Warning: Rant, deppressing, whinning, wimp, suicidal material.
Is there anything worse? How to get over it?
People kill themselves when they experience a shock from breakup and rejection, that is known and the cases are quite often. Now combine it with deadly hairloss impact on young man.
I have very agressive hairloss. I went very quickly to Norwood 5 at 20. At that time, I had a girl I wanted to spend life with. Unfortunately, as many of you have experienced, after the hairloss hit to the degree of sly bald head, it completely changed your appareance, destroyed your inner well being. From confident, funny, outgoing guy I became absolute self-conscious wreck,stopped going outside, stopped living,because I couldnt go out to meet 20yo people at their full prime nor stand by my girl like her match. I became inferior male and I knew it, but couldnt do anything about it.
It got to the point I could not even go out with her or take her somewhere.
Consequently, the inevitable happened and she left.
It has been 8 years since. I am Norwood 6 now. Never had any other gf.
She has been on my mind for past 8 years every minute. The first thing I think when I wake up, the last thing when I go sleep. The dreams are even worse as they are like alive.
My head goes literaly like this in neverending loop constantly:
Her - F.ck Im bald - Her- I love her so much - Her- Fuuck Im inferior baldhead - Her - Fuuuck how can I stand a chance - Her - She is so amazing - Her - Fuuuuck I cant even stand before her - Her- Fuuuuuck she doesnt even know who I am anymore - Her -Fuuuuuuuck what can I do- Her- Fuuuuuuuuuck I cant do anything about it- Her- Fuuuuuuuuck what am I doing here- Her - Fuuuuuuuuuck - Her- Fuuuuuuuuck- Her-Bald-f***-Her-love-Fuuuck-Her-Hair-Her-Fuuuck-Cannot hold it-Her-Fuuuck-Kill myslef- Her-Will never see her again- Fuuuck, Fuuuck, Fuuuck and so on....
I know that without hairloss, I would have 99% chance of being with her and having life I always wanted. I know that hairloss is the sole reason she left me, because hairloss is the root of everything that happened.
I never wanted to be with another girl, no other girl wanted to seriously be with me anyway, but I cant imagine being with another one. So I am alone. She is not. Doesnt have any feelings for me anymore.
The worst thing is that atleast for a while, I experienced the feeling what is it like to be loved, desired, happy and having life you want. Now its gone and you only have a sign in front of you face saying :
"You dont deserve, not good enough, forget"
I have nothing now. I dont live. Just wake up, go to work, eat, go home,sleep. While thinking what I could have if..I was so close.. only if hairloss...
In that regard, I think that it is better to not have experienced any of those as the memories and feelings can f.cking torture you, because you know you cant never have it and feel it again. You can only wait till death if it dissapears and who knows if it ever will?
What is the point of going on. Im just counting the days remaining to my death and hoping it will fade away with it.
How do you cope, is there a way out?
