Positivity vs. Realism

[Rudiger]

Discuss.

 

[Agustin Araujo]

Depends how you look at it.

:band:

 

[buckthorn]

you just need a balance of both. Too much of either and you're just f*cking yourself.

 

[blackg]

I find that I can be quite positive when by myself and I don't have to interact much with society. Once I hit the streets, so to speak, reality can hit home.
Though I do try to tell myself that my hair loss doesn't mean as much to others as it does to me.
Which is all well and good, but there are times when I'm still shocked at how much my hair loss DOES mean to my acquaintances.

The feedback I get from some of them is like I've somehow disappointed them in some way.
Anyone else get this??

 

[buckthorn]

I find that I can be quite positive when by myself and I don't have to interact much with society. Once I hit the streets, so to speak, reality can hit home.
Though I do try to tell myself that my hair loss doesn't mean as much to others as it does to me.
Which is all well and good, but there are time when I'm still shocked at how much my hair loss DOES mean to my acquaintances.

The feedback I get from some of them is like I've somehow disappointed them in some way.
Anyone else get this??

I hear you on that one. If I had NO family, I would have already shaved completely bald. My worst nightmares while I sleep are always exposing my self to my Mom, Dad, brothers and sister. It is crazy how like 90% of my dreams now have some aspect of hair loss to them. I never once had a dream about it before I started losing it. This sh*t is horrible and horrifying to me. I would literally cut off my right hand and right leg with a miter saw in my garage with no painkillers to gain back 50% density

 

[shookwun]

If you are tall, and work out then live some where in East Asia.


Your sheer dominance, and brute presence will over look the baldness. Similar hailo effect of NBA players on North American women. :mrgreen:

 

[Joan]

I hear you on that one. If I had NO family, I would have already shaved completely bald. My worst nightmares while I sleep are always exposing my self to my Mom, Dad, brothers and sister. It is crazy how like 90% of my dreams now have some aspect of hair loss to them. I never once had a dream about it before I started losing it. This sh*t is horrible and horrifying to me. I would literally cut off my right hand and right leg with a miter saw in my garage with no painkillers to gain back 50% density

If you don't mind my asking, why are you afraid of how your family would react if you shaved your head?

 

[buckthorn]

If you don't mind my asking, why are you afraid of how your family would react if you shaved your head?

no, I don't mind at all Joan. I know they would accept me... but it's my own personal fear of somehow, "letting them down", as stupid as that sounds. My older brother is thinning too, but he's doesn't have an hair transplant scar and weird hair transplant's sticking out of one region of his head. I have always been confident to not really give a sh*t about what people think. But, I feel like I will immediately look 45, when I am only 33 and my family will look down on that. Also, with women obviously.

 

[alexpie2]

If you're always positive that becomes your reality.

 

[jd_uk]

There is a distinct lack of realism on this site. The people who call themselves realists often have the most distorted views on baldness. While there are millions of bald guys out there living their lives, having good sex and dating lives, there are hundreds of 'realists' on this site who would deny that this is even possible.

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I hear you on that one. If I had NO family, I would have already shaved completely bald. My worst nightmares while I sleep are always exposing my self to my Mom, Dad, brothers and sister. It is crazy how like 90% of my dreams now have some aspect of hair loss to them. I never once had a dream about it before I started losing it. This sh*t is horrible and horrifying to me. I would literally cut off my right hand and right leg with a miter saw in my garage with no painkillers to gain back 50% density

Buy some clippers, shave to a grade 6 on top, 3 on the sides. Let yourself and other people get used to it for a couple of weeks.

Get clippers out, shave to a grade 4 on top, 2 on the sides. Let yourself and other people get used to it for a few weeks.

Get the clippers out, shave to a grade 2 on top, 1 on the sides, let yourself and other people get used to it for a few weeks...

Don't let other people define you. Do what you want and not what others want.

Edit: just saw about the hair transplant scar. F*ck that, who cares. Anybody asks and you tell them straight you made a mistake when you were insecure anout your hair transplant but that's in the past. Joe Rogan the comedian/ MMA commentator i think did the same. You will look older initially it's true, but when you're 40 and everyone is greying/receding, you will look much the same. Keep in shape and you will even look younger.

 

[Joan]

no, I don't mind at all Joan. I know they would accept me... but it's my own personal fear of somehow, "letting them down", as stupid as that sounds. My older brother is thinning too, but he's doesn't have an hair transplant scar and weird hair transplant's sticking out of one region of his head. I have always been confident to not really give a sh*t about what people think. But, I feel like I will immediately look 45, when I am only 33 and my family will look down on that. Also, with women obviously.

