Is It Even Worth Saving Your Hair If You're Ugly?

[disfiguredyoungman]

I payed for Tinder twice when I first started using it. Honestly, it really didn't help much. Was still stuck with the same time wasters and landwhales. Also, as someone who takes drugs for hairloss, tries to go to the gym 3x a week, diets, had minor cosmetic surgery (laser for acne) and plan to do more in the future the least I expect from a potential partner is someone who has some sort of self control. To each his own though.

You should have used the international feature to boost your confidence. I got 60 matches in Japan during lockdown, one could only imagine how much I would have got in a second or third world country.

 

[Derelict]

You should have used the international feature to boost your confidence. I got 60 matches in Japan during lockdown, one could only imagine how much I would have got in a second or third world country.

Damn, japanese girls are some the most attractive on the planet. What sort of features from your experience do they look for in a guy?

 

[TheDarkHour]

You should have used the international feature to boost your confidence. I got 60 matches in Japan during lockdown, one could only imagine how much I would have got in a second or third world country.

I'm not white so I don't think it would have helped much. I guess in a second or third world country it may have been better but it's not like anything anything would come out of it besides the confidence boost you mentioned.

 

[disfiguredyoungman]

Damn, japanese girls are some the most attractive on the planet. What sort of features from your experience do they look for in a guy?

White guys.

Pretty much. Being blonde and tall (which I am not) is the ultimate trump card in Japan but being white/caucasian alone is a nice bonus in itself. Then -and I don't want to sound demeaning here- there's the correlative bonus of you probably being taller and stronger than your average East Asian man as well.

 

[karatekid]

Those poor japanese guys

 

[disfiguredyoungman]

I'm not white so I don't think it would have helped much. I guess in a second or third world country it may have been better but it's not like anything anything would come out of it besides the confidence boost you mentioned.

Well, that's entirely up to you. You can live a pretty good and moreover interesting life in some of these countries. If not being able to conform to the high standards of American dating life inconvenienced you as much as you said you'd simply do that.

 

[Matt3535]

Lovely post, mate. @Wolf Pack
I think the tragedy is that we all want the best of both worlds. Ideally, you get to f*** your brains out from 15 to 25/30 and you will have those great memories to think of after marriage. So the general attraction of cheating and the need to f*** other women is lowered. Being attractive and getting a positive response, getting to know that person and falling for them, first touches... all that is great. I don't think I have had enough of that. I was always pretty shy and wanted to feel deeper connections before getting physical which probably saved me from some bad drunken sex but also ruined some perhaps great memories. But the older I get, the more hollow it all seems. Sure, it seems and is indeed nice to see how others want you but will that still be true when your 45? How many casanovas do you know who are 60? Neither one of us will be George Clooney when we're 55. There are good-looking men at 55 tho for sure. A girlfriend of mine had this date with an older gentleman last year, who by the way had some NW3 recession but it looker natural and great on him with his goatee. She told me about how he had a porsche, how they went out to a fancy dinner, how it was like an adventure for her, crossing off "old guy date" of her list, while not really wanting to put out or anything but they did end up kissing and he did offer to take her home. She declined and I'm sure it felt nice for the guy to go out with someone 30 years younger than him and feeling how you can still get to do this (you're in like the top 5% of men here). But is that really what satisfcation is like? I'm reminded of this clip from Little Miss Sunshine

I'm not quite sure if the guy is right. I know that for me, personally, a long-lasting relationship that offers more than sex, like emotional support and just basic companionship, is more important than anything else. But while I have dated and had short affairs, I'm not quite sure I have fucked around enough. I'm still young, good-looking, have a full head of hair thanks to finasteride which helps me immensely to look mid to late 20s when I'm a lot older. Sex with my girl is great and I love her. Still there is always that little thought in the back of mind that by I sticking with her, I will never get the "approval" of another woman again in a sexual way which is what is really enticing for me about sex. The sex itself isn't even that interesting to me. It's all psychological. Which is why I think that if you get to f*** around when you're young, you get that sh*t out of your system, the need won't be there. I'm sure lots of guys feel this way and your story about your buddy is my greatest fear. I know my girl is like a match made in heaven for me, so I will never cheat. But will I feel remorse when I'm old?

Sorry for rambling, just some thoughts I needed to get out.

 

[TheDarkHour]

You're giving the right advice in general (self improvement) and being healthy, clean and fit is really key. But imo (about looksmax) sometimes we should accept the reality of the cards we're dealt with, when there is no hope of success in that department. It's actually the least path of resistance and a quicker way to focus on other endeavours and to be happy or at least free of pain. Initially I thought that OP had mental health problems that stopped him dating as is often the case on here but his experience with girls points in the direction of lacking looks too considering he was called ugly many times. You haven't seen how this guy looks and those incremental improvements (which work for you as you have an aesthetic base) may be useless for him in terms of being attractive which is what he craves. By all means if he truly feels better and confident he should pursue it, but he should be doing it for himself. Because if it's for the girls or to "feel attractive" as he says, most likely it will just be a financial and emotional rollercoaster and he'll still be sad as he won't make the cut. If he can accept himself as he is, ultimately it would be better.

