All you need is confidence

[uncomfortable man]

I'm sorry but from my own personal experience (however warped it may be) I refuse to believe that most people under 45 are completely indifferent to baldness and hold bald people objectively as equals to nw1s. I may have BDD but I'm not stupid. I know when someone is insulting me....and I know why. Not only am I a victim of bad genetics, I am also a victim of the hostile attitude that society holds for people with visably bad genetic traits. I'm sure EVERY bald man has had to deal with these issues in their life, how they deal with them is another story. All of this doesn't negate the fact that there are people out there who are indifferent and some that are actually quite forgiving but it is my encounters with the other types that have shaped my whole defensive mentality.

 

[DoctorHouse]

UM, could it be possible that you "exude" negative energy to whomever you come across. You have a lot of bitterness bottled up and I am sure at times it spills out of you. Just a thought. You know I respect you and I am not trying to put you down in anyway.

 

[barcafan]

UM, could it be possible that you "exude" negative energy to whomever you come across. You have a lot of bitterness bottled up and I am sure at times it spills out of you. Just a thought. You know I respect you and I am not trying to put you down in anyway.

Of course its possible. It's true too.

 

[metropolis]

UM, I have learned to have the following attitude in life- If somebody doesn't like me, or for whatever reason has a problem with me than, screw them, I have no desire, or need, for others acceptance, I don't bother with others opinions concerning myself, this is confidence.

Confidence is the belief in yourself, despite what anyone else thinks about you, confidence, is the ability to disreguard other's opinions about what you are as a person, and to embrace your own posative perception of yourself. Without the reinforcement from others.

Yeah. Because looks don't matter and only personlity counts, right? You just press the confidence button and that's it, all your problems solved. (obvious sarcasm)

Baldness is not the end of the world but it sucks: it makes you look old, less attractive, less virile. Last Sunday, I saw an old friend of mine that I hadn't seen in over a year and he's completely bald now. He looked SO BAD, SO OLD I didn't even recognize him. When he greeted me, I asked myself 'who is this old man and why is he greeting me?' I don't want to make anybody feel bad, but I hate it when people stick their heads in the sand and refuse to see the obvious.

 

[s.a.f]

Dont worry FF, UCman wont be bothered by what metropolis said since he himself holds that same view. But it is a fact has anyone out there ever met a really good looking person who had no self confidence? (other than a BDD sufferer that is)

 

[qball01]

Dont worry FF, UCman wont be bothered by what metropolis said since he himself holds that same view. But it is a fact has anyone out there ever met a really good looking person who had no self confidence? (other than a BDD sufferer that is)

of course there are. Even if its not BDD, people..good looking or otherwise can suffer from a number of things like anxiety and depression that shakes their confidence. Or maybe they just never had very good social skills growing up...there are good looking guys who suck with women because of this reason and have low confidence. I still harbour the view that good looks can be an unfair advantage but not everybody whose good looking will experience this if they are uncomfortable with themselves.

 

[s.a.f]

Well I've never met any, I've found about 90% of good looking people tend to be confident to arrogant. And there are a few goodlooking people who just have a normal degree of confidence and then everybody praises them for their good personality just because they are'nt arrogant.
But its hard to have no self confidence when everyone you meet is going to treat you well.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Well, last night I had to give a group project presentation in my business mgmnt class. There were two other bald guys besides me presenting, each on different teams. BOTH of them shave their heads, and both are like NW5's or 6's. They BOTH had a lot of confidence, and they BOTH gave excellent presentations. They got cheers, and the class loved them. I really ENVIED them.

Then there was me! :mrgreen: Can you say, "Johnny hair transplant?" It was like 100 degrees in the classroom because the school didn't have the A/C on. I was sweating my brains out, and my hair that goes in the wrong direction (because it was incorrectly implanted that way in one of my hair transplant's) was sticking straight up when I had to speak. My hair looked totally awful! BTW, this is what my hair does when I sweat, it goes the wrong way and looks "weird" and this is why I avoid social situations.

My voice starting cracking, and Iwas shaking so bad that I couldn't even hold my notes straight enough for me to read them. Then I had to stand up there in front of 50 people for 20 minutes while the rest of my group gave their speech.

The whole time I gave my speech people in the class were laughing at me, staring at me, whispering to each each while looking at me. The whole time I stood there, it got even worse - even the professor started to stare at me after a while.

