I think I'm about to lose a "friend" because of hairloss.

[Naltima]

So I have been friends with this idiot since I was about 12, and I'm 23 now. We recently went on a trip to Europe together, and when he was in my hotel room he noticed a bottle of Rogaine in my bathroom (I don't use it anymore.) Anyway he's been making fun ofme about it ever since, but I just brushed it off, my hairloss isn't really that noticeable yet, since I'm only about an NW2.5 at the most. Well about 3 days ago he came over with his girlfriend to my house and out of nowhere he says. "You're balding, maybe you should use some more Rogaine." Again today we're sitting in a restaurant with a few of our friends and we were talking about some stressful situation and he says "Yeah I don't want to do that, then I'll start going gray and bald and will have to borrow Rogaine from him. "

If I really wanted to I could have made him feel really small, since I know a lot of stuff about him that other people don't but I decided not to say anymore, and just smiled. Thing is it just ruined my mood for the entire evening, and I don't really feel like I ever want to him again.

 

[monitoradiation]

Just brush it off man. Sooner or later he'll figure out that nobody is laughing, and in a few years he'll probably be thinning too and if you're still friends with him then, then you can "welcome" him into the club.

If you really still wanna be friends since you've been friends with him for that many years, have a chat with him and tell him he's not doing your friendship any favors by pressing your buttons like that. I'm sure that he's got some insecurities too that you can use as examples of. If he still won't back off, then whatever, cut him loose.

 

[Eureka]

I'd confront him on it. If he doesn't stop after you've made it obvious that you don't like it, then he isn't a very good friend and you should drop him.

Or go a more vindictive way and find something out about him that he's very sensitive of, and exploit it.

 

[optimus prime]

Walk away from him as a friend. He probably isn't trying to hurt you, but he seems like the type of guy who looks to put others down to make himself feel better. If he wasn't putting you down for ,he would try and find something else...


Seriously, just distance yourself from him. He isn't a proper friend.

 

[Fundi]

Just stick up for yourself. You're mates, all it is, is 'banter'. - It's what all young blokes do with close friends, take the piss whenever possible - Until they've been told they've gone too far.

 

[thenational]

Just stick up for yourself. You're mates, all it is, is 'banter'. - It's what all young blokes do with close friends, take the piss whenever possible - Until they've been told they've gone too far.

This.
It happens to all of us, in my circle of friends i get the odd comment but you just have to take it on the chin. People like to take advantages of your weakness, i know that sounds like horrible advice and they don't seem like good friends but it is just a bit of banter and the end of the day. Unless they really toe the line.

 

[Fundi]

Just stick up for yourself. You're mates, all it is, is 'banter'. - It's what all young blokes do with close friends, take the piss whenever possible - Until they've been told they've gone too far.

This.
It happens to all of us, in my circle of friends i get the odd comment but you just have to take it on the chin. People like to take advantages of your weakness, i know that sounds like horrible advice and they don't seem like good friends but it is just a bit of banter and the end of the day. Unless they really toe the line.

Exactly, good friends are comfortable in saying pretty much anthing to each other - Which often results in insults (said rather as a joke than maliciously) - For example, in my circle of friends people racially insult each other. - Obviously they're not hardcore racists or they wouldn't be friends. And if they found a bottle of Rogaine, I'd expect the jokes to be flying.

-You need to have a serious word and tell him he's out of line and it's seriously pissing you off, or learn to just take it as a joke and throw something back at him.

 

[barcafan]

If it really bothers you, just talk to him about it. If he keeps putting you down then just stop talking to him, some people are more sensetive than others.

 

[cleverusername]

My friend got married in August. Originally I was supposed to be his best man but about a month before his wedding we were in a car driving to Rochester for a skate comp/bbq/party thing. On the way there we were joking around and he said something along the lines of "you balding midget". This was in a car full of 6 skating friends. My friend who made the comment we had gotten to be really good friends that year after only being friends through skating for a couple years before. We had gone through some crazy sh*t together because we both wrote graffiti and to have a partner for graffiti you need to absolutely trust that person with your life. Now I was telling him to pull the car over because I wanted to fight him.

When we came to Rochester to get something to eat he started apologizing telling me he wasn't trying to be personal and if I wanted to hit him I could. I couldn't bring myself to do it and spent the rest of the day skating and talking with other people.
Since then I've spoken with him maybe 3 times and we met up to paint a wall in one of our safe spots but after we finished we both went home.