Not sure how much this changes things but every person that called me ugly to my face was a guy. Also I can only remember around 8-10 cases of that happening at the moment so I may have exaggerated a bit. Back then I was incredibly shy, especially around girls and avoided them like the plague. The few interactions I did have were okay, though I usually cut the conversation short.

Things did get better in my late teens as I think there was a girl or two that may have been interested if I'm being optimistic. Though I was a bit dense then and didn't think it was a possibility. I did also lose weight around that time and started taking care of my appearance more (styling hair/dressing better).

For the past couple of years I have occasionally received hugs from women and the aforementioned landwhale actually held my hand, kissed me and voluntarily gave me her number. Which makes it all the more weird that she ghosted me after texting her. Also had a date planned with another landwhale but I called it off the last minute just because she seemed adamant about getting into a relationship. Thing is I feel a bit awkward when it comes to physical contact with women; hugs feels awkward when I'm not drunk and one girl probably tried to kiss me in a club (caressed my cheek) but I didn't know how to react. Didn't help that I was high on
MDMA at the time. I guess I'm not hideous to women, just think they see me as a friend/acquittance at best. I know this kind of make my situatuion sound a lot better and that it's just me being socially awkward but the truth is when I try to pursue any sort of relationship with a its always the usual excuse or a flaky number. Majority of women in my age bracket seem apathetic towards me too.

Like I said earlier I'd rate my face as a 3.5/4 so a lot of looksmaxing will probably get me to a 6 at best. Jaw filler alone might get me to a 5 but it is expensive so I'm wondering if it's even worth it. Besides that and rhinoplasty everything else seems way to intrusive and expensive.

Dating in general is getting harder though and even if I was very neurotypical, being a 6 in this day and age probably won't cut it.

I try to forget about this stuff stuff but it always comes back. Especially now with my receding hairline acting as a permanent reminder. Doesn't help that my parents/relatives and people in general ask me when I'm going to get married or if I have a girlfriend.

 

[Will Be an Egg in 5 years]

Yes.

 

[Will Be an Egg in 5 years]

It's always worth doing everything to save what you have, of course.
Grow your hair out. If you really are a NW2, you can cover that sh*t up so easily.
Keep a job, keep saving money, keep taking your finasteride.
Things will look much better in your 30s. Trust the people on here.
In my experience, your 20s can vary a lot. Some people get their life figured out real quick, like marrying or getting that well paying job at 23. Others take longer. I think as long as you are good at 30, you seem to be set on a good path. Observations from friends and social circles prove this in my opinion. Some people keep slacking, thinking they can prolong their 20s - doesn't work. Others really regret not going through some rough patches in their 20s and they have a divorce, which is often worse because kids.
My bottom line: Not having everything worked out in your 20s is fine as long as you get your sh*t in order for your 30s. Things change pretty quickly around that time. If you got a clean slate at the start, you could have a lot of fun. So f*** yes, keep munching your damn finasteride and keep your hair.

Looking younger in your 30s also will help A LOT. I don't know why people face the 30s like it was your 50s or something. 30 is still young. I always had this ilusion that I'd look young forever due my genetics (Dad at 60 looked 40 and was by no means an overly healthy guy). I always had this boyish face. Even with a receding hairline people think I'm 17-18 while I'm heading to 23. I don't mind not getting married in my 30s, financial stability is enough. I wouldn't mind partying and having a young guy lifestyle at my 30s. Actually I'd love to, I have a little of Peter Syndrome due my shitty teenage years. But without hair that's IMPOSSIBLE. But I know it's my destiny. I have two NW7 cousins in their 20s.

 

[Will Be an Egg in 5 years]

Actually my hair is one of the reasons I felt ugly most of my life. I never had a real haircut until I was 21. I just buzzed it (ironic, isn't it?). Of course it looked awful. I looked like a Neo Nazi teenager. Only had the guts to change when I first notice thinning. I realized I wasn't ugly and then hated myself for sabotaging my appearance for so long. Shaving my head is not an option anymore. I'd rather put a bullet in it, as pathetic as it sounds.

 

[TheDarkHour]

Actually my hair is one of the reasons I felt ugly most of my life. I never had a real haircut until I was 21. I just buzzed it (ironic, isn't it?). Of course it looked awful. I looked like a Neo Nazi teenager. Only had the guts to change when I first notice thinning. I realized I wasn't ugly and then hated myself for sabotaging my appearance for so long. Shaving my head is not an option anymore. I'd rather put a bullet in it, as pathetic as it sounds.

I used to have a really basic hairstyle in my younger years, short hair with a basic fringe (bangs). During my late teens I grew it out with a side fringe which looked better. Then in my early 20s I started going for a loose swept back look which is probably the best hairstyle for me, though ironically this was also the time that my hair started receding. Few years ago it looked good but now there is definitely visible recession. Worse comes to worse, I could just rebuild my hairline and combine it with a hairpiece.