Im scared of women. Advice needed... .

[Feelsbadman]

@justinbieberscombover
i know you said you had some experiences with some narcissistic women but now met a good girl now so would like to hear how you got over it:

long story short my first girlfiend and only girl ive cared for was a complete sociopathic narc.

the signs were there i just ignored it. She cared so much about her social media and appearance.

I know not all women are like this but the women used me abused me drained me then cheated on me. When i found out, she didnt even care and just threw me away and blocked.me

i know i dodged a bullet. But it was very traumatizing and scary to think someone you think you are friends with can not only completely betray you but not even care about what they did?

i have healed now but deep down im scared of women i never want to go through that again. I got scammed and tricked.

how do you trust again?

 

[Pacho]

youre only hope is a plane to the phillipines and enough money to support a girl and her family there

 

[AbsoluteZen]

You have to just realize that women are just people like you and I. That's the problem with all this red pill blue pill sh*t. It sees women as either trophies or as princesses to be saved. Both are bad, both are dehumanizing. Just relax and talk to women like you would a friend, actually tried to get to know them. Tons of guys are trying to hit on every single girl in the world. Stand out from the crowd and show your actually interested in her as a person

 

[justinbieberscombover]

@Feelsbadman

I think you had abusive and narcissistic parents like me..

Because of this we were subconsciously attached to similar types later in life. For example I always had narcissistic friends, then I was attached to narcissistic/controlling girls as well, who always made sure to keep my confidence low and make me feel like I wasn't good enough, or like I was doing something wrong.. I always felt guilty.. it was just normal life to me..

When I went to get my transplants done I didn't really know if true love exists, I just wanted to repair my self esteem by getting some validation from chicks, and see if I could get some action with some.. my plan was to go on some shitty dates, go out partying and maybe get some kisses and get my dick wet.. I though that will be more than enough..

I honestly thought, it will take a lot for me to love someone again and I didn't know if it was possible.

But then I met an amazing girl.. at first I kept trying to reject the idea that I take her seriously to protect myself and my feelings.. but then a few dates in, I noticed that I can be myself and she doesn't judge me or make me feel like there is something wrong with me. It was a very strange and unfamiliar but awesome feeling. All of a sudden I felt free.. I realized that whatever I experienced earlier in life wasn't normal and life shouldn't be that way.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

As my parents, it's difficult for me to say they are bad people.. I still love them unconditionally and am aware that they have done a lot of good things for me.. even now I generally have a supportive environment and a warm loving family.. I'm grateful for that. Some people never even knew their parents.

But as a kid in elementary school I could sing and perform, was one of the best football players in school and one of the fastest runners, self taught how to make webistes/code, was the social leader of the class.. looking back I was far above the other kids yet they made me throw away all of my talents instead of helping me develop them further..

Then in middle school due to their abuse and neglect I gradually became more and more shy and reclusive, which soon lead to constant bullying from other kids, which lead to trauma/social anxiety/avoidance.. which lead to depression/isolation/feeling lonely for weeks and months at times..

I found relief in gaming, once again because of the brilliant kid I was I took it to another level became one of the best players in the world in several games.. yet my parents thought I was just wasting my time and made me feel useless, when healthy supportive parents would have shown interest in what their child is doing/accomplishing, been proud and probably provided an environment for me to compete at gaming professionally on an international level..

Signs of narcissistic parents, they are guilty as f***, they did all that sh*t:

"Making you feel anxious and often lowering your confidence"
"Making you engage in sports or other activities, despite your wishes"
"Displaying sudden mood changes and volatile anger"
"Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave an adult child feeling that they have very little to offer. Growing up, their talents and skills may have been downplayed, ignored, or co-opted by the narcissistic parent who felt threatened by their child’s skills."

@Wolf Pack @DoctorHouse

 

[Feelsbadman]

I think you had abusive and narcissistic parents like me..