I too knew things to say to him that would hurt him just as much but he's my friend and I just can't do that. Now it's awkward to be around him so I don't even cal him when I'm in town mainly out of embarrassment of my hair not the fact he made fun of it. I wish we were still close friends and I can only advise you to not let too much time pass between speaking because it only gets more awkward. Tell him how much it bothers you and if he's a good friend he'll apologize and not bring it up again.

 

[Fundi]

My friend got married in August. Originally I was supposed to be his best man but about a month before his wedding we were in a car driving to Rochester for a skate comp/bbq/party thing. On the way there we were joking around and he said something along the lines of "you balding midget". This was in a car full of 6 skating friends. My friend who made the comment we had gotten to be really good friends that year after only being friends through skating for a couple years before. We had gone through some crazy sh*t together because we both wrote graffiti and to have a partner for graffiti you need to absolutely trust that person with your life. Now I was telling him to pull the car over because I wanted to fight him.

When we came to Rochester to get something to eat he started apologizing telling me he wasn't trying to be personal and if I wanted to hit him I could. I couldn't bring myself to do it and spent the rest of the day skating and talking with other people.
Since then I've spoken with him maybe 3 times and we met up to paint a wall in one of our safe spots but after we finished we both went home.

I too knew things to say to him that would hurt him just as much but he's my friend and I just can't do that. Now it's awkward to be around him so I don't even cal him when I'm in town mainly out of embarrassment of my hair not the fact he made fun of it. I wish we were still close friends and I can only advise you to not let too much time pass between speaking because it only gets more awkward. Tell him how much it bothers you and if he's a good friend he'll apologize and not bring it up again.

Bit of an overreaction don't you think?

The guy apologised, and even at the time wanting to fight a good friend over a little comment is a bit over the top. But like Barcafan said - Obviously people's sensitivity varies.

 

[cleverusername]

Obviously since I said I couldn't bring myself to hit him. It probably would have bothered me less if it wasn't in front of a group of our friends but clearly hair loss bothers me or I wouldn't be here. I can take jokes about my height all day but my hair loss happens to be something I'm really insecure about and anytime someone brings it up I go mental. Obviously it bothers you as well or you wouldn't be here and I'd love to see how well you receive comments about your hair in front of your friends.

 

[Fundi]

Obviously since I said I couldn't bring myself to hit him. It probably would have bothered me less if it wasn't in front of a group of our friends but clearly hair loss bothers me or I wouldn't be here. I can take jokes about my height all day but my hair loss happens to be something I'm really insecure about and anytime someone brings it up I go mental. Obviously it bothers you as well or you wouldn't be here and I'd love to see how well you receive comments about your hair in front of your friends.

Obviously. It doesn't stop me talking to them or want to hit them though. I have a friend who's hair is a lot worse, last night he was called a 'fat short, dumb, balding c*** with nothing going for him' in front of everyone. Bit harsh I thought, he laughed it off and took the piss back - The best way with mates I think. If you show you're bothered in front of friends it often just makes everyone laugh more as they then know how much it bothers you and the extent of the insecurity comes through.

You said you don't care about your height, so he effectively just called you 'balding', followed by an immediate apology. Dumb reason to lose a good friend. In fact, in that situation if I was the other guy, it wouldn't be so much you ignoring me but me ignoring you!

 

[s.a.f]

My friend got married in August. Originally I was supposed to be his best man but about a month before his wedding we were in a car driving to Rochester for a skate comp/bbq/party thing. On the way there we were joking around and he said something along the lines of "you balding midget". This was in a car full of 6 skating friends. My friend who made the comment we had gotten to be really good friends that year after only being friends through skating for a couple years before. We had gone through some crazy sh*t together because we both wrote graffiti and to have a partner for graffiti you need to absolutely trust that person with your life. Now I was telling him to pull the car over because I wanted to fight him.

When we came to Rochester to get something to eat he started apologizing telling me he wasn't trying to be personal and if I wanted to hit him I could. I couldn't bring myself to do it and spent the rest of the day skating and talking with other people.
Since then I've spoken with him maybe 3 times and we met up to paint a wall in one of our safe spots but after we finished we both went home.

I too knew things to say to him that would hurt him just as much but he's my friend and I just can't do that. Now it's awkward to be around him so I don't even cal him when I'm in town mainly out of embarrassment of my hair not the fact he made fun of it. I wish we were still close friends and I can only advise you to not let too much time pass between speaking because it only gets more awkward. Tell him how much it bothers you and if he's a good friend he'll apologize and not bring it up again.

