OKCupid Chat: Girl Considers Dumping Balding Boyfriend

[s.a.f]

Hmmm, is it only me or was this lady actually quite soft judging his hairloss?

She said that he has a receeding hairline.

Receeding!

I don't mean to be harsh, but this guy is NW4-ish and this isn't a receeding, but rather a pretty recedeed hairline. NW2 has receeding hairline...

Not really he still had hair ontop, something to frame his face and we're talking about a guy who I guess is in his 30's. NW2 is an average hairline for a grown man.

 

[qball01]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, as it is an interesting phenomenon I've witness and experienced personally, and you see evidence of it here:

in many cases, it is the girl with the most physical flaws herself who will be overly critical of another man's appearance to the point where she will reject a guy based on very specific and shallow criteria (like receeding hairline/baldness or height). It doesn't make sense, its very hypocritical, but it exists.

I have a friend who would be considered quite good looking. He went on a long european vacation and gained a bit of weight to the point where he was still in shape but lost some ab definition. He was swimming at this girls pool and she told him "you need to lose some weight, you're getting chubby." This girl is FAAAAAT. Like, not just a little bit chubby, but FAT. Shallow guys would not heistate to call her a "whale." I mean, WTF? The hypocrisy is incredible. This is the same girl who once at a club when I tried on this guys hat for jokes told me "I should wear a hat like that more often." I'm not gonna lie, I'm sure she meant it at least somewhat in regards to the fact that I looked better because it covered my bald head. The point is...I wouldn't look twice at this girl if I didn't know her and as the example with my friend shows...her shallowness isn't just limited to one trait (not liking bald men)..it extends to all facets, to the point where she is critical of someone for having minor weight gain when she herself is huuuuuuge.

So as much as it can suck to witness or be part of experiences like that, take solace in the fact that for every shallow, critical ugly girl...there is a hot girl out there with a much better personality who won't dismiss a guy just because he has one flaw. Look at the comments for that video...most of them are calling her a shallow b**ch and saying that shes out of his league anyways. Malek himself said "usually the girls like my looks, but I don't know what it will be like in this case." Unfortunately, it didn't turn out in his favour but its not exactly like hes missing out on a quality girl. Its also the same for guys too....for every good looking guy who wouldn't give a damn about an otherwise attractive girl with small breasts, there is an ugly, fat guy who would say "nah, I'd never hook up with her, her tits are waaay too small bro!"

Often times people condemn others for the flaws they have themselves....I don't get it, but thats how it goes...its the human ego.

 

[SemperFi]

I have a friend who would be considered quite good looking. He went on a long european vacation and gained a bit of weight to the point where he was still in shape but lost some ab definition. He was swimming at this girls pool and she told him "you need to lose some weight, you're getting chubby." This girl is FAAAAAT. Like, not just a little bit chubby, but FAT.

Nah, I wouldn't call her shallow. It's more likely she's just trying to hide her own flaws with making (bad) jokes. That's some sort of defense mechanism if you're a weak link in a social environment - be a bully, so the others won't bully you.

s.a.f., age really doesn't matter as far as I'm concerned, but it may be that we just have different cultural predispositions and therefore debate about who is balding, thinning or who is just receeding is probably useless. From my point of view you have receeding hairline when you can still somehow style your hair to make it look full. With a NW4 patch on top of the head, your hair has already recedeed... But that's just my view. And I guess we'll never know what Tanya or whatever was her name, had in mind...

 

[theShade]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, as it is an interesting phenomenon I've witness and experienced personally, and you see evidence of it here:

in many cases, it is the girl with the most physical flaws herself who will be overly critical of another man's appearance to the point where she will reject a guy based on very specific and shallow criteria (like receeding hairline/baldness or height). It doesn't make sense, its very hypocritical, but it exists.

