Shut Up, Shut Up, For God's Sake, Just Shut Up!

[Dante92]

I remember when my (female) neighbor came to comfort me because she could hear me cry through the wall (yeah it was that bad).

"But you are tall... and you're not fat!" Very reassuring, now I don't care about looking like a 50 year old at 20!

It's useless to expect empathy from people who can't possibly understand what you're going through, they will only make you suffer even more, intentionally or not.

 

[buckthorn]

One of the most terrible things about this is the dreams. every single night, a good majority of my dreams involve hair loss. When I wake up, I am pissed. They are similar dreams to what I used to have, but now my f*****g hair has to be involved. like... oh, come here sexy woman, oh yeah that's it and right when I am about to climax, she starts looking through my hair confused. that's a fun one.

 

[buckthorn]

It's useless to expect empathy from people who can't possibly understand what you're going through, they will only make you suffer even more, intentionally or not.

should be someones sig. absolutely true.

 

[EvilLocks]

One of the most terrible things about this is the dreams. every single night, a good majority of my dreams involve hair loss.

Tell me about it. I always remember my dreams, and I have hair loss related dreams several times a week. I'm balding even in my dreams now... Makes me pissed too, but quite frankly I think dreams are still better than reality, because it's not real, ya know... Tonight I dreamt I was fat though, and was quite relieved when I woke up.

 

[SmoothSailing]

My parents and siblings mock me (in a friendly manner) at the dinner table for "being vain" because I use minoxidil, they don't even know about the other things I use. My parents genuinely don't understand it. My Dad seemingly doesn't give a f*** about being bald, and my mother got with him when he was NW5 so I think she doesn't either.

For them it seems they just have a different outlook on life, something that they wouldn't have been capable of having if they were born today. But my younger brothers, at least some of them, are going to know what I go through fairly soon. In fact I've caught one of them checking their hair in the mirror.


This is selfish and I'm not proud of it but a huge fear of mine is that I go bald but none of my brother do due to better treatments available for them. I hate feeling jealous, but sometimes I can't help it.

 

[stachu]

yea buckthorn... I remember when i had nightmare about that i am completly bald and god... i would prefer the another one which i had, when somebody raped me.

no lol this time :|

 

[SmoothSailing]

Yeah we are vain. We want to get love from women, we want to get good job opportunities, not to be mocked by our peers after they've ingested too much alcohol, we want to keep our identity and often simply look normal for our age, some of us want to be able to find a nice girlfriend and build a healthy relationship and a family.

How vain! You should accept your fate, just be bald and if you get rejected by women, they're not worthy of you! If you don't get that job because they thought something about you was off, deal with it! If your friends mock you and call you bald all the time, they're not your friends! Just dump them!

There! No women, no job, no friends, no love, no family. But it's no big deal, just stop being so vain!

"You're just moping, look at your dad he has a job, a wife, friends..."

Meanwhile I can't get a date with someone who isn't twice as heavy as me, at only NW2. If I lose my hair I will officially give up finding an attractive girlfriend.

 

[EvilLocks]

My mother first tried to do everything she could to dissuade me from curing my hair loss

I know you don't like me, but I can relate to this. My parents did everything in their power to stop me from curing my hair loss, mostly because they didn't think there was anything to cure in the first place, but still... They would yell at me when I recieved hair loss remedies and shampoos in the mail, telling me I was insane and I could not possibly be losing my hair. Then, when I joined the forums, I made the stupid mistake of confession to my father that I was on a hair loss forum. From that point on, every time I was on my computer and my fingers were running quickly across the keyboard my parents would eye me from across the table and be like "You're on those hair loss forums again, aren't you? Can't you see they are ruining your life?" Yeah, as if talking to people who actually understand what I'm going through, is going to ruin my life. Then, they would make a big fuss about it and it would turn into a screaming argument, ending with me locking myself in my room, crying loudly. And then they would accuse me of making THEM depressed, because I was depressed... My father would do anything possible to stop me from using Minoxidil, as he believed it had harmful chemicals in it and that it wouldn't work anyway. He threw my minoxidil out several times, along with my Toppik and other hair products I needed to keep me sane. My parents would push me and push me, and at I point even I thought I was insane. I finally agreed to get admitted to the mental hospital (huge mistake), after my parents had pushed me to the breaking point. I went just to make them happy. This ended with me being put on a medication for schizophrenia, until I refused taking the medication. Then I was getting pretty desperate about my hair situation, it was getting bad and now even my parents could see it. Even then, they refused to help or support me and continued to try to stop me from using treatments. "It won't work anyway!", they said. I tried (and failed) to get Dutasteride from my doctor and online pharmacies, and finally BEGGED my father to go to his doctor for me, and get the medication. I explained it was my last chance to save my hair, and my life. He refused.

Anyway, I'm sorry your mother mocked you for your hair loss in public, nobody deserves this... At least my parents have never mocked me for my hair loss, even though they have put me through hell since this whole thing started.

 

[SmoothSailing]

If it's how it is, it's how it is. Yet watch them tell you that you must be doing something wrong!