Because of this we were subconsciously attached to similar types later in life. For example I always had narcissistic friends, then I was attached to narcissistic/controlling girls as well, who always made sure to keep my confidence low and make me feel like I wasn't good enough, or like I was doing something wrong.. I always felt guilty.. it was just normal life to me..

When I went to get my transplants done I didn't really know if true love exists, I just wanted to repair my self esteem by getting some validation from chicks, and see if I could get some action with some.. my plan was to go on some shitty dates, go out partying and maybe get some kisses and get my dick wet.. I though that will be more than enough..

I honestly thought, it will take a lot for me to love someone again and I didn't know if it was possible.

But then I met an amazing girl.. at first I kept trying to reject the idea that I take her seriously to protect myself and my feelings.. but then a few dates in, I noticed that I can be myself and she doesn't judge me or make me feel like there is something wrong with me. It was a very strange and unfamiliar but awesome feeling. All of a sudden I felt free.. I realized that whatever I experienced earlier in life wasn't normal and life shouldn't be that way.

wow thanks
i had this same feeling with my ex
never felt enoughbfor her and exacrly as you described

 

[justinbieberscombover]

wow thanks
i had this same feeling with my ex
never felt enoughbfor her and exacrly as you described

I still kinda struggle professionally now because I can't find the genuine ambition and passion I had as a kid in whatever I'm doing.. I could have made millions already a long time ago if they believed in me and my ideas and allowed me to do things my way..

 

[Isaac Newton]

I still kinda struggle professionally now because I can't find the genuine ambition and passion I had as a kid in whatever I'm doing.. I could have made millions already a long time ago if they believed in me and my ideas and allowed me to do things my way..

You're veering awfully close to humble bragging bro lol

 

[justinbieberscombover]

You're veering awfully close to humble bragging bro lol

I was actually hoping to inspire/heal/provide guidelines for the users here to be better parents than my parents were, which is one of my own goals. I was cursed with early aggressive balding, narcissistic parents and chronic depression, but I was also blessed in other aspects.. hopefully now starting with a supportive girlfriend, more life experience and a great understanding of how and why things went wrong, I will finally find my lane and really reach my full potential. I hope it's not too late..

 

[Feelsbadman]

As my parents, it's difficult for me to say they are bad people.. I still love them unconditionally and am aware that they have done a lot of good things for me.. even now I generally have a supportive environment and a warm loving family.. I'm grateful for that. Some people never even knew their parents.

But as a kid in elementary school I could sing and perform, was one of the best football players in school and one of the fastest runners, self taught how to make webistes/code, was the social leader of the class.. looking back I was far above the other kids yet they made me throw away all of my talents instead of helping me develop them further..

Then in middle school due to their abuse and neglect I gradually became more and more shy and reclusive, which soon lead to constant bullying from other kids, which lead to trauma/social anxiety/avoidance.. which lead to depression/isolation/feeling lonely for weeks and months at times..

I found relief in gaming, once again because of the brilliant kid I was I took it to another level became one of the best players in the world in several games.. yet my parents thought I was just wasting my time and made me feel useless, when healthy supportive parents would have shown interest in what their child is doing/accomplishing, been proud and probably provided an environment for me to compete at gaming professionally on an international level..

Signs of narcissistic parents, they are guilty as f***, they did all that sh*t:

"Making you feel anxious and often lowering your confidence"
"Making you engage in sports or other activities, despite your wishes"
"Displaying sudden mood changes and volatile anger"
"Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave an adult child feeling that they have very little to offer. Growing up, their talents and skills may have been downplayed, ignored, or co-opted by the narcissistic parent who felt threatened by their child’s skills."

@Wolf Pack @DoctorHouse

really good

As my parents, it's difficult for me to say they are bad people.. I still love them unconditionally and am aware that they have done a lot of good things for me.. even now I generally have a supportive environment and a warm loving family.. I'm grateful for that. Some people never even knew their parents.

But as a kid in elementary school I could sing and perform, was one of the best football players in school and one of the fastest runners, self taught how to make webistes/code, was the social leader of the class.. looking back I was far above the other kids yet they made me throw away all of my talents instead of helping me develop them further..