I have a friend who would be considered quite good looking. He went on a long european vacation and gained a bit of weight to the point where he was still in shape but lost some ab definition. He was swimming at this girls pool and she told him "you need to lose some weight, you're getting chubby." This girl is FAAAAAT. Like, not just a little bit chubby, but FAT. Shallow guys would not heistate to call her a "whale." I mean, WTF? The hypocrisy is incredible. This is the same girl who once at a club when I tried on this guys hat for jokes told me "I should wear a hat like that more often." I'm not gonna lie, I'm sure she meant it at least somewhat in regards to the fact that I looked better because it covered my bald head. The point is...I wouldn't look twice at this girl if I didn't know her and as the example with my friend shows...her shallowness isn't just limited to one trait (not liking bald men)..it extends to all facets, to the point where she is critical of someone for having minor weight gain when she herself is huuuuuuge.

So as much as it can suck to witness or be part of experiences like that, take solace in the fact that for every shallow, critical ugly girl...there is a hot girl out there with a much better personality who won't dismiss a guy just because he has one flaw. Look at the comments for that video...most of them are calling her a shallow b**ch and saying that shes out of his league anyways. Malek himself said "usually the girls like my looks, but I don't know what it will be like in this case." Unfortunately, it didn't turn out in his favour but its not exactly like hes missing out on a quality girl. Its also the same for guys too....for every good looking guy who wouldn't give a damn about an otherwise attractive girl with small breasts, there is an ugly, fat guy who would say "nah, I'd never hook up with her, her tits are waaay too small bro!"

Often times people condemn others for the flaws they have themselves....I don't get it, but thats how it goes...its the human ego.

I noticed this too (just don't tell it to the cynical estrogeny trolls here who are convinced that all the fault lies with them and their bald head).

My theory is that women like this (perhaps some men too) are all too aware of their flaws and are in fact pretty damn insecure about them, to the point that they seek closure by trying to find the most perfect man they could in terms of physical attractiveness. A man like this, that emphitamises all that they think they're not (physically attractive), they think will validate their own value to themselves and to others, and make them feel like the princess that they always considered they deserved to be. It is not so much that this is really the man that they are looking for (although they may not realise it), but rather it is the trophy that they are looking for - the one that they can show off and parade in front of their friends, to prove that they are able to have such a 'high-quality catch' and thus prove their own percieved high-value status and affirmation of beauty that they so desperately crave. In other words, they wish to consciously delude themselves about being beautiful. As such, although they may actually find a balding guy cute (as this fattie herself admits) - they wouldn't dare give it a shot, as they are afraid that their friends and others would look down on the baldness and percieve her as 'settling for lower standards', thus affirming her lower-status within the group.

Of course other girls that don't have issues with their weight, age, or this or that don't have such a complex. Attractiveness, and yes physical attractiveness too is to them much more based on the qualities that they themselves want in a man, rather than based on their fear of what others might think. They themselves are already secure that they are not low-status girls, that there are no flaws holding them back - therefore they haven't got anything to prove to themselves or to anyone else and simply date as they wish.

Perhaps the previous theories I or others have laid out in this thread or not, but I think it's no co-incidence that so far we have seen two very similar examples, in which 2 handsome men (hairloss or not), also with good non-appearance related qualities, have been rejected out of hand by some fairly fugly women.

 

[TheGrayMan2001]

I can't believe you people are acting like this is some sort of big deal.

Some women are gonna find balding completely unattractive. Well I find about 90% of women to be totally unattractive. I'm very superficial.

Stop worrying about it and get on with your life, geeze.

 

[sadscalp]

:mrgreen:

You missed the point. I will clarify my post for you. I said those women, meaning specifically the ones (and ONLY the ones) posting to the boards about Jeremy Piven. This does not apply to ALL women.

For the same reason, you will have some women that think Jason Alexander (George Costanza) is "hot," but wouldn't even consider an average Joe Norwood who looks exactly like him. This goes to show that some women (gold diggers, attention w****s, etc...) are only interested in the fame and fortune and the image of celebs - not necessarily the celebs themselves.

And another thing, how am I being so "condescending"? Care to explain? ...

BTW, the definition of "condescending" is: "Displaying a patronizingly superior attitude"

So again, care to explain how I was displaying a superior attitude in my post?

I'm interested in how you will respond. Because if you can't explain your accusations, then you should STFU! ...ummkayy...?

Again, how the f*ck do you know that these women on these boards only like Piven because he's famous and rich? How do you know that they wouldn't think he was hot if he wasn't famous? He's a good looking guy.

You're condescending towards these women when you say stuff like that. You don't know them, hell, you don't even know who they are, but still you've got them all figured out.

