No hair = no dates (online)?
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uncomfortable man
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Sorry SAF if some of us sound too negative. Our experiences must have differed from yours when you were bald, or some of us are more sensitive than you...or both. I don't know what you were like as an nw5, but perhaps ever since you got your hair back you have become a little more relaxed and have adopted a sunnier disposition on life, now that you are out of the line of fire. I know if I got my hair back, I would feel better about myself (more secure) which would affect my overall attitude in a much more positive way. It may sound silly to some, but I would be a totally different person, a better person if I had all my hair back.
s.a.f
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I hated every minute of being bald, and it did make me feel down 24/7 but the fact is although it affected my looks and my confidence. I never experienced anything remotley like the persecution that you keep describing.
I had comments made of course, practicly everyday. But only by people who knew me and many times it was'nt made with malicious intent.
I find it hard to believe that your life is any more negatively effected than mine was, but I think you are letting your perception of the situation get out of hand. (Maybe you've read one too many CCS post.)
You seem to have a paranoid voice in your head that tells you "they're all laughing at me".
You're just another bald guy, yes it matters to you because its your life but why should anyone else you encouter in life care about your hairloss?
If you pass a fat guy on the street how much time do you spend thinking about his life? :dunno:
I had comments made of course, practicly everyday. But only by people who knew me and many times it was'nt made with malicious intent.
I find it hard to believe that your life is any more negatively effected than mine was, but I think you are letting your perception of the situation get out of hand. (Maybe you've read one too many CCS post.)
You seem to have a paranoid voice in your head that tells you "they're all laughing at me".
You're just another bald guy, yes it matters to you because its your life but why should anyone else you encouter in life care about your hairloss?
If you pass a fat guy on the street how much time do you spend thinking about his life? :dunno:
HatPrisoner91
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SAF it depends on two factors.
a) Where you live
b) How you carry the bald look.
Different locations have different levels of people and how they act towards one another.
A guy who looks OK oe decent bald, might get a comment but it's not the same as the person where it just looks wrong.
a) Where you live
b) How you carry the bald look.
Different locations have different levels of people and how they act towards one another.
A guy who looks OK oe decent bald, might get a comment but it's not the same as the person where it just looks wrong.
HatPrisoner91
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barcafan said:
For me, I didn't even have the slow process of going bald. It just went so rapidly and never came back obviously.
If I looked "good" bald or "pretty good" bald, it would still bother me but WAYYYY less. Heck if I was a NW4, I'd be much happier than i am now. I could shave my head but still have SOMETHING up there. Not just head.
uncomfortable man
Senior Member
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I already told you that I see VERY few bald people where I live, probably much less than in England SAF. Have either one of you been to California? Just curious. Most of the time it is just the looks I get, but I do occasionally get heckled. It doesn't happen as often as I make it out to be for the simple fact that I hide under a hat to prevent such encounters, but when I am exposed it never fails that I get some underwhelming reactions from various people within the course of a day. Maybe they can sense that I am uncomfortable. It is pretty easy to tell what someone is thinking by the look on their face as most people can't hide those things to well. Btw, you see WAY more fat people than bald people and even though there is a stigma for them too, bald guys just stand out more. Anyhow I know what I've experienced and I am not the only one on here that this kind of sh*t happens to.
iwantperfection
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i have family in the OC and spent summer there couple of years ago. Theres as many bald guys there as anywhere. One of the guys i went surfing with alot was about 23 and bald as they come.
Lots of nice chicks out there. CCs should go.
Good memories. Accents work well with us girls.
Lots of nice chicks out there. CCs should go.
Good memories. Accents work well with us girls.
I don't think its baldness in and of itself. Some bald guys do a lot better than guys with hair, there's no question about it.
It has more to do with how baldness affects people, and in some cases, with the way it makes them look.
