SHAVING IT ALL OFF

[lentara]

I have seriously considered shaving my head, plopping some pretty scarves on my bald dome and going about my business. Okay, I have not yet worked up the ovarian fortitude or given up hope enough to do so but... I mentioned this to my mother and she freaked :freaked2:

She KNOWS about my hair issues and she is perfectly fine with me getting a wig or paying big bucks for a "system" but when I told her my idea she says, "Don't you dare shave your head". I rightly pointed out that my dad is bald as bald can be so she gives me the line, "Yes, but he's a man."
OOOOOOOOOOOkay...and the point is exactly? It's okay for men to be bald but not women? So, why then, is my hair thinning so badly? Obviously, I am not some unnatural freak...there are so many women in my shoes!!! (not to mention all the poor guys!!!)
Does the double standard of the whole thing just not make any one nuts?? :2gunsfiring_v1:

 

[mayalopecia]

totally!

Hey lentara,

I completely agree with you and understand your frustration. It's very irksome to be held to a different standard--particularly when you're hurting because you feel singled out by it and can't control it either. Did you know there are actually people who will *tell* other ladies when their hair is getting thin? As if they don't have mirrors?

I live in California, in a part that's very hot in the summer, and the prospect of having no option but a hot wig is not pleasant. And believe me, they are hot!

If/when my hair gets too thin to manage any longer, I plan to shave my head. I think it's a decision you have to make for yourself. It's your decision whether you want to wear wigs or simply "go commando" as well. Beware the emotional shock of suddenly seeing yourself without hair, however...I suspect that might be hard to handle for a significant proportion of us.

In any case, female hairloss is gaining visibility, so I think it may become more acceptable for ladies to sport the chrome dome. I probably wont because I have a little head that I think needs to be balanced with hair, but I bet there will be times when I won't cover up, so to speak.

Cheers,
-maya

 

[lentara]

Thanks, Maya.
This hairloss thing is enough to drive someone mad :crazy:
well, we shall see Maybe there will be an army of us chrome-domed chicks in the future

 

[Guest]

Crome Dome Army

Where do I enlist? :firing: Teester

 

[Guest]

Crome Dome Army

Where do I enlist? :firing: Teester

 

[Anita]

Last year I cut my hair very, very short, like Halle Berry's. I LOVED it. I mean, it's not the same as shaving your head but at least I know what I'd look like without a lot of hair. I was going away to do fieldwork in the tropics for 12 months and just wanted to be comfortable. My family was not very much in favor of the drastic change but they liked it when they saw it. The only reason I let it grow again was because of my wedding. If my hairloss gets worse and worse, I would consider shaving my head. Personally, I think women without hair can also look very sexy!

 

[Humpty Dumpty]

The problem with this argument is whilst fine in principle - men can shave their heads so why not women? - there are some fairly weighty practical ramifications for women that are far less pronounced, if not wholly absent, for men. Men can 'get away' with baldness far easier than women, because in the eyes of society, baldness is gender bound - a male 'problem'. Because of the sheer quantity of balding men, it is far easier for them to get on and succeed than it is for women, since to preclude balding men from societal definitions of attractiveness, success, and power, would be to exclude a large percentage of the population. But how many balding women do you ever see on tv, in the media? You only have to glimpse around the male forums to see a plethora of "well, matt damon/ben affleck/van diesel is balding and everyone fancies him" style posts. Balding doesn't usually affect a man's earning potential, his ability to get a job, or sustain longterm relationships. We're much more accepting of baldness in men because the expectation is that most men will come to this end at some point: its part of the male life experience. Yet for a woman to shave her head would make her instantly unemployable in many professions, not to mention the stares and abuse they would get if they walked down a street bald. Is any one here willing to offer themselves up as a martyr to the cause of bringing female baldness to a wider audience? I'd like to be able to say "screw it" and just shave it all off, but I'm afraid too much emotional capital goes into the mere coming to terms with the condition, without having to put up wit neanderthal behaviour from the general populace whenever I walk out on the street.

Oh, and the climate in Britain is far too cold, as well. :lol:

 

[Humpty Dumpty]

>>>Does the double standard of the whole thing just not make any one nuts??