I get what I get in the dating department, and people are often shocked by my results, when you take into account how many girls actually (actively or passively) reject me.

But that's how it is, it's 2016, I don't have male model looks and I don't have a normal grown out head of hair.

Of course I am not doing something wrong. You are not doing something wrong. You get what you can get.

You want to know if you're doing something wrong? Use a male model picture and use the same strategy, you'll see that they'll pretty much all agree to meet you despite sending serious and bland messages.

And I still don't see how there is a difference between online and offline dating. People who often snob online dating are below average to ugly males who can't get laid offline either. They'll keep telling you "it's better to meet women in real life!" yet they don't meet any of them in real life, and many of them have been single for years.

The above average to good-looking guys I know do pretty well online and offline.

Well I think I'd have to be exceptionally dense to think that I couldn't solve my problems with women if I looked like a male model.

I'm average. My face is actually not bad at all, my body is good, my hair is not terrible since I started getting good haircuts, and I'm not really short. In fact I'm average height for a male but compared to my friends I am short.

If I work really hard, I can get an average, skinny, tinder date. I used to do this, I fucked one really cute girl, went on dates with another 7/10 girl and fucked a few chubbies. But it's tiresome and after I found out that the 7/10 girl I really liked was essentially a dinner wh*** who never seriously considered me for a second, I just gave up on Tinder.

So it's not that it's easier for average or below average guys to pick up women in real life, it's just that it can get tiresome playing that game. I know plenty of guys in the same boat. It's not that they can't get laid using tinder, it's that it's not worth the trouble.

I haven't got laid since I quit Tinder, and I currently have nothing going on with girls. But I'm not going back to that sh*t. I'm just going to plod on and try my best to talk to girls as much as I can.

I don't aim high. But at the end of the day, with 45% of women overweight, you pretty much have to be above average just to get a skinny girl.

 

[EvilLocks]

It is awfull! I was strong enough not to doubt myself. But it ended by a "divorce" with my parents I never see or talk to anymore.

I hope you have some good friends you can talk to I would have "divorced" my parents too, after what they have done to me, but I just can't. At the end of the day I still want them in my life, despite of what they put me through. Besides, I don't have many friends left, and a lot of my social life is with my family. I don't want to lose that...

 

[CaptainForehead]

I think it's more complicated than that.
The reason why some relatives won't understand you is - IMHO - that the people who want to be happy need to have a feeling that those close to them are happy too, otherwise they can't be happy. It's a selfish feeling. They DO know what you're going through but... How can one be happy if one thinks that a relative is suffering?

This is why people who have no aesthetic preoccupation tend to downplay a balding person's plight.
They're not actually saying "it's just hair." In my opinion they're saying "Why are you busting my balls with this unhappiness of yours, pretend it's just hair and that it's fine so I can continue being happy about my OWN looks".

That is quite deep.

 

[EvilLocks]

I just try not to talk about it to my friends, or with humor, since I tink it makes them incunfortable. That's why I go on this forum, to talk about it, allow me to be depressed, etc. I am kind of a solitaire.
What kind of dog do you have?

Yeah, I wasn't meaning talking about hair loss in particular, just talking in general I don't talk about hair loss with my friends either, I made the mistake of doing so one time when I was really drunk, never again. I don't talk about hair loss with anyone besides on this forum.

I have a black standard poodle, most beautiful dog in the world to me I love her more than words can describe.

 

[EvilLocks]

Yeah we are vain. We want to get love from women, we want to get good job opportunities, not to be mocked by our peers after they've ingested too much alcohol, we want to keep our identity and often simply look normal for our age, some of us want to be able to find a nice girlfriend and build a healthy relationship and a family.

How vain! You should accept your fate, just be bald and if you get rejected by women, they're not worthy of you! If you don't get that job because they thought something about you was off, deal with it! If your friends mock you and call you bald all the time, they're not your friends! Just dump them!

There! No women, no job, no friends, no love, no family. But it's no big deal, just stop being so vain!

Quite possibly the best post of yours I've read...

 

[hairblues]

@EvilLocks @Pasbrillantebrunette
I feel awful for you guys with the family situation.

I'm much older than the two of you so for me I kept it pretty quiet..My father, basically all of my family either has not noticed yet (have not seen some for a few years though) or not mentioning it...I won't talk about it with them.

My Mother is only person from family I have spoken to about it...at first she was in a little denial but not in way it sounds like your parents have been...I think it was for her worse it happen to me than that it happened to herself... I think she died a little inside when she realized I was in deed losing my hair...it makes her heart break.
She has been an amazing support to me--she has even offered if I ever do get a transplant to pay for it or pay part of it. Not even a question asked from me just offered. Which to be honest I do think I can afford one but it felt like a relief to know there is something there if I do need in future and it costs more.

Friends I told 3--one is my hair colorist so she has seen my hair wet for 25 years so it felt natural to talk to her about it...she has been awesome because she knows the hair industry--if i ever need a weave she knows where to take me...She also offered any time i want someone to go to Dr appointment or i have to get a procedure or emergency contact that she is there for me...which is fantastic.