 

[sadscalp]

:mrgreen:

You missed the point. I will clarify my post for you. I said those women, meaning specifically the ones (and ONLY the ones) posting to the boards about Jeremy Piven. This does not apply to ALL women.

For the same reason, you will have some women that think Jason Alexander (George Costanza) is "hot," but wouldn't even consider an average Joe Norwood who looks exactly like him. This goes to show that some women (gold diggers, attention w****s, etc...) are only interested in the fame and fortune and the image of celebs - not necessarily the celebs themselves.

And another thing, how am I being so "condescending"? Care to explain? ...

BTW, the definition of "condescending" is: "Displaying a patronizingly superior attitude"

So again, care to explain how I was displaying a superior attitude in my post?

I'm interested in how you will respond. Because if you can't explain your accusations, then you should STFU! ...ummkayy...?

Again, how the f*ck do you know that these women on these boards only like Piven because he's famous and rich? How do you know that they wouldn't think he was hot if he wasn't famous? He's a good looking guy.

You're condescending towards these women when you say stuff like that. You don't know them, hell, you don't even know who they are, but still you've got them all figured out.

What - were you born yesterday?

Haven't you ever met or known shallow, superficial women that are only interested fame, status, wealth, image, etc ... ? If not, what planet are you from? :mrgreen: I mean come on!

All I'm saying, is that it is a well-known fact (There shouldn't need to be any citations here) that certain types of women who typically respond to "celebrity boards" such as paparazzi trash like "OMG" and other superficial sites, are women who are attracted to wealth and fame and a lot of them dream of someday marrying some famous movie star just for the lifestyle - any movie star - regardless of the way they look, and regardless of whether they wear a piece or not. (BTW, we all know what kind of relationship that will be: the celeb wearing a piece + the superfical bimbo + the "poolboy")

The fact that Jeremy Piven (or any other celeb that wears a piece) happens to be handsome by female standards is besides the point.

I have known and met MANY women that would fit this description to a tee. There are men who act and behave the same way. And NO, I am NOT one of them, despite what you might think.

I am not being condescending, because some of those types of women are as superficial as they come. There is no reason to argue about this, because it is the truth. Now if you want to live in a fantasy world where all women are just the sweetest little angels and are never superficial, then that is your perogative. However, that is not reality my friend.

:shakehead: You missed the point.

 

[Oknow]

For those who keep going bang on about "wealth".

If you work hard enough, you can become "wealthy" or AT LEAST comfortable. Where A LOT of people go wrong is in their younger years, they make bad choices. AT college for example: Choosing majors with poor career prospects.

And TBH, in the end. Only they have themselves to blame for that.

As long as you have enough money to have some financial freedom, that should satisfy most women. Most women know they are not going to end up with guys who are millionares, rather what they look for is a guy that can support them financially.

 

[SemperFi]

Lol, yeah... buy yourself a wife and you'll be happy till the rest of your life. That's pure bollocks.

Because everytime a NW1 pool boy will come over to clean your pool, you'll have to take a day off at work or suffer a nervous breakdown by being a rich baldie with low self confidence knowing your wife is with you only for your money.

I'm somewhat speaking from my own experience. I'm not rich though, but I have a kind of job in which I interact with a lot of women, who just because of my work feel attracted to me. I'm still fairly good looking though, so the job is not my desperate cry for help, BUT - from all the girls I hook up with in my job I would NEVER seriously date or even think about marriage eventuelly. Because I can't be 100% sure they're with me because of who I am or because of my job. And it's similar with being rich... if I were a millionare I would probably try not to show my wealth until marriage, just to eliminate the money factor. Unless the girl would be rich also... in that case money of course doesn't matter...

 

[Oknow]

Lol, yeah... buy yourself a wife and you'll be happy till the rest of your life. That's pure bollocks.

Because everytime a NW1 pool boy will come over to clean your pool, you'll have to take a day off at work or suffer a nervous breakdown by being a rich baldie with low self confidence knowing your wife is with you only for your money.