I was SO embarssed. My speech, I got a "C-" grade (I am a 4.0 student normally), and I probably spent 10 times as much time and effort as both of the other two bald guys, who both got "A+" grades.

So, "just having confidence" is only part of it. If you can shave your head, and look acceptable, then "confidence" will follow.

On the other hand, if you can't look good, and if you can't shave your head, like in my case, just having confidence is not possible. No confidence can follow.

If I never had gotten hair transplant's, perhaps I could have been more like those other two bald guys. But, instead, I was the laughing stock of the whole evening. I'm sure I will be the butt of people's jokes for some time.

Honestly, If I saw people laughing and whispering I would have pulled the old teacher stunt, you guys whispering, you have something you want to share with the rest of class before I go on. If you had enough balls to do that you would definitely got their attention and scored points with the teacher. Did it ever come to your attention, they were not staring at you but giving you their full attention including your teacher. That was your biggest mistake. Worrying about what your hair looked like the whole time. Trust me, those people sense your weakness and they feed upon it. Shark attack.

 

[barcafan]

Well, last night I had to give a group project presentation in my business mgmnt class. There were two other bald guys besides me presenting, each on different teams. BOTH of them shave their heads, and both are like NW5's or 6's. They BOTH had a lot of confidence, and they BOTH gave excellent presentations. They got cheers, and the class loved them. I really ENVIED them.

Then there was me! :mrgreen: Can you say, "Johnny hair transplant?" For starters, I live in a very hot, arid region and it was like 100 degrees in the classroom because the school didn't have the A/C on (100+ degrees is normal for where I live this time of year). Because I was wearing long pants and "business causal" clothes, I was sweating my brains out, and my hair that goes in the wrong direction (because it was incorrectly implanted that way in one of my hair transplant's) was sticking straight up when I had to speak. My hair looked totally awful! BTW, this is what my hair does when I sweat, it goes the wrong way and looks "weird" and this is why I avoid social situations.

My voice starting cracking, and I was shaking so bad that I couldn't even hold my notes straight enough for me to read. Then I had to stand up there in front of 50 people for 20 minutes while the rest of my group gave their speech.

The whole time I gave my speech people in the class were laughing at me, staring at me, whispering to each each while looking at me. The whole time I stood there, it got even worse - even the professor started to stare at me after a while (while other people were speaking even).

I was SO embarssed. For my speech, I got a "C-" grade (I am a 4.0 student normally), and I probably spent 10 times as much time and effort as both of the other two bald guys, who both got "A+" grades.

So, "just having confidence" is only part of it. If you can shave your head, and look acceptable, then "confidence" will follow.

On the other hand, if you can't look good, and if you can't shave your head, like in MY case, just having confidence is not possible. No confidence can follow.

If I never had gotten hair transplant's, perhaps I could have been more like those other two bald guys. But, instead, I was the laughing stock of the whole evening - I REALLY WAS! I'm sure I will be the butt of people's jokes for some time to come at school.

This whole thing is very depressing, and I get sad every time I think about my pitiful life. Nevertheless, I still keep on hoping that things will get better someday.

How bad are your scars? IS there anything that can fix them?

 

[s.a.f]

I wish he'd post some pics.

 

[uncomfortable man]

I'm so sorry to hear about that dude. Take the time you need to grieve.

Metropolis wrote:
I don't want to make anybody feel bad, but I hate it when people stick their heads in the sand and refuse to see the obvious.

You actually make me feel better by confirming what so many people deny. The reason I analyze this stuff so much is because I am in my own way, trying to make sense of it all and maybe ease some of the suffering and heartache. No one can deny how looks are important in this society...how good looking people are given preferential treatment and loads of positive reinforcement. Well having a glaring flaw like being fat, short, ugly or bald must be the other side of that double edged sword, leaving the unattractive people vulnerable to social criticism and mild persecutions. That's why "all you need is confidence" threads seem so negligable to us nw5+ because we have learned the hard way that confidence only works when you have something to be confident about...otherwise you are faking it, and women can smell the difference a mile away. At that point, confidence becomes nothing more than a poor coping mechanism. People on here try to negate the very real and tangible prejudice against male pattern baldness stricken with threads like these because they don't want to come off as shallow and would rather assume the better nature of humanity, but it isn't until you find yourself on the other side of the fence just how shallow people really are. It would be a real eye opener for you!

 

[qball01]

I'm so sorry to hear about that dude. Take the time you need to grieve.