My college best friend--who is like a rock for me..she is Irish American and has a steel backbone which sometimes I really like. I don't like to feel sorry for myself sometimes I like to feel strong and 'fight'...she is my person I call when I want to toughen up and look for solutions. And she has been awesome..not dismissive but just makes me feel strong in a realistic way.
And then last is my dearest best friend who is not that helpful with the actual hair loss with knowledge but she is just there for me unconditionally..no judgement.

Everyone else? keeping it to myself...I have a ton of friends but those 3 are the ones I tell all my sh*t too and know its to the grave.

Most people unfortunately are not capable of being as good a friend as you 'need' when the poop hits the fan.
And hair loss is a big flying poopy mess.

 

[Roberto_72]

@EvilLocks @Pasbrillantebrunette
I feel awful for you guys with the family situation.

I'm much older than the two of you so for me I kept it pretty quiet..My father, basically all of my family either has not noticed yet (have not seen some for a few years though) or not mentioning it...I won't talk about it with them.

My Mother is only person from family I have spoken to about it...at first she was in a little denial but not in way it sounds like your parents have been...I think it was for her worse it happen to me than that it happened to herself so I think she died a little inside when she realized I was in deed losing my hair...it makes her heart broken.
She has been an amazing support to me--she has even offered if I ever do get a transplant to pay for it or pay part of it. Not even a question asked from me just offered. Which to be honest I do think I can afford one but it felt like a relief to know there is something there if I do need in future and it costs more.

Friends I told 3--one is my hair colorist so she has seen my hair wet for 25 years so it felt natural to talk to her about it...she has been awesome because she knows the hair industry--if i ever need a weave she knows where to take me...She also offered any time i want someone to go to Dr appointment or i have to get a procedure or emergency contact that she is there for me...which is fantastic.

My college best friend--who is like a rock for me..she is Irish American and has a steel backbone which sometimes I really like. I don't like to feel sorry for myself sometimes I like to feel strong and 'fight'...she is my person I call when I want to toughen up and look for solutions. And she has been awesome..not dismissive but just makes me feel strong in a realistic way.
And then last is my dearest best friend who is not that helpful with the actual hair loss with knowledge but she has just there for me unconditionally..no judgement.

Everyone else? keeping it to myself...I have a ton of friends but those 3 are the ones I tell all my sh*t too and know its to the grave.

Most people unfortunately are not capable of being as good a friend as you 'need' when the poop hits the fan.
And hair loss is a big flying poopy mess.

What is a hair colorist, may I ask?
Do you think there is a hair color that makes thinning less evident? I have black hair with some grey and always wondered if blonde hair makes it easier to hide the thinning.

 

[EvilLocks]

What is a hair colorist, may I ask?
Do you think there is a hair color that makes thinning less evident? I have black hair with some grey and always wondered if blonde hair makes it easier to hide the thinning.

A person who colours hair? lol

Blonde or light brown makes thinning less apparent until it reaches moderate to severe stages, because it leaves less contrast to the scalp.

 

[hairblues]

What is a hair colorist, may I ask?
Do you think there is a hair color that makes thinning less evident? I have black hair with some grey and always wondered if blonde hair makes it easier to hide the thinning.

A hair colorist? is a person who does just hair color and that is their speciality as opposed to styling or cutting.
She is a mad chemist genius to be very honest.
My hair color is pretty basic but i have seen her do incredible things with other people. Transformations...also she does a lot of what is called 'corrective color' people who are messed up hair from doing it themselves or bad color jobs go to her to fix it. She has amazing results...she is very passionate and dedicated about hair color lol. its like an art for her.

They do say black is the worst color for thinning scalp...I don't know if you should lighten it.
I think pros and cons for this..

For me i have thick dark eyebrows--I lighten them a tiny bit but not enough to go 'blonde' or light brown even...this would be for me very high maintenance. Plus I do not know if i would look good blonde as i do brunette.
I also worry for damaging my 'thinning' hairs..some of my hairs are super fine and i worry 'lifting' or lightening the hair too much may make these intermediate hairs weaken since the shaft is so 'thin'.

 

[hairblues]

Again, I am so lucky ahaha ^^

i saw this reality show and i noticed in one clip the girl had medium brown hair and i could see the widening part...next segment she had lightened her base color about 1 shade and got a full head of blonde high lights basically the 'jo lo' honey colored combination...her hair loss was undetectable..it was shocking.
Color can make a huge difference but i am nervous to do this...mostly because my eyebrows to go that light.

 

[hairblues]

When you have black hair like I do, it's really not indicated to dye them.

Yeah black is hard to go to 'blonde or light brown'

 

[shookwun]

Problem with dying hair is the constant root touch ups. could exacerbate through cosmetic effects of thinning.

Imagine having thin hair as a black head, but going full blonde. Once the roots grow, a lot of people will focus there eyes on that weird portion of your scalp where its thinning and growing a different color