"Just friends"

[Ori83]

A random rant i'd like to share,

i've got rejected few days ago by a girl i want nothing new to me, it happens, and i can handle rejection quite well; just forget about the girl and move on to the next one without giving too much thought into this, usually after deleting her phone and everything related to her, the girl told me can still go out as friends, i felt kinda bad when i had to tell her that i dont think i want any type of relations with her although we take the same course in collage, i do this every time, there is no reason to stay around someone you want if they dont want you back, it only can hold you back from moving on to the next one...

yet these girls keep poping that suggestion as if someone needs her so called favor... i can not understand why they think i would like to stay friends with them? why do they even offer this? is this suppose to be some sort of consolation price for not hooking up? are they become that condescending after knowing you want them? and why would i want to just friends to begin with? lets see where it puts me: i want that girl, i think about her constantly, she doesn't want me back, but i have to see her every now and then, and even go out together some times, but i cant touch her! she can flirt with other guys but i have to shut up, and probably would want to hear my advice about men she dates, my friends would want to hook up with her too and maybe she will want them and ill have watch as this all happens infornt of me and think "well, at least im her friend"....
so each time a girl suggests this, behind the fake smile i put, there lays one huge "f*** you but i think ill pass your generous offering"...

How do you guys handle the "just friends" thing when it comes? did it happened that you stayed "just friends" with a girl that you want? and if you did, how did it worked out for you? i cant see any reasoning behind this...

 

[The Gardener]

I think the "just friends" line needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis. Yes, there have been times when I was given the "just friends" line and thought just as you did. But, I can vouch that I was laid on the "just friends" line once, and took her up on it, and in the end it worked out super bitchen. A few months later, we actually ended up together, and I think it worked out even BETTER than it would have if we just rushed headlong into a relationship without being rejected.

It was kind of a unique situation, but it might also apply to you.

In my case, the girl was someone I didn't know very well, a friend of a friend, so to speak. When she rejected me but gave me the best friends line, I kind of swallowed my bad feelings and went along with it. I thought that by being friends with her, it would give me a little "window" for me to continue to let her get to know me. So, I didn't come onto her hard and didn't chase her, I made her kinda have to work a bit for us to meet up for "friendly" activities, and when we did, I just tried to be as gregarious as I could, tried to make her laugh, and as I said within two months she was asking to be together.

I think that by being friends with her, and occasionally doing things with her, it took a lot of pressure off of her shoulders. Our relationship developed a lot more naturally as a result, and I think it made the attraction deeper in the end. Plus, I think the restrained way that I reacted to her initial rejection was seen by her a sign of maturity, as a sign of a guy who, if she DID get into a relationship with, wouldn't go fly off the handle every time I didn't get my way.

 

[HughJass]

These girls are just proposing friendship because they like the idea of being surrounded by guys who want them but can't have them. They love the attention, the boost to their ego (their insecurity demands constant confirmation that they can indeed be found attractive by the opposite sex) and the power it gives them.



That could just be a very cynical view though, maybe there are more admirable reasons for their proposition.

 

[CCS]

I would always say yes to such an offer. Look at it this way: as just friends, you don't have to pay for her meals when you hang out. If she asks you to, remind her that she is not your girlfriend.

When you are just friends, you get to learn a lot about how women really are. She won't be trying to impress you, and will show her true colors. I learned a ton that way.

You don't have to spend a ton of time with her. Just hang out when you feel like it. Don't be a tampon. Do stuff you think is fun. If something is not fun, ask yourself if you can learn something from it. Only be friends if you have stuff in common.

You say you can't handle it, and I admit you've come a long way by realizing that. But you need to take the next strength step: move on to other women while keeping this one as a friend. You can always drop her later, but do so gradually.

Meet other women through her. You can start out as their friend too, so you already know them by the first date and can jump to sex sooner without having to buy lots of stuff and discover they don't like you.

Since she is a woman, she can get you into parties. Many parties have a rule: for a guy to get in, he must bring cash, beer, or women. Well, you bring her as the woman. Then you can watch and learn what goes on at the party. You can be her DD, and flirt while there. She can be your wing woman. You might even make her jealous.

Accepting her offer is only degrading to you if you keep chasing her as more than friends and getting nothing. Just be flexible and give her some of what she wants so she will keep you around and give you the above mentioned benefits.

 

[The Gardener]

I would always say yes to such an offer. Look at it this way: as just friends, you don't have to pay for her meals when you hang out. If she asks you to, remind her that she is not your girlfriend.

When you are just friends, you get to learn a lot about how women really are. She won't be trying to impress you, and will show her true colors. I learned a ton that way.

