Getting Perspective - Very Important!

[GeminiX]

Bear in mind that this is the impact section on a hair loss forum that's sole purpose is designed to vent. When I have a bad day because I saw some jerk laughing and pointing at me and talking the usual sh*t, then I come here and unload. That is why almost everything you will read from me is negative...because it is a direct reflection of the abuse I have to tolerate from the general public when my bald head is exposed. No, not EVERYONE is starring and making faces at me but it happens often enough to be a problem. You only see one side of me that is not representative of how I come off in person, publicly. If people don't judge based on hairloss as you so adamantly assert then why did you go to such great lengths to get your hair back yourself Gemini? And don't give me this double standard sex change BS either. Mr. Garrison was woman enough to show his NW5 to the world so why not you?

Oh boy, I really don't know where to begin.

Are you *seriously* basing your argument on the views of a fictional cartoon character? Do you also believe that all black people are born wth the ability to play bass?

You've said some crazy things on here UM, but wow, just wow.

Help me out here, I'm really struggling to decide whether you're being serious or if you're really falling into insanity. Do you somehow believe that everyone who wants to change their appearence is driven to it because they think that people are pointng at them, laughing?

 

[uncomfortable man]

No, but I feel like an NW1 trapped inside a NW5's body. Your need to have hair is no greater than mine. And I am obviously not the only one this happens to so does every other bald guy who experiences this need psychological help too?

 

[HatPrisoner91]

I"m a perfect example of things. I"m trying to live my life but there is not a day that I don't think about my lack of hair at least thousand times. It's tiring frankly. I mean I get on a train and 99 percent of the time, I'm the only guy under 40 who is bald (underneath hat that is)

 

[DoctorHouse]

How ironic when UM is venting his frustrations at an all time real low, we are bound to get a guest appearance from his "shadow", the Hatprisoner.
HP, how are you doing? Anything new in your life? Are you still with the same girl? Did you find a job? Please update us.

 

[qball01]

No, but I feel like an NW1 trapped inside a NW5's body. Your need to have hair is no greater than mine. And I am obviously not the only one this happens to so does every other bald guy who experiences this need psychological help too?

no but most bald people who dislike it are able to move on....and for the ones who do seek help it usually stems from not wanting to feel older or wanting to be more attractive or whatever...NOT because they think people are pointing and laughing at them for being bald every time they walk out the door....understand, YOUR perspective is in the vast VAST minority...most bald guys don't think along the lines that you do....it isn't normal to think that people are constantly staring, thats what you don't seem to get...you try to pass it off as unquestioned fact when its more than likely intense paranoia related to depression and BDD.

 

[GeminiX]

No, but I feel like an NW1 trapped inside a NW5's body. Your need to have hair is no greater than mine. And I am obviously not the only one this happens to so does every other bald guy who experiences this need psychological help too?

I don't think I understand the point you're trying to make, it seems like you've misinterpreted almost everything I've ever said on the subject.

I have never wanted to change my appearance because of a feeling that strangers are pointing at me staring and laughing, though dressed as a female and with a NW5 that would have been a distinct possibility, but were I not able to re-grow my own hair I would have simply worn a wig.

Do you *really* feel that people react to you in the same way that they would to a large masculine looking person in dress and make up with a NW5?

Since you feel your plight is so similar to that of a Transsexual, ask yourself these questions:

• Are you at high risk of being attacked and even murdered because of your hair loss?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]
• Does the treatment for your hair loss reduce your life expectancy?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]
• Do you have religious "hate groups" hounding you and your family because you're open about being bald?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]
• Do you have to go though "coming out" as bald, and have to explain to countless people in work and your personal life because of your baldness?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]
• Do you have to change your entire identity, name, financial and credit details, insurance etc. when you decide to treat your baldness?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]
• Do you (when people notice you’re bald) have to face the same awkward questions from people?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]
• Do you sometimes get asked to use a different toilet or changing room because you're bald?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]
• Do you have to have to change your voice and spend years in speech therapy so that people don't think you "sound bald" on the telephone?[/*:m:7gbmgfbs]

I could go on and on; seriously UM, get a grip on reality.

