Why Does No One Understand The Impact Of Hair Loss?

[uhoil]

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[Notcoolanymore]

Your dad is a bad ***.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Wait - you are still at school and live with your mum at 23 - whats going on there?

 

[Notcoolanymore]

I would have stayed home if it was an option for me. But no, had to move out on my own at 18.

 

[resu]

I would have stayed home if it was an option for me. But no, had to move out on my own at 18.

It was only common for south europeans but I guess it's becoming more common in other countries, it's funny because they used to mock us now they're in the same boat.

 

[Notcoolanymore]

My own mother made comments on my hair loss in front of my own family multiple times, and even in public for f***'s sake. And that's not even the worst she's said/done to me.

That's messed up. I would never do that to my own kid.

 

[Notcoolanymore]

That's what real men do.

It can put you in a bad situation. Force you to live with people you don't like or stay in relationships that are bad, just to be able to afford the rent. I was lucky that things fell into place as far as money goes.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

I'm 27 and still living with my mom, and started my first job only a year ago.

It's becoming the norm in many parts of the world as living on your own is becoming way too expensive if you're single.

Living paycheck to paycheck by your early 20's and making 0 savings? Terrible strategy.

Yeah in your late 30's you'll be able to boast about not having been a mommy's boy for the last 15 years, but you'll be poor and without prospects, and you won't have the energy that you had in y our youth.

Living with your parents is the smart move.

Have you ever lived alone?

I think its important to live alone or with friends during uni.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Never, and if I move out, it will be with my girlfriend.

Humans are not supposed to live alone, travel alone, be alone in general.

Some members have talked about having been truly alone (@shookwun comes to mind) for while, and how it took a toll on their psyche. Many people I know have had the same experience.

We're just not wired to be alone I guess, even though this individualistic society is trying to convince us otherwise, to convince us that being alone is a sign of strength. It's not.

When I was younger, I thought about travelling alone and things like that, and at the time, my friend told me it was a terrible idea.

Looking back and after having traveled so much with friends, boy I can see that he was right, some situations I found myself in when I was abroad would have been much harder if not impossible to face had I been on my own.

My point is, build alliances, don't stay alone.

Most people first move out at uni but they don't live alone - they usually live in dorms or house-shares.

I genuinely think its a great thing to be independent as it is a strong learning curve to be self sufficient. However, I am not criticising you living with your parents, in fact, the money you save probably paid for your two fues so I think its worth it.

Having said that, I would recommend everyone move out for their college years. Those are often your prime years of sex and parties and you don't want to worry about your parents while you do it.

 

[resu]

Consider yourself lucky. My own mother made comments on my hair loss in front of my own family multiple times, and even in public for f***'s sake. And that's not even the worst she's said/done to me. I never called her out on her bullshit nor openly disrespected her, even though she's just a disgusting, frustrated fat slob, out of gratitude for taking care of me and paying for my education, clothers and everything, but I surely don't love her. Luckily I'm doing everything I can to minimize contact with her. Living hundreds of kms away from her surely helps.

My mother did the same, always belittling and embarrassing me in front of others, I even told her "don't you see what other parents do? they boast their kids accomplishments, always praising them". Parents want their kids to be a layers and doctors, she wanted me to work as a shelf refill boy on a supermarket or to be put on an institution because...? I don't know, that's was just the level of her ambition.

 

[Xander94]

That's how my father operates, he says that it's to "give me a boost".

He has been told by several mental health specialists (during family therapy) that it doesn't work and will only shatter my self-esteem even more, but he just doesn't get it.

Belittling me and telling me I'm just no good at anything is natural for him.

My father did the same thing until I found a good job now he worships me like Im his god. And Im like ummm ok.

 

[resu]

That's how my father operates, he says that it's to "give me a boost".

He has been told by several mental health specialists (during family therapy) that it doesn't work and will only shatter my self-esteem even more, but he just doesn't get it.

Belittling me and telling me I'm just no good at anything is natural for him.

