ali777 said:
dudemon said:
Trust me, if women "pity" you, as they do a burn victim, it's not all that great. I get treated that way by women every day because they feel sorry for me becasue of the way I look. But, then the minute I grow horns, and try to "score" with one, they treat me like a "bad little boy" and then they usually rudely reject me. The same girls that were nice to me becuase they felt sorry for me, aren't so nice when I try to hook up with them.
Relationships based on pity do not work.....
When I saw the picture, I asked myself if I could do it. If I was truly in love with the person before the accident, I would support her no matter what... But if the relationship was shaky before hand, and if I ended up staying because I felt "pity", that relationship is bound to be a failure... I actually asked myself this question when I was in relationship(s) as well, and the answer was NO... When the answer is no, it's best to cut the relationship as short as possible and move on until we find the one that makes us feel like we'll stay together no matter what. (so romantic :gay: :jackit: )
The thing with pity is, the person that feels the pity will eventually end up feeling like he/she is compromising and that in return will lead to resentment towards the other person (dudemon: is this what happened?)... It's like the Little Britain USA sketch where the husband says he can't wait till the wife dies....
The compassionate part in us says that we are decent human beings and we would do it, I mean staying with an accident victim, but most of us wouldn't do it.
Oh no, not with my marriage. I think you hit the nail on the head in another post - she fell "out of love" with me, the opposite of "falling in love." My marriage was over 14 years ago now. We were married for almost 8 years before that. My ex was just very shallow. I didn't see that in her when we got married - actually we kinda just "eloped." The whole thing was very informal not much like a traditional marriage. We were both mega-stoners back in those days.
She was on the heavy-side the first few years; not obese, but she was about 160/170ish. (I never really knew her exact weight - it was a "no-no" to even talk about it). A few years into our marriage, she began losing tons of weight. I'd say back in about 1990/1 she lost enough weight and became "mega-hot" looking. She was a very pretty girl in the face, and always looked very good. But when she lost all that weight, she was like a "10" on the richter scale.
If I took her out, as soon as I went to the restroom, guys would be swarming her, trying to get her phone #, while handing her theirs. If we went to a dive bar in the ghetto, drunk guys would come up to me asking me how much I was pimping her for - and they were dead serious! If we went to a concert, tons of guys would be grabbing her. If she walked into the room at any party, she would instantly become the center of attention. Every guy's head in the whole place would turn and gawk at her. She was sleazy, slutty, and very hot. All the girls there at the party hated her.
After a while, little old bald me wasn't good enough for her anymore. She started partying really hard with all her girlfriends, going places and doing things with hardcore party people. She began hanging out with slimeball drug dealers behind my back. She got so spun, and spaced out, that she didn't even know who she was anymore. She began staying out all night, then she'd stay gone for two or three days at a time. Eventually, she didn't come home at all anymore. She got all kinds of body piercings, and tattoos, and she really got into the heavy gothic scene (the early 90's version of it, it was more "death-matal" punk). She got into all kinds of crazy sex, with other girls, and guys at the same time. She was heavily involved with drugs, drug dealers, and very bad, sick minded and an evil person. I think became a dominatrix. I think she may have even been in a gang. I was never invited to participate in any of this stuff with her - not that I would have or anything. If I showed up (uninvited and unannounced) to one of her parties, I would get the sh*t beat out of me.
All of that and much more - that's just the tip of the iceberg about her. It was real easy for her just to say goodbye to loser me - because she had all these "new friends" back then, and I wasn't good enough for her anymore. I went to school in those days, got an Industrial Tech degree, couldn't get a decent job, and found myself working in the automotive field. That was not hardly impressive enough for her to stay around. As far as she was concerned, I was nothing but a loser and a dorky geek to her. she felt that because she was so hot, that she deserved so much better than me. Her friends and her family all told her so as well, they disapproved of me also.
The irony, is that she's gone full cirlce, I seen some pics of her and her new "family" on Classmates.com. I was astonished. But, I hate her, she hates me, and that's the end of that. Funny how life works.
New women do not like me for much of the same reasons why my ex dumped me.
