Guys, just a general update. I mean each thread is more or less the same thing, so please allow me to vent a little.
I'm not sure what happened or how recently it was. But quite recently, I realised that I'm not as attractive as I was. Well, no sh*t. But, it hit me. It sneaked up on me quite pervasively. My f*****g recession. I can't remember and I guess I'll never know when I went through the 'tipping' point from a somewhat good-looking guy to an egg-like bland looking guy. Perhaps the last year or so.
I had deluded myself for a a while thinking that a short buzz would be the easiest cover up. But even that hasn't seemed to help recently. I look at my crappy baldy head and it doesn't matter. I have this wide f*****g forehead, and I'm now beginning the slow descent into diffusion.
The problem is, it's not that going bald makes us 'ugly' as much as it makes us invisible. It makes me feel old, plain, invisible, and empty. I just don't know where to go from here. I don't know what happened to my last haircut, but it didn't seem to have the same effect as before. Maybe my hair was too short on top, or the sides weren't done right. The problem is I'm tired of the continual guessing game of it. Sometimes I look better, but usually I don't. The 'island' of hair is starting to slowly, ever so slowly appear on my head, as the diffuse ever so slowly happens.
God, its a torturous piece of sh*t thing to happen to us. The only card I have left now is to try and grow it out. It looks sh*t grown out, and it looks sh*t buzzed. That feeling is really f*****g shitty.
I'm 29 and I wasted my twenties taking drugs, binge-drinking, and chasing women. Now I stopped drugs and binge-drinking, and stopped smoking. I'm finally doing some interesting and fun hobbies; salsa and fine art classes. I see a therapist also. I don't know what recently made me feel down. Maybe its the realisation that all the girls I have dated recently are ugly or demented. This year, I dated this ugly-ish girl, this 5 foot 1 Asian girl who boxed and didn't smile, and went on a few dates with this virgin who had intimacy issues. I mean, they all more or less had big problems. And that I have always dreamed of getting a more attractive girl but the reality hit me that maybe that is an unrealistic expectation.
That hit me a lot. I'm starting to see friends getting married, people getting settled. And whilst I have a lot of play for, and I don't always get down like this, I feel disadvantaged in many ways. I don't want to settle for an ugly woman. Nor a women who comes from mainland china or something and doesn't brush her teeth before she sees me. Literally this recent one, she got into bed, and I could smell a fresh sort of smell on her breath. I asked her whether she brushed her teeth, and she said she had applied some gel for an ulcer. I mean, is that me or is that f*****g gross?
I just want an attractive woman. Just a decent package, well educated, attractive, girl-next-door type vibe. Perhaps and probably my problems go past just a lack of hair follicles. But I feel frustrated as I have all the 'right' things going for me, but I'm struggling. I don't mind marrying a girl and settling down. I just one I could actually be happy to keep for the longer term. Perhaps the sooner I become a bald f*** the sooner I can accept my new life and pretend that I'll look like Bruce Willis.