Has Hairloss changed YOUR Personality?
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RaginDemon
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slowburn said:
yeah only if you have the nice facial structure to back it up.
It has DRAMATICALLY changed my personality! I never was an extrovert, but I used loved to be the center of attention in activities like drama club in high school and performing music on stage. I used to love to take lead roles. I used to be very friendly and helpful to people because I had the confidence in myself first. Now I am angry, irresponsible, bitter, anxious, rigid, unsuccesful, indecisive, overthinking, you name it.
Ever since I started noticing my hairloss at 19, I'm 25 now, my social life has been on a downward spiral. I stopped approaching people (especially women), I have become incredibly reclusive, I constantly worry about how others percieve my appearance, and I cannot perform at anything anymore because I am preoccupied with my appearance. I no longer have the self confidence and self esteem to engage in any form of long term relationship. I usually spaz out because I worry other people will notice my hair loss and eventually call me out, which probably would happen because they'd be trying to figure out why this dude isn't interpersonal like normal. So I isolate myself and hope I at least come off as an arrogant person. It's so frustrating.
Through this experience I learned the cold reality that looks matter, then substance. Just look at showbiz: you have to have the look first and then who you are takes center stage. It's not much different out in the dating game, or even work. It's awful, too, because I have a positive personality when I feel good about myself. But it's hard to be that way that when you know you do not look as good as you used to.
Granted, some people with confidence of steel can overcome their negative appearance, but the fact is that most people whose attractive appearance suddenly diminishes have a hard time dealing with it. Especially when you're young and trying to work your way up the social ladder. It's so frustrating to think that even though you can try hard to improve other parts of your personality, the one thing you will always lose at is looks. It is so not fair! It is not easy to get over.
I feel like who I really am is trapped inside a balding head prison.
Ever since I started noticing my hairloss at 19, I'm 25 now, my social life has been on a downward spiral. I stopped approaching people (especially women), I have become incredibly reclusive, I constantly worry about how others percieve my appearance, and I cannot perform at anything anymore because I am preoccupied with my appearance. I no longer have the self confidence and self esteem to engage in any form of long term relationship. I usually spaz out because I worry other people will notice my hair loss and eventually call me out, which probably would happen because they'd be trying to figure out why this dude isn't interpersonal like normal. So I isolate myself and hope I at least come off as an arrogant person. It's so frustrating.
Through this experience I learned the cold reality that looks matter, then substance. Just look at showbiz: you have to have the look first and then who you are takes center stage. It's not much different out in the dating game, or even work. It's awful, too, because I have a positive personality when I feel good about myself. But it's hard to be that way that when you know you do not look as good as you used to.
Granted, some people with confidence of steel can overcome their negative appearance, but the fact is that most people whose attractive appearance suddenly diminishes have a hard time dealing with it. Especially when you're young and trying to work your way up the social ladder. It's so frustrating to think that even though you can try hard to improve other parts of your personality, the one thing you will always lose at is looks. It is so not fair! It is not easy to get over.
I feel like who I really am is trapped inside a balding head prison.
RaginDemon
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bman said:
I know how you feel man, are you on treatment now? I hope your hair will improve, and you will gain your confidence back!
I tried medications a few years ago and nothing seemed to work. I don't know what to do. It causes me SO much anxiety I cannot tolerate it in public so I stay inside all the time. I hate what it has done to me. I'm getting therapy for it, but you know how that is. I could buy a self help book or look for guidance on the net and get the same advice. The typical, "it's not your baldness that's bothering you, but something deeper inside of you; that's where the problem is." Oh yeah? No sh*t!!! I do not want to lose my appearance! That deeper thing inside of me is I want to look really good and fit in with the vast majority of guys my age at a basic level. I do not want to feel different among my peer group. Looks matter a ton if you want to socialize. Yeah, personality matters, but it's really just looks and being relaxed about the way you look and not saying stupid things to piss people off. I cannot relax about my appearance. ANd this makes me angry so it's hard not to piss people off! I HATE IT! The only positive insight baldness has given me is how people who possess an ugly trait in society think. Like a person who is overwieght, or has really big ears, or freckles. And I remember I used to think to myself why those people couldn't relax when socializing, and how "uncool" they were, or that I just didn't want to hang out with them. Y'know, let's just be friends. lol NOW I KNOW WHY AND IT SUCKS!!! A huge part of being "cool" is how you look, bigger than personality. Personality rarely gets your foot in the door, it's how you look. The only thing that keeps me going is hope that there will be a cure in the near future. I'll just stay inside, learn an instrument or something and hope I will eventually be able to go out there. I know life can be worse, but that's always a relative statement. Without hope, I think I would just give up. I already have in many ways...
RaginDemon
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bman said:
You tried minoxidil, finasteride and nizoral and non of them worked for you? Did you keep it up for at least a yr?