Metropolis wrote:
I don't want to make anybody feel bad, but I hate it when people stick their heads in the sand and refuse to see the obvious.

You actually make me feel better by confirming what so many people deny. The reason I analyze this stuff so much is because I am in my own way, trying to make sense of it all and maybe ease some of the suffering and heartache. No one can deny how looks are important in this society...how good looking people are given preferential treatment and loads of positive reinforcement. Well having a glaring flaw like being fat, short, ugly or bald must be the other side of that double edged sword, leaving the unattractive people vulnerable to social criticism and mild persecutions. That's why "all you need is confidence" threads seem so negligable to us nw5+ because we have learned the hard way that confidence only works when you have something to be confident about...otherwise you are faking it, and women can smell the difference a mile away. At that point, confidence becomes nothing more than a poor coping mechanism.

why can't you be confident about many other things about yourself? Including, the rest of your appearance minus hair...(body, teeth, clothes) and your abilities, such as intelligence, creativity, sense of humour and other important traits that comprise a well rounded, respectable human being. To say that all bald people are lesser and have no true grounds to actually be confident you are in effect saying that "HAIR IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF A HUMAN BEING." As much as baldness may suck in some cases, thats still a load of BS. You assume that ALL people see about you is lack of hair and then they refuse to accept anything positive about you because of it.

 

[treeshrew]

i don't see why it's such a big deal to post pics either. it's an anonymous board, people from all over the world post pics here. just blur/crop your face.

i don't think i've ever seen a single post on this board where someone posted a pic and the response was "ya, you're right, that is terrible." in my opinion the person has always thought it worse than it is, as the saying goes, you are your own worse critic.

if it really is as bad as you say then let it serve as a warning to others considering hair transplant's and do some good on the board.

either way, i'm sorry to hear about your experiences. i sometimes feel the same way, getting stared at, etc. for example, i was hanging out with my super-attractive friend last night, and some random girl he is hooking up with, he leans over and asks her "what do you think about (some girl, one of her friends) and him (meaning me)" she gives me the once over glance, obviously feeling awkward, and is like "uh, i don't know". gee thanks, b**ch!

 

[Smooth]

Look, if you had a bad hair transplant and that Doctor screwed you over, i think its an obligation to post a pic (not even here, at the transplants section) with his name and the "awefull" work he has done on you, as a warning, i bet you woundt want on your conscience to know that you could prevent someone else from having the same bad experiences you had, dont you think????????? :dunno:

 

[uncomfortable man]

I'm so sorry to hear about that dude. Take the time you need to grieve.

Metropolis wrote:
I don't want to make anybody feel bad, but I hate it when people stick their heads in the sand and refuse to see the obvious.

You actually make me feel better by confirming what so many people deny. The reason I analyze this stuff so much is because I am in my own way, trying to make sense of it all and maybe ease some of the suffering and heartache. No one can deny how looks are important in this society...how good looking people are given preferential treatment and loads of positive reinforcement. Well having a glaring flaw like being fat, short, ugly or bald must be the other side of that double edged sword, leaving the unattractive people vulnerable to social criticism and mild persecutions. That's why "all you need is confidence" threads seem so negligable to us nw5+ because we have learned the hard way that confidence only works when you have something to be confident about...otherwise you are faking it, and women can smell the difference a mile away. At that point, confidence becomes nothing more than a poor coping mechanism.

why can't you be confident about many other things about yourself? Including, the rest of your appearance minus hair...(body, teeth, clothes) and your abilities, such as intelligence, creativity, sense of humour and other important traits that comprise a well rounded, respectable human being. To say that all bald people are lesser and have no true grounds to actually be confident you are in effect saying that "HAIR IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF A HUMAN BEING." As much as baldness may suck in some cases, thats still a load of BS. You assume that ALL people see about you is lack of hair and then they refuse to accept anything positive about you because of it.

IDK, maybe it is because my baldness upstages everything and makes me look awkward and creepy. It drowns everything else out. I can tell by the way people stare at my forehead when they talk to me like some one who can't take their eyes off a big mole. It is impolite, but it is almost as if they can't help it. It's visually damning and for however much value looking good or at least "normal" is in this society, that is how much of a deduction is felt. No, it's not the end of the world, but the world itself becomes colder.

 

[Oknow]

[quote="uncomfortable man":3eglnrgp]I'm so sorry to hear about that dude. Take the time you need to grieve.

