The Mentality Of "if He's Not Doing The Chase, He's Not Interested"

[samantha3333]

Had some very thought provoking conversations with my guy friends recently. They seem to think if the guy isn't doing 100% of the work and lock things down within 2 months, he's not doing the chase and therefore he's probably not interested. I grew up having this mentality. The older I get, the older I realise as a woman, I need to do some of the work too. However, at the back of my head, I always wonder if the guy actually has to be all over me to show that he's interested? So I held back. I played the "don't care" game. I just went along with whatever he said. I didn't initiate anything or made effort. Then I realised he started to pull back.

When I asked my guy friends, so what is possibly inside his head? "Yeah he's not interested. Guys don't care if you're doing any work. If they like you, they will chase you". Isn't this an very outdated idea? Isn't this off putting for guys? If even guys think this way, no wonder how many women feel entitled to attention.

What do you guys think is the more mature way of dating?

 

[Exodus2011]

Lmao does it really not occur to you or them that the guy likes you so much he is scared to approach?

Aint no room at ALL in this world for sensitive men -_-

 

[Exodus2011]

The only time a man will "chase" a woman (when there is a 'good match' situation) is when he is inexperienced with women.
(If it is not a good match different rules apply, like for example the man is much more desirable than the woman yet he is infatuated or drunk, or when the lady is beautiful but tired of being fucked over by selfish men and just wants to marry an average man. in those cases chasing is fine.)

But back to situations where the match is a 'good fit', and the man won't chase:

1) Scenario 1: he is a top tier male and he has plenty of options, he doesn't have to chase. Sure he like's the woman, but he likes lots of women and they all like him. Why would he put himself in a position of "chasing" and begging and work.. f*** that. I wouldn't wanna do that... would you? of course not. The most he would chase is approach, say hi, talk, maybe even tell you it was great talkin to you and he'd like to do it again... BUT that's it! no chasing. f*** chasing says man of value.

2) Scenario 2: he really likes you and he is not a player, but he just knows from experience that chasing women rarely pays off. His dignity and self respect are too important to gamble on the outcome of pursuing a woman. This is agonising for him because he really wants it to work out, but he just knows better. He resists temptation out of maturity.

3) Scenario 3: Dude is totally in love with female. completely infatuated. There is no way he could handle rejection from this angel. There is no way he will ever chase because he is just terrified full stop. No other girls to fall back on, no maturity goin on, just total fear.

4) Scenario 4: He just has no idea your into him, and he's focused on his life. He would be pleasantly surprised if he knew you liked him.

5) Scenario 5: He is not into it at all.

2 and 3 overlap. Scenario 2 would be experienced by ugly men who have been rejected, and said low romantic value can also make them overvalue women

 

[samantha3333]

Where is this top tiered man who is filled with options? Sure if this hot man is in entertainment/ sports/PR or any position that enables him to meet various women on a daily basis. Majority of top tiered men are likely to be working a 50 hour week corporate job that pays well in a work environment filled with other men.

I'd like to think I'm a desirable woman (let's forgot about hair loss for a moment) and I still need to rely on online dating apps and bars/clubs. I have to make the effort to put myself out there to have the options. Not sure why all of a sudden it's all effortless for top tiered men.

 

[Patrick_Bateman]

Where is this top tiered man who is filled with options? Sure if this hot man is in entertainment/ sports/PR or any position that enables him to meet various women on a daily basis. Majority of top tiered men are likely to be working a 50 hour week corporate job that pays well in a work environment filled with other men.

I'd like to think I'm a desirable woman (let's forgot about hair loss for a moment) and I still need to rely on online dating apps and bars/clubs. I have to make the effort to put myself out there to have the options. Not sure why all of a sudden it's all effortless for top tiered men.

Because top 20% of men are being chased by 80% of women.

 

[samantha3333]

Because top 20% of men are being chased by 80% of women.

Yeah but that doesn't mean they don't have to try. I've been asked out by what I considered top tiered men and I never thought they had it easy. I think people really underestimate how the seemingly top tiered men have it all. Also these guys tend to have no personality.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Had some very thought provoking conversations with my guy friends recently. They seem to think if the guy isn't doing 100% of the work and lock things down within 2 months, he's not doing the chase and therefore he's probably not interested. I grew up having this mentality. The older I get, the older I realise as a woman, I need to do some of the work too. However, at the back of my head, I always wonder if the guy actually has to be all over me to show that he's interested? So I held back. I played the "don't care" game. I just went along with whatever he said. I didn't initiate anything or made effort. Then I realised he started to pull back.

When I asked my guy friends, so what is possibly inside his head? "Yeah he's not interested. Guys don't care if you're doing any work. If they like you, they will chase you". Isn't this an very outdated idea? Isn't this off putting for guys? If even guys think this way, no wonder how many women feel entitled to attention.

What do you guys think is the more mature way of dating?