I'm somewhat speaking from my own experience. I'm not rich though, but I have a kind of job in which I interact with a lot of women, who just because of my work feel attracted to me. I'm still fairly good looking though, so the job is not my desperate cry for help, BUT - from all the girls I hook up with in my job I would NEVER seriously date or even think about marriage eventuelly. Because I can't be 100% sure they're with me because of who I am or because of my job. And it's similar with being rich... if I were a millionare I would probably try not to show my wealth until marriage, just to eliminate the money factor. Unless the girl would be rich also... in that case money of course doesn't matter...

Yes, but I think the problem is, most guys are on here complaining that they can't girls, let alone be with one who is a gold-digger.

And yet, when you provide a viable solution to not being "wealthy" they then accuse the girl of being with them for their money and not them.

It's a literal vicious LOOP.

If you are not good looking, seriously get over it, accept it. You can't change your look.
Yes OK so what if she is into you for your money, is that any different from her being into you because of the way you look?

They are both shallow reasons. Just the commodity, so to speak, is different.

Get a grip guys.

Also, I think you can really suck the girl in after you have hooked up with them, if you display to them that you are the only guy that they can connect with.

 

[s.a.f]

Yes OK so what if she is into you for your money, is that any different from her being into you because of the way you look?

When it comes to the bedroom it is.
But yeah its a good point you could argue that most of the guys on here are using a double standard, they want hair to make themselves attractive for a hot woman, because they with their fault (hairloss) dont want to lower themselves to be with a woman who also has faults.

Thinking about it is it better to be a goodlooking poor guy, with a hot woman or an ugly rich guy with one?

But I guess its just the brutal unfairness of the hairloss situation that drives guys nuts.

 

[Ori83]

Thinking about it is it better to be a goodlooking poor guy, with a hot woman or an ugly rich guy with one?

thats a good question, if we assume the girl stays only because of looks or money, id have to say money since looks is temporary while money (in the hands of the right person) has the potential to last a lifetime...

 

[s.a.f]

But looks last a lifetime also. Obviously you cant be young forever but does'nt mean you neccesarily get ugly, Robert Redford, George Clooney, Michael Douglas ....
Obviously when you're 50 you cant expect to have a Megan Fox lookalike, but a good looking 25 yr old will probably end up a goodlooking 50 yr old and if he hooks up with a hot woman of the same age the odds are that she'll still be good for her age when she's older too.
And I'd say that money is just as likely to be lost as looks, imagine if you were a rich ugly guy at 30 who scored a hot wife then lost the money you'd have zero chance of replacing her.

But a guy in his 40/50's who's still good looking can easily get another hot 40 yr old woman.

 

[Oknow]

Yes OK so what if she is into you for your money, is that any different from her being into you because of the way you look?

When it comes to the bedroom it is.
But yeah its a good point you could argue that most of the guys on here are using a double standard, they want hair to make themselves attractive for a hot woman, because they with their fault (hairloss) dont want to lower themselves to be with a woman who also has faults.

Thinking about it is it better to be a goodlooking poor guy, with a hot woman or an ugly rich guy with one?

But I guess its just the brutal unfairness of the hairloss situation that drives guys nuts.

There isn't even any point asking that question to begin with, because it wont change anything! These are the cards you have been delt. Accept it, I know it's hard, but that's the only way to move forward.

I am not good looking, actually I can look unattractive because I have a jaw defect which I need surgery to correct. Imagine your face being longated, with your bottom jaw being shifted 5 mm to the left? Thats why a NW2 recession pisses me off, cos it makes my face even longer then it is. To add I also have a hooked nose, which is prominent from the side profile. Up until now my NW0 hair was the only thing saving me because it was framing my face. Which is otherwise assymetrical and imperfect.

But with charm alone, I can get very good looking girls into me. I do this by building a connection with them, and by doing the best I can with my appearance as it is. I do dress well for example, and I am tall - which I take full advantage of.
Similarly, I have friends (and they are NW6s) who have scored with good looking girls, who have done so by charm, and personality. (and whatever else they have going for them)

Yes, no one is refuting that good looks help. But you have to be realistic here, "good looks" is just not your forte, so why stress over something you cannot change...there will be girls who will be accepting for who you are, and you have to meet them. Some of them will be hot too, recently I saw a hot friend of mine hook up with an unattractive NW6, to the point I was like - wtf?...I doubt he is rich.