In my case, I've always been pretty insecure. I've always had really bad skin. I mean, really bad. I had really, really thick (like not normal) hair. I never considered balding, at least not at my age, because I was so preoccupied with my skin, and I bought that stupid lie about maternal grandfathers. I have to say, baldness will make me look a lot worse. I was an average to decent looking guy with hair when my skin was clear. Because of the skin conditions I have, I can't shave my head, which is really the only option if you're young, balding, and still want to look "good". So, its distressing, to put it mildly, when you're competing for women, and you know that you can't care about the way you look because no matter what you do, you're going to look like hell. It sets the confidence waaaay back.
It has more to do with how baldness affects people, and in some cases, with the way it makes them look.
In my case, I've always been pretty insecure. I've always had really bad skin. I mean, really bad. I had really, really thick (like not normal) hair. I never considered balding, at least not at my age, because I was so preoccupied with my skin, and I bought that stupid lie about maternal grandfathers. I have to say, baldness will make me look a lot worse. I was an average to decent looking guy with hair when my skin was clear. Because of the skin conditions I have, I can't shave my head, which is really the only option if you're young, balding, and still want to look "good". So, its distressing, to put it mildly, when you're competing for women, and you know that you can't care about the way you look because no matter what you do, you're going to look like hell. It sets the confidence waaaay back.
Quantum Cat said:
I've never done the online dating thing, for reasons of my own, but that is so not true.
Desperate... some probably.
Freaks? Hardly.
Of the 3 people I know who have used those sites, 2 are very attractive women who don't have time to meet guys in other settings. They are hardly freaks, and I think they're pretty representative of the people on those sites.
heyitsthatguy
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Yeah its not always just "freaks" that use online dating. A friend reckons that chicks just wanna go get laid but don't because they don't want their friends calling them 'sl*ts' so they go online where they can have sex with all the guys they want and no one will ever know 
Or hell they could just be to shy to talk to guys in normal circumstances...
Or hell they could just be to shy to talk to guys in normal circumstances...
look man, I'm in a similar situation being young and dealing with hairloss (I buzz my head with clippers..0 guard) I'm only 21. The girls issue definitely is a huge factor and although its a struggle...I really don't think the majority of it does have to do with hair...ESPECIALLY as we get older...here are some of my thoughts on your post/situation...LONG POST
Online dating is NOT a good indicator at all of one's ability to ATTRACT women....women are going to be very rigid and demand that the men they talk to have all these ideal qualities or else he has no shot....online dating is initially based all on looks (the whole personality description thing may go a little ways towards helping you but for the majority of the times your picture is the deciding factor).
The thing about women is...if they're attracted to YOU personally...all of your perceived faults wont matter...including hairloss. For starters...many women may actually like a bald guy (shaved look I mean) and EVEN IF THEY DON'T...they can still be attracted to a man who is bald...they may find themselves inexplicably drawn to this man despite the fact he meets NONE of the criteria that they say theyre looking for...the type of criteria that they post on their online dating profiles...with online dating, at least initially..its very hard to convey who you are in a f*****g profile picture, so yeah...looks WILL matter. But in person?...completely different
I think the thing about hairloss and dating is that a lot of men become emotionally damaged...so they present themselves that way in person. This gets communicated in everything they do..the way they speak, body language, etc. So that bald guy who is self conscious of being bald, may in fact come across negatively to women...not because hes bald, but because he believes his baldness is a problem and subconsciously acts inferior (women are NOT going to want a vein, insecure man regardless of what he looks like). This man then sees that he is being reacted to negatively by women, attributes it to his hairloss, and in his mind...the evidence that baldness = undesireable becomes even more apparent. This will start a spiral of increasingly lower self esteem with the man attributing it all to his hairloss. SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY.
yes...perhaps being bald will mean you have to overcompensate with other appearance related aspects. It also means you will have to develop a thicker skin perhaps...you need to get to the point where you are comfortable with yourself no matter what..and if anybody makes some dumb comment about you being bald then they're the insecure idiots because they're making fun of somebody who doesn't give a f*** about his hairloss. It's amazing how much we let what other people say or think (people who have no bearing on our lives) matter to us.
the point is..reaching a place where EVEN IF YOU GET COMMENTS..it doesnt matter...and the more people see that it doesnt matter to you, the less likely they will be inclined to make such comments...they really won't care.
you also have to understand that you may encounter women who bring up your hairloss...in that case you need to bring across how little you actually care about your baldness (even if you do care, although the goal is to reach a point where you literally don't care, as tough as that sounds)...a lot of the time women will try to test you by bringing up something to see how you react....if you react insecurely...then being bald DOES matter. IF you react like it doesn't matter to you...then it won't to them...and if it still does matter, then truuust me...its not like hair will be the only superficial criteria on her list..shes likely going to be a headcase and you should be thankful you're not going to get to know her.