I have kind of come to terms with my hairloss at 23. If I don't accept it now I will be 30 years old still making excuses not to do something with my life, my friends will have moved on with their lives (hair or not) by that time, while I will just be a self conscious bald 30 year old with no ambition.
It's hard enough losing hair but don't become that bald guy who blames all his problems on his lack of hair. The reason you're single, overweight, broke and struggling to meet rent is because you're a lazy bastard who wouldn't have accomplished anything even if you had hair. Don't become that guy. I often see 40 or 50 year old guys with a full head of hair working sh*t low paid jobs. I bet they'd trade all their hair if they could go back and actually do something with their life rather than work in wallmart at 47 years of age, referring to 19 year customers as Sir.
It's hard enough losing hair but don't become that bald guy who blames all his problems on his lack of hair. The reason you're single, overweight, broke and struggling to meet rent is because you're a lazy bastard who wouldn't have accomplished anything even if you had hair. Don't become that guy. I often see 40 or 50 year old guys with a full head of hair working sh*t low paid jobs. I bet they'd trade all their hair if they could go back and actually do something with their life rather than work in wallmart at 47 years of age, referring to 19 year customers as Sir.
RaginDemon
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blondeguy said:
maybe you suit the shaved look, others might not.
I can relate with many of your stories. I'm 25 now, started losing my hair when I was 20. I was stunned. It shocked my peers and my relatives, but it shocked me. I've always been an introvert, but now I'm even more quiet. I don't laugh very much, maybe smile occasionally. I used to be very sarcastic and make smart-*** comments; I don't joke much these days. I've been trying to make peace with it, but it just eats me up from inside. I used to break down and cry a lot. Now, I just have a silent rage inside of me. I try to have a positive attitude and be grateful for all the good things God has given me, but it seems like I fall right back into my depressed state. I keep myself busy with work to avoid thinking about, but it's hard not to think about. It's ALWAYS on my mind. I know it's just an external thing, but it feels like I've lost a best friend or something...
When I was younger, I never made fun of people with shortcomings or disabilities. Maybe it is Karma for all the bad things I've done in my life and to hurt others...I hate being reminded everyday of what I've done to deserve this. I feel angry...and jealous of others and their happiness. And I'm NOT a jealous person.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've always been considered the "religious one" in my family, and I've been praying to God everyday to make my hair grow even more. We never think something like this is going to happen to us...you have an image in your head of how you think your life is going to pan out, and then life throws you a curve ball. I don't want to face this, but I have to.
I know if I hadn't lost my hair, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. Maybe this was life's way of telling me not to take anything for granted. I definitely have a Type A personality. Before, I never thought about people going through traumatic experiences and what must be going through their mind. I was always focused on me and my goals - I would watch the news or hear about people getting cancer, having a chronic illness like Lupus, or losing a loved one...I would be like "oh, that's too bad..." or "how sad..." forget about it, and just move on with my life. Now, thinking about those people and knowing that they are also scared but dealing with their issue helps me face mine. It kind of makes you more conscious about all the pain and suffering that is out there in the world.
I've tried to look at this whole hair loss from every positive light, but the wound is still there. It will always be there for me. I have a hard time letting go of things. It was MY hair, and it was taken away. I don't want anything...I just want my hair back - all of it, every strand.
When I was younger, I never made fun of people with shortcomings or disabilities. Maybe it is Karma for all the bad things I've done in my life and to hurt others...I hate being reminded everyday of what I've done to deserve this. I feel angry...and jealous of others and their happiness. And I'm NOT a jealous person.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've always been considered the "religious one" in my family, and I've been praying to God everyday to make my hair grow even more. We never think something like this is going to happen to us...you have an image in your head of how you think your life is going to pan out, and then life throws you a curve ball. I don't want to face this, but I have to.
I know if I hadn't lost my hair, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. Maybe this was life's way of telling me not to take anything for granted. I definitely have a Type A personality. Before, I never thought about people going through traumatic experiences and what must be going through their mind. I was always focused on me and my goals - I would watch the news or hear about people getting cancer, having a chronic illness like Lupus, or losing a loved one...I would be like "oh, that's too bad..." or "how sad..." forget about it, and just move on with my life. Now, thinking about those people and knowing that they are also scared but dealing with their issue helps me face mine. It kind of makes you more conscious about all the pain and suffering that is out there in the world.
I've tried to look at this whole hair loss from every positive light, but the wound is still there. It will always be there for me. I have a hard time letting go of things. It was MY hair, and it was taken away. I don't want anything...I just want my hair back - all of it, every strand.
