Why Can't I Seem To Commit Myself To A Relationship

[g.i joey]

I can say pretty much that ever since I started noticing my hairloss the idea of getting into a LTR with someone hasn't sit well with me. I've dated 2 girls since hairloss became a real issue with me, both times hairloss always played a part in why I broke up with them, maybe not directly but I'd always think "I'll be bald in a couple years and all this will just have been time wasted" and this in turn effected the way I'd treat them and they always noticed me pulling away after a couple months, my last ex claims we've never even evolved (due to me only seeing her once or twice a week and it would always be, go out to dinner then go back to my place)

The worst quality I have about me right now and with women is that I sometimes (more often than not) don't answer them, can be for a day or two sometimes, this initially makes woman run after me but once I drag it on too long they kind of get mad and label me a dick. I have this problem with everyone in general, I'm
Definitely the guy who never answers out of my friends, but always find the time to answer my friends/family.

For example I met a girl a couple weeks ago and we really seemed to like each other after going on a date, I work all day long due to owning a business so I'm always meeting clients, giving estimates, waiting on packages to come in at storage and etc. So when the end of the day comes I realize I haven't messaged her back and checked up on her at all, this has happened at least 4 times in the span of around 2 weeks, well yesterday she asked if I thought in any way that we can be something more. Tbh I really do like the girl but the thought of bringing a girl into my life is one of the few things that gives me major anxiety.

My last 2 exs I dated, I had broken up with and each time I have I feel this major weight being lifted off my shoulders and feel my freedom running back to me. I suspect I'm just not at a point in my life where I'm ready to get into a relationship, and my theory always was "if she's not making your life better than it was before her it's not worth it", but I'm starting to think this is an excuse more than a rule to me. I should also mention that I had major trust issues prior to hairloss and always found it super hard to trust a girl due to dating a hoe when I was 18 and just seeing stuff happen to my friends/people around me getting fucked over by their gf/bfs

I guess what I'm asking is, is this a normal way to feel about relationships at my age (24) or am I just unhappy with myself therefore not opening myself up enough? I've even tried to link it to depression but aside from this aspect I really don't think I'm depressed at all, I still love to chill with my friends and get blasted on weekends and were always meeting girls when we're out, I do fairly well too for a chubby slightky diffuse nw2-3, we go on road trips and currently planning a vacation, but I just can't seem to find it in me to settle down at this point in time and I feel hairloss plays a pretty big role in this train of thought.

The thing I find the most weird is that a lot of my guy friends seem to put a lot of effort into getting a gf and really make it effect their happiness, whereas I really don't give a f*** if I have a girl, it doesn't appreciate or depreciate my quality of life, I guess getting laid every once and a while makes it easier but I'm starting to worry that if my train of thought doesn't change in the next couple of years i might regret not opening myself up to LTR sooner.

I'm curious to know what you guys think of this and If you do/don't relate because it's something that's been on my mind the past couple weekS. I should also add that nothing freaks me out more than the thought of a girl cheating on me and staying with me, idk how I'd deal with that and these trust issues definitely 100% play a part in the way I feel about relationships

 

[Rudiger]

"I'll be bald in a couple years and all this will just have been time wasted"

Well that's the answer right there. And unfortunately with some women, it's a genuine concern. They'll laugh at the idea they even care about your appearance, tell you you're being ridiculous, even throw a little guilt cherry on top for thinking they'd be so superficial, they love you for you etc.

And then one day it just ends, for no real reason, even when things seemed stable as ever. Luckily I'm not speaking from experience here but I've known it to happen, for different reasons from a guy getting fat, bald, poor/unemployed, and I do feel like yourself, I've avoided it from being guarded against the possibility.

This is of course not a guarantee of all women, or even most, I guess it's that tricky balance of finding someone you feel suited to, but can also rely on their loyalty.

I'm also not completely blaming anyone for leaving a relationship when things change. You start out on certain conditions based on looks, compatibility, and if any of these circumstances change suddenly then well, it's not what they signed up for.

You're doing the right thing in being cautious but if you feel safe with someone who will accept your baldness then that's just the risk you inevitably have to take at some point.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

@g.i joey is finasteride not working for you?