You don't have to spend a ton of time with her. Just hang out when you feel like it. Don't be a tampon. Do stuff you think is fun. If something is not fun, ask yourself if you can learn something from it. Only be friends if you have stuff in common.

You say you can't handle it, and I admit you've come a long way by realizing that. But you need to take the next strength step: move on to other women while keeping this one as a friend. You can always drop her later, but do so gradually.

Meet other women through her. You can start out as their friend too, so you already know them by the first date and can jump to sex sooner without having to buy lots of stuff and discover they don't like you.

Since she is a woman, she can get you into parties. Many parties have a rule: for a guy to get in, he must bring cash, beer, or women. Well, you bring her as the woman. Then you can watch and learn what goes on at the party. You can be her DD, and flirt while there. She can be your wing woman. You might even make her jealous.

Accepting her offer is only degrading to you if you keep chasing her as more than friends and getting nothing. Just be flexible and give her some of what she wants so she will keep you around and give you the above mentioned benefits.

Solid post.

Man, CCS, you have really gained a ton of wisdom in the past years.

 

[s.a.f]

is this suppose to be some sort of consolation price for not hooking up? are they become that condescending after knowing you want them?

Yes - I dont find you sttractive but I dont want to look like abitch for saying that.

Also aussies theory has some merit.

And lol at CCS and his ongoing scientific research approach to relationships.

 

[bigentries]

Even in the most liberal societies, men are still expected to initiate the courtship and reveal their interest.

If men were proposed as much as women get proposed you will hear the same line from men, a rejection of a romantic proposal is not enough reason to cut all ties with that person.

 

[CCS]

Women only expect average looking men to make the first move. It is just a negotiation trick they use. They want you to think you want them more than they want you, so you will pay.

I've hung out with hot women before, and they are not shy at all when a hot guy walks buy. The women make all the moves. It has nothing to do with liberal vs conservative. But if you ever ask a woman about this she will deny it. Why? She does not want you to get butt hurt about her liking another man more than you. She wants you to fall in love with her and court her, not feel like she prefers other men to you. Hot women don't want average men to pay for sex. They want them to pay and get nothing. Only way they can get that is if you fall in love. So they like to calculate how much money you have, but get offended and walk away if you show them how much you have. They know you won't fall for them if you already established in the beginning it is about money. They want you to think they are romantic but that you just have to win them over. Then they will have sex with a hot guy in two minutes of meeting him. I've seen it before. It does not matter how long you are in line for her.

 

[Ori83]

Im not sure of what type of women your talking about here, are you referring to prostitution?

 

[s.a.f]

Im not sure of what type of women your talking about here, are you referring to prostitution?

CCS seems to believe that all women are to some extent prostitutes

 

[CCS]

Im not sure of what type of women your talking about here, are you referring to prostitution?

I'm talking about women who will go home with a hot guy at a bar, but will wait for an average guy to approach her, and will pretend she has no idea he is interested in her unless he buys her something like dinner. And she expects him to pay for everything they do together.

Sounds worse than a prostitute to me. At least the prostitute agrees to have sex in exchange, instead of just leading the guy on. How would you describe the quality of a relationship where a woman won't go do anything that costs money with a guy unless he pays for all of it? I'd say she is not that into him, and is just into his money.

 

[Ori83]

I agree with most of you've said about a certain type of girls, yet there is much more then money and looks (although they play a HUGE part) in dynamics between men and women, attraction could be achieved/destroyed by conversation alone, a guy could be extremely good looking but boring as hell, so the girl will have sex with him but after that she wont stay around (and most likely wont enjoy the sex, she will feel empty) there are emotional triggers that women need as appose to men who can get off just by entering a warm body...

and im sure 90% of the women who marrying rich guys are f*****g someone else on the side...

I assume you are only looking for one-nighters with hot women, thats a candy you wont get unless your a model/rich so why not "settling" for a long term thing with a nice girl?

 

[s.a.f]

I'm talking about women who will go home with a hot guy at a bar, but will wait for an average guy to approach her, and will pretend she has no idea he is interested in her unless he buys her something like dinner. And she expects him to pay for everything they do together.

Sounds worse than a prostitute to me. At least the prostitute agrees to have sex in exchange, instead of just leading the guy on. How would you describe the quality of a relationship where a woman won't go do anything that costs money with a guy unless he pays for all of it? I'd say she is not that into him, and is just into his money.

You are crazy, these days women earn equal pay. Why would most women put up with being fukked by an ugly guy just to get the odd free dinner and drinks?