I can understand your reluctance due to your scar and feeling as though you'd look 45 (which I doubt you would), but I can't understand why you feel your family would be "let down". I don't want to pry into your relationship with your parents. As a parent, though, the least of my concerns would be how my sons wore their hair as long as they were comfortable with it. Piercings, tattoos, etc. would be their decisions. I would be upset if that type of look made it virtually impossible for them to find jobs in their fields. I wouldn't think they let me down; I'd just be disappointed at their lack of foresight in not choosing a career path where that type of appearance would be irrelevant. If you really feel strongly about negative reactions from your family, you might consider jd_uk's advice.

 

[parisienne]

buckthorn have you thought of scalp micropigmentation for your scar ?

 

[buckthorn]

I can understand your reluctance due to your scar and feeling as though you'd look 45 (which I doubt you would), but I can't understand why you feel your family would be "let down". I don't want to pry into your relationship with your parents. As a parent, though, the least of my concerns would be how my sons wore their hair as long as they were comfortable with it. Piercings, tattoos, etc. would be their decisions. I would be upset if that type of look made it virtually impossible for them to find jobs in their fields. I wouldn't think they let me down; I'd just be disappointed at their lack of foresight in not choosing a career path where that type of appearance would be irrelevant. If you really feel strongly about negative reactions from your family, you might consider jd_uk's advice.

Well Joan,
You are the definition of a good mother then, and that is really sweet. I have a good family and the thoughts are only derived from my own insecurities. I already have my masters and real estate license and have become successful in my own real estate business, flipping and renting homes, so I am very lucky and blessed, that my job allows me to wear my hair how I want, shave it, or even have a mohawk! haha... I am working on looking at all these positive things. After all endured in this life, losing my hair is perhaps the hardest. Thanks for your kind words.

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buckthorn have you thought of scalp micropigmentation for your scar ?

I have definitely thought about it. I just think that if you grow your hair out even slightly it doesn't look natural. I love to travel and camp and don't want to have to worry about shaving my head every other day. I have a greater consideration for having a small FUE to remove the transplants and put them back into the scar.

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There is a distinct lack of realism on this site. The people who call themselves realists often have the most distorted views on baldness. While there are millions of bald guys out there living their lives, having good sex and dating lives, there are hundreds of 'realists' on this site who would deny that this is even possible.

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Buy some clippers, shave to a grade 6 on top, 3 on the sides. Let yourself and other people get used to it for a couple of weeks.

Get clippers out, shave to a grade 4 on top, 2 on the sides. Let yourself and other people get used to it for a few weeks.

Get the clippers out, shave to a grade 2 on top, 1 on the sides, let yourself and other people get used to it for a few weeks...

Don't let other people define you. Do what you want and not what others want.

Edit: just saw about the hair transplant scar. F*ck that, who cares. Anybody asks and you tell them straight you made a mistake when you were insecure anout your hair transplant but that's in the past. Joe Rogan the comedian/ MMA commentator i think did the same. You will look older initially it's true, but when you're 40 and everyone is greying/receding, you will look much the same. Keep in shape and you will even look younger.

I appreciate the words of encouragement, and you're absolutely right, by doing this my life would be easier in certain ways. But, then it would be harder in other ways. I don't like having to comb my hair to conceal my thinning and wearing hair products and being self conscience. It doesn't feel like me, I have always been a confident person. On the other hand, understand that I would literally not look good at all if I shaved it down. I have transplants on the left side and in the middle of the hair line and midscalp. Also, they did not do a good job. I would look weird. The whole reason people are on this forum is because we want to look good. Looking good amounts to feeling good in this society we live in. Looking unusual, especially on the top and back of your head is a hard pill to swallow. Like i've said, going bald is hard enough.. going bald with a disfigurement that you yourself caused out of vanity, for some reason feels impossible to me.

 

[Exodus2011]

its not vanity. you were just trying to get something that most people have, especially people your age. nothing vain about that at all. just trying to look normal. don't let the full heads make you feel guilty about it. i've always thought its just another way for them to trash us, another way for them to try to put us down.

 

[buckthorn]

its not vanity. you were just trying to get something that most people have, especially people your age. nothing vain about that at all. just trying to look normal. don't let the full heads make you feel guilty about it. i've always thought its just another way for them to trash us, another way for them to try to put us down.

Yes, indeed. I don't let anyone really make me feel guilty, besides myself. I am very hard on myself. I noticed you're from NC. My little sister moved out to Raleigh recently. I love it there!! I have been to Cape Hateras a few times. Isn't there a good IAHRS hair transplant Doctor down there? Who am I thinking of..

