to the front door at work. I am so f**king sick of this s**t! About three and a half years ago, I was so frustrated that I plotted myself down at the computer and spent a day looking at all of the products that I could find. I knew that Minoxidil didn’t help with the front at all, so I didn’t even bother. After many hours, I found an all-natural product called “Curetageâ€. I ordered the stuff at that point and have been on it every since. Yeah, I do give the stuff credit for me not seeing any hair on my pillow, in the shower, or in the sink, like I use to before, but my hairline is not getting any better.
Curetage is a real pain in the *** to apply, not to mention very time consuming. You are supposed to wash, rinse, and repeat, letting it stay on for a few minutes during the second washing. Apply another cleanser and rub in (2 to 3 times a week), and then condition. At this point, my showers take on average about 30 minutes. It would be very easy if I had a buzz cut, but I don’t. After I get out of the shower, I have to part my hair in several places and apply one applicator, rub it in, and then repeat with another applicator, which makes my head turn red. I have to wait like 30 minutes for the red to go away, and any longer if my hair is not fully dry by then, and then I can go through the bulls**t of styling my hair for another 30 or more minutes. I do this every damn day. I live in the bathroom! I do all of this in secret. I hide all of my products in a locked case. My parents, my sisters, and any of my friends that I still have left don’t know about this. It is my deepest and darkest secrete to which I have never told another soul. I had to go out and get my own PO box to have all of this crap delivered to, so as to spare myself any extra embarrassment if anyone at my house was to get a hold of it.
To tell you the truth, there is only one way that I can style my hair, and there is nothing stylish about it. When I finally get my hair to look at its best, after many frustrating attempts, it still looks stupid and I feel like a dumbass. I have no confidence whenever I am around others with my hair looking the way it does. I am tired of hearing the comments like: ‘Why don’t you comb your hair back?’… ‘Why do you comb it like an old man?’… ‘Are you trying to hide a bald spot?’… ‘Are you thinning up front?’… ‘You need to use some gel’, etc… I hate having to go to the hairdresser; I am never satisfied with their work. I also hate their comments, such as: ‘Yeah, your hair is quite fine’… ‘Your hair is pretty thin’… ‘We’re going to need to hide this up front [no s**t Sherlock!]’, etc… I just cringe onto the armrests and sink deeper into the seat when I hear that crap. I always tell them to give me a #4 on the sides and back, and I make it very clear to them to not cut the top too short. But they never listen, and cut it short anyway. When it’s too short, I can’t cover up the front as much, and I basically have a heart attack every day for 1 to 2 months until it grows back. So, I usually have to trim and cut my hair myself, which is a big pain in the *** as well.
I am getting so tired of this that I just don’t want to wake up and get out of bed anymore, and over the years, I have been waking up later and later, and getting to work later, getting off later, and having less and less of a life. I use to get to work at like 9:30 am, but then it started drifting up to 10:00 am and then 10:30 am, because my routine of having to take care of my hair everyday was and still is taking too long. It is so bad now that I don’t get to work until after 4:00 pm!!! Which means that I don’t get off of work until after midnight. I am very thankful to be working at a place that is extremely lenient and flexible when it comes to ‘when to clock in and when to clock out’, and I am thankful to my boss and the others that I work with for putting up with me. Honestly, my schedule is so messed up that I don’t get to bed until the crack of dawn! This is all because of me being so preoccupied with my hair throughout the day and at night, and also because of my depression, procrastination, and insomnia as well. When I get to work, most of the people there are getting ready to leave. When I come home, everyone is asleep. I am alone a lot, stuck in my own little world. Its not fair damn it! Why me!?
My dad was pretty much bald (NW6) by the age of 25. I am 25 and I am between a NW2 and NW3, with a really big forehead. My mom’s dad maintained the same thick and wonderful hair and hairline from his teenager years, all the way into his 80s. And it was not even gray by then. I am thankful for my mom’s contribution, for I believe that my situation could have been much worse. But I still have a very big problem. I don’t know who to blame, my dad, or my mom for marrying my dad…I know that I shouldn’t think like that, but those thoughts do surface every now and then. My self-esteem is at an all time low. I don’t talk to girls, or even think about wanting to. I don’t even call my friends anymore. Sometimes they call, but I won’t call them back. Some of them I haven’t seen in 2, 3, or more years. I just don’t want to be seen. I don’t go out at all. I have become a recluse. I stay at home all the time, when I don’t have to go to work. And to tell you the truth, I don’t feel as productive or as motivated at work as I use to, not because of the work, but because of my hair. It affects everything I do.
I do not truly feel free. I feel like I’m stuck in a hole and I can’t get out. I get so sad at times that I want to cry, but nothing comes out. I get so angry sometimes that I break stuff. For instance, one day a few weeks back before I left for work, I was feeling so bad about the way that my hair makes me look; I just started kicking my wooden dresser in my room. I kicked the side of it three times as hard as I could and I yelled ‘F**K’ as loud as I could each time. I looked down and saw that the wood had split and there was almost a hole. Another day when I was trying to style my hair, I got so pissed that I threw down my comb and jumped up and stomped my feet down so hard that a picture frame fell off of the wall. I am tired of dealing with my hair and feeling so ashamed and missing out on everything in life.
Nobody knows how big of a problem this is for me. I know that some of you would like to tell me to stop being such a pussy and just shave it all off! Well, I have always had medium-short to medium long hair, and I never had the balls to get a buzz cut. I wish I would have at least tried one 10 years ago, but I just can’t do that now. My hair is part of my identity and I wish that it didn’t affect me so much, but it does. I know that I should go and see a shrink about this. And perhaps someday I will. The bottom line is…if I could have a better hairline, I would be happy.
I don’t know what the future has in store for me, or my hair. All I know is that I am so preoccupied with my hair physically and emotionally that I can’t get around to anything else. I am just waiting. Waiting for things to get better I guess. I should mention that I also take vitamins and supplements everyday. I just recently ordered some Revivogen scalp therapy, and I started using that at night, every night. Yeah, more time in the bathroom! I plan on continuing my morning battles with Curetage, since I believe that it somewhat helps my hair cosmetically as well. We’ll see how things look in three months. I have also been looking at hair transplant clinics online lately. So far, Alvi Armani seems to be my first pick. But I know that I need to keep a hair transplant as my absolute last resort. I need to figure out how to stop the underlying problem at hand first. I do have a lot of vellus hairs in front of my hairline, and If I could just get those back to being terminal hairs, I would be a lot happier.