Then in middle school due to their abuse and neglect I gradually became more and more shy and reclusive, which soon lead to constant bullying from other kids, which lead to trauma/social anxiety/avoidance.. which lead to depression/isolation/feeling lonely for weeks and months at times..

I found relief in gaming, once again because of the brilliant kid I was I took it to another level became one of the best players in the world in several games.. yet my parents thought I was just wasting my time and made me feel useless, when healthy supportive parents would have shown interest in what their child is doing/accomplishing, been proud and probably provided an environment for me to compete at gaming professionally on an international level..

Signs of narcissistic parents, they are guilty as f***, they did all that sh*t:

"Making you feel anxious and often lowering your confidence"
"Making you engage in sports or other activities, despite your wishes"
"Displaying sudden mood changes and volatile anger"
"Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave an adult child feeling that they have very little to offer. Growing up, their talents and skills may have been downplayed, ignored, or co-opted by the narcissistic parent who felt threatened by their child’s skills."

@Wolf Pack @DoctorHouse

Yea it's crazy how much i relate to this.

Were both your parents narcs? My mum is a narc 100% but my dad is normal.

Although my ex scarred me and fucked me badly, It made me reflect massively because I never want that happen again. It was when i started learning about narcissism, borderline, cluster B personality etc. I started connecting the dots, even realise some of my friends aren't real friends and just narcs themselves. We attract these types because it feels comfortable and normal. My ex was extremely narcissistic, nearly sociopathic. No empathy at all or care for actions. I remember at times feeling like my father, when my ex would dump her verbal crap on to me (often like my mum would do on my dad)

But like i said, if it wasn't for i would of never learnt this lesson, now i'm trying to find a healthier person

 

[justinbieberscombover]

really good

Yea it's crazy how much i relate to this.

Were both your parents narcs? My mum is a narc 100% but my dad is normal.

Although my ex scarred me and fucked me badly, It made me reflect massively because I never want that happen again. It was when i started learning about narcissism, borderline, cluster B personality etc. I started connecting the dots, even realise some of my friends aren't real friends and just narcs themselves. We attract these types because it feels comfortable and normal. My ex was extremely narcissistic, nearly sociopathic. No empathy at all or care for actions. I remember at times feeling like my father, when my ex would dump her verbal crap on to me (often like my mum would do on my dad)

But like i said, if it wasn't for i would of never learnt this lesson, now i'm trying to find a healthier person

Yeah both of them have shown narcissistic behaviors just in different ways, it's funny to me that they think I'm the mentally troubled in the family just because I have mild depression/anxiety (generally harmless problems) but in reality I'm more stable and normal than them, I just had enough self awareness and courage to take care of myself and get therapy, instead of drowning in denial.

 

[Feelsbadman]

Yeah both of them have shown narcissistic behaviors just in different ways, it's funny to me that they think I'm the mentally troubled in the family just because I have mild depression/anxiety (generally harmless problems) but in reality I'm more stable and normal than them, I just had enough self awareness and courage to take care of myself and get therapy, instead of drowning in denial.

Good job man,
I still have some issues, low self esteem , feeling like i'm not good enough, feeling unloved etc
So when I met my ex and she love bombed me to hook me in i felt like finally someone "understood" me and I mattered for once, hence i was absolutely soul crushed when she left.

But self awareness allowed me to understand wahat happpened and try and change like you did as well

 

[justinbieberscombover]

Good job man,
I still have some issues, low self esteem , feeling like i'm not good enough, feeling unloved etc
So when I met my ex and she love bombed me to hook me in i felt like finally someone "understood" me and I mattered for once, hence i was absolutely soul crushed when she left.

