tl;dr - basically i don't care about jobs, it;s more for self image, and for girls that i care
I was a very shy guy but I'd say a 7 or 8 with the right haircut (sleek black, framing my face) - I;d turn up to parties or barbecues and girls would be over me easily.
Now I am a NW4-5, I occasionally go to a BBQ but now I tend to just play with my NW1 friend's toddler. No female attention. Ignored basically, played with the kids, talked with the guys about cars.
If I try to show confidence with a girl I know might share my interests (I saw a girl with a Maliwan shirt on once) and we got chatting and had a really good conversation. I got her number and we went down the pub with a few other friends. She saw my other friend there - the blond handsome one (I posted a lookalike in one thread somewhere) - she immediately gravitated to him and was hooked on every word he said - even if it was his boring job. Any interest in me was gone. She's not interested in me at all now. (He turned her down, I think he's gay tbh. He smells way too nice to be a male; anyone who always smells very nice tends to be a bit suspect in my book)
I'm ashamed to say now that the only thing that makes me happy are drugs and playing video games. If I was NW1 I'd probably have been married by now - srs- I know people say "Oh, people who whine about baldness will always find something else to BDD about" - but my hair is the main thing, and if I had the cash, I;d get a slight nose job - but no more than that. No chin dimple, no Wacko Jack stuff, just a bump taken out of the nose and it shortened a bit.
Just for the experience of having sex with a girl who was actually attracted to me. Imagine that.
I have a job but I am showing it harder and harder to fake being happy. People like me there but they are always asking "Are you alright" ? If I admitted I was bothered by male pattern baldness I'd be a laughing stock. There's a NW7 there married to a beautiful athletic blond women - but guess what - he is over 6', masculine, makes 4 times my salary, and his handsome - these are the very rare type of people that male pattern baldness actually work for - I'd say his male pattern baldness actually makes him look better than he would look with hair.
Every dream I have with me in it is set in the past when I have a NW1, having adventures and getting girls I never actually did. That's the most heartbreaking thing ever. Being on holiday at a sunny resort, meeting a beautiful girl who is madly in love with you and is playing with your hair at your apartment, you are just getting intimate and your alarm clock goes off, and you can see your NW5 in the phone reflection and know it;s just another crappy day at work.
Man, I need an Umar hair transplant bad. I have $10,000 i am supposed to be saving for a deposit on a house, but what would make me happier honestly?