Getting Perspective - Very Important!

[mrdavies]

I obsess the same as everyone else does but I think perspective is extremely important in the 'battle' against hairloss.

I'm not saying people should stop worrying about hairloss just because terrible things are happening in the world but they should (we should) realise that although hairloss is a pain its not the end of the world....I think we know that...hopefully.

I started losing my hair around 27 I'm now 35 thankfully after rapid hairloss in the 1st year things slowed I still have to brush my hair down to cover the baldness but thats not a major problem (apart from bad hair days).

I've lost around 1 1/2 inches of hy hairline which isnt good obviously.

I can imagine people in their teens or early 20's having maor problems dealing with it as those are the ages where your appearance seems to matter the most.

Its great to read other peoples stories and relate to them but I also think that maybe spending alot of time on forums like these might have a negative affect i.e. Making us obsess even more.

Its however a fantastic place for information.

I just would hate to look back and think to myself 'why on earth did I waste so much time and effort thinking about my hair?'.

 

[Smooth]

ppfff i'd hate to give you the finger on your welcome post... but f*** off dude... you have no idea how devastating hair loss can be....admitingly neither do i... and i thank god i wasnt nw5 at the age of 20.... im almost 27 & nw3-4.... and it sux major ***... so being NW2 at 35 is NOTHING! get on the big 3 and move along...

 

[moonbase]

Its not just in our heads man.. its the way people treat and look at you! Yes.. we could all have terminal cancer or be starving kids in Africa.. it can always be worse. Does that mean we don't have the right to be upset?

 

[superfrankie]

Its not just in our heads man.. its the way people treat and look at you! Yes.. we could all have terminal cancer or be starving kids in Africa.. it can always be worse. Does that mean we don't have the right to be upset?

No, cause it could always be worse. Remember? :gay:

 

[Nene]

Yeah, you got balls. Lost a tiny bit of hair in your 30's, cry me a river. I've been dealing with this sh*t since I was 17 and I've got it good compared to a lot of guys on here.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Can't help but wonder what the OP's "perspective" would be if he was fully bald before his mid twenties like I was. I guarantee you he probably wouldn't have such a casualy dismissive attitude about it.

Its not just in our heads man.. its the way people treat and look at you! Yes.. we could all have terminal cancer or be starving kids in Africa.. it can always be worse. Does that mean we don't have the right to be upset?

This is what I've been saying all along is the hardest part of going bald- THE SOCIAL ASPECT! I could get used to my own appearance but I will never get over how people look and treat me like I am beneath them.

 

[Smooth]

I will never get over how people look and treat me like I am beneath them

Im sorry but i do agree, i agree and i agree.... people will always see you as genetically inferior. yeah yeah, you can work your way around that negativity by compensating other areas.. but when it comes to first impression.. you will always be in a lower starting point!...

funny thing is i came to a realization that the amount of bald/ing men around you (ie more bald guys in your country/state/whatever) doesn't necessarily mean more social tolerance towards your everyday bald/ing guy.. what it DOES mean - more chances for the "regular hair guy" to flourish.... what pisses me off EVEN MORE nfire: nfire: :firing: :hairy:
(lol sorry for the little outbreak there)

 

[superfrankie]

but when it comes to first impression.. you will always be in a lower starting point!...

Im extremely sad to say this but its true. The first impression can be very crucial and hard to change afterwards. When youre bald you really have to fight for every inch and even then chances are slim you will get what you want. What I hate is that you always have to start from a weaker position.

 

[GeminiX]

Why do these silly arguments keep coming up with people claiming that *their* situation is the same for *everyone* else in the world.

People might be treating you the way you think, but it's your attitudes to others which cause it, not your hairloss.

I had massive hairloss in my early 20's and no-one looked down at me for it, and if anyone did react negatively to it, I certainly would not let a loser like that change my view on the rest of the world.

Seriously, get a grip on your lives and stop blaming everything and everyone for your problems.

Only *you* can change your life, and if someone is in your way, push past them if it matters that much.