If that pees you off, best you don't go in the men's forum and look at the amount of self-confessed NW6, breast growers who can't get it up any more (courtesy of propecia), spouting about how they wouldn't be seen dead with a balding chick. Tough they might "bone" her if she had "good tits", they couldn't possibly consent to be seen in daylight within a hundred meter radius of her. And then they unselfconsciously proceed to moan about "shallow" women who won't go out with them cos they're balding. :roll:

 

[lentara]

Ladies,
You are all AWESOME

Humpty...you make some valid points. VERY valid.
Of course, I'm getting close to a point where I really and truly don't give a sh*t what society has to say about my "place" as a woman. I'm lucky in that I have a job where I'm sure they wouldn't razz me for the hair issue. I have good friends.
I've actually been posting on a thread in the guys area dealing w/the whole shallow evil women thing. I have to say that from some experiences my male friends have had that the guys aren't totally full of sh*t about some of the things they run into trying to "get" with women.
Having said that, I agree totally and completely that there is SUCH a double standard. Men can complain about women being shallow and yet most guys don't see past whether a woman is what they consider "hot". :evil: (which tends to be a very narrow definition, from what I've seen). Of course, at this point, I've quit giving a rat's @ss about finding a man to share my life with.
I'm a romantic at heart but that has been overlaid by a nice crust of cynicism.

So, here's to all of us and if we end up at the point where we feel we have to shave our heads...let's just flip 'em the bird and wear a big @ss smile :lol:

 

[Humpty Dumpty]

>>>Having said that, I agree totally and completely that there is SUCH a double standard. Men can complain about women being shallow and yet most guys don't see past whether a woman is what they consider "hot". (which tends to be a very narrow definition, from what I've seen). Of course, at this point, I've quit giving a rat's @ss about finding a man to share my life with.

Oh tell me about it. :roll: Most of these guys, complaining about not being able to attract women, or "broads", "hos" and "chicks", as they are variously referred to, are not talking about their inability to sustain longterm meaningful relationships with women. They're referring to their inability to just walk into a club "anymore" (like they ever could) and exit ten minutes later with three 36DD blonde stunners hanging off their arms gagging for a night of some hot lovin'. Because if they weren't going bald, Cameron Diaz would be beating a path to their doors. Damn Cameron! How "shallow" is she? I'm reminded of those letters you read in problem pages where the newly divorced 50 year old man writes in to complain about women not being prepared to date him: "Why won't the twenty year old college students go out with me? Why is it only I can only get dates with women my own age? I don't want them: they're oooold. Why are all women so shallow?"

 

[lentara]

Yes, being called a "broad", "ho", or some other derivative thereof is such a turn-on! I mean, when a guy calls me "b**ch" I just melt. :roll:
I'll be the first to admit that as far as looks go I'm not Cindy Freaking Crawford. I will also admit that I need to lose weight (btw...shameless pat on the back inserted here...I've lost 31 lbs so far). But, vanity or not, I am not an ugly woman. YET...when I was younger I was very slender, and I was hit on right and left simply because of the way I looked. I married, had a child, gained weight, got divorced and a funny thing happened: I found confidence in myself. Not in how I looked but in ME as a person. What was weird is that I knew if someone male liked me it was because of me...not b/c of how I looked. (On a side note, I'm almost scared to lose the weight and have to go back to dealing with the infantile bullsh*t.)
So, now that I've given that little testimonal and gone a bit off subject :?
You know what I find heartening is seeing the crop of women in their 40's now dating 20 year old men. I get a juvenile pleasure out of seeing these older women thumbing their noses at the age-old older man-younger woman scenario. Yes, it's childish but it gives me a naughty sense of glee

 

[Guest]

It is all just an aberration (this older woman, younger man thing!). Fact is that some level, we are ALL shallow--that is that we are impacted by our lizzard brain on reproduction AND we are influenced by what we see, read, and are told "out there!"

So, for all of you looking for the lofty, principled, non-shallow mate, give it up. In the end, at the bottom of it all, we are ALL in it for number one.

The only thing that changes is the criteria.

And, being a man, I think I may get skinned for this one.

PS-I like "wenche" but I am old fashioned.

:lol:

 

[lentara]

Oh, Bruce, I think we'll let you keep your skin, so to speak. :lol:
I've already given up the quest for the non-shallow mate. or the shallow one for that matter

I would disagree that at the bottom of it all we are all out for number one. I think that as a mother, I'm usually out for my child's best interests. Of course that's a totally different animal than the mate thing. (Not that I'm an :innocent: or anything. I can be as self-centered as anyone else.)