You really should of sorted this sh*t out, or you should do it now. Losing a longterm close freind over a single comment?
No matter how sensitive you are about Hairloss this is just plain dumb.

 

[cleverusername]

We're on speaking terms but we live in different cities now so there isn't much to sort out. I'm not someone who calls his friends up and talks on the phone, next time I happen to be upstate I'll call him to go hang out.

[quote="uncomfortable man":1lom05ew]If I were to throw down every time someone did something to rub me the wrong way, I would be dead or in jail right now. As good as it would feel to finally fight back, ultimately it would be a loosing battle.

Just once in a while, man.

Make sure you can take him though.

Yeah TBH I'm waiting for someone to cross the line one day ...[/quote:1lom05ew]

I'm not the only one who's thought about hitting someone for making a stupid comment. It just so happened to be a friend in my case which was the only reason I didn't.

 

[CCS]

I think he is just trying to make friendly jabs. Now if he says that around women you want to date, then he is not being a friend. Just tell him it bothers you, then if he continues, make a few jabs back or threaten too, and then if that does not work, stop hanging out with him for a week and see if he realizes you are serious.

Or maybe just cut to the one week approach without the jabs if you don't like jabbing in general.

Fact is, if my friends made fun of my hair, I don't know if would bother me or not. Probably depends how bad my hair was and who was listening. The only one who ever attacked my hair was an 18 year old guy at a party. And he did not even mention the hair. He just said I look 35. Some women once said that too to me. I don't know if that was a rejection, or if they wanted me to feel inferior so I'd work harder to impress them. But it turned me off to them and I just stopped talking to them. That is how a lot of women act when you don't appreciate their appearance. They just lose interest in you. It is the smartest approach: don't feel inferior, blame the other person and move on fast.

 

[PersonGuy]

Since then I've spoken with him maybe 3 times and we met up to paint a wall in one of our safe spots but after we finished we both went home.

Dude how about you fuckin' man up and stop writing graffiti. You're the little snatch who's been painting up all the walls in NYC? Find something better to do.

 

[cleverusername]

Gee seems like this has turned into the let's attack clever thread.

If you don't actually live in New York seriously just shut the f*** up right now. This is my city don't tell me what I can and can't do in it. If you do live here you should know better. Graffiti is part of this city and always will be. And to be honest about 95% of the stuff I do nowadays is either commissioned or legal anyway but every now and then I get the itch and hit the streets or the odd freight. Find something better to do? I guarantee I have more interesting stories and experiences through graffiti than anything you have done with your life. The mayor of Bratislava personally asked me to paint a wall in the city because I have more skill and passion for something than a closed minded individual like yourself can comprehend. In other words, f*** off and mind your business jerkoff :jackit: .

 

[s.a.f]

[quote="uncomfortable man":3vc2m9gp]If I were to throw down every time someone did something to rub me the wrong way, I would be dead or in jail right now. As good as it would feel to finally fight back, ultimately it would be a loosing battle.

Yeah TBH I'm waiting for someone to cross the line one day ...

I'm not the only one who's thought about hitting someone for making a stupid comment. It just so happened to be a friend in my case which was the only reason I didn't.[/quote:3vc2m9gp]

A single comment is'nt what I meant by crossing the line.

 

[optimus prime]

Gee seems like this has turned into the let's attack clever thread.

If you don't actually live in New York seriously just shut the f*ck up right now. This is my city don't tell me what I can and can't do in it. If you do live here you should know better. Graffiti is part of this city and always will be. And to be honest about 95% of the stuff I do nowadays is either commissioned or legal anyway but every now and then I get the itch and hit the streets or the odd freight. Find something better to do? I guarantee I have more interesting stories and experiences through graffiti than anything you have done with your life. The mayor of Bratislava personally asked me to paint a wall in the city because I have more skill and passion for something than a closed minded individual like yourself can comprehend. In other words, f*ck off and mind your business jerkoff :jackit: .

Well next time you have the urge to hit the streets to graffiti think of the poor bastards who pay their hard earned taxes to clean your mess up. However good it it, it still looks sh*t if its not meant to be there. It's vandalism.

 

[Bocgam]

Seriously, just distance yourself from him. He isn't a proper friend.