 

[superfrankie]

Good post Geminix. True words but always easier said than done. I wish I could be more like this: :bigun2: instead of this: :/

 

[GeminiX]

Good post Geminix. True words but always easier said than done. I wish I could be more like this: :bigun2: instead of this: :/

You're absolutely right, it's *easy* to type a few words and very hard to actually work though depression. The worst part is that it never goes away; even to this day I sometimes lie in bed and don't want to face the world and it's not because I fancy a "lie in" .

The first step for anyone is to stop blaming everything for your problems; hairloss is an easy one to blame, it sucks.

 

[uncomfortable man]

People might be treating you the way you think, but it's your attitudes to others which cause it, not your hairloss.

Just please understand that I am not stomping around pouting, cursing out loud and throwing excrement at people. There is nothing wrong with my behavior to warrant such treatment other than simply being bald so in that regard I AM a victim. After years of this stuff happening to me on a regular basis, I just can't brush these encounters off as being isolated events and FOR ME become greater than the sum. I understand that you can't please everyone but this goes beyond that. And I don't blame everything on my hairloss but what I do blame on it is how it causes many people to respond and interact with me in negative and degrading ways. So how can I not blame other people for my problems when other people are my problem?

 

[GeminiX]

People might be treating you the way you think, but it's your attitudes to others which cause it, not your hairloss.

Just please understand that I am not stomping around pouting, cursing out loud and throwing excrement at people. There is nothing wrong with my behavior to warrant such treatment other than simply being bald so in that regard I AM a victim. After years of this stuff happening to me on a regular basis, I just can't brush these encounters off as being isolated events and FOR ME become greater than the sum. I understand that you can't please everyone but this goes beyond that. And I don't blame everything on my hairloss but what I do blame on it is how it causes many people to respond and interact with me in negative and degrading ways. So how can I not blame other people for my problems when other people are my problem?

So just to be clear, hundreds of millions of balding people all over the planet suffer no perceivable discrimination because they are losing their hair, but *you* do? And there is no way (in your view) that it can be anything other than your hair loss that is causing a negative reaction from people.

Are you so caught up in your own delusion that you won't even consider the possibility that *just maybe* it's something else about you that people don't like?

Just consider the way you react to people on here, almost always extremely negative and often rude and offensive. Do you think those are personality traits which will draw people to you, will make them like you and want to hang out with you?

Just look back through your posts here and the way you have behaved toward people who have tried to help you. Now ask yourself if you were respectful toward them, or if you made snide and offensive remarks toward them. Do you believe that they stopped responding to you and trying to help you because you’re losing your hair?

Now consider how other people on here are treated. It's fair to say that almost every other user on here suffers from some form of hair loss, right? Why is it then that some people here have get involved and enjoy posting and receive positive response from others, while there are others here who are in many ways outcast? Do you believe that the less involved ones are being discriminated against because they have lost more hair than the popular people?

I really dislike being this blunt with you, but you don’t seem interested in the “warm and fuzzy approachâ€￾. I firmly believe that you need to seek professional psychiatric help; your problems are nothing to do with your hair loss.

 

[DoctorHouse]

UM, I totally understand how you feel when OTHER people are your problem. Growing up, the "bullies" were my biggest problem. I used to get mentally and physically abused for NO reason. I was like a punching bag for them. I was this skinny good looking smart tall kid that these bullies just could not stand because they must have felt threatened by something about me. I would mind my own business and yet they still would attack me. If I am not mistaken, you have encountered these same type of people and that is why you come off as "bitter" sometimes. There are many of times, I just don't like "people" just because of those bullies. I always think everyone has a potential to be a bully. Therefore, I trust NO ONE. I think everyone has the potential to stab you in the back for no apparent reason. That is why I trust NO ONE. However, I know there are good people out there but I will always put a wall up until I see I can trust them somewhat. I think you and I are very much alike in how we view people. The only way to overcome these beliefs is to NOT let these people BE YOUR problem. Try to realize they are the one WITH the problem, NOT YOU. They obviously see something in you that they wish they have and by attacking you, they feel better about themselves when they watch you react to their bully tactics. My brother does this to me all the time. When I totally ignore him, he hates it and I have the upper hand then. Try not to let the bully be your problem. Let him know, he is the problem and you don't want any part of his problems. You have enough of your own to deal with.