 

[hairblues]

I am not a guy but a few things resonated with me when I was in my 20s.

I hated being in heavy relationships in my 20s..I had relationships but if I was with a man who wanted to be with me more than a few times a week I never felt like I had time or focus for it and they quickly became annoying. I was super duper focused on work in my 20s and at one point I was 'technically' running my own business and it felt like that was my priority 24/7. I had a BF at the time and to be honest he became more of a glorified assistant--not from me asking but I think he just knew that if he did not help me with some stuff he would rarely see me.

So it can be simply that you are driven at the moment. It also may just be the way you are in your relationships..not everyone is that 24/7 kind of person in relationships.

 

[g.i joey]

@Rudiger exactly man, but at the same time I feel like hairloss just plays a part in my hesitance, my last girl also told me right after I broke up with her that I can't live the lifestyle I live and expect to be in a secure relationship.. I think she was just pissed that I broke up with her though.

Overall I know I'm doing the right thing as I wouldn't wanna invest feelings into someone I don't think is worth it, my problem is what if I just think no one is ever worth it and I'm just shooting down every opportunity. Don't get me wrong man, I love taking a girl on dates and LOVEE the whole chase into getting a girl, things just seem to go downhill quick on my end once I get what I want.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

And then one day it just ends, for no real reason, even when things seemed stable as ever. Luckily I'm not speaking from experience here but I've known it to happen, for different reasons from a guy getting fat, bald, poor/unemployed, and I do feel like yourself, I've avoided it from being guarded against the possibility.

I'll just leave these little black pills down below:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/m8fui/boyfriend_going_bald_at_24_am_i_a_bad_person_for/

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3361837

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-is-going-bald-and-i-hate.html

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/really-embarrassed-about-my-balding-boyfriend-he-looked-really-old-1674929/

If the black pills hurt to much then you can always take a blue pill by reading the comments below the original post.

 

[g.i joey]

@g.i joey is finasteride not working for you?

from what I can observe is that I'm maintaining, but my hair hasn't gotten BETTER in the 9 months of me taking it, but maintenance with no side effects is something I'm not about to complain about.

 

[g.i joey]

I was super duper focused on work in my 20s and at one point I was 'technically' running my own business and it felt like that was my priority 24/7.

This is spot on, I read about a lot of entrepreneurs giving up their dating life and dedicating majority of their time to work, this is definitely how I feel, especially considering the fact that I'm a university student as well, relationships seem more like a headache than anything else at this point.

 

[hairblues]

This is spot on, I read about a lot of entrepreneurs giving up their dating life and dedicating majority of their time to work, this is definitely how I feel, especially considering the fact that I'm a university student as well, relationships seem more like a headache than anything else at this point.

Thats the problem anyone worth having is going to be busy also or not stick around...the ones who will most likely put up with it are going to feel subconsciously annoying.

 

[g.i joey]

I'll just leave these little black pills down below:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/m8fui/boyfriend_going_bald_at_24_am_i_a_bad_person_for/

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3361837

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-is-going-bald-and-i-hate.html

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/really-embarrassed-about-my-balding-boyfriend-he-looked-really-old-1674929/

If the black pills hurt to much then you can always take a blue pill by reading the comments below the original post.

"Everyone knows women age like milk" haha those commments are amazing, you're a dick for conveniently placing those links in my thread ABOUT being a balding man and getting into relationships lol, this isn't anything new to me, and as rudiger said I can't blame a woman for having a change of heart in situations like that as men do pretty much the same thing, I don't hold anything against them for it, and would honestly prefer a woman does it sooner rather than later so that time isn't wasted on either end.

 

[Rudiger]

I'll just leave these little black pills down below:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/m8fui/boyfriend_going_bald_at_24_am_i_a_bad_person_for/

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3361837

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-is-going-bald-and-i-hate.html

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/really-embarrassed-about-my-balding-boyfriend-he-looked-really-old-1674929/

If the black pills hurt to much then you can always take a blue pill by reading the comments below the original post.

I- suppose, this is related.

But Jesus I've seen these exact same threads posted before on here and I barely am even interested in the black pill stuff. Some of them years old, do guys really keep a shitty folder on this stuff, jumping on any opportunity to keep firm hold of the "proof" of female superficiality?