Metropolis wrote:
I don't want to make anybody feel bad, but I hate it when people stick their heads in the sand and refuse to see the obvious.

You actually make me feel better by confirming what so many people deny. The reason I analyze this stuff so much is because I am in my own way, trying to make sense of it all and maybe ease some of the suffering and heartache. No one can deny how looks are important in this society...how good looking people are given preferential treatment and loads of positive reinforcement. Well having a glaring flaw like being fat, short, ugly or bald must be the other side of that double edged sword, leaving the unattractive people vulnerable to social criticism and mild persecutions. That's why "all you need is confidence" threads seem so negligable to us nw5+ because we have learned the hard way that confidence only works when you have something to be confident about...otherwise you are faking it, and women can smell the difference a mile away. At that point, confidence becomes nothing more than a poor coping mechanism.

why can't you be confident about many other things about yourself? Including, the rest of your appearance minus hair...(body, teeth, clothes) and your abilities, such as intelligence, creativity, sense of humour and other important traits that comprise a well rounded, respectable human being. To say that all bald people are lesser and have no true grounds to actually be confident you are in effect saying that "HAIR IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF A HUMAN BEING." As much as baldness may suck in some cases, thats still a load of BS. You assume that ALL people see about you is lack of hair and then they refuse to accept anything positive about you because of it.

IDK, maybe it is because my baldness upstages everything and makes me look awkward and creepy. It drowns everything else out. I can tell by the way people stare at my forehead when they talk to me like some one who can't take their eyes off a big mole. It is impolite, but it is almost as if they can't help it. It's visually damning and for however much value looking good or at least "normal" is in this society, that is how much of a deduction is felt. No, it's not the end of the world, but the world itself becomes colder.[/quote:3eglnrgp]

Can you post a picture of yourself on here so that we can see what you actually look like?

 

[Thickandthin]

dudemon, I'm sorry to say but you seem to be LOOKING for a reason to be depressed.

First it was the woe of being "the bald guy" in class - but now after seeing two other bald guys have success, it's the woe of being "the hair transplant guy".

Now obviously I can't make any judgements on your hair, since you won't post a pic (and your reason for not wanting to is a little suspect), but is there nothing that Toppik/good styling can do to make it look better? Even a thin NW3/4 isn't considered "bald" by most people - perhaps not attractive hair, but certainly not bald or UNattractive.

Sometimes I think that if somehow a hair transplant surgeon found 10,000 grafts hiding on the back of your head and gave you a good, thick NW3 you would quickly be blaming your problems on the fact that you weren't NW1 (much like some of us lower NWs do).

Uman and HatPrisoner atleast acknowledge they'd be happy with HAIR - any hair - but you apparently have some hair but still identify as bald. How much hair, exactly, would you need to be happy?

 

[metropolis]

Your taking what I said completely out of context Metropilis, Sure looks can play an intregal part in society and they matter very much, UM asked about confidence and I was telling him my perception of what confidence is, I never said that looks didn't matter, By the way this guys extremly depressed about being bald, good job at supporting him with comforting words buddy.

Finfighter, I wasn't referring to UM or anyone else in particular.

All I said was this: hair matters, it really does matter and there's nothing positive about baldness - even though some bald guys look good, no question about it. And in a society as shallow and competitive as ours, baldness is even more of a disadvantage. This is the truth and no one should be punished or censored for saying the truth.

In my case, baldness would be a catastrophe. I'm not handsome and I have a small, round face and a huge forehead. Baldness would make me look like a martian. I don't like pharmaceutical companies but I thank the Lord and Merck everyday for Proscar, that blue pill saved my hair (and whatever's left of my 'confidence' and self esteem, as well).

 

[metropolis]

I know very well how bald men feel. I was never bald but my mother was really cruel to me because of my hair loss problem (this was before Proscar). I've already mentioned this on another thread. Almost everyday she would use it against me and make these really nasty comments with a smile on her face (oh your brother has great hair, do you see that guy he's not bald at all he has amazing hair, eating cucumber is good for baldness, etc.)

 

[metropolis]

I believe the reason why so many people feel entitled to insult and humiliate bald men is because male pattern baldness is so common. Baldness is not perceived as a disease or an aberration but it's not considered 'normal' either - nobody wants to go bald. Bald men are therefore an ideal target (a bit like short guys or people with speech impediments) for the usual heartless bastards.