"Wenche" indeed

 

[Humpty Dumpty]

>>>So, for all of you looking for the lofty, principled, non-shallow mate, give it up. In the end, at the bottom of it all, we are ALL in it for number one.

A psychological egoist. How quaint! Lord knows there's none of them around these days... :roll:

 

[Guest]

Oh, Bruce, I think we'll let you keep your skin, so to speak. :lol:
I've already given up the quest for the non-shallow mate. or the shallow one for that matter

I would disagree that at the bottom of it all we are all out for number one. I think that as a mother, I'm usually out for my child's best interests. Of course that's a totally different animal than the mate thing. (Not that I'm an :innocent: or anything. I can be as self-centered as anyone else.)

"Wenche" indeed

Well I would kill to protect my son, but in the end, that is tied to MY self image of what a father is all about. So, in that sense, he benefits by my own self interest. Twisted, huh!!

 

[Guest]

>>>So, for all of you looking for the lofty, principled, non-shallow mate, give it up. In the end, at the bottom of it all, we are ALL in it for number one.

A psychological egoist. How quaint! Lord knows there's none of them around these days... :roll:

Read it againa and see if it applies to you. For example, when you are looking for that perfect mate, whose "model" are you using? His, hers or yours?

It is all about number one and it helps to understand that. It is not bad, by denying that, might be.

 

[Humpty Dumpty]

>>>Read it againa and see if it applies to you. For example, when you are looking for that perfect mate, whose "model" are you using? His, hers or yours?

What is perhaps more interesting Bruce, is your tendency to conflate shallowness with self interest. I don't know that a good proportion of our actions are motivated by self-interest, (though I'd baulk at agreeing that every single action we perform has this end in mind) but how does this equate with shallowness exactly? When I go looking for a potential partner (mate?!! er, no!) obviously I have certain qualities in mind that I would wish that person to engender (though again, you may meet someone who is a total 180 on the preconceived notion) but I don't see that as being automatically 'shallow'. If my wishlist consisted solely of demands such as, say "must have a full head of hair", "must have a six figure salary", then certainly I would consider that to be pretty 'shallow'. If, on the other hand, the "model" pertained rather to personal qualities I would wish them to possess, whilst potentially self interested, I'm not sure that is in any way necessarily "shallow".

And no, I'm not a psychological egoist. I'm not even an ethical one. :wink:

 

[lentara]

We humans are a f*cked up lot. :shock:
I agree w/both of you to some degree. Truth is, everything most people do has so many layers of emotion/reasoning/etc involved that it's unreal. Which is, of course, why psychology developed in the first place.

 

[Guest]

>>>Read it againa and see if it applies to you. For example, when you are looking for that perfect mate, whose "model" are you using? His, hers or yours?

What is perhaps more interesting Bruce, is your tendency to conflate shallowness with self interest. I don't know that a good proportion of our actions are motivated by self-interest, (though I'd baulk at agreeing that every single action we perform has this end in mind) but how does this equate with shallowness exactly? When I go looking for a potential partner (mate?!! er, no!) obviously I have certain qualities in mind that I would wish that person to engender (though again, you may meet someone who is a total 180 on the preconceived notion) but I don't see that as being automatically 'shallow'. If my wishlist consisted solely of demands such as, say "must have a full head of hair", "must have a six figure salary", then certainly I would consider that to be pretty 'shallow'. If, on the other hand, the "model" pertained rather to personal qualities I would wish them to possess, whilst potentially self interested, I'm not sure that is in any way necessarily "shallow".

And no, I'm not a psychological egoist. I'm not even an ethical one. :wink:

Well this is scemantics at its best. You value certain qualities which you deem important and I guess, by definition, not shallow. You deem other qualities (like a full head of hair) as "shallow."

That's fine but how is this any different in any real sense. A 20 yr old guy wants to nail a broad, a 45 year old guy "wants a soul mate.!"

You say potato, I say "it is, what it is.!"

 

[Guest]

. Which is, of course, why psychology developed in the first place.

It is that, or because they thought it would be neat to add no value, have no accountability, and charge a lot of money!