You can't begin to appear charming or whatever if you are so self-absorbed about your apperance. Your body language will give off that you are negative and insecure, and girls are very sensitive to this. Sometimes you have to carry a "I dont give a f*** what you think" attitude, and control them. And you have to flirt with them, when was the last time you flirted with a girl by say complienting an item of her clothing?

Lastly, I have friends who have noticable crown thinning scoring with women, who are also out of shape and ugly. One does it by approaching a sh*t load of women in the night, gets rejected by half but then scores.

 

[Innermind]

What about balding boyfriend with scars from bad hair transplant.

 

[Obsidian]

Chicks dig scars :whistle:

 

[uncomfortable man]

But looks last a lifetime also. Obviously you cant be young forever but does'nt mean you neccesarily get ugly, Robert Redford, George Clooney, Michael Douglas ....
Obviously when you're 50 you cant expect to have a Megan Fox lookalike, but a good looking 25 yr old will probably end up a goodlooking 50 yr old and if he hooks up with a hot woman of the same age the odds are that she'll still be good for her age when she's older too.
And I'd say that money is just as likely to be lost as looks, imagine if you were a rich ugly guy at 30 who scored a hot wife then lost the money you'd have zero chance of replacing her.

But a guy in his 40/50's who's still good looking can easily get another hot 40 yr old woman.

That's because in this day and age, good looks ARE social currency.

 

[Eureka]

But looks last a lifetime also. Obviously you cant be young forever but does'nt mean you neccesarily get ugly, Robert Redford, George Clooney, Michael Douglas ....
Obviously when you're 50 you cant expect to have a Megan Fox lookalike, but a good looking 25 yr old will probably end up a goodlooking 50 yr old and if he hooks up with a hot woman of the same age the odds are that she'll still be good for her age when she's older too.
And I'd say that money is just as likely to be lost as looks, imagine if you were a rich ugly guy at 30 who scored a hot wife then lost the money you'd have zero chance of replacing her.

But a guy in his 40/50's who's still good looking can easily get another hot 40 yr old woman.

What type of person is spending their 40's-50's obsessed over something like that, a 50 year old guy who's running around trying to "score".. are you kidding me? If that's me at 50 I'll hang myself for having lived to 50 and been stunted mentally at 18.

A hot girl is all well and good. But I'd prefer one I simply find attractive, is intelligent, whom I can stand for lengthy periods of time, perhaps even someone who wants similar things in life.

Because of what I know about the previous quote above, I can honestly say that chicks absolutely DO NOT dig hair transplant scars. Other types of scars - yes some women dig them - but hair transplant scars NO WAY JOSE! In fact, most chicks probably laugh at hair transplant scars (maybe not to the guy's face, but they probably laugh), and any guy who has them - whether he is "hot" or not, or movie star or whatever. They are going to laugh at hair transplant scars. And believe me, women can spot hair transplant scars a mile away.

Lol yeah, one who used to be a hair transplant surgeon.

 

[Primo]

Decent women, i.e. the ones with good values and principles that you could see yourself marrying and living with for 40 years, are not going to phased by your balding head.

What decent women value most is a man with some sort of career who can provide financial security for a growing family until the day they die. This is a perfectly reasonable and rational requirement. Likewise, decent men want above all a woman who can be a faithful wife and raise his children properly.

So if you have no career prospects whatsoever and find it hard to attract women, don't blame go blaming it on baldness, because you can be sure the futureless NW1s are having just as much trouble finding decent women too.... Sure they might get lucky with a few superficial women who value them purely for their looks, but those women are morally vacuous anyway and would make awful wives.

.

 

[bigentries]

Most definately. Couldn't agree more. It's unortunate and it sucks, but it is a fact that good looks go far in this world, no doubt about it. Better looking people usually get way more opportunities in everything they attempt. Eventually, they catch their "big break." Less attractive folks (this includes most bald guys) usually don't get nearly the same magnitude of exposure to opportunities.

I still doubt the validity of this.

I see pictures on the Forbes List and I am definitely not looking the most beautiful men in the world (and in fact, the world's richest man is bald).

If someone thinks that good looks are a necessity to be successful in the world today, then I continue to say that they are spoiled white men.