Just to be clear, I’m not trying to be all emo here and look for sympathy (though a hint of understanding would be nice). I accept *all* of the above as now being an unpleasantly real part of my daily life.

Do I run around being depressed about it? Hell no, I wake up every day, well most days, and think about fish.

 

[somone uk]

i just think people misinterpret WHY hairloss is sh*t, it's not a matter of it "looking bad" i know vin diesel and Wentworth miller could pull a girl like a handle
it's a matter of identity, i mean people use the way they look to broadcast who they are and in a way depict their opinion of certain ways, it's the same with being a transsexual, male to female transsexuals choose to become a woman because they identify more with a female persona than they do with a male one

i hate the bald look but i am forced to have it just because i have to have some useless, inferior genetics from a dickhead father nfire:

 

[uncomfortable man]

You also forgot the part where they clip off your balls, build a "cavity", cut off your penis then turn it inside out to become your vaginal wall...I admit that is alot to go through to achieve a specific sense of identity but whatever makes you happy. Despite some pretty fundemental differences between us, being the object of ridicule is something we do share. Only it penetrates me deeply while it seems to bounce off of you and for that reason we are of a different species...genus..phylum.

 

[GeminiX]

You also forgot the part where they clip off your balls, build a "cavity", cut off your penis then turn it inside out to become your vaginal wall...I admit that is alot to go through to achieve a specific sense of identity but whatever makes you happy. Despite some pretty fundemental differences between us, being the object of ridicule is something we do share. Only it penetrates me deeply while it seems to bounce off of you and for that reason we are of a different species...genus..phylum.

If I could just get this one thing through to you, *maybe* you could progress.

Let's suppose the I accept the way you're treated by strangers, and that it really happens to us as you say, ok. Why do you think being the subject of riducle bounces off me?
(And to be honest, not 100% of the time, but if I do get hurt, I rarely show it)

Just throw a few ideas around. If that is our fundamental difference, why do you think I can handle it better?

I'll happily do this though IM or something if you prefer btw.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Personally I don't know what it feels like to be a transexual. But from what I've heard there is a strong sense of inner conflict with your sexual identity. You don't feel comfortable in your own skin. Well that is how I feel about my hairloss. I'm sure you feel much more complete now that you have transformed into what you want to be. Just like how I would feel complete if I got my hair back somehow.

 

[GeminiX]

Ok, that certainly helps now. But what about the fifteen years before transition, especially when I was particularly fat and ugly?
I could not be further from the person I felt I was inside, so how did I survive all that?

 

[DoctorHouse]

UM, I wish you would do an experiment for me and wear a good wig and see how differently people will react to you. I know you sometimes where a hat when you go out. Do people see you differently? Do they treat you differently? Is it basically the Clark Kent/Superman phenomena. When wearing his glasses, Clark was this super nerd, and with out his glasses and sporting a leotard and a cape, he became every women's dream man. I have a feeling even with a full head of hair, you would still find something else about yourself you don't like. I know I would because its part of my BDD. Before I had hair problems, my skin was my major focus. I was obsessed to make it flawless sine I had acne as a kid. I also had chicken legs as a kid so I got obsessed to go the gym and build my legs up but unfortunately with my crappy genetics and short muscle insertions I never was able to make my legs look like I wanted them to look so I never wear shorts.