Don't really need proof, just look at ourselves, and they're humans too. 2+2

 

[DoctorHouse]

Joey, everyone fears relationship failure. Its totally normal no matter how old you are. You just need to find someone who you feel comfortable enough to open up to like you can here. Once you do, you will feel better if they understand you. If you they don't, then move on. There is no time limit when your have to have a LTR. You are still way too young to worry about needing one at this time. Keep playing the field and focus on your business and make it grow huge. With disposable income you will be able to afford future hair treatments.

I honestly don't think you are going to be a high Norwood until much later in life if you did nothing at all. You are very proactive so I think with current and future treatment options you will always be no worse than a NW3. You have way better hair density than I ever had and I still managed to keep most of my hair for over 20 more years than you. And we have seen your "size" and I can tell you most women will never be disappointed with you. You got a big advantage there.

 

[Dontwannabeabetabob]

Hey man I know exactly how you feel. I just got divorced last November (I'm 24) and I'm not even focusing on women, I text back hours or days later and they cant get enough of that sh*t. If I get laid every few weeks I'm content as of now.

The way you feel about opening yourself is normal man, especially being hurt in the past. My ex wife fucked my best friend while I was in the army, she fucked everyone, even fucked her cousin while we were married... You get the picture. I'd be out training and sure enough she's getting cream pied. You seem like you got your sh*t together OP, and you're absolutely right. Don't settle for a woman who doesn't enhance your life. Yea she may be fun to be around, look good, suck you mushroom tip and gargle you balls but if she's not truly making you a better overall man don't get attached.

If you take anything out of this response, take these next words heavily into consideration.

She's not yours, it's only your turn.

 

[Roberto_72]

My ex wife fucked my best friend while I was in the army, she fucked everyone, even fucked her cousin while we were married...

Well may I suggest you haven't been the best judge of character in this particular case?

@OP: you have nothing to lose (except for hair). If you don't like being in a relationship in three months, you just leave her, people do that all the time. But do not let your hair loss or fear of a LTR stop you from being with a person who wants to be with you... you WILL regret it.

 

[Dontwannabeabetabob]

Well may I suggest you haven't been the best judge of character in this particular case?

@OP: you have nothing to lose (except for hair). If you don't like being in a relationship in three months, you just leave her, people do that all the time. But do not let your hair loss or fear of a LTR stop you from being with a person who wants to be with you... you WILL regret it.

Yup. I was an absolute fool. Live and learn.

 

[PappinAce]

I'd always think "I'll be bald in a couple years and all this will just have been time wasted" and this in turn effected the way I'd treat them and they always noticed me pulling away after a couple months

damn bro. that sounds like my life. i only had one relationship but that's a big part of what happened. it even happens with friends. there is someone i really like but i find myself subconsciously spending less time with her because she is constantly doing hair twirling and making hair comments. hair can cut through people like a fault line.

if you can't talk about a huge thing that bothers you, with the people you are supposed to be close to (or worse, you DO talk about it but it's not truly understood or accepted), then what do you have?

 

[g.i joey]

@Dontwannabeabetabob holy sh*t man, that's a brutal experience to go through, a perfect example of why it's so hard to trust a woman. Be honest, did you have any clue she'd be the person to pull that kind of sh*t? Man honestly it's way better that this happened to you at 24, rather than if you were 35 and had wayyy fewer options, at least you got that out of the way and can go on with your life now. Really sucks to hear that happened to you, sounds like it's a good thing you're done with her, considering she probably has some mental issues to deal with.

 

[g.i joey]

Joey, everyone fears relationship failure. Its totally normal no matter how old you are. You just need to find someone who you feel comfortable enough to open up to like you can here. Once you do, you will feel better if they understand you. If you they don't, then move on. There is no time limit when your have to have a LTR. You are still way too young to worry about needing one at this time. Keep playing the field and focus on your business and make it grow huge. With disposable income you will be able to afford future hair treatments.