Yes there are gold diggers out there but we're talking about supermodel types (most with severe emotional disorders that makes them act this way) who wont go with anything less than a multimillionaire. The idea that the everyday hottie is out there putting in such effort (ie spending her precious free time and having sex with someone they dont want to) just to fleece average guys for the cost of a date is laughable.

 

[CCS]

I assume you are only looking for one-nighters with hot women, thats a candy you wont get unless your a model/rich so why not "settling" for a long term thing with a nice girl?

What about long term with a pretty woman?

And I agree about attractive people cheating on their not so attractive partner. Occasionally some people just have a taste for a certain look and certain activity. Also ugly people cheat on pretty people because they are angry at the pretty person or the pretty person is not putting out. Often both partners are cheating, which is common when there are kids.

Maybe you want a woman who is just as frugal as you are with money. It seems like they all want to spend spend spend. Well not true. Just the ones who are frugal don't need your money and marry the hot guy instead. Only the big spenders want money to spend and thus are willing to marry you. Sad that in order to get better looks, you have to settle for lower character. But you can talk her into saving by saying some of the money is hers for retirement, but then she might divorce you for half. Much better to just give her a weekly gift check, and let her save it in her own account. That is how you marry the frugal ones. Just set it up right so it does not look like prostitution.

 

[CCS]

I'm talking about women who will go home with a hot guy at a bar, but will wait for an average guy to approach her, and will pretend she has no idea he is interested in her unless he buys her something like dinner. And she expects him to pay for everything they do together.

Sounds worse than a prostitute to me. At least the prostitute agrees to have sex in exchange, instead of just leading the guy on. How would you describe the quality of a relationship where a woman won't go do anything that costs money with a guy unless he pays for all of it? I'd say she is not that into him, and is just into his money.

You are crazy, these days women earn equal pay. Why would most women put up with being fukked by an ugly guy just to get the odd free dinner and drinks?

Yes there are gold diggers out there but we're talking about supermodel types (most with severe emotional disorders that makes them act this way) who wont go with anything less than a multimillionaire. The idea that the everyday hottie is out there putting in such effort (ie spending her precious free time and having sex with someone they dont want to) just to fleece average guys for the cost of a date is laughable.

You keep missing my point SAF. They don't have sex with men they don't find attractive. They just lead them on to get a free dinner. No woman wants to have sex for money. I guarantee women, not the religious right, are the ones voting to keep prostitution illegal. If a guy was allowed to offer money for sex, and the woman said no, he would know he is not getting sex from her and leave. That would take away women's power. But since he is not allowed to ask, and knows she won't have sex first, many desperate guys buy them dinner night after night and get broken up with when they finally ask for sex. Men are used left and right just like in the animal world where the beta males take care of the women and the alpha males impregnate them. Haven't you ever seen a woman flirt with a bald mechanic to get a free brake job, and only tell him she has a boyfriend after he is done and asking her for a favor? It happens all the time and ugly guys keep falling for it.

My point is, stop paying. If you actually are rich, let them know, but don't pay until you know they will offer what you want. You can't outright ask for the trade though or the police will do what these women voted them to do to keep them in power.

Me, I look OK and can look better, bet even I need to make money to really have a shot. Many guys on here should save their money and their emotion and invest in a hobbie instead of landing themselves in Hell where a woman who is married to them has them by the balls financially and hen pecks him every day.

 

[s.a.f]

I'm talking about women who will go home with a hot guy at a bar, but will wait for an average guy to approach her, and will pretend she has no idea he is interested in her unless he buys her something like dinner. And she expects him to pay for everything they do together.
Sounds worse than a prostitute to me. At least the prostitute agrees to have sex in exchange, instead of just leading the guy on. How would you describe the quality of a relationship where a woman won't go do anything that costs money with a guy unless he pays for all of it? I'd say she is not that into him, and is just into his money.

You are crazy, these days women earn equal pay. Why would most women put up with being fukked by an ugly guy just to get the odd free dinner and drinks?

Yes there are gold diggers out there but we're talking about supermodel types (most with severe emotional disorders that makes them act this way) who wont go with anything less than a multimillionaire. The idea that the everyday hottie is out there putting in such effort (ie spending her precious free time and having sex with someone they dont want to) just to fleece average guys for the cost of a date is laughable.