 

[uncomfortable man]

IDK, you were probably just as miserable as I am now, although I thought I recall you saying it didn't bother you much...or that nobody gave you a hard time about being fat and bald, other than the occasional jerk. The problem for me is the accumulative jerk effect. If it were just a couple of isolated incidents then that would be one thing but when enough people look at me and treat me like some sort of defect, then I start to believe it because it is consistently reinforced. I don't want to look like a model or a movie star, I just want to look normal and blend in and NOT stick out like a sore thumb garnshing all this negative attention.
To House, with a hat on everything is normal. People treat me with more dignity and respect. With a hat on all of those eyes that would otherwise be burrowing a hole in my forehead just look straight ahead. Attractive women even go out of their way to make eye contact with me and flirt. It's wonderful, but only with a hat. Without it I might as well dye my skin green. I always thought it was ridiculous how nobody recognized Clark as being the man of steel with such a thin guise but I have seriously had people I know not even recognize me without my hat on. That is how big a difference it makes. As far as finding something else to fixate on, I am not excluding the possibility (before this I was too skinny) but even if I do it will be within my power to achieve, unlike the hair situation.

 

[GeminiX]

You recall correctly, other than a few jerks, I did not notice *any* issues at all, maybe my demeanor (bald, large, goatee) made only the bravest of jerks feel confident enough to have a go, can't really say, but I can count the incidents on one hand.

The thing is, and this is the thing which you wll struggle with (though I have a theory) is that I simply don't care what people think, particularly if it's negative.

Yes, I like to look good.
Yes, I like to have nice shiny things.
Yes, I love my friends and family (I value them above all).
Yes, I love my job.

But the thoughts of random losers and jerks? I don't give a sh*t about what they think. I make absolutely no apologies at all for who and what I am, and I work very hard at achieving what I want from my life. Why on earth would I care what some random dick thinks?

Now then, this does not mean I'm inesnsitive, I just have a pretty good "common sense" (in my opinion) attitude to others. If I like someone *a lot* and someone is a close friend, then I may be vulnerable, as this is a person I care about and will have invested significant parts of my life in.

Sure, I *try* to be a decent person and make my way n life being considerate to others and society, but I simply pay little value to the opinions of idiots.

What is curious though, is this attitude is somehow picked up by others. By bein confident and positive about my life, people will sense that in your body language and general stature. Even when I was looking (and inside feeling) my worst, I *always* did my best to maintain a positive approach to life. This is the thing you have to learn, and stop obsessing that it's all because of your hair, it's simply not the case *and you know this*.

It's actually quite obvious that you seek attention, the way you post negative remarks and snipes on other threads appears to me that you are trying to spread your gloom and something about doing that is a way to either attract other people into your negative circle. It's as if you find being negative so comfortable, that you are actively working at maintaining it.

And I get it!

It is far easier in the short term to approach things the way you do and focus your attention on blaming all your problems on something which is beyond your control than it is to take positive steps and really change your life. I even understand that you have constrcted this belief partially out of pride, after all, it will be hard to admit that you've wasted all these years blaming somwthing *you can do nothing about* instead of focussing your energy on something positive.

I feel that in your case (and a few others here) that it has now got so bad for you, that you even get some small pleasure rom being unpleasant to others in someway. But ask yourself this, if these losers and bullies out in the world are making your own life so miserable are such bad people, what do you think you're becoming when you attack others?

I seem to have made lots of points here, but to summarise:

• The opinions of losers, jerks, and people who are nothing to you don't really matter.[/*:m:12mplwsd]
• There are far fewer people "judging" you than you think (unless you work in a fashion magazine off of the telly).[/*:m:12mplwsd]
• Your current state of mind is actually making things worse, and you're now in a state where your trying to make yourself feel better by making others feel worse.[/*:m:12mplwsd]

So, here is the big question for you which you don't need to answer on here, but you really should answer youreslf *honestly*.

Do you realy want to make your life better?
(Because if you don't, you're completely wasting your time keeping on complaining about it.)

*edit* Apologies for the random typing errors, trying to work out a new phone with a tiny little keyboard...