Yeah she went as far as to tell me I was worthless and that I would never be anything in life, you just don't say that to a young kid. Her reasoning years later was the same as your dad, to motivate me to accomplish higher, great logic, specially as a kid when you think you can be anything in life, praising and positive motivation would work great, saying the opposite wouldn't. I never cared about anything she said anyway but she would torment me when I wanted anything like a bike for summer for example, months and months of suffering thinking when I was getting the damn bike, in the end I got a shitty BMX bike that was always broke! I have no doubts this constant torment triggered my general anxiety, she made me feel guilty for having anything, thankfully I've snapped out of it on my own, problem is I have hair loss and I still think I'm not entitled to anything which I'm clearly not.

 

[Xander94]

Even if I became the vice-president of a top fortune 500 company, I'm convinced my father would still be like:

"Not impressed, to me you're still a loser!"

Now I have become independent so I dont care anymore at all I am my own man finally. But still I need to fix other aspects of my life because they are really damaged at this point. Depression, hair, social circle and trying to have some kind of interaction with women.

A strong father figure is really important for later success in life maybe even more important than looks.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

For me it was mostly crying in my room, playing video games and thinking how much my life would be fucked by my aggressive hair loss.

You just triggered a lot of people here.

But I get your point.

Move out during your college years? With what money?

Most EU nations allow you loans and grants. I was given £9,000 per year to live off which is an okay amount for students.

 

[Xander94]

My father broke me, the damage is deep and there's no fixing it.

Every time I interact with people, I'm afraid that they'll criticize me and tell me I'm no good.

You can tell I'm always a bit defensive, reserved, like I think I'm going to take a beating (even if it's a psychological one).

If not for my ego driven nature and my stubborness I would be mentally destroyed by my father as well. (which I already am but could be worse)

 

[Notcoolanymore]

My point is, build alliances, don't stay alone.

Life lesson.

 

[Notcoolanymore]

Too bad my parents both had a good job and were making good money when I was at university.

No grant for me.

But people I know who had two unemployed parents never had to pay a dime for university.

I thought we were the only ones that had to deal with this sh*t. I already know I'm getting the bill for my daughter to go to college. In the US if you work hard you are rewarded with more work. Lazy asses get rewarded with free sh*t.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Living in debt, no thanks.

Grants are only for lazy welfare leeches who work off the grid.

Too bad my parents both had a good job and were making good money when I was at university.

No grant for me.

But people I know who had two unemployed parents never had to pay a dime for university.

There's a reason I can't stand leftism.

"Oh you can't make it, you can't do what it takes to earn this? Here's what you need on silver platter!"

Grants are given to people to help with education when you are a young adults. It helps bring out the next generation of teachers, doctors, architects who may not have been able to afford uni without financial support.

Countries that invest in education always have lower crime rates, low unemployment, and high gdp.

edit - fred, did you go to uni?

 

[SmoothSailing]

Living in debt, no thanks.

Grants are only for lazy welfare leeches who work off the grid.

Too bad my parents both had a good job and were making good money when I was at university.

No grant for me.

But people I know who had two unemployed parents never had to pay a dime for university.

There's a reason I can't stand leftism.

"Oh you can't make it, you can't do what it takes to earn this? Here's what you need on silver platter!"

Well the idea, which is often abused, is that a child/young adult who wants to "make it", and has done "what it takes to earn it" but who has parents who have not, will still have the chance.

This is not just helping these people, it helps all of society including you, a more educated population is better for everyone.

On the other hand grants are given out far to easy here with far to little restrictions. So many people I know got a grant (they were far from poor), dossed for the year and failed the course and drop out. This sparks anger in me, especially since I started paying taxes.

But overall education is something worth spending money on.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Well the idea, which is often abused, is that a child/young adult who wants to "make it", and has done "what it takes to earn it" but who has parents who have not, will still have the chance.

This is not just helping these people, it helps all of society including you, a more educated population is better for everyone.

On the other hand grants are given out far to easy here with far to little restrictions. So many people I know got a grant (they were far from poor), dossed for the year and failed the course and drop out. This sparks anger in me, especially since I started paying taxes.

But overall education is something worth spending money on.

For sure, I think a lot uneducated people are becoming anti university these days. I honestly just think they are bitter.