But self awareness allowed me to understand wahat happpened and try and change like you did as well

Been there, by having low self esteem and not really being comfortable with who we are - flaws and all, we automatically attracted those toxic types and allowed them to stay even when they were exploiting us.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

Honestly it's a vicious cycle because the manipulator controls you step by step, every time they notice that you let them get away with the last bullshit they tried and set no boundaries they take it a step further.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

My "best pal" from ages 18-22 or so was definitely a narcissist, manipulative as hell and delusional. He made me believe there was something off/terribly wrong with how I behave socially that I should work on and observe him as a source of inspiration and follow his guidance.

@Wolf Pack @Isaac Newton

Made me cut off my old friends and then bragged about how he is more of a leader than I am, he is the one with all those friends and connects and I'm his sidekick basically. Bc of his illusions of grandeur he tried to get me involved in all types of activities I wasn't into. Like for a while he joined a "youth wing" of some shady political party and then started acting like he was the chosen one with all the knowledge and the power to change the world, and kept trying to convince me to join it. At last he realized that group was a scam and dropped it like it never happened lol.

Then he started talking about how he gets all the girls and I barely get any. "You remember this chick?", mentioned some average girl I didn't care for but tried to make me think I was actually going hard for her and she rejected me or something. "If she went with one of the guys she would go after me, not you.. and you know why? Because I come across as the leader of the group", and so on, most narcissistic/delusional rant I've ever heard from anybody in my life.

Whenever we went out he would have those moments where he suddenly "felt bad" or out of it, we would step out of the party and then he would go on a rant about how some guy in there is a f*****g loser who bothers him (treats him like an enemy) because he doesn't deserve the good social life he has. Eventually he started thinking he deserves to be famous and doesn't feel comfortable with leaving the house until he reaches his goal, so people will finally treat him the way he deserves to be treated.

It took me a few years but eventually I figured out that he's a very toxic person. Not to mention he started abusing drugs and acting recklessly, along with his awful mental health it became a danger to stay around him. Being the pussy that he is, the moment he started seeing that I show signs of strength he stepped back and our friendship was over lol. He also manipulated the few friends in the group against me and they all deleted me from social media along with him. After a few years he came back and this time I was much stronger mentally and he wasn't able to manipulate me anymore and fucked off because he was weak.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

Oh there was this one time (near the end of our friendship) he randomly spazzed on me out of nowhere, after weeks of putting me down.. he said I always seem so chill and like I got my life together, and then said I'm the only person in the world who makes him feel like he's inferior. That was crazy to me because for weeks he was saying the opposite. I was like wtf are you talking about, I'm your friend lol.

 

[Feelsbadman]

Honestly it's a vicious cycle because the manipulator controls you step by step, every time they notice that you let them get away with the last bullshit they tried and set no boundaries they take it a step further.

Yea it's f*****g crazy

I was desperate and starved of love/validation (due to my NARC MUM) and when my ex love bombed me , acted like i was the best guy she ever met i fell completely into her trap, i felt at home.

some of the absolute crap she would do, literally posting her boobs on social media because I wasn't making her feel a certain way or some other rubbish. But i just copped it all because that love bombing was so sweet and intoxicating. Her enthusiasm and attention on me was 1000% i never felt so great but i realise it was fake and she was just using me , what a fucked up women abused me and once she was bored she just moved on like i was nobody.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

I was desperate and starved of love/validation (due to my NARC MUM) and when my ex love bombed me , acted like i was the best guy she ever met i fell completely into her trap, i felt at home.

Man I feel you so hard, it's very sad

 

[Feelsbadman]

Man I feel you so hard, it's very sad

feels man
but we are lucky we are self aware to understand it

some people go through their entire life without even realising it

 

[Oknow]

You have to just realize that women are just people like you and I. That's the problem with all this red pill blue pill sh*t. It sees women as either trophies or as princesses to be saved. Both are bad, both are dehumanizing. Just relax and talk to women like you would a friend, actually tried to get to know them. Tons of guys are trying to hit on every single girl in the world. Stand out from the crowd and show your actually interested in her as a person

Agree with a lot of this
Talking platonically though without flirting will lead to friend zoning