 

[uncomfortable man]

Do I complain about my love life? Do I complain about being unemployed? Do I complain about my lack of higher education? Do I complain about anything other than feeling uncomfortable with the way that people react to me (anywhere from the odd look to the off color coment) when I am out in public bald? No, because that is the only thing that I blame my hairloss on. And it's not just some drunk jock at the bar. It is the mother pushing the stroller at the supermarket. It's the waitress that is serving me at the restaurant. The cashier at the gas station. The middle aged man with the full head of hair starring me down waiting for the light to turn green. The mexican day laborers outside Home Depot. The junior high kids shoplifting from the 7-11 after school and everyone inbetween. Judgemental jerks come in all shapes, ages and types and I get it from all directions, all the time. Do I know any of these people? No. But I have to deal with them and live in this fucked up society none the less. The sheer volume of people who look at me like a joke or a monster is saying something in itself that I could not ignore. That there is something wrong with me. This happens to me too much to be coincidence so how can I interperet it as anything else? Hypothetically speaking, what if you woke up and everyone you came in contact with just scowled at you, all the time, anywhere you go? You would begin to feel unwanted wouldn't you? It will begin to weigh on your conscience and you might wonder what is wrong with you that everyone is staring at you with hatred. Why? Because humans have strong social instincts. At that point it would be really hard to just go about your business as usual and say "who cares what they think." It is not any one person or event but all of them together growing into this solid mass that is crushing me. f***, I've tried to explain this to you (to everyone) a thousand times, a thousand different ways but I guess some people just can't understand me.

 

[mpbsux20]

If that avatar is your photo,you dont look like a monster to me.You look good with the shaved head and what I feel is that you are sick and tired of being at the same place,seeing the same old people and you are desperately in need of a change.

Maybe you could move out of Houston,Texas[correct me if I am wrong] ? and move into a place where you would love to be.I dont know find some job that can make you feel a little happy and proud about yourself.Gain some confidence,do things that you always wanted to do,if being bald still troubles you,try some treatments to grow back some hair and get on a hair transplant maybe ?,work out and try to move on.Look man,I am not tryin to be rude but you only get one chance in life and you must be in your thirties I reckon and let me tell you in another few years,you will feel terrible and lonely if you dont start respecting yourself and living life.If you dont take care of yourself,no woman would want to be with you nor would any human admire you.I can understand that you have been through some turbulent times but you got to get a hold of yourself and stop worrying for a while about whats going through the heads of shallow morons.Find some hobby,some distraction that can stop all these thoughts from flooding into your brain.I agree a majority of "normal" people often look down upon bald and balding men....They get some sick pleasure out of it but I am sure if you dont let go of yourself any further and motivate yourself to find happiness by changing your attitude,then a lot of people would respect you and admire you for it.

A lot of this applies to me as well but as they say its easier to preach than to follow.

 

[qball01]

Do I complain about my love life? Do I complain about being unemployed? Do I complain about my lack of higher education? Do I complain about anything other than feeling uncomfortable with the way that people react to me (anywhere from the odd look to the off color coment) when I am out in public bald? No, because that is the only thing that I blame my hairloss on. And it's not just some drunk jock at the bar. It is the mother pushing the stroller at the supermarket. It's the waitress that is serving me at the restaurant. The cashier at the gas station. The middle aged man with the full head of hair starring me down waiting for the light to turn green. The mexican day laborers outside Home Depot. The junior high kids shoplifting from the 7-11 after school and everyone inbetween. Judgemental jerks come in all shapes, ages and types and I get it from all directions, all the time. Do I know any of these people? No. But I have to deal with them and live in this f***ed up society none the less. The sheer volume of people who look at me like a joke or a monster is saying something in itself that I could not ignore. That there is something wrong with me. This happens to me too much to be coincidence so how can I interperet it as anything else? Hypothetically speaking, what if you woke up and everyone you came in contact with just scowled at you, all the time, anywhere you go? You would begin to feel unwanted wouldn't you? It will begin to weigh on your conscience and you might wonder what is wrong with you that everyone is staring at you with hatred. Why? Because humans have strong social instincts. At that point it would be really hard to just go about your business as usual and say "who cares what they think." It is not any one person or event but all of them together growing into this solid mass that is crushing me. f*ck, I've tried to explain this to you (to everyone) a thousand times, a thousand different ways but I guess some people just can't understand me.