Any half decent guy doesn't have to do the chase. If he displays interest and asks a girl out and they don't say yes right away then he moves on. The guy has plenty more accessible options and doesn't need to chase anyone. He merely gives them the chance to date him and if they aren't interested then he will take another girl out/

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Yeah but that doesn't mean they don't have to try. I've been asked out by what I considered top tiered men and I never thought they had it easy. I think people really underestimate how the seemingly top tiered men have it all. Also these guys tend to have no personality.

You think its hard?

They go on tinder and get 30 matches a day and get a date with nearly any of them.

Dating has never been easier if you are top tier.

 

[kj6723]

I don't know. I stopped pursuing women because I got tired of rejection and feeling like a fool

 

[barfacan]

Sounds like ted is speaking from experience. atta boy

 

[samantha3333]

@Ted Buckland hun, your words were so beautifully written. By your definition of a top tiered man, today I learned that I haven't met a top tiered man of my standards in 2 years. Great ...

I refuse to think women's desirability only comes from physical beauty tho. What's rarer than a top tiered man is a top tiered woman.

 

[samantha3333]

You think its hard?

They go on tinder and get 30 matches a day and get a date with nearly any of them.

Dating has never been easier if you are top tier.

How can you even tell if someone is top tiered by just looking at their pictures?

To me, swiping on tinder and talking to strangers relentlessly are hard! It's such a mind numbing task from swiping to talking to going to first dates.

And what if these top tiered people have a pool to choose from but never actually met anyone they clicked with?

 

[JohnsonDDG]

How can you even tell if someone is top tiered by just looking at their pictures?

To me, swiping on tinder and talking to strangers relentlessly are hard! It's such a mind numbing task from swiping to talking to going to first dates.

And what if these top tiered people have a pool to choose from but never actually met anyone they clicked with?

I class them as somewhat near top tier if they are attractive, have interesting hobbies, a social life, and a professional job.

By meeting all those criterias you would be top 10%.

Interesting hobbies are subjective but I'm intrigued by anyone interested in arts, travel and general adventure.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Could always go on a dating show

 

[BaldyBalderBald]

I class them as somewhat near top tier if they are attractive, have interesting hobbies, a social life, and a professional job.

By meeting all those criterias you would be top 10%.

Interesting hobbies are subjective but I'm intrigued by anyone interested in arts, travel and general adventure.

Most of it can be bullshit, especially on Tinder

 

[CopeForLife]

arts, travel and general adventure

so basically any hoe

 

[Exodus2011]

Because top 20% of men are being chased by 80% of women.

true but men still do majority of the first approaching

 

[samantha3333]

so basically any hoe

You sir earned my like

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Most of it can be bullshit, especially on Tinder

Sure but you can tell if they are for real when you start talking about books, music, and film.

I also would only date a professional - I wouldn't date a female loser.

 

[Exodus2011]

A "top tier" man is not a professional stature. A top tier man is biological/circumstantial state of affairs that results in him being an ALL round catch, whatever attributes make that so. Just a man with a lot of value, whether he's smart, great company, cool, fun, and yes some degree of handsome and wealth don't hurt but they're not everything. A natural winner whatever the tools are.

The vibe of this man is magnetic when he is dominating his world, and resultantly, nature starts to open doors for him among the matrix of humans. From the most casual of encounters, opportunities spring up, invitations, introductions, downright direct advances. It's a rare sight in fairness to see a legitamit biologically superior man. That's why it's so easy for him He is rare, he is even a rarer sight in 2017. A world full of p*rn watching, social media addicts, without many men expressing their true gifts, produces a small yield of 'heros'. So, the guy who is a man of value, goes about his business just like everybody else and then socializes like everybody else, the difference is that romance always finds a way to work out for him. even if he say's a load of stupid sh*t, act's like a dumbass, all will be forgiven, and several women will think they are the first to fall in front of him.. It's subtle to you, but every day for him.
Hence no need for much thought or work on his part.

You are a woman and your desireability comes mainly from your physical beauty. Men are exposed to it from a young age, we are drawn to nothing else more, yet we must "shut down" this drive to function in society. It rears it's head when we're drunk.

You are in a dilemma.
You are beautiful to all men.
But you have no interest in mediocre men. If your gonna give your self to a man sexually he had better not be a f*****g loser or somebody who is a "working progress". (so,Relative to you, that rules out the majority of men if you are actually a beautiful woman.)

The men you are interested in are men of value. Men who know everything is gonna be alright, men who are HAPPY. But there's already a que for these guys. Hot women are a sought after minority to most men. But Mr. top tier is a lot rarer than a hot woman.



A man without a personality is not a top tier man.
If you were out with a truly top tier man, your brain would have been overwhelmed with desire. You would have become infatuated fast.

the first 2 bolded texts are related. there's no point in trying to be successful (which of course is to impress women) when so many women nowadays are horrible entitled b****s, fat, have short purple hair, or a mix of those.