You wan't a good example of this whole thing?...my mom told my dad who was balding when they met, that she would never marry a bald man...true story. It just goes to show the power that attraction has. The key is becoming comfortable with yourself no matter what, and learning how to attract women. Yes this will be a hard process to learn, but if you want true success with women, then its necessary. You think bald guys are the only people who have problems with women?...get real!
The fact of the matter is...real women are going to want a REAL man...is somebody who views himself as an inferior person because of hairloss the definition of a REAL man?...Unfortunately, I think not.
Look man...you're already defeating yourself by your way of thinking...letting hairloss determine which route to take in terms of your career? "I feel like working on my inner qualities can get me another 20-30% of luck, but no more."...So hair is 70-80 percent of your worth? Cmn man...thats utter crap. Look at the power you are giving baldness...you're letting it OWN you...trust me...I get pissed off about hairloss for all the same reasons as you...I think its totally not fair and I wonder at how much better I'd be with women with hair. But I know that its mostly in my head...and if it is a handicap, its because I'm soo young. 26 really isn't that outrageous to be losing hair. You need to see this as a challenge that can be overcome. Accepting something you can't control is one of the hardest, but most crucial abilities in this world...but really, look at all of the negative energy you are wasting on something you can't control. I mean..instead of focusing on whats different between you and successful people with hair (and saying that the answer is HAIR) ask yourself...what is the difference between me, and successful (with life and women), happy men who are also bald?...because trust me man...there are SO MANY. Clearly, the answer lies in their attitute and the way they view themselves...so while it may not be easy, and in fact may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life....YOU NEED TO REFRAME HOW YOUR MIND SEES THE WORLD AND HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF...right now, just like me...you're damaged, but not broken. Its fixable...it might be hard as hell to do but are you not willing to meet the challenge? Thats what life is about man...it isnt easy. But think of the rewards you will reap if you do this...because your only other option is to just let hairloss RUIN your life...and trust me, look at some of the people on this site...it can ruin your life if you let it...do you really want that? You want to waste YEARS AND YEARS of your life on something you can't control? Sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?
damn...long *** post, I hope you read it and at least give it some thought.
Online dating is NOT a good indicator at all of one's ability to ATTRACT women....women are going to be very rigid and demand that the men they talk to have all these ideal qualities or else he has no shot....online dating is initially based all on looks (the whole personality description thing may go a little ways towards helping you but for the majority of the times your picture is the deciding factor).
The thing about women is...if they're attracted to YOU personally...all of your perceived faults wont matter...including hairloss. For starters...many women may actually like a bald guy (shaved look I mean) and EVEN IF THEY DON'T...they can still be attracted to a man who is bald...they may find themselves inexplicably drawn to this man despite the fact he meets NONE of the criteria that they say theyre looking for...the type of criteria that they post on their online dating profiles...with online dating, at least initially..its very hard to convey who you are in a f*****g profile picture, so yeah...looks WILL matter. But in person?...completely different
I think the thing about hairloss and dating is that a lot of men become emotionally damaged...so they present themselves that way in person. This gets communicated in everything they do..the way they speak, body language, etc. So that bald guy who is self conscious of being bald, may in fact come across negatively to women...not because hes bald, but because he believes his baldness is a problem and subconsciously acts inferior (women are NOT going to want a vein, insecure man regardless of what he looks like). This man then sees that he is being reacted to negatively by women, attributes it to his hairloss, and in his mind...the evidence that baldness = undesireable becomes even more apparent. This will start a spiral of increasingly lower self esteem with the man attributing it all to his hairloss. SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY.