conjecture----the formation or expression of an opinion or theory without sufficient evidence for proof.

paranoia---baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

once again...as I've tried to explain to YOU 1000 times, you have no clue what these people are actually thinking! NO clue at all....you're so convinced though that it HAS to be because you're bald. You don't think its possible that you've mentally conditioned yourself to look for these reactions from people? Clearly when you don't have a hat on you feel a hell of a lot more uncomfortable so obviously you're going to be making these assumptions that people are looking and staring at you...but you still have no definitive proof. You're ruining your life because you THINK random people are thinking mean things about you. Its not even like they know you at all so any opinion they DO have is bullshit..even if they DID think negatively of you.

Point is...you tell your mind to look for this evidence...and it goes out and does that, it doesn't mean you're even close to being right about the situation though. Tell me you've never been in a situation where you thought one thing about someone or something initially, then changed your mind when more facts were revealed...well in this case, you don't have any FACTS...just conjecture. So you're destroying yourself over stupid theories and suppositions! And like I've also said...its selfish to assume these people even notice you, and it also goes without saying that you're assuming then that EVERY BALD guy gets this type of treatment as well! Honestly man...just think rationally about this sh*t before you convince yourself the world hates you. People are generally worried about others judging them as well....when you look at a stranger and attempt to infer what they're thinking, just keep that in mind...also keep in mind you have no clue if they're having a bad day and are in a bad mood as it is....also, considering the look you have on your face in that pic...you prbly don't come across as the friendliest looking guy either. Maybe these people think you're staring them down (and admittedly...a bald headed guy with a scowl on his face prbly doesn't seem like the friendliest fellow in the world).

 

[superfrankie]

To House, with a hat on everything is normal. People treat me with more dignity and respect. With a hat on all of those eyes that would otherwise be burrowing a hole in my forehead just look straight ahead. Attractive women even go out of their way to make eye contact with me and flirt. It's wonderful, but only with a hat..

I can definitely relate to this. I get flirts from gorgeous women with a hat on but when I take it off, I get absolutely zero! Coincidence? Forget about it.

That is how big a difference it makes. As far as finding something else to fixate on, I am not excluding the possibility (before this I was too skinny) but even if I do it will be within my power to achieve, unlike the hair situation.

word

 

[Koman]

people will always see you as genetically inferior.

This is stupid. First of all, baldness is not an indicator of genetic inferiority. It is not a sign of sickness or anything.

Secondly, if you are well groomed and fashionable people will still see you as a cool guy even if you are bald. Also, if you're confident and don't give a crap about you're being bald (high self-esteem), people will treat you with respect

 

[mpbsux20]

Believe me nobody would like to lose their hair and go bald.Even some of the good looking baldies we see would look better with hair.Anything below a Norwood 2 makes you look older.If you are confident about pulling off the bald look then consider yourself lucky coz I am not ready to take that extreme step yet.At least I won't even consider it for another 20 years when I would be like in my forties.

Most of the confident bald guys that you see are either celebrities or rich dudes or some kinda geniuses.Everybody can't be them so we are forced to accept this hard fact at a young age and focus on controlling further progression of male pattern baldness,dress sharp,keep a positive mindset and believe that one day we wont have to worry about hairloss no more.

FYI,I am not a rich guy or anything.I just have enough money at the moment to treat my condition which I might not be able to do once I dont have financial support but I am working my way to save some money and have enough in the future.

I do believe that this is not the end of the world and hope to reach a stage in my life where I would look back & be proud that I did something about hairloss and at the same time didn't allow it destroy my life.