RaginDemon
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Momentum said:I can relate with many of your stories. I'm 25 now, started losing my hair when I was 20. I was stunned. It shocked my peers and my relatives, but it shocked me. I've always been an introvert, but now I'm even more quiet. I don't laugh very much, maybe smile occasionally. I used to be very sarcastic and make smart-*** comments; I don't joke much these days. I've been trying to make peace with it, but it just eats me up from inside. I used to break down and cry a lot. Now, I just have a silent rage inside of me. I try to have a positive attitude and be grateful for all the good things God has given me, but it seems like I fall right back into my depressed state. I keep myself busy with work to avoid thinking about, but it's hard not to think about. It's ALWAYS on my mind. I know it's just an external thing, but it feels like I've lost a best friend...
When I was younger, I never made fun of people with shortcomings or disabilities. Maybe it is Karma for all the bad things I've done in my life and to hurt others, but I hate being reminded everyday of what I've done to deserve this. Everytime I see guys my age or even twice my age with all their hair, it stings. I fast-forward hair product commercials. I feel angry...and jealous of others and their happiness. And I'm NOT a jealous person.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've always been considered the "religious one" in my family, and I've been praying to God everyday to make my hair grow even more. I'm starting to lose hope...and my faith. I just go to work, avoid small-talk, come home, watch TV, and go to sleep. I just don't want to take in the pleasures of life anymore. People don't understand what it does to a person. It's destroyed everything - my self-esteem, my self-confidence, the dreams that I had. We never think something like this is going to happen to us...you have an image in your head of how you think your life is going to pan out, and then life throws you a curve ball. I don't want to face this, but I have to. I feel trapped.
I know if I hadn't lost my hair, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. Maybe this was life's way of telling me not to take anything for granted. I definitely have a Type A personality. Before, I never thought about people going through traumatic experiences and what must be going through their mind. I was always focused on me and my goals - I would watch the news or hear about people getting cancer, having a chronic illness like Lupus, or losing a loved one...I would be like "oh, that's too bad..." or "how sad..." forget about it, and just move on with my life. Now, thinking about those people and knowing that they are also scared but dealing with their issue helps me face mine. It kind of makes you more conscious about all the pain and suffering that is out there in the world.
I've tried to look at this whole hair loss from every positive light, but the wound is still there. It will always be there for me. I have a hard time letting go of things. It was MY hair, and it was taken away. I don't want anything...I just want my hair back - all of it, every strand.
How bad is your hair loss? even the med's dont give you the desired density, there is hair transplant.
uncomfortable man
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Hairloss is one of those things you pretty much have to wear on your sleeve. It's out there for everyone to see, unlike a bum liver or heart (which most shallow f@cks would rather have than hairloss). But once you cross that line you notice the darker, less forgiving side of humanity. The stares, sneers, laughs and comments, and as unfair as it is loosing your hair forces you to reassess yourself as a person. You might change your style of clothes as not to clash with your unyouthfull look. Paranoia and depression will definantly play a role. Your dreams will change. It can ruin your life, if you let it.
RaginDemon
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uncomfortable man said:
well said, I feel you brotha.
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shaving only really looks good when you can keep some small semblance of stubble there. Shaving to skin is not an appealing look.
winnyblues
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Exactly swingline
got stubble which shows a hairline = skinhead/masculine/alpha male/shaving it cos you want to
no stubble=bald, ugly, genetic trainwreck, stay away from me girls,.
Pretty ****ed what a shade of grey/stubble can do to someones appearance
got stubble which shows a hairline = skinhead/masculine/alpha male/shaving it cos you want to
no stubble=bald, ugly, genetic trainwreck, stay away from me girls,.
Pretty ****ed what a shade of grey/stubble can do to someones appearance
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the only advice is really get an outgoing hobby. Learn an instrument, get in a band, play a sport, join some groups. I would say the band one is good because its the one area where your instrument/skill/creativity overshadows appearance. If you have the looks then great but not really necessary
It definitely has affected my personality in a sense that when I was younger and still to an extent today, I would avoid doing things last minute. Too many times if given a late invite or something spontaneous like a last minute "fancy a few beers?" from a pal - I'd overthink the situation e.g where would we be going? Do I have enough time to fix my hair? What if we go to that bar with the neon lights? Maybe I can wear a cap, but what if we go to that bar with the bouncers? What if I see people who always see me with my cap on, I have to 'do my hair' tonight, do I have time to do it? And ****ing so on. Or, if invited to dinner somehwere I knew I couldn't wear a hat at the dinner table, so you would dread - what if the lights are very bright and they see my toppik.
I was norwood 3 with diffuse thinning too. So often I would through laziness and cost of toppik/nanogen I would just wear a ball cap/beanie - could get away with it at work, and if going hiking/jogging/golfing/hanging out in non-formal surroundings.
I'm nowhere near as bad now, but those were some depressing days. Staying in sometimes due to hair loss!
I was norwood 3 with diffuse thinning too. So often I would through laziness and cost of toppik/nanogen I would just wear a ball cap/beanie - could get away with it at work, and if going hiking/jogging/golfing/hanging out in non-formal surroundings.
I'm nowhere near as bad now, but those were some depressing days. Staying in sometimes due to hair loss!