My social problems

[hairwegoagain]

that picture is very deciving. I my hair looks nothing like that. it is just the only picture I have, unless I pay for a disposable camera and development just to put a few pics on the web.

College,

Man, I wish I could say something that would snap you out of this. I recognize I can't, though. Please just read my observations and don't blow them off. I don't know you except through this board...think of me as a stranger who is giving you an honest take.

1) Your picture is not bad at all. A lot better than most. I know you say it was taken in poor lighting - that's fine. However, I think you could have a professional photo shoot and still be second-guessing your hair. Take it from me, it looks fine - not at all something that a stranger would say "this guy is bald." Even if they did, it DOES NOT MATTER.

2) I've said this before, and I really hope you don't take offense...but it's the honest truth. You overanalyze the hell out of things. For example - women and how they might or might not rate you, how you rate women (who you haven't even met yet), and how women think. You've fomulated a fictitious response from a fictitious woman for every permutation possible. It all means nothing. NOTHING! You seem to think you have this whole thing figured out and predetermined. This couldn't be further from the truth. You are wasting brain cycles thinking about what COULD happen instead of getting out there and MAKING THINGS HAPPEN.

3) If you speak to women the way you speak on this board, I'm not surprised if they run away...and it has nothing to do with your looks. You pick things apart like no one else. You need to relax and get your head in order. Your brain is constantly running at 100mph...you need to back it down a bit so you can merge into an easy-going social environment.

Please don't take this as insulting. I just want you to have a stranger's input. I think you've decided the score before the first pitch has been thrown. That's defeatism and there's absolutely no reason for it. Play the game to win instead of getting bogged down in the mud. Make yourself do it.

Aplunk's advice on sprucing up the wardrobe is very sound. I hate to say this, but this RU you're talking about is probably money down the toilet. Invest in things you can change markedly...your non-hair appearance is something that has a 100% chance of improvement if you would only take the steps. I will again ask you not to be offended...but I think might benefit from some formal instruction on social interaction. There is no shame in this - many people seek to improve.

 

[CCS]

no offense taken. right now I'm trying to figure out how much of the improvements from RU would go away when I stop. i think it would be like the propecia to placebo group on the steepest part of that graft.

i do agree with you in a way, specifically that even though i know apearance matters, I don't know if my appearance is sub standard or not yet. clothes would be a fast change. But I can have the RU and clothes after I graduate, and maybe I should maintain my hair now. though I would not be near as many young people after college as I am now.

 

[hellohello]

I'm sure he's not like this in real life with women, I'm sure that this board is almost like a diary to him and for the most part I really find his comments insightful and quite intelligent.

 

[CCS]

yeah, i don't walk up to women and say, "i know you want the most attractive guy out there and can't get him, so since you are not the most attractive woman, will you settle for me?"

common, you guys think i'm stupid? besides it's not like it is such a horrible thing. yeah people want the best, but they can be happy with good enough, and can learn that less than the best is more than good enough.

i doubt employers get bent out of shape that their employees want a raise, but stay here because they can't find a better paying job.


and just so you know, if your girlfriend accepts what she can get, and is happy with you, she will probably stay with you even if she improves her appearance and can get a more attractive guy later. But if she is annoid that she must settle for you, then she will never bond, and will probably cheat every chance she gets.

So it is not just a matter of how good you look compared to her, but also what both of your mind sets are. And just because you are the best someone can get, or even better than they can get, does not mean they will be happy with your appearance. a pretty woman may have sex with you because she wants quantity and can't wait, and an ugly woman may tern down a 9 because she is saving her virginity for a 10. then when she terns you down, you may have doubts about how good you look.

Also, many attractive people are in monogamous relationships, or at least are getting sex often enough that they are not very desperate. So just because 10 women turn you down does not mean you look worse than they do.

and if you sit in your house all day, then you really don't know where you stand. most guys don't even know which guys look good, because they are too homophobic. they think you have to look like He Man, and are oblivious that justin timberlake is at least a 9. then when a pretty woman dates them, they think they are lucky. or a tall guy thinks he is lucky because he does not look as good as his girlfriend, when she picked him for his height. And many guys say their girlfriend is pretty, as a matter of pride or obligation, when i've seen many and found that they are not 1/5 as good looking as they guy described, and he is much more excited at the strip club than around his girlfriend, whom he is not physical with at all.

many people lie that whatever they don't have does not matter, and what they do have makes them better than others. that is how they get through the day. from day one when their parents bribed them with complements to learn their homework, these people learned they must win the approval of others and compete to be loved and be happy. i think adults need to grow up, find their own happiness source, and stop lying all the time.