yes...perhaps being bald will mean you have to overcompensate with other appearance related aspects. It also means you will have to develop a thicker skin perhaps...you need to get to the point where you are comfortable with yourself no matter what..and if anybody makes some dumb comment about you being bald then they're the insecure idiots because they're making fun of somebody who doesn't give a f*** about his hairloss. It's amazing how much we let what other people say or think (people who have no bearing on our lives) matter to us.
the point is..reaching a place where EVEN IF YOU GET COMMENTS..it doesnt matter...and the more people see that it doesnt matter to you, the less likely they will be inclined to make such comments...they really won't care.
you also have to understand that you may encounter women who bring up your hairloss...in that case you need to bring across how little you actually care about your baldness (even if you do care, although the goal is to reach a point where you literally don't care, as tough as that sounds)...a lot of the time women will try to test you by bringing up something to see how you react....if you react insecurely...then being bald DOES matter. IF you react like it doesn't matter to you...then it won't to them...and if it still does matter, then truuust me...its not like hair will be the only superficial criteria on her list..shes likely going to be a headcase and you should be thankful you're not going to get to know her.
You wan't a good example of this whole thing?...my mom told my dad who was balding when they met, that she would never marry a bald man...true story. It just goes to show the power that attraction has. The key is becoming comfortable with yourself no matter what, and learning how to attract women. Yes this will be a hard process to learn, but if you want true success with women, then its necessary. You think bald guys are the only people who have problems with women?...get real!
The fact of the matter is...real women are going to want a REAL man...is somebody who views himself as an inferior person because of hairloss the definition of a REAL man?...Unfortunately, I think not.
Look man...you're already defeating yourself by your way of thinking...letting hairloss determine which route to take in terms of your career? "I feel like working on my inner qualities can get me another 20-30% of luck, but no more."...So hair is 70-80 percent of your worth? Cmn man...thats utter crap. Look at the power you are giving baldness...you're letting it OWN you...trust me...I get pissed off about hairloss for all the same reasons as you...I think its totally not fair and I wonder at how much better I'd be with women with hair. But I know that its mostly in my head...and if it is a handicap, its because I'm soo young. 26 really isn't that outrageous to be losing hair. You need to see this as a challenge that can be overcome. Accepting something you can't control is one of the hardest, but most crucial abilities in this world...but really, look at all of the negative energy you are wasting on something you can't control. I mean..instead of focusing on whats different between you and successful people with hair (and saying that the answer is HAIR) ask yourself...what is the difference between me, and successful (with life and women), happy men who are also bald?...because trust me man...there are SO MANY. Clearly, the answer lies in their attitute and the way they view themselves...so while it may not be easy, and in fact may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life....YOU NEED TO REFRAME HOW YOUR MIND SEES THE WORLD AND HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF...right now, just like me...you're damaged, but not broken. Its fixable...it might be hard as hell to do but are you not willing to meet the challenge? Thats what life is about man...it isnt easy. But think of the rewards you will reap if you do this...because your only other option is to just let hairloss RUIN your life...and trust me, look at some of the people on this site...it can ruin your life if you let it...do you really want that? You want to waste YEARS AND YEARS of your life on something you can't control? Sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?
damn...long *** post, I hope you read it and at least give it some thought.
askas said:
see...the problem isnt a simple binary one...I mean essentially, yes it comes down to accepting yourself, but that involves the very complicated process of completely altering how you see the world...if you think of yourself as a computer...you'your mind is essentially reformatting and installing all new software. Trust me, from the sounds of things hairloss is not the issue but its an easy target to blame for the fact your life hasn't turned out like you wanted it to.
Oh..and saying that "these things should be done from 16-20 is bullshit...self improvement is a lifelong step. The right time to start is this minute, but obviously small steps at a time. We're goal oriented humans...so have some things to work towards. Some form of therapy, whether it be talking to somebody or reading up on stuff (I'm a big fan of David Deangelo and Real Social Dynamics) could really benefit you I think. I think it boils down to this (changing yourself) being something you have to want bad enough, and realizing its going to be painstakingly, brutally hard..but well worth it.