There are bullies on this forum who for some reason don't like people older than them complaining about hair loss. Hair loss sucks at an earlier age the most. I think us older people know that so we don't need you pointing that out. This place is not a contest to see who is the youngest with most hairloss and should get the most sympathy. Its about how to deal with losing something we all for some oddly reason cherish more than many more important things in life. Its just hair but for us, it is a crisis when we start to lose it. No matter what age you are, if you cherish your hair like its gold, then losing it will just stir up a panic. Stop being the bully and start being supportive of your fellow forum members with out age discrimination and Norwood level discrimination. We all have problems, it about time we help each other solve them without creating more problems for someone else.

 

[qball01]

U-man...what sucks is that I understand how by now, everything you've described FEELS real to the point where it basically IS real to you...but what YOU have to understand, and what I've been trying to explain for many a month is this: Most of these interactions you speak of seem to refer to people who you don't know out in public giving you these "looks" and stares and whatnot. In that sense, especially since you do have pretty bad Body Dysmorphic Disorder...it really IS possible that you incorrectly assume what these people are looking at and saying. While I'm not saying you've never encountered a small minded douchebag who has made a dumb comment...I AM denying that you are constantly getting stared at and laughed at all day from complete strangers. The fact is...no matter what you think, you CANNOT read these people's minds. You've just created this reality where you THINK people are staring and laughing and you assume that they are staring and laughing at YOU and that it HAS to be because you're bald...and what you also need to get is that like I've said...that is one of the primary symptoms of BDD. Even somebody with a problem that people can barely see from UP CLOSE (like a little neck scar) will think that people are staring at them from far away and laughing/judging them. But in your case, I implore you to really consider that your problem may be predominantly psychological and that you aren't constantly being publicly berrated because you're bald...you're destroying yourself by blowing things way out of proportion and making these assumptions based on what YOU think reality is.

You can't assume all these people are mocking you because you're bald...until you can literally read their minds you will be driving yourself crazy over nothing but vague inferences....

People might be treating you the way you think, but it's your attitudes to others which cause it, not your hairloss.

Just please understand that I am not stomping around pouting, cursing out loud and throwing excrement at people. There is nothing wrong with my behavior to warrant such treatment other than simply being bald so in that regard I AM a victim. After years of this stuff happening to me on a regular basis, I just can't brush these encounters off as being isolated events and FOR ME become greater than the sum. I understand that you can't please everyone but this goes beyond that. And I don't blame everything on my hairloss but what I do blame on it is how it causes many people to respond and interact with me in negative and degrading ways. So how can I not blame other people for my problems when other people are my problem?

 

[Smooth]

Its not only in UM's mind.. what he suffers from IS a very realistic problem, you have to realize something , you will always start in a lower point when meeting new people compared to NW1s (generally speaking here.. that's true to the majority of bald/ing men)... the question is if you let get to you, and apparently UM does (over sensitive guy).. so saying that its not true is BS... the question is how you cope with the new reality.. some of us find it hard to adjust to the situation.. its not easy to look every day in the mirror and see something different then you used to know and maybe even learned to like... and them male pattern baldness came along.. :/

 

[qball01]

sorry Smooth, just because you have a more realistic perspective it doesn't mean you're any more correct than U-man is. You're also stating these facts as if they're 100 percent true in every situation. You really think U-man is correct in the sense that people stare and mock you all day if you're bald?

The fact is...meeting new people comes down to how you present yourself to the other person/people in the majority of cases. While some people may use hairloss against you at first...only the truly dumbest of shallow idiots will let it affect their judgment of you after they've gotten to know you...and if you're a cool guy, they really won't care. You people really fail to understand that OTHER people also have their own f*****g issues with themselves in regards to how they look and whether other people will judge them too. The bald guy may be thinking "I hope that guy doesn't judge me because I'm bald" while the other person may be thinking "I hope that guy (who happens to be bald) won't judge me because I'm short.

saying something like "the bald guy will ALWAYS start at a lower point" is just plain dumb....so a good looking bald guy with a lot of confidence and people's skills will ALWAYS DO WORSE than an average or unattractive looking Norwood 1 with social anxiety and limited social skills? You don't think it matters who the bald guy in question is and what he looks like, and in that sense...it doesn't matter who the NW1 in question is and what HE looks like/presents himself like as well?