You keep missing my point SAF. They don't have sex with men they don't find attractive. They just lead them on to get a free dinner. No woman wants to have sex for money. I guarantee women, not the religious right, are the ones voting to keep prostitution illegal.
If a guy was allowed to offer money for sex, and the woman said no, he would know he is not getting sex from her and leave. That would take away women's power. But since he is not allowed to ask, and knows she won't have sex first, many desperate guys buy them dinner night after night and get broken up with when they finally ask for sex. Men are used left and right just like in the animal world where the beta males take care of the women and the alpha males impregnate them. Haven't you ever seen a woman flirt with a bald mechanic to get a free brake job, and only tell him she has a boyfriend after he is done and asking her for a favor? It happens all the time and ugly guys keep falling for it.
My point is, stop paying. If you actually are rich, let them know, but don't pay until you know they will offer what you want. You can't outright ask for the trade though or the police will do what these women voted them to do to keep them in power.

Me, I look OK and can look better, bet even I need to make money to really have a shot. Many guys on here should save their money and their emotion and invest in a hobbie instead of landing themselves in Hell where a woman who is married to them has them by the balls financially and hen pecks him every day.

Wow, :shakehead:

Sorry but again this is just a display of your extreme paranoia of the female sex. To believe that a woman (or in your theory - most women) is going to put up with a guy she does'nt like for a whole evening on a date just for drinks and a free meal? Maybe in Thailand where they and their families are starving but nowhere in the western world is this happening.

 

[HughJass]

The only thing more entertaining that reading CCS posts where he projects his intrinsic cheapness, superficiality and sexual objectification onto the female kind, is saf's responses


It's gold.

 

[s.a.f]

:salut:

 

[Ori83]

What about long term with a pretty woman?

that could work too, personally tho i dont believe that anything good can come from a relationship based strictly on money/looks.

i think your looking for girls that are wrong for you, the slutty type, while you yourself sound to me like the nerdy/sensitive guy (sorry, no pun intended), these girls are looking for "action" they will end up with guys that will beat them and treat them like sh*t, they are looking for "real men" while we are (yeah me too) we perceived as the boring kid who sits at home and solve crossword puzzles, these girls didnt grew up since high school, they act like this and you fall for that, guy like you can easily hook up with top quality girls - something that a chav cant do (well there are exception, but we are talking about the majority here) stop chasing a dream, i think you let your eyes (dick) lead you instead of your head.

ill end my thoughts on this subject with a personal advice for you CCS, go to a hooker, a hot top 10 hooker, do it more then once, go awal on her, let it all out and then "settle" for a normal down to earth girl who will love you regardless of your looks or money. (and PLEASE at least offer to pay for the first date, its a traditional act that most be followed! it has nothing to do with her wanting a free meal! its not like your dating a homeless or something :dunno: )

{oh god, please never ever let me have conversations such as this with my children to be, please oh please!)

 

[CCS]

SAF, some women get very upset if a guy does not pay, and claim they won't go on a date if he won't pay. Why would it matter so much if they were not so cheap? Seems obvious they want the fun of going to fun places and still getting to keep their hard earned money.

Tradition you say? Then why is it these very women are so willing to travel the world and try other cultures, but they are not willing to experiment with a modern change to culture? The angrily fight it. I think it should be pretty clear it is not about tradition. It is all about getting men to pay in hopes of getting sex, but probably not getting sex.

SAF, do you think donald trump's wife thinks he is sexy? I doubt it.

I never said 30% more income would let a very ugly guy get a woman who is pretty. 30% more income will probably just take you close to a point up the scale.

And SAF, I bet you think women who let you buy them drinks at bars like you. lol. They only like not having to buy drinks all night. You are just a wallet to them. Sad some guys have not figured that out yet.

SAF, I bet you $1000 I can walk into any bar and find a hot woman who will say "yes" if I ask her if I may buy her a drink. As long as I don't look angry when I ask, I bet at least 1/3 will say yes. And 2/3 of the women there will too. Probably half the married women will even with their husband sitting right there, and he won't mind because it saves him money and he is busy having a convo with his boys next to him. SAF, I've had hot women walk up to me outside of bars many times and ask me to buy them food. I guarantee they were not attracted to me.

Getting a woman to go to dinner is a little harder for 2 reasons:
1. She won't be around as many people like in the bar, so it is harder to escape if you turn out to be angry.
2. If she knows you well enough to know you are safe, then she probably wants to keep those benefits without defining anything yet. If she accepts the date, she knows you will ask for more later and she will have to say no, and you will no longer give her whatever benefits she is currently getting. If you make it clear you don't want sex, and are just a generous friend, she will probably say yes. Or if she is a stranger but a very good, fast judge of character, she is likely to say yes.

Some women can get better looking guys to take them to better places though, so there are no guarantees. If a woman is way out of your league, it would be a lot harder to get her to let you buy her something.