I honestly don't think you are going to be a high Norwood until much later in life if you did nothing at all. You are very proactive so I think with current and future treatment options you will always be no worse than a NW3. You have way better hair density than I ever had and I still managed to keep most of my hair for over 20 more years than you. And we have seen your "size" and I can tell you most women will never be disappointed with you. You got a big advantage there.

Thanks @DoctorHouse i always appreciate your posts, unfortunately there is no chance in hell that without finasteride/rogaine I'd have enough hair to make it to next year appearing as someone who only has recession. My dad was straight nw5 at 23 (saw his university grad pic) and honestly, I'm diffusing in that exact pattern, I guess finasteride just slowed it down big time. I also truthfully think my density appears better in pictures than it does in real life, I have enough for coverage and enough to actually style my hair, but overall density really isn't much, sunlight kind of destroys my hair aesthetics (depending on the day).

If you don't mind, what Norwood were you and also in what Norwood pattern were you diffusing in when you got on meds? You also only took finasteride/rogaine to treat your hairloss right?

I guess it's not so much relationship failures that worries me, it's more the fact that I'm getting into a relationship looking one way and knowing the end result of how I'd look in a couple years is sort of like deception to me, I sometimes go as far to think that it's not even fair to the other person. Words from one of my exs mouth "I don't find bald guys hot, but if you went bald I'm sure you'd still be handsome" ya sureeee.

I guess another way to look at it as well is, why set myself up to be committed for years when I could enjoy the time/freedom I have now as a young male.

I do appreciate everyone's advice and it feels good to know others feel the same way, it's like while everyone's dying to get a gf and attempt to settle, that's really the last thing I want for myself right now. I also think that you can't be happy in a relationship until you're completely happy with yourself, and in that respect I definitely have some insecurities I need to clear up as @Pasbrillantebrunette said.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Thanks @DoctorHouse i always appreciate your posts, unfortunately there is no chance in hell that without finasteride/rogaine I'd have enough hair to make it to next year appearing as someone who only has recession. My dad was straight nw5 at 23 (saw his university grad pic) and honestly, I'm diffusing in that exact pattern, I guess finasteride just slowed it down big time. I also truthfully think my density appears better in pictures than it does in real life, I have enough for coverage and enough to actually style my hair, but overall density really isn't much, sunlight kind of destroys my hair aesthetics (depending on the day).

If you don't mind, what Norwood were you and also in what Norwood pattern were you diffusing in when you got on meds? You also only took finasteride/rogaine to treat your hairloss right?

I guess it's not so much relationship failures that worries me, it's more the fact that I'm getting into a relationship looking one way and knowing the end result of how I'd look in a couple years is sort of like deception to me, I sometimes go as far to think that it's not even fair to the other person. Words from one of my exs mouth "I don't find bald guys hot, but if you went bald I'm sure you'd still be handsome" ya sureeee.

I guess another way to look at it as well is, why set myself up to be committed for years when I could enjoy the time/freedom I have now as a young male.

I do appreciate everyone's advice and it feels good to know others feel the same way, it's like while everyone's dying to get a gf and attempt to settle, that's really the last thing I want for myself right now. I also think that you can't be happy in a relationship until you're completely happy with yourself, and in that respect I definitely have some insecurities I need to clear up as @Pasbrillantebrunette said.

I answered you in a PM.

 

[Dontwannabeabetabob]

@Dontwannabeabetabob holy sh*t man, that's a brutal experience to go through, a perfect example of why it's so hard to trust a woman. Be honest, did you have any clue she'd be the person to pull that kind of sh*t? Man honestly it's way better that this happened to you at 24, rather than if you were 35 and had wayyy fewer options, at least you got that out of the way and can go on with your life now. Really sucks to hear that happened to you, sounds like it's a good thing you're done with her, considering she probably has some mental issues to deal with.

There were definitely warning signs in hindsight. Very manipulative, lied about stupid sh*t, etc. I'm glad it happened to me early in life for what you said. I've learned and grown from the experience.Theres the initial phases which sucks, the depression, anger, the victimization mentality. Once you get past to accepting that all women are the same (hypergamous manipulative creatures, it's engrained instinctively for women to survive) you have a sense of clarity you've never thought possible, it flows into all areas of life, relationships in general really. In a fucked up way she made me a way better and stronger man and I'm glad it happened.