 

[GeminiX]

Its not only in UM's mind.. what he suffers from IS a very realistic problem, you have to realize something , you will always start in a lower point when meeting new people compared to NW1s (generally speaking here.. that's true to the majority of bald/ing men)... the question is if you let get to you, and apparently UM does (over sensitive guy).. so saying that its not true is BS... the question is how you cope with the new reality.. some of us find it hard to adjust to the situation.. its not easy to look every day in the mirror and see something different then you used to know and maybe even learned to like... and them male pattern baldness came along.. :/

No you don't, though I *absolutely* understand how it's possible to think that.

The vast mojority of people in the world, who we meet on a day to day basis, really don't give a crap about anyones hairloss, weight, gender, funny nose, squint or accent etc.

Unless you're *extremly* unusual looking, you simply won't stand out in a crowd. Look at me for example, at 5'10 (barefoot) and able to bench 120kg I'll almost certainy be the bggest girl anyone will see that week, yet I can wander around town in heels and a sundress and not be noticed.

Now then, there *are* some people who will judge everyone, but they won't just judge hairloss, they will judge bad makeup, eyebrows, bad dress sense, your friends, the car you drive, in fact *anything* about you they can pick on. Well those people are shallow dicks, avoid them or ignore them there are'nt many. They are just so loud that they can seem important.

Look around you when you are out next, most normal people are not perfect super attractive catwalk models, mot people are just average. It's only a handful of "freaks" with unusual looks and build who will end up as models. Unfortunately, it's easy to believe that that is what "normal" people are supposed to look like though.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Just consider the way you react to people on here, almost always extremely negative and often rude and offensive.

Bear in mind that this is the impact section on a hair loss forum that's sole purpose is designed to vent. When I have a bad day because I saw some jerk laughing and pointing at me and talking the usual sh*t, then I come here and unload. That is why almost everything you will read from me is negative...because it is a direct reflection of the abuse I have to tolerate from the general public when my bald head is exposed. No, not EVERYONE is starring and making faces at me but it happens often enough to be a problem. You only see one side of me that is not representative of how I come off in person, publicly. If people don't judge based on hairloss as you so adamantly assert then why did you go to such great lengths to get your hair back yourself Gemini? And don't give me this double standard sex change BS either. Mr. Garrison was woman enough to show his NW5 to the world so why not you?

 

[qball01]

Just consider the way you react to people on here, almost always extremely negative and often rude and offensive.

Bear in mind that this is the impact section on a hair loss forum that's sole purpose is designed to vent. When I have a bad day because I saw some jerk laughing and pointing at me and talking the usual sh*t, then I come here and unload. That is why almost everything you will read from me is negative...because it is a direct reflection of the abuse I have to tolerate from the general public when my bald head is exposed. No, not EVERYONE is starring and making faces at me but it happens often enough to be a problem. You only see one side of me that is not representative of how I come off in person, publicly. If people don't judge based on hairloss as you so adamantly assert then why did you go to such great lengths to get your hair back yourself Gemini? And don't give me this double standard sex change BS either. Mr. Garrison was woman enough to show his NW5 to the world so why not you?

ummm...I obviously can't speak directly for GeminiX but I'll go ahead and make the claim that the sex change IS IN FACT a more than valid reason to want hair and that citing a fictional cartoon character as a reason why a woman with a sex change should be OK with flaunting baldness....

and seriously...I know this is a broken record but have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're just flat out wrong about these people staring and pointing at you because you're bald? By now I know it feels real to you...but can you not for one minute accept the possibility that you just may be wrong? Like I said...unless you can directly read their minds or CONSISTENTLY hear people going "hahahaha hes BAAAALD WHAT A LOSER!" then any assumption you make is just that...an ASSUMPTION. And since you live in Cali...you never know, maybe some people actually think you're a famous bald guy or something. I know you'll think thats ridiculous but hey....read this article....dude thought people were pointing and mocking him (like you yourself think)...turns out they thought he was Agassi....http://www.helium.com/items/1528888-women-and-bald-men