 

[parisienne]

Don't let other people define you. Do what you want and not what others want.

These words,Sir, are words to live by. Thank you.

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It doesn't feel like me, I have always been a confident person.

+1

 

[Joan]

Well Joan,
You are the definition of a good mother then, and that is really sweet. I have a good family and the thoughts are only derived from my own insecurities. I already have my masters and real estate license and have become successful in my own real estate business, flipping and renting homes, so I am very lucky and blessed, that my job allows me to wear my hair how I want, shave it, or even have a mohawk! haha... I am working on looking at all these positive things. After all endured in this life, losing my hair is perhaps the hardest. Thanks for your kind words.

Thank you, buckthorn. Parents do strive to be better, and the way you feel that you would somehow disappoint them or let them down by shaving your head, we don't want to disappoint our kids too. Sometimes we wish we hadn't said this or done that, or maybe we didn't say the right thing when we should have. Parents want their kids, no matter what age, to be proud of them as well. Some keep those feelings inside, and others are more expressive. With all you've accomplished in your life, I'm still finding it hard to understand why you think your appearance would affect your parents' feelings towards you. I'm not going to harp on this; I just wanted to give you a parent's perspective. I'd be crushed if my kids kept something bottled up because they were afraid of my reaction.

 

[shookwun]

This Jd_UK is to much. What he says has merit, and sounds great on paper, but isn't going to change anyone's actual perception.


I see lot's of balding men at my gym, all insecure men. About 80% of them wear hats, and most are reasonably good looking. The gym culture tends to attract image conscious people who want to look, and feel great. These bald men have **** going for them.


Guess what, they all have average plain jane girlfriends. Most people in my neck of the woods bring their significant other to the gym, and I can tell you first had even the good looking ones all have average looking girlfriends. it's no suprise either, most look amazing with a cap, but then go from hero to zero after the make shift frame comes off.



Nobody says bald guys can't make it. Most indefinitely can, and that's a fact. Living life through the motions, and struggling to find dates on dating applications. Great life.

 

[buckthorn]

Thank you, buckthorn. Parents do strive to be better, and the way you feel that you would somehow disappoint them or let them down by shaving your head, we don't want to disappoint our kids too. Sometimes we wish we hadn't said this or done that, or maybe we didn't say the right thing when we should have. Parents want their kids, no matter what age, to be proud of them as well. Some keep those feelings inside, and others are more expressive. With all you've accomplished in your life, I'm still finding it hard to understand why you think your appearance would affect your parents' feelings towards you. I'm not going to harp on this; I just wanted to give you a parent's perspective. I'd be crushed if my kids kept something bottled up because they were afraid of my reaction.

I never ever even thought about it that way. I have been living in somewhat of a depression over this. I mean, I still function. I work, keep my house and animals occassionally see friends... it's just happened so quick, when I look in the mirror it's hard to recognize my physical self and that plays tricks with my mind. My own mother struggles with hair loss. My dad is nearly bald. Both brothers are forming the balding pattern that's aggressively manifested itself on me in the past couple years... But you're right. If I had a magic window and could see my brothers or sister sitting there with sickening anxiety and frustration about coming to a family gathering because of their image, my heart would be shattered. You guys are the only ones that even know about this struggle. I could have terminal cancer and I wouldn't even tell my own family. I don't like being this way. I can't ever burden anyone with my own problems... that's not healthy. I should open up more. This has turned into a lesson of psychology. Thanks Jane!! I am going to make more of an effort, despite how insanely hard it is for me.

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Sorry! of course I mean JOAN!

 

[shookwun]

I never ever even thought about it that way. I have been living in somewhat of a depression over this. I mean, I still function. I work, keep my house and animals occassionally see friends... it's just happened so quick, when I look in the mirror it's hard to recognize my physical self and that plays tricks with my mind. My own mother struggles with hair loss. My dad is nearly bald. Both brothers are forming the balding pattern that's aggressively manifested itself on me in the past couple years... But you're right. If I had a magic window and could see my brothers or sister sitting there with sickening anxiety and frustration about coming to a family gathering because of their image, my heart would be shattered. You guys are the only ones that even know about this struggle. I could have terminal cancer and I wouldn't even tell my own family. I don't like being this way. I can't ever burden anyone with my own problems... that's not healthy. I should open up more. This has turned into a lesson of psychology. Thanks Jane!! I am going to make more of an effort, despite how insanely hard it is for me.

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Sorry! of course I mean JOAN!

I think you should try a hair system. It could potentially change your life for the better.

The medication, and transplant aren't working in your favor.

Wont know until you try it out